Effects Sex Before Marriage on a Person

We unfortunately live in a society where people no longer wait for the person they are to marry to have sex.  Those who do are ridiculed and thought of as abnormal.

God intended for the fruit of sex to be opened between two marriage partners.

God being of love, would also participate in this event and the children which are born from this activity.

Many young people do not know the devastation from becoming sexually involved too soon has on their mind, spirit and developmental growth.

Therefore, we have listed six effects having sex outside of a secure relationship has on a person.  We continue from our discussion yesterday: Sex Before Marriage Disrupts Growth of Heart and Character


3. Guilt, Regret and Diminished Sense of Worth

In Genesis, Adam and Eve experienced shame after they ate of the fruit which produced the Fall.

Since sexuality is linked to the conscience, it is no surprise that misdirected love commonly yields a harvest of guilt and loss of self-respect.

When people have used the most valuable part of their bodies to gain pleasure or love or security, they cannot but feel degraded, even if they are not conscious of the loss for some time. 

Many experienced teenagers say they regret losing their virginity the way they did.

Both old and young men say that they are haunted with guilt that what was just a pleasurable ride for them was a moving expression of love and commitment for their partner.

Females are more sensitive to how something sacred has been violated with premature sex.

They may feel shame for violating the more of their parent’s or their faith community.

Abortions add weight to the partner’s distress.  Infidelity within marriage creates its own guilt-ridden hell for the cheater.

Once the cheater wakes up to the devastation they have caused to the lives of their loved one, the self-reproach can be crushing.

One counselor compares this guilt to having killed someone while driving.

Self-forgiveness can be a formidable challenge.

When one looks at sexual attractiveness and prowess as the important reason to have a romantic connection with another, this makes one judge people based on looks and not on who they are.  This behavior creates anxiety in their relationships.

When one is concerned on how they can use another just for sex and not the whole person as a criteria for a relationship, this causes one to have fear that there are more attractive people or those who can perform better.

“Do I still look good enough, perform well enough, please you enough?”


This is tragic when adultery brings this insecurity to the one place that should be safe and secure, the marriage bed.

This undermines the ideal that your partner is unique and irreplaceable.

Jennifer, 30, explains her experience: “The acceptance, even encouragement of premarital sex makes it very difficult to sustain the fantasy that we are the sole
object of love.”

Victims of infidelity often feel they have been trashed.

With this lowered self-esteem, one may enter into other sexual involvements just to prove that they are still desirable.

This leads to even more self-disrespect.

Thus, a vicious cycle of reaching approval through sex, not able to attain this, and thereby compounding one’s desperate need.


4. Heartbreak and Destructive Behavior


All infatuations or romantic involvements of some duration are painful when they break up.

But the break up of emotional ties and expectations of where the relationship was going is intensified even more when sex is introduced.

Studies have highlighted the role of certain brain chemicals in sexual bonding.

Even in casual liaisons, sex acts like a powerful glue which has no easy way to release its grip.

Hearts that bond through sex are unlikely to disengage without being ripped apart in some way.

This trauma, for some, can resemble the pain of divorce.

Others are able to numb or deny the pain through alcohol or pills.

Many men have said that they are so afraid of being hurt like that again that they withhold their hearts even though they give their body to another for moments of pleasure.

This is why young people are indifferent to sexual activity which one commentator called, “oddly disengaged—emotionally cool while physically hot.”

The heartbreak that is incurred and the sense that one has given themselves completely and only received a little in return, not including the fallout of diseases and unwanted pregnancies, can cause young people who engage in sex prematurely to live in despair.

The rate of teen suicide has tripled in the past 30 years in the U.S.  This is ths same time period where teenage sexual activity rose sharply.

Statistics show that girls who lose their virginity are more prone to commit suicide than virgins.  Male peers are more likely to be involved in destructive behavior, such as running away from home, drug use and getting arrested.

The emotional explosion that comes when one is sexually betrayed can lead to extreme rage or lead to violence against former or new lovers.

Other emotions can be exhibited from the break-up of a sexual liaisons: stalking, assualt and homicide when jealous lovers become a daily even.  Countless people live in fear of retaliation by an ex-lover.


5. Spiritual Disorientation


Uncommitted sex encourages a distorted spiritual outlook.

Whether one belongs to a certain religion, one may still have a negative outlook.  First, premature sex gives one the belief in one’s own supremacy of his or her ego.

When one has multiple sex partners, it implies that the ego is the ultimate reality.  One may believe that others are just ‘accessories’ to use and do not deserve commitment just come and go.

When one gets involved in a sexual bond while at the same time remain aloof from any emotional ties reflects an attempt to split body and soul.  They choose to ‘have sex’ rather than to be with a whole-person union with another.

This buys into the fiction that one who lives in this way may believe that they are free to express oneself through the body and independent.

This kind of reality is unspiritual and denies the connectedness of spirit and flesh and also of oneself.

This view of reality causes one to be pessimistic about the possibility of being faithful.  It also gives the viewpoint of the unreliability of the universe.

Hebrew prophets pointed out that God was absolutely faithful through His covenant and commitment to His children.

Since, humans are made in God’s likeness, the we should and could be faithful to one another in a lasting relationship.

This is the reason adultery is tied to idolatry - betraying the covenant God and ‘having an affair’ with another god.  Jeremiah 3.6, Hosea 1.2

Moving from partner to partner displays a fickleness that is a far cry from the steadfast divine love and the dependability of the created world.

When one treats the mystery of sexuality as just a plaything is irreverent in the extreme.

Religious people use dishonesty to reconcile their own unprincipled sexual behavior with their religious doctrines and perceptions of God.

This only intensifies the disorientation and damage to the spirit.


6. Degradation of Love, Life and Lineage


If one cannot respect the power of sex which allows humans to take on a divine creativity, then they will view few things as sacred.

