How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 2

Thanks for returning for these 10 tips to a very happy marriage tested and practiced by people married over 20 years.


5. We should call each other at least once a day in the daytime and always keep in touch.

The next is advice given to husbands about what their attitudes should be while they are working outside the home.  With the rush of life these days, easily a couple can spend time with coworkers more than with their spouse.

Therefore, we should take care during the day in our thinking and care about our spouse.  A husband is wrong if he doesn't call at least once to his wife at home or that she worries where he is all the time.  Husbands can talk a long time on the phone with others, but are reluctant to call their own life.  

When the husband is taking a lunch break, he shouldn't think that because his wife can take care of herself that she doesn't need to be asked if she ate lunch during lunchtime.  A husband should call his wife to see if she ate.

A wife's attitude once her husband leave for work is to visualize the hard work the husband does outside the home.  The woman should trusts that her husband is doing an admirable thing.  She should become a wife that calls the husband to check to see what he ate for lunch and how did it taste.

It is small sentimental moments as these that touch the spouses' heart, remind of one another while away and show the tender care you have as a reminder of what brought the two of you together.

The writer of the Book spoke on this point about his own marriage:

"My wife called me every morning and every evening, and it was our couple’s daily habit that we talk on the phone twice a day. Always staying in touch with each other through phone calls was tremendously helpful to us for our heart-to-heart relationship."

The technology of cell phones has developed very rapidly, and the cost of phone calls has dropped sharply, especially when using alternative lines. Consequently, no matter where the husband may be, and regardless of where the wife is, it has become possible for a married couple to freely have an intimate talk

The young people of today take for granted how cheap and conveniently easy it is to stay in touch with anyone from around the world.  This makes it easy for a couple to have intimate talk during the long hours they are away from one another.

When a couple work separately during the day, they should make a strong effort to develop a heart-to-heart relationship through talking over the phone regularly.

6. We should bow down before the picture of True Parents (Same as Jesus and Holy Spirit) , recite the Family Pledge and report (pray) to God together

This can cater to your faith.  Some faiths already have some kind of altar with a picture of the founders of their respective faiths. While facing each other and holding each other’s hands and bow (or pay some kind of respect) to each other at the end, every morning and every night.

This is best done during a new day in the morning and at the end of the day before going to sleep.  The couple bows to each other, recite the Family Pledge or equivalent of a commitment for each day such as the "Lord's Prayer", report to God what you plan to do for that day, while facing each other and holding hands, bow to the picture or equivalent to the founder of the faith.

"My wife and I liked to offer a full bow to each other lowering the head all the way down to the floor. However, if you and your wife are neither Korean nor Japanese, the couple may make a slight bow to each other while standing, and hug warmly after greeting to God and True Parents, ideally with a full bow.

My wife and I also made it a rule to hug each other and to say each other, “Let’s do our best today,” or something like that, in order to encourage each other in the morning, or “Thank you very much for your hard work for today,”to show thanks at night, after bowing to each other. It is important for us to practice the daily-life habit of expressing love and respect not only to God and True Parents, but also to our spouse."

Here is Dae Mo Nim’s(church spiritualist) advice on the importance of offering a bow and reporting (praying) to True Parents (Equivalent Jesus and Holy Spirit) every day:

"Every member has a picture of True Parents in their home. The picture conveys the meaning that True Parents, who are united with God, can come to your home and are, indeed, at your home. God and True Parents do not exist in a place far away from you. 

You must think that spiritually they are always watching your whole life. It is very important in our life of attendance that we thank God, who is the origin of true love, and True Parents who have come as the substantial embodiment of true love.

When we live in the evil world, in the realm of Satan, it is very difficult to live without the protection of God and True Parents. I recommend that you offer a bow to the picture of True Parents in the morning, saying, “I will really live with God today. I will work centering on God and True Parents, without showing any self-centeredness and arrogance.

When you come home after the day’s work, you should examine whether or not you have lived the entire day with God, saying, 'Heavenly Father and True Parents, thank you very much for allowing me to come home safely.  Thank you very much for allowing me to come home without any accident from this evil world'. You must make this kind of practice your daily-life habit. You cannot faithfully live a life of attendance if you live a life halfheartedly."

Both the husband and wife will slightly bend the fingers of both hands, extend both hands in front of each other, place each other’s right hand with the back of the hand upon the palm of his or her spouse’s left hand, combine each other’s fingertips in both hands, and lightly hold hands with their fingertips. 

Then, a couple offers a report (prayer).

