How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 3

This is the last part of the book that gives 10-daily habits to become the happiest couple.

We should always talk to each other politely with respect.

The spiritualist Dae Mo Nim advised women to speak toward their husband with soft words and not demanding words or words of accusation or roughly say words  such as "Did you do it?" "when will you come back?" "Did you eat".

You don't have to be overly nice either by saying "Could you please?" or "Would you please?", but use words of respect toward the husband.  If the wife respects the husband then then children will emulate the mother and show respect to him as their father.

You should not just lightly have conversation with your spouse as if you were speaking to a casual friend.  The children will see how the parents speak to one another and will influence the children and they will try to speak the same way.  Women must absolutely respect their husband, then the children will respect him, too.

As a matter of course, a husband should also talk to his wife with respect. Some languages (e.g., Japanese) have a conspicuous difference between the male daily language and the female daily language and an implicit bias against women in their languages. 

We should determine to speak a new language of love in the coming of Heaven on Earth.  

We should practice hoon dok hae (i.e., reading True Parents’ speeches or the Bible or equivalent religious text for other faiths) together every day.

There is  importance of centering on the vertical love of God in order to bring about genuine unity between a husband and wife.

A husband and wife should show utmost importance to the relationship of the vertical God rather than the horizontal attitude.  God requires that a couple are more attached to His foundation of love.  

Through this practice of love centered on God, then the Heavenly Kingdom will be established on earth.
It is important to practice reading God's word words in the home if you want to receive God's vertical love.  When a couple reads together regularly even if briefly, then a great amount of spiritual blessing will come.  They can accomplish one heart and body on a higher level centering on God's vertical love. 

Here are True Parent’s words on the significance and purpose of hoondokhae:

How can we set up the tradition?

You must inherit the tradition. And you must practice the tradition after knowing it. You must inherit the tradition during the day and night.  As it is the place to learn the tradition, once you know it, you must act in accordance with the way that Heaven and I have made efforts to set up with difficulty, and establish your own family and nation. This is very important."

The whole family should practice this tradition to have a stable foundation.  This is spiritual food, nourishment for your bodies. Your spirit body yearns for food, just as much as your physical body.  You spirit can grow by eating the delicious spiritual food of God's words. 

Do not practice to just hear words.  You practice in order to live and find out what you will do for the day and what attitude you should have.  Each family is expected to practice it each and every day.
It is very important practice reading God's words as a daily-life habit as a husband and wife.

10. We Should Make Love at Least Twice a Week

Many religious couples view sex as a secular or wrong act and rarely make love to their partner.  And once they do, they quickly finish the act of love-making and to save time to do more work for God.  This kind of attitude toward love-making, a God-given act, is wrong.  

The act of making love is a holy act between a married couple is God strongly recommends it.  That is right.  God created this act for the enjoyment of a married couple, how would He view this act as wrong?

It was only after the fallen act of Adam and Eve misuse of their sexual organs, did making love become viewed in the wrong light.

Father advised that married couples, therefore, make love more frequently and for a longer period of time than those in the secular world and to do so earnestly by dedication their life to the act.  It is that precious.

What privilege have we been bestowed as humans beings blessed as lords of creation?
Animals make love for procreation once a year.  Human beings privilege, on the other hand transcend all the seasons.  

Some couples think that just thinking about sex or imagine sex itself is a bad action.  This is not an illegitimate act but an act of true love centered on God.  It is recommended to think every day how to make love to our spouse.

Where can God and human beings meet?  When man and woman become one through love making, God will meet human beings.  In other words, when they become one centering on their sexual organs. Because humans fell centered on the sexual organs misuse, it devastated the whole world thereafter and ruined heaven and earth.

The fallen in act in the Garden of Eden, caused our sexual organs to become evil.  So, when husband and wife make love, they should think they are welcoming God.  We should look at our lovely body as how we will connect it centering on love and serve and welcome God and ask "How can i make love centering on true love?"

Dae Mo Nim has also repeatedly emphasized that Blessed couples make love more frequently and more willingly.

It is a wrong attitude for a wife to tell her husband that she does not like to make love and reject their husband when he has a desire for lovemaking.
Who is the owner of the wife's sexual organ?

Members of the church who had adultery confessed that they fell because their wives failed to fulfill their responsibilities as a wife.  The wife lacked heart for making love so the husband ended up getting his fill outside the home.

