Facets of Marriage Preparation

When singles and young people are equipped with the knowledge and skills about relationships, then they are better equipped for a successful marriage.

The following outline is what we will discuss that can be a defense against all of the misinformation about sex and relationships.

Knowledge and Insight

1. Discernment of true love
2. Realities of marriage
3. Option of intercultural marriage
4. Advantages of chastity

Relational Skills

1. Communication and conflict resolution
2. Setting boundaries of physical involvement


Knowledge and Insight

Social sciences tend to reinforce traditional wisdom of scripture, literature and philosophy in the matters of love, sexuality and marriage.  Despite contemporary sources of this knowledge and insight, the average person remains blind about the spouse's realm of heart.


1. Discernment of True Love

Singles benefit from a clear discussion about the true nature of love.  Armed with this, people will be able to to distinguish between true conjugal love and its counterfeits.

The most basic distinction is between true love and self-centered love or just a fleeting infatuation.


Contrasting Qualities of Love

Self-centered love                                 True Love

Prefers to be receiving. Enjoys giving.
Fosters self-absorption within               Encourages reaching out to others.
the couple and exclusion of others. 
Focuses on external traits                      Cherishes the other most for her good heart and character .
Weakened by time and separation. Intensified by time and separation.
Starts up quickly and ends                     Grows steadily and ends slowly just as quickly. if at all.
Makes the other feel anxious.               Makes the other feel secure.
Judges the other according to how
well the partner makes one feel loved.  Gives more to the other. 
Judges oneself and how one might         Prioritizes the relationship over truth and goodness. Bases the                                                                  relationship upon truth and goodness.
Hinders productivity.                             Enhances productivity.
Plagued by quarrels of increasing
frequency and severity. Characterized by fewer and fewer quarrels over time, of                                                                          decreasing intensity.
Poisoned and threatened by conflict. Deepened and fortified by conflict.



The issue of purity is a direct way to separate selfish love from
unselfish. “Ask the partner to wait until marriage for sex,” recommends
purity educator Mike Long, “ and by their response you’ll
know if he or she loves you.”6 This is an application of the classic
Biblical definition: “Love is patient and kind . . . . Love does not
insist on its own way.” 1 Corinthians 13.3-4

Love as volitional

People who are single also have the false idea of “falling in love” as a natural process in dating.


Only an overwhelming, irresistible attraction springing up spontaneously between two people can lead
to true and lasting love between them.





The only problem is finding the right person who can harbor those feelings.

In a relationship, if later the feelings they had for each other should wane, then this means that that was the wrong person after all and they should end that relationship.

This is a strong misunderstanding in the realm of relationships which neglects the volitional aspect of love which is suggested in the book, “Love is a Decision”, written by marriage expert Gary Smalley

“While it sounds romantic to ‘fall’ in love, the truth is that we decide who we want to love,” asserts high school relationship educator, Charlene Kamper.8 Coming from the Jewish matchmaking tradition and personal experience, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach agrees, “You can actually decide to fall in love with someone, and your heart will follow.”

It is true that one aspect of love is beyond control, but there is an intentional aspect that is controlled.

The latter can influence the former.  In other words, one can make the decision to love and encourage the feeling of love.

A person of heart and character is committed to being loving whether or not he or she feels loving at the time.

Parents experience this when they take action to love when there are no warm feelings of love and renew their hearts and their affection for their children are restored.

All religious beliefs that exhort to love your neighbor and even your adversary is based on the idea of love is a decision.

The reality of both marriage and friendship is that love demands a large amount of doing what one does not feel like doing even though everyone wants to love their spouse at all times.

It must be understood that love is an act of will and is an element of choice.

When this is clear, it gives freedom and security to youth who fear that they have flaws and wrongly believe that no one can love them or that if they get married, the love for their spouse will someday disappear.

“If we fall out of love,” they wonder, “how can we bring it back?”

It is possible to generate love even when it is not readily flowing.

If a man and woman follow the principles that generate true love such as, mind and body unity, giving and receiving, uniting around a higher purpose than the relationship, a couple can build a strong, affectionate connection.

Through this process they can also rebuild these feelings that only deepens and strengthens over time.