When sex is cheapened, it tends to lead to a tainted view of its extensions such as love, life and lineage.

These traditional components seem optional and are disregarded when inconvenient.

Love has been degraded so in the dating scene that love is hardly mentioned when discussing sex.

This represents an anemic definition of love where fickle feelings are the focus.

Even in today’s society, a child conceived outside of marriage is still viewed as a curse rather than a blessing.

This is evidence that life and lineage is cheapened through nonmarital sex.

Now unwanted pregnancies is seen as an inconvenience to be taken care of with an afternoon abortion appointment like it was a dentist appointment.

When love is trivialized then life and lineage is tied in with disrespect for the gravity of sexual relations further reinforcing a person’s disorientation of spiritually. Not taking sex seriously, removes one from the Heart of God.

Carson Daly stated that this lowers one’s self-esteem and the feeling that one has been used.  One feels self-contempt for being an user.

Then there is the embarrassment being sexually active outside of marriage can place one out of the circle of people who exhibit true integrity.

The uneasiness that comes from concealing one’s activities from family members and others.

Also, Daly speaks about the extreme difficulty of trying to break the vicious cycle of compulsive sexual behavior, and the self-hatred that comes after each sexual bond is broken.  Then the cycle begins all over again when one has to seduce another in order to revive one’s fading self-image.


Harvest of Selfishness

Though selfishness has an intuitive link to conflict and evil, it is the selfish abuse of sexuality that gives it its most virulent power.


Egoism and being absorbed into oneself is the very definition of immaturity.

When an individual grows up and builds character, then these selfish traits tend to fade.  The big question is why do so many people fail to fully grow up to the full human potential?

Why do some grow to such maturity while other have shallow hearts and small minds and are enslaved to bad habits showing immature behavior close to an animal.

Adam and Eve’s abuse of sexual love is the most critical cause of the original disruption of human growth in morals.

People throughout the ages believe that there is evil and self-destructiveness within every human heart.

This flaw pulls human godly nature down, making it impossible for one to grow fully into their God-like maturity impossible.

Anthropologist Richard Heinberg has observed: “People of every culture and age have insisted that . . . human nature is not natural at all because it has been distorted by some fundamental mistake or failure that has been perpetuated from generation to
generation.”


Reverend Moon defines this fundamental problem as descent from a poisoned lineage, a family tree rooted in self-centered love that bears only fruit of self-centered love.

The forbidden fruit was a metaphor for sexual love, which was ‘picked’ when it was immature and unripe.  This fruit was toxic in flesh and within the seed.

The first ancestors’ unprincipled liaison fundamentally disrupted the matrix of family life. 

“Humanity lost the standard of true parents, spouses, siblings and children,” explains Reverend Moon.

Opening the sexual fruit in its immature state which all humanity inherited hinders the capacity for us to give the truest love and blindness to the true reality of the heart and spirit.  Also, it gave rise to the extreme difficulty of the mind to lead the fallen body.

Catholics call this tendency original sin.  Buddhism attributes this enslavement to the senses.  Judaism calls it an evil inclination.

Freud deemed it the sexual instinct - the most unruly side of the root of the unconscious.

This inheritance, revolving around the heart and sexual desire, derailed moral and spiritual development.


Return for Tomorrow’s Post: Relationships Need True Love to Work

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious book, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon’s philosophy on love and marriage.

Unity Arises Through Love

It is nice just to think about love, to see it and to taste it. That is how love is.

Love is the coming together of East and West, it is the coming together of heaven and earth.

Therefore, love assumes the form of a sphere through these relations.  True love is at the center connecting the vertical and the horizontal.

How enraptured a person's lips would be when they smile as they give themselves over in true love?

How beautiful will the five senses appear when they are enraptured in true love and move toward God?

But God does not experience joy through beauty all by Himself.  He can only experience beauty when He has someone to whom He can relate.

This is why God created humankind.

God's desire is to travel the world of the human heart, with all its infinite beauty, more than He desired to create the heavens and the earth.

Even God breathes. He breathes true love. 

God keeps in rhythm with the universe that continues forever, centering on true love.  Therefore, only when  you are able to reach that level of heart, then you enter the realm of breathing God's love and live forever.

The universe and the sun are both round.  What do round things center upon?

They can only become rounded in a relationship with something else.

The world is a substantial entity that integrates such a relationship.  What is the original source that can form such circular relationships?

The motion of love is the original source of this harmony

Love is like a nerve. 

When one of the hairs are pulled on your head, the whole body moves toward that pulling force.

It is the same way with love.  When you pull on love, the whole universe is pulled towards the pulling force.

When you move love, the whole universe moves in accordance with it.

People must live life enraptured with something. 

A person who is enraptured by something is truly happy.

If you have noticed that artists are enraptured by art.  Those who enjoy literature, are enraptured by the books they write or the great masterpieces they read.  Such people are happy people.

This is why people should live enraptured with the love of God and follow only Him.

Then what is the most precious thing both men and women seek?

It is true love.

Love is something both people and God like forever.  Love is what the whole universe likes most of all and forever.

Although love is invisible, it is the most precious treasure on earth.  This is because love is unchanging in nature the same as diamonds and pearls.

We value gold as precious because it is unchanging in color in any condition.  A diamond is precious because of its unchanging hardness.  A pearl is seen as precious because of the unchanging quality of colors.

Although these are precious treasures, they do not have life in them.  But, true love on the other hand is a treasure that also has and gives life.  Therefore, it is more precious than all of them.

Everyone likes love. Ultimately, through love we come to love more and more. 

Love flows into the heart of individuals.

Love flows into the heart of a family, and of a people.  It flows everywhere.  Wherever love flows, everyone welcomes it.

There is no way to block  love.

Doesn't everyone want something higher than themselves?

God created people to relate with one another through the power of love.

A person connected to the ties of love who lives and breathes along with the universe does not need formalities when they arrive at the palace of God.  A person that lives in love can go to the inner sanctuary where God resides.