Therefore, the wife must completely open her sexual organ, so that her husband can really come and play in there; she must open her heart and body, so that her husband can freely visit various places of her body. Did you understand? 

The wife must open her heart and body.

A wife should let her husband make love to her as if he was to enjoy visiting a stream, a rocky area, a riverside field, a flower garden, a mountain and a grass field.  If this is not natural, the wife should study how to let her husband enjoy the various locations of creation including her sexual organ and open it for this purpose.

God has educated the church's spiritualist through drawing a scene, yet members of the church never learned how to practice visualizing this and actualizing it in their daily lives.  

Do you know who has practiced exploring the sexual parts?  Satan, women in clubs and harlots.  They are the masters of the sexual organs and how to let men freely enjoy their body.  They first learned and practiced through evil means even selling their bodies more frequently.  Sex education of the proper conjugal relationship should be taught in the church.  

People believe that ministers should not speak about sex or teach such an education.  Even though God gives a married couple the privilege to share in the joy of lovemaking who practiced it more frequently and enjoyed it more?

Those on Satan’s side did! Therefore, as a husband and wife, you must have a time to make love really to your heart’s content, holding each other’s hand. Do you understand?

People on the side of Satan enjoyed lovemaking more.  Therefore, a husband and wife must have time to make love really to their heart's content, holding each other's hand.  do you understand?

In a  couple's sexual life, God explains that this act is like playing as much as you want and the more that a couple makes love, the greater the amount of joy and beauty is generated.

Then a man and woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts. Then the couple becomes happy. When you act in that way, the wife will not feel discontented, nor will the husband.

A couple creates an inseparable bond of heart when they give and receive beautiful love with each other.  An emotional bond is not already formed through love making first.  We should not think in reverse.   do not say, "I do not feel love, so how do I make love to my husband" or when she is upset with her husband she wants to withhold from him.  A spouse is to nurture a loving heart while making love.

The best frequency of love-making seems to be 3 or 4 times a week in the case of couples in their 20s and 30s, who eagerly want pregnancy, and around twice a week for those couples in their 50s and over. True Father told those wives at a Blessing workshop that without a child that they “should make love once in two days” to make sure to give birth to a baby.

As a daily-life habit, to become a supremely happy couple, a married couple should make love at least twice a week, except during times on a woman's menses.  

Of course the age difference and individual differences  should be considered in the account of the frequencies of the couple's lovemaking.  

The quality of the act of love-making is the most important thing, not the quantity.  The important point is that the husband and wife be deeply moved by God's creativity and His heart and offer deep thanks to God while they make love beautifully with respect and love for each other.  This way, God can be moved by watching the beautiful scene of their lovemaking.

With respect and love for one another centering on God, if a couple wants to make love beautifully, they should without fail make time for foreplay and quality time for after play.  This is for the wife's sake every time they make love.  

Father said specifically that husbands should understand the significance of foreplay in lovemaking because young men do not understand its importance.  Wives can feel the utmost joy.

Some husbands immediately after they ejaculate turn their backs to their wives and quickly fall asleep. This habit will make for a very unhappy wife.  This kind of husband will make his wife feel used and that she was for his selfish need.  She cannot feel love from him. 

A wife can feel supreme joy while whispering words of admiration and thanks to her husband who gently kisses, hugs her tightly.  They can have intimate pillow talk while they embrace each other or hold each other's hand, every time they make love.  Unlike men, women's sexual excitement and do not drop sharply after they make love.  Therefore, a husband should be mindful and responsive to his wife's needs for "heartistic" love at the end of each sexual act.

Before a couple experiences menopause this act means intercourse accompanies the act of insertion as a matter of course.  For a couple after menopause, there are frequent cases where it is difficult to have ordinary intercourse because of health problems of their aged sexual organs or a malfunction.

In these cases, however, a couple can still experience joy of love and satisfaction by just kissing and caressing with the use of their hands and mouth (both tongue and lips) apart front he act of insertion.
I would like to clarify that for those couples after menopause, “to make love” does not necessarily mean to have sexual intercourse that includes the act of insertion. 

This clarification is in consideration of those older couples, so that they can also easily reach the grade of “A+” in self-evaluating and scoring the degree of the couple’s practice of “the 10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: West and East Must Unite