When we understand that it is not whom we love that counts but how we love, then we are not searching helplessly waiting to bump into the 'right one' to give such a love.

One can practice and build such a confidence in becoming the loving person their spouse will need right now by loving others.

When young people understand that love is an active verb, then they can grasp the key difference between maturity and immaturity.

An immature person focuses on being loved and the mature focuses on giving out love.


2. Realities of Marriage

Even though it is popular to have weddings, modern adolescents and single adults show a large ignorance about the institution of marriage.

These include the benefits of being married, its demands,  for success and so on.

Research backs up the advantages of being married and what it takes to succeed in it.  Researchers also reveal that all relationships several predictable phases of romance, conflict, re-commitment.

This phase is inevitable before a couple reaches a deep oneness of heart which is an very attractive element of couples of enduring love.

There is also a stage after marriage and the beginning of the romantic period when the illusion of the other falls away, which singles can prepare themselves for.

The warm feelings they experienced in the stage before dry up and they fee they are married to or dating a stranger.

Single people should learn that this is a part of growth and not evidence that they have married the wrong person.

When a married couple comes to this point they have three choice: one is to escape the marriage through affairs or divorce, another is to stay together but keep their distance, and the third option is to commit to have a love between them that is based on acceptance, respect and living for the other spouse's benefit.

Couples pursue the third way, a real bond develops between them and the enter into a season of greater discovery, intimacy and maturity than they have ever known.

The final stage which all relationships enter into is that of service, when the couple's cohesiveness bears a lasting fruit through the contributing to the lives of others.

Young people can have a negative outlook when they experience even minor conflicts in their own relationships or in marriages around them.

It is better when they know beforehand that the romantic phase will give way to tension and disillusionment about the relationship and person.

This is the opportunity to unite with the other on an even deeper level.

When one knows the phases they will encounter in a relationship, then they can avoid the mistake of giving up when difficulties inevitably arise.

Young people can also have a perspective in order to interpret what they see in others' relationships.



Expectations Brought Down to Earth

Media have portrays marriage as another means in order to gain personal gratification and not as a grounds for moral growth or a vehicle for raising children.

Blain Fowers calls the idealistic notion of a 'soul mate' who will meet all of one's needs for love and companionship a “myth of marital happiness.”

When people go into a relationship believing the other is to fill all of the holes they feel missing, they sabotage themselves by expecting too much.

Marriage education can help balance young people's expectations in alignment with reality.


3. The Option of Intercultural Marriage

When looking for a mate, individuals frequently look for others who are like themselves.

At the same time, opposites do attract. Partners who unite from different ethnic or other kinds of backgrounds, is increasing across the world through social media and as the world merges into one global community.

It is essential for everyone to be educated about the benefits in marriages that cross boundaries and how to prepare for the challenge.

One advantage of intercultural marriages is that the children have stronger immune systems from the merging of  genetically disparate lineages.

The combined cultural mix of spouses from different ethnic or religious heritages, offer their broad spectrum of gifts to their children.  Their minds and hearts will be stretched to embrace more types of people without having any prejudice toward them or have no ethnic arrogance.

Marriages that have spouses from different cultures and races are dramatic and fascinating to behold.

Marriages from different backgrounds encompass a greater slice of humanity than other unions.

People would not be able to take their eyes off of an ebony-toned highly educated African states woman receiving a kiss from her rumpled, golden-haired, Scandinavian fishing boat captain husband?

When love flows through groups that were are are enemies is poignant.

These unions help to bridge historical rifts heal any deep-seated wounds.

Reverend Moon says that Heavenly Father is very moved by couples like these.

Even though these partnerships are very rich, young people may look at the misunderstandings that will initially come in such a relationship.

Therefore, they must be prepared to make an extra effort o embrace their spouse's background and negotiate.

Many who lose their virginity and feel alone may ask, “Why didn't anyone tell me?”.

Those who are qualified should teach young people about the role of sex in marriage and also the destructiveness of having sex outside of a commitment before they make those mistakes.

Psychologist John Van Epp describes the healthiest progression of bonding as proceeding
in five steps: from knowing to trusting, from trusting to reliance, then from reliance to commitment, and only then to physical bonding.

