How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part I

Daily life habits of a supremely happy couple

 A Guide to the Happiest Married Life

The Original text of DP is given in Korean and the philosophy and based on the teachings of the bible and of Jesus. With the combined teachings of the Eastern philosophy and teachings of the Western bible, the Reverend has been able to tap into the hearts of people of all religions, faiths and along with non-believers for one reason: the teaching of the heart of God which is rooted in every human being.

When I first posted the "How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book" it was receiving the highest views and still gets a lot of views.

When you think about it, there is not any school for what to do once you find love or finally take the plunge into marriage   There are no rules other than our respective religions and then the opinions of those around us.  But, would we want to take the advice from people who have a history of broken relationships?

I think when it comes to obtaining the right marital advice, it does start from a source that is well grounded.  Whether it be a grandparent who has been married for over 50 years, neighbors who have  been through hell and back, yet stuck through it without a divorce.  There is the spiritual leader, our church pastors.  Yet.  Who really has the answer when it comes to the matters of the heart?

We should first take a look where the source of marriage came.  God blessed us in the Garden as a man and woman for what purpose?  Why didn't he just make Adam alone?  What good would it had been for God to love just one man?  Thank goodness he made a counterpart with a whole different view, look and mind to help stimulate more of God's internal Being.

With that said, Adam and Eve did not start their marriage in the right way - they did not start their marriage centered  on God or within the Garden of Eden.  But let's just look at the original way in which God intended.

God is suppose to give the blessing of marriage.  Marriage now is just a conditional form, not ideally approved by God Himself.  How do we know this?

If God was to conduct the first marriage, it is called the Marriage Supper of the Lamb which refers to a perfected man and a perfected woman who love absolutely centered on God this marriage would bare children with God's direct lineage.  Currently, marriages are conducted which bare children born into sin.  Does this kind of marriage sound like it holds the wish of God's ideal world?

It is far from His direction.

In this sense, God is looking for a man and woman who He can relate with His perfected self, who have walked the course of indemnity to return their respected lineages back to Him.

In other words, all marriages that are conducted on earth, need to connect directly to God.  God gave us the blessing to be linked to our counterparts, would it not make sense that we need to connect to God in order for it to work?  Marriage without the root of God can be likened to a leave blowing off the branch.  It may seem to work for a while, but it is completely disconnected from the foundation on which to stand.

The following text was written by an author who had extensive training and missions in order to train his body and mind to become united centered on God.  He had the goal to become a child that appeared  in front of God before the fall.

He understands the basic rules of no sex outside of marriage or with anyone other than their spouse, their sexual organs only belong to their spouse and that spouses live for one another.

In the book that lists the 20 habits of the happiest couple, it is advised that they are practiced at least sometimes if not everyday.

This method is used by many couples in this world, even before their marriage.

No matter how bad it seems a couple's relationship is, they can indeed improve their conjugal relationship.  We hear all of the time that marriage and relationships take a lot of work...but sometimes this kind of 'work' becomes a chore, instead of a link to bond a couple even stronger in marriage.

It is best if one has guidance on what seems to be common place.  A couple can greatly improve their marriage by following the following steps.

Method for the Improvement Through Practice

If you have not yet been practicing these habits, please read carefully and repeatedly the speeches of Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon (author of the Divine Principle) and Dae Mo Nim (spiritualist) in addition to this text. 

When a couple truly love one another and don't want to give up on their seemingly failing marriage, it will not be work to experiment with the daily habits, but will well up from the heart.

"After practicing these habits on an experimental basis, you may cease practicing them if you as a couple does not feel good. Nonetheless, after practicing these habits experimentally, I am sure your couple will end up in practicing them continuously because you will come to feel a deep sense of peace and goodness in your heart." 

In other words, you can feel genuinely happy, and you can feel the presence of God by practicing them.

These 10 daily habits are free to experiment without having to pay for an expensive therapists or counseling which either partner may not want to attend or follow their advice.  No matter how poor a couple may be, they can practice without worrying about getting a bill.