He can call out, "Heavenly Father!" And Father would answer, "Come here my child."

What is the only problem of the human world?

The problem is love; whether love burns brightly.  For the light of love to burn bright, that light has to burn internally and externally.

What will make it burn?  It should burn with the desire or want to love.

Then we realize that our life which we deal with in ordinary affairs of the world is just a stopping point on our journey.  Where is God?

To say He is omnipresent means He is not just in one specific place.

God is wherever love is.

We, too can be omnipresent when our central focus is love.  This is a privilege we can enjoy when we possess love.

When we speak about equality, the word is meaningless without love.  True equality is only possible when people live for others centering on love.

Women's equality is based on cutting everything down the middle whether it is possible or fair or not.  Women will say that they are just as strong as men and will assert themselves to enjoy the exact same jobs and privileges as men.

On the other hand, men and women can find equal footing and a mother can be on equal footing with her son  who is president through love.  All things that possess love can have equal status.  We must realize this.

Humankind is at the center at all things of creation.  What then do human beings center upon?

We center upon true love.  God's love forms one vertical line.

To set up the center of heaven and earth, there also has to be lines of love from both man and woman.  The woman's line goes to the man and the man's goes to the woman.

These lines of love thus create a circle.

A man and woman who has true love, it is perfected love with a negative charge. When this perfected love and true negatively-charged love is formed, the positively charged vertical love of God is automatically present.

That is how the principles of the universe work.

You can only form a reciprocal relationship with the universe when you have love.

The reason Love has the quality of gentleness and humbleness is because with those qualities it can be fully put in motion without resistance.

When something is humble and sacrificial, it can relate with anyone and can go anywhere without resistance.

Then in essence, this type of person does not really sacrifice because they can anywhere here and in spirit world.  The key to living without resistance is through living for the sake of others while sacrificing for others and serving others.

Why should we sacrifice and serve others?  

We should live in this way in order to perfect the respiratory organs for our second life in the next world where the atmosphere is love.

All beings that reproduce come together in twos in order to multiply.  Love brings harmony in reproduction. 

This is true for the multiplication of all living things in the natural world.  Even in water.  There is female water and male water where fish do well in areas where these waters mix.

Many fish live in the cold water and warm water mix.  This is ideal.  There must be harmony.

Birds from the north fly south to raise their young while birds that live in the south fly north to raise theirs.  This migrating back and forth follows a rhythm.

Then when they are mature, they return to the place of their birth to have their young.  Fish live in cold water and lay their eggs in warm water.  Fish living in warm water can only lay their eggs in cold water.

A harmonious unity of ying and yang must be established.  This is the process of migration.

Love will not be realized without finding a partner.

This is why God placed efforts to place an absolutely qualified partner in front of Him.  We human beings are the masterpiece of creation fashioned so that even God could find the love He also needs at the same time from us.

When you are intoxicated in the love of God, you would never be bored even if you were to stare at a grain of sand for thousands of years.  The creation has so many deep wonders that any masterpiece in any museum cannot surpass its beauty.  

True love is not something that can be forced.

Love must be willingly expressed.

When you love someone, do not do so with the intention to receive because ideal love is only realized through the action of giving and receiving.

If God created love where it could be seen, touched and its form was known by someone, then you would lose interest in such a love in less than one day.

Fortunately, that is not how love was created.  Love operates the same as a mysterious mirage in all shapes and forms.  Love is something that even if it is not there, it feels as if it is.  And even though it is there it feels sometimes that it is not.

True love perfects the ideal of unity in the universe.

Even though you find a grand masterpiece, if you do not find any flavor of true love in it, you will quickly spit it out.  This is the same with the true love between husband and wife. 

We like love the best because it has the quality to unite everything and make it our own.  People cannot fathom how good love is.

Just as parents who love their children, the more you love, the more your joy increases.

Love brings everything into oneness!

If a person is in oneness with God, noone will be able to separate him from God.  That is how wonderful love is!

 Have you ever observed a bee that concentrates intently on getting the nectar in the flowers?  As they retrieve the nectar their heads are thrust into the flower and their abdomens stick out of the flower into the air.

You would not be able to pull the bee out even if the abdomen breaks off.  Why does the nectar in the flower taste so good?

The nectar tastes good, then the taste of love should be much more powerful and better.  Which would be better.  The taste of honey or the taste of love?

Without love, we cannot obtain unity.  Words alone do not have the power to unite two different people into one.

If those who are united around material things, when the material things disappear, they will immediately separate.

What if a third person introduces them and they unite?  When the third party disappears, they will separate.  Then what is needed for two separate entities to be joined for eternity?

There must be love.

Love has the power to unite the five senses.

Love can make the smell of an old man, which is unpleasant to some, seem sweet and pleasant to a loving wife.  Even if the his face and hands are skin and bones she will like his face and hands.

Love can do this.

When the wind of love blows, the whole world seems beautiful. 

Everyone becomes a poet or a romantic when they fall deeply in love.

A flowing love should form a bond with us and never leave.  It should take place within the very core of our being.  Without love, we do not find anything of value in the world.

But when we are able to vividly feel and sense such a love inside of us, that love can compete with the universe.  A person that holds this kind of love deep in his heart can compete with the universe even though he is just an individual.

Even when we look at a tuft of grass, we must be able to look at it from the standpoint of God.

We should relate to a flower while embodying the heart of God.

We should feel the connection between our inner feelings and the heart of God when we appreciate the things in creation.

Those who live with the love of God within their hearts are the sons and daughters of God.

They are the central figures of the whole universe who can govern heaven and earth.

Love is the essential element needed to enable a person to attain the position.

Our minds infinitely expand through heart rather than knowledge.  A heart full of love is so big that it can embrace the universe.  Once we develop this original and mighty domain, even God will want to come and take naps there.