Traditionally, these were well-known courting behaviors and now they have to be chosen on purpose.

When young people learn the natural steps and stages incurred in a relationship and how sex is a final step not beforehand, they are less likely to follow the wrong way.


Relational Skills

The possibility that those venturing into marriage might get a divorce can be very disempoering.

Also, those who try to keep their chastity may feel pressure and intimidation from the partners and peers who are sexually engaged.

Having basic 'people skills' is the bedrock of marital success. Reverend Moon suggest that couples preparing to get married should learn basic relational skill.

These skills can be learned beyond communicating in the home to team sports, leadership roles in schools, worship centers, work, childcare, teaching, sales experience and through   service projects.

Formal coaching in relationships can supplement these experiences.

Studies on human conflict and communication in close relationships have found methods to ease discord when it erupts and how to alleviate the blocks to a person having warm and effective interactions.

1. Communication and Conflict Resolution


If interaction is the lifeblood of all relationships, then blocks in communication comprise the classic relationship threat.

Prominent marriage and abstinence courses train in communication and conflict resolution techniques which are invaluable in marriage and further down the road in parenthood, and for a single person's family and friends.

When one learns how to talk, listen and reduce the tension that is bound to arrive in relationships, they have more of a chance at having more successful interactions.

This involves learning to cope when negative feelings like stress, anger, guilt and fear arise.  These skills take time to learn.

“‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.’” James 1.19


On one hand there is the ability to speak clearly without personal attack, vague complaints not relavent to the argument at hand or exaggerations that hurt the other person.

On the other hand there is learning how to fully listen and with empathy.  This involves giving he other person point-of-view on a disagreement full attention instead of preparing a retort.

When we as a society can learn such habits early on, many harmful marital mistakes can be prevented when learn skills.


2. Setting Boundaries of Physical Involvement

Basic communication and relational skills needed to teach about maintaining one's chastity reinforces sexual boundaries.

Reverend Moon states that a wise person clearly states exactly their parameters regarding physical contact and exclusivity before one enters into a close relationship with the opposite sex.

It is necessary, first of all, to define what purity or abstinence is which represents technically avoiding physical intercourse and even discourages having any sexual arousal.

When one chooses chastity, it respects that sexuality largely involves the mind and heart.  The body has such a measure of power that it is not easy to restrain if aroused.  This does not make an excuse to say that sexual instincts are out of one's control.

On the contrary, sexual instincts always respond to the instruction of the mind.

Once individuals reach beyond a certain point of touch and arousal, the body's natural progression toward intercourse becomes increasingly difficult to stop.

Those serious about keeping their purity should not place themselves in situations that can lead to intercourse.

“It’s tough being a musician,” confesses 26-year-old Richard Kaweesa, a Ugandan who has maintained his chastity. “You are prone to temptations, with all these girls coming after you. They want to know you, where your hotel room is. [But] it’s up to you . . . . We are not victims of our environment.”

To make a true commitment to purity means knowing ahead of time the pressures to go past those boundaries and preparing a response.  These take learning resistance skills.

She is a smart teenager or single adult who has practiced how to explain her purity standard to her friends and to members of the opposite sex interested in her.

He is also wise who has planned 'escape' measures when he finds himself in a difficult situation such as house full of drinking friends who are getting sexually involved or being alone with an aggressive, attractive young woman.

One will not be able to protect their purity unless he or she plans how to defend the boundaries they have set when temptation comes.


Challenge for engaged couples

One mistake couples make is setting boundaries according to what stage of commitment they are at.

The closer to the wedding, the further they allow themselves to go. “We’re almost married,” they tell themselves, “it will do no harm.”

Yet, a couple dissipates their moral authority and the power of their love and imperil their purity when they go too far with the boundaries they set.

Too many couples break their engagement when they succumb to intercourse as a direct result of compromising their own promise they made to themselves, each other and God.

“I’m glad that my wife and I never gave in to the pressure to get too physically involved before we got married,” says one young man, 30.

“I realized later that because I respected her and our prior agreement, she has no qualms about me going away on business trips. She trusts me. And I trust myself too, though I am still careful. I’m proud of what we did.”

We can explain sexual commitment through the use of financial analogy.