A couple will find they can live in happiness even into eternity by following these 10 daily-life habits while on earth.  Just simply continue to practice these daily-life habits o true love.


The Value of Holding Hands

We could easily say that “holding each other’s hand” or living “hand in hand,” which Rev. Moon and Dae Mo Nim have recommended, is the main characteristic emerging from these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

Did you know that there is a special spiritual energy which comes from our fingers and palms?  We use them to heal our bodies, to rid ourselves with negative energy and to make others feel better with a massage.  A hand massage from a partner contributes to happy feelings and to our physical health.  The art of hand holding may be lost in our current world, but is vitally important in connecting with our spouse. 

10 "Commandments of Hand holding

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
5. We should call each other at least once a day during the daytime and always keep in touch.
6. We should bow down before a picture of True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, report to God facing each other and holding each other’s hands, and bow (down) to each other to close, every morning and every night.
7. We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife), by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and returns from work.
8. We should always talk to each other politely, and with respect.
9. We should practice reading True Parents’ speeches together every day.
10. We should make love at least twice a week.

I guess number 4 made a lot of us blush or stop and reread.  Maybe some are asking?  "What, a religious site suggest us to what?"   I must bust a lot of peoples' bubbles, as probably regularly for those reading this site.  Marriage, sex, love...was designed by God and for God to be a part of it between a husband and wife.

These 10 points of advice are not my personal advice, but are from Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon, his wife and Dae Mo Nim. These 10 points are gathered from the guidance of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim, concerning our lives as a husband and wife.

By following this lists, our conjugal relationship will tremendously improve and be uplifted by a strong ascending wind current. If you haven’t practiced any of these habits yet, I strongly recommend that you immediately put them into practice.

Try them out! You have nothing to lose!

I would like to present True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches that support these “10 habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.

Most Asians have the habit of the husband walking ahead of the wife, sometimes walking so fast they leave the wife behind.  The founder of the Family Federation who is Korean, walks hand and hand with his wife.  Dae Mo Nim is a spiritualist who suggest that when holding hands it is while walking outside and in the couple's daily lives.

Even as an "elderly" couple, the founder and his wife would hold hands while watching television and desire for others to learn how to interact in their own marriage by observing them.  They have even influenced the President and First Lady of Korea and leaders to walk in public hand and hand.

As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the workshops to rid our bodies of negative energy, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. That’s why it is recommended to walk “hand in hand” rather than “arm in arm.” 

So, if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can give and receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health but also to our physical health. I wholeheartedly recommend “always walking hand in hand” just like True Parents; it is part of the True Parents’ rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one body.”

Walking hand in hand has more of a positive energy than walking arm in arm.  

"Become an absolute Blessed Couple of one heart and one body."

A couple is advised to hold hands when walking together, sleeping together and even while watching television.  Each time a couple holds hands, it brings about an unity of a husbands five fingers with his wife's five fingers. 

When we walk hand and hand, we should give deep thanks to God within our hearts for the coming heaven on earth that will bring about the ideal world he set to build before the fall.

When a husband and wife completely become one, God can dwell within us.

2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.

3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.

They are watching TV while holding each other’s hand. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding each other’s hand and responding to the rhythm. We Blessed couples must resemble such True Parents.

Holding hands while listening to music and responding to the rhythm.  When you are tired, you must not just simply go to sleep when you are tired at night, but sleep holding your partner's hand or other parts of the body. 

Also while watching television, it is best to hold hands, or place your hand on their lap or your husband's knee.  You can also use his lap as a pillow.  When you act in this way you will receive love from your husband in many ways.  Many wives do not act in this way basically neglecting their partner with this kind of affection.

Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort.

When watching television, some partners sit far apart as if they are fighting or were strangers to each other in the past.  This is not good.  If a couple does not make constant effort to stay close and to care for one another, they will gradually drift apart.  