Since we do not embrace God through knowledge, we must understand how great a heart of love is.

Love transcends all national borders, because God's love know no boundaries.  It transcends two different races drawing no distinction between blacks, whites and yellow races.  This is why the love of God is great.

Despite the environment, the environment adapts to love's flow and develops.  God will be pleased once we have adopted the perspective that makes this happen.   This is why we must walk the path of love.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Now All Sin Can Leave the Earth

This post was rewritten and derived from True Love Cheon Seong Gyeong Book 3, Chapter 1, section 3

Harmony Arises in The Presence of Love

"It is nice just to think about love, to see it and to taste it. That is how love is.  Love is the coming together of East and West, of North and South. It is the coming together of heaven and earth." 

Love takes the form of a sphere.  True love is at the center of the vertical and the horizontal connecting the two.  How enraptured would a person's lips look when they smile as they give into the power of true love?

How beautiful would the five senses be when they are enraptured in true love and harmony as they move toward God?  God doesn't become joyful through beauty by Himself.

God can only experience beauty through another whom He relates.  This is why He created human beings.  God wanted to travel the world of the human heart more than He desired to create the heavens and earth.

Even God breathes.  He breathes true love. 

God keeps up with the eternal universe centering on true love.  Only when you reach this level of love can you enter the realm of God's breath and live forever.

The universe, the sun and the earth are all round.  What do all round-shaped things center upon?  Do they become round on their own?  They only become round based on a relationship with another object.  The world is a living, existing entity.  A substantial entity that continues based on the realm of circular relationships.

Then, what is the origin that forms this circular relationship?

The motion of love is the original source of this harmony.  When you pull only one hair on someone's head, the whole body moves toward that pulling force.  Love is the same way.  When you pull on love, the universe pulls toward the force.

Love is like a nerve. 

When you move love, the whole universe moves in accordance with it.  We as humans were created to be enraptured with something outside of ourselves.  When one is enraptured by another, they are truly happy.

Artists are taken by art, literary artists by the books they write or by reading great masterpieces they have read.  Such people can be said to be happy people.

This is the same with our Heavenly Father.  We should be enraptured by the multi-dimensional ideal love of God and follow only Him.

What is the most precious thing sought after by man and woman?

It is love.

Love is something that people like forever, and God does too. Love is what the whole universe likes most of all, and forever. 

Although it is invisible, love is the most precious treasure on earth. 

Love is the most valued because of its unchanging nature.  Gold is precious because of its unchanging color, a diamond is precious because of its unchanging hardness, and a pearl is precious because of the unchanging harmony of its colors.

However, these precious treasures do not have life in them. True love, on the other hand, is a treasure that has life, and is therefore more precious than all of them.

There are two types of love.  There is the false, self-centered love and there is true love that originated from God's being.  We are only speaking about this true love as false love is opposite, not everlasting, centered on circumstances and does not include God.

Everyone likes love. Ultimately, through love we come to love more and more. 

Love flows into the hearts of individuals, into the heart of a family, into the heart of a people. It flows everywhere. And wherever it flows, everyone welcomes it. There is no way to block love. Everyone wants something higher, don't they? 

God created people to relate with one another through the power of love.

For a person who moves and breathes with the universe while connected through the ties of love does not need formalities when they arrive at the palace of God.  This person can come and go to the inner sanctuary where God resides and call on him.  God will answer, "Oh, my child, you are here!".

God dreams of this day.

But what is the problem of the human world that prevents all of humanity from enjoying this day?  It is love.  Whether love shines and burns brightly.  For love to burn bright, that light must burn internally and externally.

Then what should cause love to burn?

Simple.  It burns from the desire to love.  When we look at our purpose of life, then we realize that when we deal with mundane affairs in our life that its just a stopping point upon our journey to reach a higher place than our situation now.

Where is God? 

If God is omnipresent, this means that He is not in one location.  He is wherever true love is.  Then, based on this love He becomes omnipresent.

Did you know you and I can become omnipresent when we make love our central focus?  We can enjoy this privilege when we possess love.  The word equality does not have meaning without love being present.  Genuine equality is only possible when people live for the sake of others centering on love.

Through love, a man and a woman can be on equal footing and a mother can be on equal footing with her son even if he is the nation's president. We must realize this. 

Through love, man and woman can stand on equal footing and a mother can be equal to her son even if he is the president of the nation.  We must realize this fact.  God created humankind to be the center of all things of creation.

Then, what is at the center of human beings?

True love.

God's love produces a vertical line.  For heaven and earth to be set up, man and woman also need to create lines of love;the woman's goes to the man and the man's goes to the woman.

All things that possess love can have equal status. 

This is how the principle of the universe works:

The lines of love create a circle which rotates.  When a man and a woman appear with true love, it is perfected love with a negative charge.  When this perfected and true negatively charged love is formed, God's positively charged vertical love automatically is present.

You can only form a reciprocal relationship with the universe when you practice love.  Without love, this reciprocity cannot exist.  Love can be abundantly and fully put in motion without resistance because it is gentle and humble.

Anything that is gentle, humble and sacrificial it can relate with anything and anyone and can go anywhere without resistance.

The key to work without resistance is by living for the sake of others, sacrificing for others and serving others.  Why must we do this?   We do this in order to prepare and perfect our spiritual body's respiratory organs which we use to breathe love in the second life of the spirit world.

All beings that have the ability to reproduce come together in twos in order to multiply.  Love is the ingredient that brings about harmony in the process of reproduction.  This principle is true for the multiplication of all living things in the natural world.

Even when we think about water there is a female water and a male water.  Fish do well in areas where these two waters mix;many fish live well where cold and warm water mix.  This is ideal.  There must be harmony in this ideal.

The birds living in the north fly south to raise their young, and the birds living in the south fly north to raise theirs; this migrating back and forth follows a rhythm. Since they were born there, the birds return to the place of their birth to have their young. 