As couples begin to talk of commitment, they begin saving more and more money to prepare for their future together.

This approach can be taken wisely with sex.

As couples become more serious about marriage, they are smart to become even more careful in regards of physical affection, holding off in order to invest more in the bonding and excitement of their marriage.

The highest standard is to avoid touching one another altogether and let the anticipation mount towards they day they get married.

This is the secret behind traditional practices that forbid touching upon their engagement announcement: not to deprive a couple but to enhance the love and pleasure.

Our modern society does not value innocence and the sexual joy that is the fruit of one keeping their virginity and vows of lifelong love is not appreciated, yet it is the strongest.


Return for Tomorrow's Post:

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writer to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on sex and marriage.

Impact of Sex Without Commitment

Even though no intimate relationship is immune from experiencing bad times, having a committed marriage between two God-centered individuals can be the best defense against the worst influences that break up relationships.

Sex within uncommitted relations offers no protection and invites the most destructive kinds of interactions to take place.

The guilty parties in the Bible's Genesis story blamed each other for their own wrongdoing.

“Sex always changes the dynamics of a relationship,” observes educator Josh McDowell.

Essentially, any relationship outside a committed relationship is a sibling relationship, between brothers and sisters.

Therefore, when two individuals have casual sex, they no longer or maybe never will fully enjoy the benefits of a friendship or reap the complete rewards of married love.

This is why Reverend Sun Myung Moon cautions single men and women to not get physically involved, not even holding hands, because it depletes the potential for true love between them.

Also, having sex outside of marriage not only affects the two individuals, but compromises relations between friends, other peers and potential marriage partners.  This may also impact future marriage.


Impact on the Relationship

1. Stress with parents and friends
2. Problems with partners
3. Negative effect on future marriage



1. Stress with Parents and Friends

Parents have a deep stake in their children and grandchildren who are the extension of their blood and investment of heart.

When children begin to enter into sexual relations outside the form of marriage, their parents may feel worried, disrespected and hurt.

This breach can be difficult to mend just as when Adam and Eve who could not face their divine Parent and hid from God after their indiscretion.

When one gets obsessed over a sex partner, it reduces the attention given to friends. In addition, of sex only intensifies feelings on all sides.

Nothing is as divisive as sexual jealousy.

Close friends can become the best enemies overnight.

When there is a crowd of friends that are sexually active, it can become a web of attraction, rivalry, possessiveness, jealousies and betrayal.

Even the most innocent gestures become suspicious by a jealous partner.

When one betrays his spouse with infidelity, the friends are then added to the betrayal list.

 “After the initial shock of his affair wore off,” recalls Eugene, 45, a computer instructor, “I found myself dealing with my own anger. How dare he betray his wife, who was my friend! How dare he hurt his young daughters, who are my daughter’s playmates! And then I realized he lied to me too, over and over.”

2. Problems with Partners

“Once burned, twice shy” is uttered by many people who experienced heartache from a breakup of  a sexual bond.

They remember the pain and this one betrayal will stand in the way of them giving themselves completely and trust the ones who deserve their love.

Women may distrust all males as only wanting them for their body.

Males can mistrust and fear which last for years even until they find the right person to marry.

Sometimes the introduction of sex disrupts a warm and caring friendship that might well have been a good basis for marriage.

“Everyone thought we’d be married, including us,” one middle-aged man reminisced about a girl from his youth. “We were very close and didn’t need sex. But everyone expected it and we thought we were missing something. Finally we slept together. Afterwards we felt different about each other. What we had just faded away.”

Conversely, when two people have a horrible relationship that has no future, they may stay in it longer because of the strong bonding power of sex.  It becomes difficult after a couple experiences such a powerful physical intimacy that they are lacking in the emotional closeness.

Sex not only multiplies one's own ego, but it is an addictive pleasure which brings on rationalizations and demands.

One partner comes to expect sex at every opportunity.

When the other refuses to give sex, this can launch  the other to become violent.  It is a fact that when one gets involved in sex outside of marriage, especially live-in lovers, there is more violence and other forms of abuse than among married couples.

Because we posses both a mind and a body, once physical intimacy is introduced into the relationship, then the heart yearns for the same level of emotional intimacy.