Therefore, it is a good practice to hold each other's hands while watching television or while sleeping.

Many religious people do not express their love in their daily lives as if it was a sin.  A husband and wife should say "good night" to one another while holding each other's hand and squeeze tightly in the end. They can do this while laying in the bed at night, after scratching each other on the back, while massaging the legs or touching the ear and head and so on.

Many go about their daily rituals, but when it comes to practicing true love with their own hands, many partners hesitate.  Many older couples fail to change their old habits for completely new ones in their daily lives.

If Jesus was followed completely toward the end by his disciples, there would not have been a need for him to die for us, but live for us.  He would have found a blessed wife and teach us about marriage through his own ideal marriage given by God.  Jesus was supposed to be the fulfillment of the Marriage  Supper of the Lamb.

If this is hard to believe, just imagine that God had brought Jesus to teach us more than how to be a child of God and brother to humanity.  He was supposed to reverse the mistake the first marriage made and return it to God.  Just imagine a faithful Son of God and Daughter of God in marriage on earth.  Wouldn't we want to emulate this type of couple?

Even with this foundation on earth of a marriage from God, if his followers did not practice their teachings about a conjugal life, this heavenly fortune and happiness will fly from them.  One needs to obediently practice the words by getting rid of old habits, and ideals of the fallen, extremely secularized world.

This fallen world loosely use their sexual organs  and have several partners without a care for consequences of heart or destruction.  If one cannot give up old habits of the world, they are unfaithful foolish people who have given up the task of becoming a married couple with the most supreme happiness.

It is possible to have a happy, fulfilling and loving marriage centered on God

How can a religious person succeed in their witnessing and converting people to God's ideal if they do not have a happy union with their partners?  Who wants to have a lifestyle of sadness or a worse situation than what they already experience?  

Only after having happy marriages and a life-style in which God had in mind when He created human beings, then we can we naturally witness to our relatives and those in our communities.  If we look at the Mormon Church whose history is shorter than that of the Episcopal Church, have grown bigger.

The key to its success consists in the happy family-life of its members. Reportedly, a very small number of its members joined the Mormon Church because of its unique theology. The majority of its new members joined because they were attracted by the happy family-life of the Mormon Church members.

The author of this guide for marriage said he and his wife were practicing this advice:

"I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love.  After collecting True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love, I felt compelled to put them into practice.

By faithfully implementing such teachings, my wife and I felt so peaceful and happy that we soon made it a rule, for example, to hold each other’s hand while in bed before going to sleep and while watching TV together. My wife and I always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. As a result, my wife and I always held each other’s hand whenever possible, because it felt very good. While she was still alive on earth, my wife repeatedly said to me, 'It is my happiest time to have ‘pillow-talk’ while holding each other’s hand in bed'.”

4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.

As for the “sleeping naked” part of the fourth daily-life habit is explained more extensively in another post. 

A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling in love with each other, just as couples do in Korea. But many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. 

It is fundamentally wrong to sleep separately.

In one family the wife used the small room and the husband used the back room;this couple lived their lives separately even though they were under the same roof.  This kind of life is really wrong.  Even if you fight with your husbands, you must not sleep in a separate room and take your pillow with you.

“A husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds.”

A husband and wife should take all of their clothes off and sleep naked in the same bed every night;A couple should not sleep in separate beds.  If this is a possible habit to partake, does this kind of husband fight everyday or quarrel before they leave in the morning or sleep at night together?

It is impossible.

Even if your husbands snores as loud as a boar, a husband and wife should sleep in one bed.  Even if she has to wear the new effective ear plugs made for astronauts, she should determine to sleep with her husband every night.

Return Tomorrow for : How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 2

The previous text was rewritten from the book given by a Unification Church member now called the Family Federation based on the values taught by the founder, Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, married for over 50 years before his death this September, which is centered on his teachings of the Divine Principle. 

 Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part the English translation of my Japanese booklet CheongShim GST University Press Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press