Fish living in cold water lay their eggs in warm water and fish living in warm water can only lay their eggs in cold water. A harmonious unity of yin and yang must be established. That is why they migrate. 

Love can only be achieved with a relationship with a partner.  Even God who is love, has no way to experience love by Himself.

Love cannot be realized without finding a partner.

During the creation process, it was an effort to place an absolute object partner that could qualify to reciprocate love to the absolute Creator God.  What is God's absolute object partner in love?

You and me?  We are the masterpieces of creation fashioned so that even God can find love in which He longs for.  

When you catch the intoxication of the love of God, you would never become bored by His creation even if you were to intimately stare at a grain of sand or flower for thousands of years.


We we realize that we were born in a universe of love we can become infinitely happy.

Yet when we look at the situation today, we do not find much happiness.  We lost the ideal which God originated since the beginning of creation.  We have walked away from the principles to become true object partners in front of God.

True love is not something that can be forced; it is willingly expressed. 

When you are actively loving someone, do not do so with the intention to receive.  Ideal love is only realized through the action of giving and receiving.

Love is something that even if it is not there, it feels as if it is, and even when it is, it feels as if it is not. Love operates like a mysterious mirage in all shapes and forms, which are good when you think they are bad and bad when you think they are good.

If love was visible and could be touched, pictured and its form could be realized by anyone, you would be bored with love in less than a day.

True love perfects the ideal of unity in the universe. 

Even if you were to gaze upon a great masterpiece, if you can't find love within it, you will spit it out.  This same principle is true between husband and wife.

Why do humans like love the most?  Because love is the subject that unites everything and makes it our own.  People cannot fathom how good love is.

Bees concentrate so intently on getting the nectar in the flowers. Their heads are thrust into the flower and their abdomens stick up in the air. You cannot pull them out even with a pair of tweezers. 

Love brings things into oneness, so just like parents love their children, the more one loves the more love increases.  A person who is one with God through love will never be separated from the love of God.  What the purest form of love this is!

Have you ever observed a bee going from one flower to the next?  The bee concentrates so intently on getting nectar from each flower.  Their heads enter the flower and their abdomens are exposed to the air.  You cannot pull the bee away from the flower.

If you tried to pull them apart you would have to pull so hard that their abdomen comes off.  The bees will not come out of the bud because the nectar in the flower tastes so intoxicating.  If nectar tastes this good, what about the taste of true love?

Which is more intense, the taste of love or the taste of honey?  As a part of God's creation, honey tastes purely sweet but love is even greater.

Love Unifies

Words alone will not unite two different people into one.

If these two people are united around material goods, as soon as the material good disappear they will quickly separate.  Then what is needed to unite them?  Even if a third person appears and unites them, when this person disappears they will separate.  Then what is necessary to join two people together as one eternally?

Without love, unity cannot be attained.  There must be love.

Love has the power to unite even our five senses.  For example, an old man may smell bad to everyone else, but to his wife his smell is sweet and pleasant.  If the old man's hands and face are skin and bones or sagging, his wife will like his face and hands.  Love makes it so.

When the wind of love blows, the whole world seems beautiful. Everyone becomes a poet or a romantic when he or she falls deeply in love. 

The Schizandra berry is sour and bitter to taste, but is really a blend of five different taste.  It may taste strange at first, but after you swallow it you want more.  The taste of love is similar to that of the Schizandra berry.

"A flowing love that embraces the spring and has still more to give in reserve, a love that melts the snow and thaws the ice in a cold winter -- infinite love, immeasurable in height or width -- should form a bond with us and never leave us. It should take its place in the core of our being." SMM

Without love, we cannot find anything of value in the world. 

When you feel such a love pumping inside of us, you can even compete with the universe.  If one has absolute love in the center of his heart which is love that is the same from beginning to the end, he or she can compete with the massive universe even though he is merely one individual.

Even when we look at a piece of grass we must do so from this standpoint. When we look at a flower we should relate with it while embodying the heart of God.  When we look at insects, birds and all kinds of animal creatures we should connect our inner feelings and the heart of God.

If you live with the love of God inside of your heart, you are the son and daughter of God.  The central figures of the universe are such as this who are able to govern heaven and earth.  Love is the main element that enables people to attain this position.

Did you know that your mind can expand larger through the heart more than through infinite knowledge?

A heart of love is so big that it can even embrace the universe.  Once we develop this original and mighty domain, even God would want to settle and take naps here.  Since we are not able to embrace God through our knowledge, we should see how great a heart of love is.

Love transcends the five different races of humankind and draws no distinction between black, white or yellow races.  

Love transcends all national borders, for God's love knows no boundaries.

That is why the love of God is great. 

When love flows despite the environment where it flows from, the environment adapts to this flow and will develop.

What can please God the best?

God will only be pleased when we adopt this perspective to make this a reality in our lives.  This is why we must walk this path of love.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Nature of Love

This text was rewritten from the textbook: Cheon Seong Gyeong 

Book Three - True Love
Chapter One - What Is True Love?

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part I

Daily life habits of a supremely happy couple

 A Guide to the Happiest Married Life

The Original text of DP is given in Korean and the philosophy and based on the teachings of the bible and of Jesus. With the combined teachings of the Eastern philosophy and teachings of the Western bible, the Reverend has been able to tap into the hearts of people of all religions, faiths and along with non-believers for one reason: the teaching of the heart of God which is rooted in every human being.

When I first posted the "How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book" it was receiving the highest views and still gets a lot of views.

When you think about it, there is not any school for what to do once you find love or finally take the plunge into marriage   There are no rules other than our respective religions and then the opinions of those around us.  But, would we want to take the advice from people who have a history of broken relationships?

I think when it comes to obtaining the right marital advice, it does start from a source that is well grounded.  Whether it be a grandparent who has been married for over 50 years, neighbors who have  been through hell and back, yet stuck through it without a divorce.  There is the spiritual leader, our church pastors.  Yet.  Who really has the answer when it comes to the matters of the heart?