Yet, having sex too early in a new relationship makes that longing harder to fulfill because it can overpower any meaningful communication or friendship-building activities together.

Thus, the couple may avoid taking the effort to understand the other and work out their differences.

One college woman admitted that ironically, “Having sex is easier than talking face to face and having to deal with all the things that come up.”

Once a couple no longer has quality interaction outside of the bedroom, then the relationship collapses from within.



3. Negative Effect on Future Marriage

Just because a couple gets married and have children, they are not free from the ill effects of premarital sexual experiences.

The problem of self-centered sexual habits can be carried into the marriage bed.

Marital sex is supposed to be one of uninhibited surrender to the joy of pleasing the one they love within the safe context of acceptance and commitment.

When those who have repeatedly used sex for selfish reason enter into a committed relationship, they find it difficult to switch it from a selfish act to one of giving to the other.

Those who were virgins when they married learn the other's wants and needs and attune to one another, those who are already experienced have habits and preferences that may obstruct that harmony.

Second, because people hardly forget a past sexual partner, one who is experienced may be haunted by images of past partners even after marriage.  They may unconsciously compare their spouse's performance to past lovers.

This must not only disturb them, but also is heartening to the spouse if they find out.

Who wants to have a spouse that compares their body or performance to another lover of the past?

One young husband observed, “Whenever I kiss my wife or engage in love play, my memory reminds me that this girl could kiss better than my wife, that that girl was better at something else, and so forth. I can’t concentrate on loving my wife with all that I have—there have been too many women in my life to be wholly committed to one.”

Since sex before marriage is taboo, males can be conditioned to connect premarital sexual arousal with the thrill of doing something illicit – the forbidden encounter and the excitement of possibly being discovered.

This sexual excitement can be psychologically linked to risk.

Later on in life, a sexually experienced person may see the safety and legitimacy of marriage as to tamed to be arousing.  Therefore, in order for a husband to get sexually aroused, he is constantly drawn to illicit stimulation such as affairs or pornography.


Weak bonding and predisposition to breakup

Fourthly, after one has many encounters, sex may lose its potency to build strong attachment to one who they finally choose as a lifemate.

Research suggests the chemical sexual bonding power may grow feebler after having already imprinted the heart and mind with previous partners.

On the other side, disappointing sexual experiences can lead one to avert sex or have a feeling of boredom during the act.

One can get into the habit of holding their heart from a sex partner because of many experiences with sex in unsecure relationships that turned sour.

Instead of viewing sex as wholesome and giving of the mind, body and soul like virgins on their wedding day, one may find it challenging to completely give of themselves even with their spouses.  This can be hard to overcome even after years of marriage.

A final consequence of indulging in unmarried sex is the possibility of divorce.

Couples who lived together first before they were married, are more likely to break up some time after they get married.

Research also shows that women who were sexually active before marriage have less stable and satisfying marriages than those who were virgins before marriage.

Those who have a series of sexual relationships learn many things, not the least of which is break-ups and failure in relationships.

Sex amplifies an already present atmosphere of understanding, acceptance and intimacy within a marriage.

On the other hand, outside of marriage, sex only aggravates insecurity, lack of trust and misunderstanding, making real intimacy harder to attain.

One single 21-year-old woman, a rock musician, agrees: “Leaving sexual intercourse out makes it easier to enjoy a relationship . . . . Without sex, you can be yourself—it’s more comfortable. It helps you figure out faster what kind of person they are if they are right for you.

You can also get out of a relationship easier—you’re not glued by the sex. Sex complicates things and confuses you. Sex just slows down everything if what you’re interested in is a good relationship.”


Return for Tomorrow's Post: New Sexual Revolution for God

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on sex and marriage.

Why Moral Sexuality is Golden

Sexuality of course is more than just the act of sex.

Sex includes everything that a person possess in mind and body that is male or female.

It is the “aspect of our being that lies behind, produces and is given expression by our physical sexual characteristics and reproductive capacity,” in the words of Christian ethicist Stephen J. Grenz.

He describes that masculinity or femininity is “not operative in one restricted area of life but is rather at the core and center of our total life response,” as the Catholic Church has put it.  In other words, sex is not just a simple act of a few moments of enjoyment.