Thanks to the great victory of the Second Advent, the new providential age has dawned when we can unconditionally receive the special grace of “the realm of complete freedom” from Satan’s accusation. Therefore, as the representatives of the victorious True Parents, we Blessed couples can now become God’s branch temples wherein God always dwells.

Revelation 21:3 of the New Testament prophesied the advent of “a new heaven and a new earth”: 

See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will always be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes.

"We are living in the beginning of the long awaited new heaven and new earth, which billions of your ancestors in the spirit world, who have come and gone in history, have yearned for. This is the era of the kingdom of the peaceful, ideal world."

We are living in the time that was prophesied in the book of Revelations in the Bible.  God will dwell with us directly on earth.

"My wife and I personally changed the style of our couple’s reporting (praying) to the posture of facing each other with both hands extended and clasping each other. As a result, we became more deeply conscious that God does not reside in heaven far away from us outside our home, but in fact dwells within the bodies of our couple here on earth. 

As we looked at each other’s face while reporting to God, the spouse’s face sometimes appeared to be like God’s. Consequently, more and more, my wife and I came to feel that each of us was a precious reflection of God’s duality of masculinity and femininity."


7.  We  should always send off, and welcome home, our husband (wife) by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/ or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work, and returns from work.

We should practice at least one point for the seventh habit: holding his or her hand, kissing, and hugging.  You are free to practice all of the points at the same time.  When the husband returns home the wife shouldn't stay in the back room, but be able to greet her husbad who wants to hear such words at least three times.

The husband comes back home extremely exhausted and rather than hear the problems of the wife's day want to receive comfortable words from his wife and children.  If the woman habitually stays in a another room when her husband returns, daily this will deplete his love for his wife in an instant.

A wife should anticipate the return of her husband and wait for him at the entrance with the first sign of his return and be excited that he is home, "Honey, you're back, welcome home!" Any husband that comes home to a welcome home parade led by his wife and children will feel that he truly has arrived at the the Heavenly Kingdom.

Dae Mo Nim also spoke to wives about their attitudes when a husband leaves home for work in the morning. You also should not simply let your husband go to work in the morning. At least hold his hand when you see him off.

According to the wishes of almost all wives, when their husband leaves home for work, some wives want him to hug her, and other wives want him to hold his their hands or kiss her. Have you done that?

There are more husbands who have not done that than those who did. Those who say, “I have done that,” only practiced it once in a very great while. Is that true? That is not good.

A husband and wife's hands together should create the same hot feelings that is felt on a long hot day.  When a husband does this, he will come to not look at any other woman but his wife.  The other women will become invisible to his eyes.  A man should become the type of husband that can hug, kiss, and hold his wife's hands warmly.

A husband has to become a person who can give absolute love to his wife. 

Some church members are expressionless in the morning.  If we look at men in the secular world they are not ideal either.

A husband should be able to embrace their beloved wife even in the morning.

A husband who touches his wive's breast and caresses her hands in the morning will have a wife that could live off of her husband's love all day.  A wife that can consume such love can live during the day for the sake of her husband and children.  The person who lives and thrives on her husband’s love is the happy wife. 

Before a husband leaves for the day, he should hold his wife's hands, hug her tightly, touch her breast, or kiss her.  If any man acts this way toward his wife, she would be enchanted and filled with an euphoric feeling thinking, "I am the happiest woman in the world".

Would this be true or not?

This is the testimony about the author of the Divine Principle which this blog is based upon:

"Regularly there was a time for prisoners to see their wives and families. When True Mother visited True Father, they always kissed each other intimately in public. True Father also ordered Mr. Kamiyama to kiss his wife, who regularly visited him, boldly in public without hesitation.

One of the things Mr. Kamiyama learned from Reverend Moon was sent to prison was the importance of expressing affection between a husband and wife. 

In fact, watching Mr. Kamiyama’s hesitant attitude toward his wife, in prison, True Father ordered him to 'teach our members to express affection more openly between a husband and wife', after his release from the prison."

Couples should inherit this tradition and accomplish one heart, one body, one mindset, and one harmony as a husband and wife just like True Parents. Many Blessed husbands seem to be poor at expressing affection to their wives.

As the Coming of Heaven and Earth settles, we should throw away the old culture of conjugal relations in the past.  The selfish practices do not have a place while establishing the ideal world centered on God's love.

We are inheriting a new heavenly culture of true conjugal love that has been established by the True Parents which have shown us an ideal model which gives us the daily-life habits of true love in order to become supremely happy couples.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 3

Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD (Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part was rewritten from the English translation of the Japanese booklet.

CheongShim GST University Press

Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim

Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press