We should first take a look where the source of marriage came.  God blessed us in the Garden as a man and woman for what purpose?  Why didn't he just make Adam alone?  What good would it had been for God to love just one man?  Thank goodness he made a counterpart with a whole different view, look and mind to help stimulate more of God's internal Being.

With that said, Adam and Eve did not start their marriage in the right way - they did not start their marriage centered  on God or within the Garden of Eden.  But let's just look at the original way in which God intended.

God is suppose to give the blessing of marriage.  Marriage now is just a conditional form, not ideally approved by God Himself.  How do we know this?

If God was to conduct the first marriage, it is called the Marriage Supper of the Lamb which refers to a perfected man and a perfected woman who love absolutely centered on God this marriage would bare children with God's direct lineage.  Currently, marriages are conducted which bare children born into sin.  Does this kind of marriage sound like it holds the wish of God's ideal world?

It is far from His direction.

In this sense, God is looking for a man and woman who He can relate with His perfected self, who have walked the course of indemnity to return their respected lineages back to Him.

In other words, all marriages that are conducted on earth, need to connect directly to God.  God gave us the blessing to be linked to our counterparts, would it not make sense that we need to connect to God in order for it to work?  Marriage without the root of God can be likened to a leave blowing off the branch.  It may seem to work for a while, but it is completely disconnected from the foundation on which to stand.

The following text was written by an author who had extensive training and missions in order to train his body and mind to become united centered on God.  He had the goal to become a child that appeared  in front of God before the fall.

He understands the basic rules of no sex outside of marriage or with anyone other than their spouse, their sexual organs only belong to their spouse and that spouses live for one another.

In the book that lists the 20 habits of the happiest couple, it is advised that they are practiced at least sometimes if not everyday.

This method is used by many couples in this world, even before their marriage.

No matter how bad it seems a couple's relationship is, they can indeed improve their conjugal relationship.  We hear all of the time that marriage and relationships take a lot of work...but sometimes this kind of 'work' becomes a chore, instead of a link to bond a couple even stronger in marriage.

It is best if one has guidance on what seems to be common place.  A couple can greatly improve their marriage by following the following steps.

Method for the Improvement Through Practice

If you have not yet been practicing these habits, please read carefully and repeatedly the speeches of Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon (author of the Divine Principle) and Dae Mo Nim (spiritualist) in addition to this text. 

When a couple truly love one another and don't want to give up on their seemingly failing marriage, it will not be work to experiment with the daily habits, but will well up from the heart.

"After practicing these habits on an experimental basis, you may cease practicing them if you as a couple does not feel good. Nonetheless, after practicing these habits experimentally, I am sure your couple will end up in practicing them continuously because you will come to feel a deep sense of peace and goodness in your heart." 

In other words, you can feel genuinely happy, and you can feel the presence of God by practicing them.

These 10 daily habits are free to experiment without having to pay for an expensive therapists or counseling which either partner may not want to attend or follow their advice.  No matter how poor a couple may be, they can practice without worrying about getting a bill.

A couple will find they can live in happiness even into eternity by following these 10 daily-life habits while on earth.  Just simply continue to practice these daily-life habits o true love.


The Value of Holding Hands

We could easily say that “holding each other’s hand” or living “hand in hand,” which Rev. Moon and Dae Mo Nim have recommended, is the main characteristic emerging from these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

Did you know that there is a special spiritual energy which comes from our fingers and palms?  We use them to heal our bodies, to rid ourselves with negative energy and to make others feel better with a massage.  A hand massage from a partner contributes to happy feelings and to our physical health.  The art of hand holding may be lost in our current world, but is vitally important in connecting with our spouse. 

10 "Commandments of Hand holding

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
5. We should call each other at least once a day during the daytime and always keep in touch.
6. We should bow down before a picture of True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, report to God facing each other and holding each other’s hands, and bow (down) to each other to close, every morning and every night.
7. We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife), by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and returns from work.
8. We should always talk to each other politely, and with respect.
9. We should practice reading True Parents’ speeches together every day.
10. We should make love at least twice a week.

I guess number 4 made a lot of us blush or stop and reread.  Maybe some are asking?  "What, a religious site suggest us to what?"   I must bust a lot of peoples' bubbles, as probably regularly for those reading this site.  Marriage, sex, love...was designed by God and for God to be a part of it between a husband and wife.

These 10 points of advice are not my personal advice, but are from Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon, his wife and Dae Mo Nim. These 10 points are gathered from the guidance of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim, concerning our lives as a husband and wife.

By following this lists, our conjugal relationship will tremendously improve and be uplifted by a strong ascending wind current. If you haven’t practiced any of these habits yet, I strongly recommend that you immediately put them into practice.

Try them out! You have nothing to lose!

I would like to present True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches that support these “10 habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.

Most Asians have the habit of the husband walking ahead of the wife, sometimes walking so fast they leave the wife behind.  The founder of the Family Federation who is Korean, walks hand and hand with his wife.  Dae Mo Nim is a spiritualist who suggest that when holding hands it is while walking outside and in the couple's daily lives.

Even as an "elderly" couple, the founder and his wife would hold hands while watching television and desire for others to learn how to interact in their own marriage by observing them.  They have even influenced the President and First Lady of Korea and leaders to walk in public hand and hand.

As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the workshops to rid our bodies of negative energy, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. That’s why it is recommended to walk “hand in hand” rather than “arm in arm.” 

So, if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can give and receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health but also to our physical health. I wholeheartedly recommend “always walking hand in hand” just like True Parents; it is part of the True Parents’ rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one body.”

Walking hand in hand has more of a positive energy than walking arm in arm.  

"Become an absolute Blessed Couple of one heart and one body."