Because sexuality encompasses a person’s whole being, then any sexual relation with another will include all the dimensions of a whole person, good or bad.

Each of us has a material body, thoughts, feelings, a conscience, connection to higher meaning, family, community and so forth.

This is the same with sexuality.

Sex involves the physical and psychological aspects, social, cultural, interpersonal factors, too and moral dimension and spiritual implications as well.

Sexual union is a person-to-person encounter and the dimension of morals deals with the whole-person realities.  This explains why it is much more than just a private matter between partners.

This traditional view of sex is why, “a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis declares 2.24

The term ‘cleaves’ represents the bonding process of two people in a marriage.  This word determines that there is more than just a oneness of flesh as a result of a sexual union, but a better translation is closer to ‘one person’.



Sexuality Reflects the Dimensions of the Whole Person

Sexuality reflects the heart’s impulses.

Because male has no meaning apart from female, and vice versa, sexuality also means incompleteness.

In a sense, sexual instinct is a counterpart to the spiritual heart impulse.

Ethicist Lewis B. Smedes describes sexuality as the “human impulse towards intimate communion.”

Even though contemporary beliefs lend toward the individual being self sufficient and our defensive reaction isolate themselves from painful encounters, sex impels us towards a close connection with another person.

Not only the sexual urge and act, but even our organs give testimony to the principle of living for another.

In this sense, our genital organs symbolizes the desire of the heart for oneness with the spouse.
 

This is at the core of what Pope John Paul II called the “nuptial meaning of the body,” that is, its capacity for union and communion through selfless giving.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach observes that sex is “simply the only human activity that physically necessitates another human being.”

The sexual organs are the only body part that cannot fulfill its fullest function without their counterpart in a member of the opposite sex.  Otherwise they are almost useless.

This is true also for the spiritual heart.  It cannot find fulfillment without the beloved either.  Indeed, the heart and the sexual parts are connected.  One moves the other.

There is a mysterious link of reinforcement between the communion of lovers’ hearts and union of their genitals.

A man must yield his body to the woman in order for her to experience the true meaning of her physical sexuality and vice versa.

This primal, inescapable need draws the two sexes to bridge the divide between the two and strengthens and concedes their weakness for one another.

Therefore, the sexual urge gives an innate push of both masculinity and feminity to become one towards a greater love and completeness.


Three Responsibilities of Sexual Love

These inherent responsibilities translate into the most basic and universal of sexual codes: An individual’s sexual expression is reserved solely for his or her spouse.

The first responsibility of those who want to delve into sexual love is to be true to one’s conscience.

The good mind which directs our heart’s desire to find joy through love.  When you are responsible toward your good conscience this represents living by morals, honoring the sacredness of one’s heart and body and the power of sexuality to merge all of these aspects with another‘s.

To be responsible is to respect the gifts of love, life and lineage.

Also, sexuality has the potential to enhance or through its misuse compromise these gifts.

In addition, when you respect the guidance of your conscience, the responsibility to your parents, grandparents, tribe and past ancestors are included.

One aspect is upholding the family honor.

“I’ve gone a little farther than I intended to sometimes,” Cal, 21, admits. “But my fiancée and I have basically held the line at just holding hands. Partly it would be against what I believe in that lovemaking is for marriage.

"But partly I’d be ashamed in front of my parents. My father’s first and only woman was my mother and he was pure and inexperienced when he married my Mom. It was the same with my grandparents. Dad once told me he had been really tempted one time during his marriage, but one reason he didn’t give in was because he did not want to set that kind of example for me. Times are a lot different than they were for my father, but I still feel I want to uphold my family’s principles.”


Conscience Child Sexual Love Spouse

Another aspect is to make sure that one’s sexuality is a force of blessing for the community and nation and not become an opposite force.

Clearly there is a public dimension to the private sexual act. 

Even though we have become a society of people that believe that whatever someone does in their spare time is their own business, private matters can become public problems.

When you think of cases of couples who conceive children who partly become the responsibility of community.

This includes the legal devastation to the families who are torn apart through one of the parents, or spouse having sex outside the marriage.

Raymond J. Lawrence, an ethicist, stated, “what happens in any bedroom is always potentially the business of the whole human family.”