A couple is advised to hold hands when walking together, sleeping together and even while watching television.  Each time a couple holds hands, it brings about an unity of a husbands five fingers with his wife's five fingers. 

When we walk hand and hand, we should give deep thanks to God within our hearts for the coming heaven on earth that will bring about the ideal world he set to build before the fall.

When a husband and wife completely become one, God can dwell within us.

2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.

3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.

They are watching TV while holding each other’s hand. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding each other’s hand and responding to the rhythm. We Blessed couples must resemble such True Parents.

Holding hands while listening to music and responding to the rhythm.  When you are tired, you must not just simply go to sleep when you are tired at night, but sleep holding your partner's hand or other parts of the body. 

Also while watching television, it is best to hold hands, or place your hand on their lap or your husband's knee.  You can also use his lap as a pillow.  When you act in this way you will receive love from your husband in many ways.  Many wives do not act in this way basically neglecting their partner with this kind of affection.

Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort.

When watching television, some partners sit far apart as if they are fighting or were strangers to each other in the past.  This is not good.  If a couple does not make constant effort to stay close and to care for one another, they will gradually drift apart.  

Therefore, it is a good practice to hold each other's hands while watching television or while sleeping.

Many religious people do not express their love in their daily lives as if it was a sin.  A husband and wife should say "good night" to one another while holding each other's hand and squeeze tightly in the end. They can do this while laying in the bed at night, after scratching each other on the back, while massaging the legs or touching the ear and head and so on.

Many go about their daily rituals, but when it comes to practicing true love with their own hands, many partners hesitate.  Many older couples fail to change their old habits for completely new ones in their daily lives.

If Jesus was followed completely toward the end by his disciples, there would not have been a need for him to die for us, but live for us.  He would have found a blessed wife and teach us about marriage through his own ideal marriage given by God.  Jesus was supposed to be the fulfillment of the Marriage  Supper of the Lamb.

If this is hard to believe, just imagine that God had brought Jesus to teach us more than how to be a child of God and brother to humanity.  He was supposed to reverse the mistake the first marriage made and return it to God.  Just imagine a faithful Son of God and Daughter of God in marriage on earth.  Wouldn't we want to emulate this type of couple?

Even with this foundation on earth of a marriage from God, if his followers did not practice their teachings about a conjugal life, this heavenly fortune and happiness will fly from them.  One needs to obediently practice the words by getting rid of old habits, and ideals of the fallen, extremely secularized world.

This fallen world loosely use their sexual organs  and have several partners without a care for consequences of heart or destruction.  If one cannot give up old habits of the world, they are unfaithful foolish people who have given up the task of becoming a married couple with the most supreme happiness.

It is possible to have a happy, fulfilling and loving marriage centered on God

How can a religious person succeed in their witnessing and converting people to God's ideal if they do not have a happy union with their partners?  Who wants to have a lifestyle of sadness or a worse situation than what they already experience?  

Only after having happy marriages and a life-style in which God had in mind when He created human beings, then we can we naturally witness to our relatives and those in our communities.  If we look at the Mormon Church whose history is shorter than that of the Episcopal Church, have grown bigger.

The key to its success consists in the happy family-life of its members. Reportedly, a very small number of its members joined the Mormon Church because of its unique theology. The majority of its new members joined because they were attracted by the happy family-life of the Mormon Church members.

The author of this guide for marriage said he and his wife were practicing this advice:

"I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love.  After collecting True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love, I felt compelled to put them into practice.

By faithfully implementing such teachings, my wife and I felt so peaceful and happy that we soon made it a rule, for example, to hold each other’s hand while in bed before going to sleep and while watching TV together. My wife and I always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. As a result, my wife and I always held each other’s hand whenever possible, because it felt very good. While she was still alive on earth, my wife repeatedly said to me, 'It is my happiest time to have ‘pillow-talk’ while holding each other’s hand in bed'.”

4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.

As for the “sleeping naked” part of the fourth daily-life habit is explained more extensively in another post. 

A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling in love with each other, just as couples do in Korea. But many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. 

It is fundamentally wrong to sleep separately.

In one family the wife used the small room and the husband used the back room;this couple lived their lives separately even though they were under the same roof.  This kind of life is really wrong.  Even if you fight with your husbands, you must not sleep in a separate room and take your pillow with you.

“A husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds.”

A husband and wife should take all of their clothes off and sleep naked in the same bed every night;A couple should not sleep in separate beds.  If this is a possible habit to partake, does this kind of husband fight everyday or quarrel before they leave in the morning or sleep at night together?

It is impossible.

Even if your husbands snores as loud as a boar, a husband and wife should sleep in one bed.  Even if she has to wear the new effective ear plugs made for astronauts, she should determine to sleep with her husband every night.

Return Tomorrow for : How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 2

The previous text was rewritten from the book given by a Unification Church member now called the Family Federation based on the values taught by the founder, Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, married for over 50 years before his death this September, which is centered on his teachings of the Divine Principle. 

 Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part the English translation of my Japanese booklet CheongShim GST University Press Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press

Appreciate Your Spouse

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega,the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. 

Revelations 21 1-7

This is the telling of the age we are living currently if you have the eyes to see!  The coming of Heaven on Earth will not happen automatically.  If this was so, God would have restored Adam and Eve back to their original position with the snap of His finger or when Jesus arrived to earth.

Man through his actions lost Heaven, God never left His position, so it is up to man to connect back to their original position through their portion of responsibility represented through the gift of free will.

Just as God lost His children when they did not follow His word, His ideal will be rebuilt through the following and having faith in God's words.

Yesterday's post spoke about the matching of two people and the importance God placed on the unity of a man and woman through marriage had the responsibility of uniting  all of heaven and earth! With an understanding of this principle, can a man and woman enter a marriage lightly?

Did you know that you are living in the Completed Testament Age?  An age that has never before seen in all of human history, yet all of the saints and God have long awaited this time?

This is the time that we usher in Heaven on Earth, the fruit of God's labor of restoring man to the original position of Adam and Eve before the fall.

Looking at the world situation, does it look like men and women of the world are ready to participate in this time?  A more specific question is are we in the position to bring God to dwell directly in the lives of our family - do we live such a life where our home is the lighthouse shining in the darkness for God to find us?

All people on earth have the privilege of living at this time, but are unprepared even though God and all of creation and even this age is ready.  There is a gap.  Don't you think that this is true that we are unprepared for the coming of God's direct and complete dominion of earth?

Father has said that a holy son or daughter is one who can follow the law of God's palace. Are we at that stage? Can any person say that he or she is perfected?

When we really think about it, we come from a perfect Parent so why do we think it is so difficult to become perfect?  Upon reflection it is because we may think that it is hard to obtain coming from a lower position as a sinner.

But if we continue to think of ourselves as people born into sin we are likely to commit sinful acts.  Just think of the simple concept of the law of attraction.  Energy flows where our thoughts are.

What if we were to think of ourselves as holy people?

When we revolutionize our conceptual thinking as we are children of God, we are more likely to live up to that standard.

Of course we are the result of a fallen lineage and we inherit many sins and have many shortcomings, but we should still think of ourselves as God's child if we are to go forward from this treacherousness path.

"We should wake up in the morning with the concept "I am God's child," and we should continue with the concept that we can reach the stage of being a holy son or daughter."

How can we bring unity between mind and body? Father emphasizes that this takes place through True Love. But what is True Love?

It is love that can sacrifice itself for the other. Therefore, the body must be able to sacrifice itself in order to follow the higher dimensions of the mind. So Father says that before one should even wish to have control of the cosmos, he must have control of himself. This means the control of one's desire.

There are different types of love for sure, but True Love is the highest form.

When it comes to the unity of husband and wife, it may seem to be difficult, but why?   Because of satanic power that tries to pull everyone toward hell.  Once this power is dispensed from a relationship, then beauty can emerge.

Our main task in a marriage is to remove satan through intense effort.  When the founder of the Unification Church matches members, this potential beauty is what he sees in every couple that he matches for marriage.


How to Appreciate Spouse

What can we do to improve the husband and wife relationship?

First point is that spouses should pay attention to one another.  This sounds basic, but with routines in a family's life over the year, a couple can begin to take one another for granted.  Each partner should have concern for the other and strive to understand and forgive each other.  In a relationship, there is bound to be misunderstandings and mistakes.  We should forgive as God does for our mistakes.

To become a champion of love in a relationship requires repeated investment of heart, repeated acts of concern for the partner and understand and forgiveness.

Being consistent is very important.  The universe itself does not get tired in its cycle and continues on the same path everyday.  Olympic champions train everyday and do the same thing over and over in order to perfect their ability.

This is the first point in learning to pay attention to your partner.

The next principle is that of having a mind of yielding.  One also must have a "serving mind."

Next see your spouse with the glass as half full - strive to see the greater more positive points in your spouse instead of the negative and weak points.  "Look for the long points, not the short points of your spouse."

Spouses communicate mainly through word and actions.  There is a saying, "good words come and good words go."  When one says good words to the other, good words will come back.  One needs to reexamine the definition of what makes a spouse.  We should see how our idea of who our spouse is in relationship to ourselves.

Second of all, husbands and wives are co-workers together in giving birth to children and in the creation of a family.

God's ideal of creation is fulfilled through the achievement of love.  If we do not have our loving spouse, we cannot achieve the ideal of God's creation.

With this in mind, since we cannot have the highest ideal of True Love without our spouse - then our spouse is absolutely necessary counterpart.

Also, spouses should be best friends.  If you have the right thinking, you should think that you are going to be married to your spouse for over 50 years or more.  You will be sharing your joy, pain, happiness and suffering with this one person for most of your life.

Who else will you share this much of your inner self with?  An ideal spouse will be there for you through all of your tough times.  Also because they will be able to know your health and be the first to know if there is a change in your body's condition.

"Next, husband and wife are teachers for each other, guiding each other to understand their good and bad habits."

Marriage at its truest sense is the truest way to unify your heart between you and your spouse.  When this high-level of harmony is achieved, the husband and wife will spiritually become one body. They will become like one body with two faces.

Then the question is, while we are on the earth, how do we determine how united we are becoming spiritually to our significant other?

 There are three standards that we can use as a measurement:

First, the spouse should have the level of heart that they can confront the heavenly Parent and say, "I am so grateful you gave me my spouse."

The second standard is that your heart feels that you truly love your husband or wife.

Thirdly, when your are away from your spouse, you still can feel their presence within your heart.  This way you will never feel separated.  You may not feel this state of heart at all times, but you will at least feel that your spouse is living or taking space within your heart.

"I will say a few words about parents and children. The first child, of course, is to receive only love from his parents. The second child should receive a father's love, a mother's love and also his elder sibling's love. So for children, it should be easy to grow to perfection."

In reality, this is a little more difficult to achieve with our fallen nature and the corrupt environment in which we all live.  We should guide our children.  When children know that their parents are praying for them, then the children will not go in a bad direction.

All couples want to occupy the kingdom of heaven and live a happy life.

When parents have pain toward their children who have made a mistake, how can they qualify to go to the kingdom of heaven which is a place of eternal happiness where no tears abound.  Until children are liberated, parents cannot be truly happy.  This is why in order to go to heaven, the whole family and God should go together in unity.


Return for Tomorrow's Post:  Trust God Matches Best Person as Your Spouse

Talk given to national leaders over God's Day in Pusan, Korea

Summary of Notes from Talk by Young Whi Kim

Rev. Young Whi Kim is the former president of the Unification Church of Korea; one of the first 36 couples blessed in marriage by Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, and Chairman of the Board of Sun Myung Moon University.