Furthermore, to be responsible to live up to one’s own conscience involves one to achieve full maturity of their heart and character.

This also means for a person of sufficient mind and body unity to be worthy to partake in the privilege of sexual love and to fulfill the other two responsibilities.

If we compromise our chastity in any way, then we must heed the guidance of our conscience, make amends and rededicate our live to God’s original standard.



Responsibility to the Present or Future Spouse


This second responsibility of sexual love recognizes the obligations that come with a lasting marriage.

The potential for conjugal love is destroyed if shared with anyone besides the spouse. 

For a couple to have a lasting marriage, this means they must have a commitment to cherish and care for the other and dedicate their heart and sexual expression only to their partner alone.

Through this commitment, this preserves trust, which is the bedrock of love, by allowing the couple to be faithful to each other.

Single people are not excluded from this responsibility.  They must be mindful of their future husband or wife and practice fidelity before they meet them.

In today’s society of free sex, this does not come naturally and sometimes have to be fought for against the worldly view of sex for recreation.

“I imagine it’s my future wife,” explains a high school student about an empty picture frame near his bed. “I’ve had it there since I was 13, and I sometimes write letters to her when I get lonely. When my friends tell stories of fooling around with their girlfriends and I start to feel left out, I think about my future wife and how I want to save the excitement for her.”


Responsibility to Existing or Potential Children



When a couple enters into a sexual union, the commitment to any fruits this love may bare implies the third responsibility.

The parents have the responsibility to lovingly nurture this new being’s material and spiritual needs whom they chosen to create.

When parents are neglectful or abusive to their children, they do them and society a grave disservice.

A loving marriage is the most secure foundation for the nurturing of a child. 

Children need the attention of both their parents.

All children naturally long for their parents to love each other and be together.  This is not only for their physical or emotional needs, but to affirm their identity and value as an individual.

Marriage is an anchor for their lineage as children want to know that they are born of enduring love.

Such parents pass on a sound legacy and a healthy tradition for their descendants to inherit, imitate and build upon.

“As a father of four,” says author Daniel Gray, “I am reaping the dividends [of
investments made] years earlier when I heard and put into practice the message of abstinence before marriage,” a key dividend being his
moral authority in guiding his children.

All children deserve to be proud of the quality of love that conceived and raised them.

These three responsibilities of sexual love encompass the deep dimensions of sexuality: The first to conscience, the second to love and the third to life and lineage.

To fulfill these three responsibilities, one must practice commitment and lifelong monogamy and purity before marriage.

This is reflected in the words of one young adult, a male virgin, who gave these common sense conditions for beginning a sexual relationship: “a willingness to spend a lifetime with my partner and/or the children we create.”

This standard allows the power of love to bind individuals, families and ultimately a society together in strength and safeguard their futures.


Return for Tomorrow’s Post: The Five Myths About Sex


This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers explaining the philosophy of Reverend Sun Myung Moon on Love and Marriage.

Whispers of Love can Cool Hatred in the World

The invisible God is precious because invisible love is precious.



Reverend Sun Myung Moon







In order to find God, we have to enter a state of complete absence of ego.



God lives deeply and quietly in the invisible world rather than in the visible world where we live.

If we were to observe the love in America, we can say it looks very hot, but it is actually lukewarm.


Americans kiss each other every morning like a fly touching the skin and then it flies away.


Traditionally, Oriental couples on the other hand stare at each other before kissing and then they both drop their head slightly due to shyness.


This is a beautiful scene that is comparable to one of the greatest masterpieces.


It is a mysterious scene when a wife carries a husband's suitcase with her loving heart to see him off before a business trip. But most American women do not even turn their heads or leave the room to see their husband's off.


This is why many Orientals who know the Western lifestyle do not want to marry an American woman.


The conversation between a loving couple is more beautiful than any poem or picture in the world.


Words have such beauty such as, “between lovers,” “between ourselves,” or “you and me”!


When God blesses human beings, He creates an environment where the couple can be happy. A couple who enters the door of such prepared blessing don't fight with one another right away.



Once they enter the door of love, they are too busy exchanging whispers such as, “I've been waiting to meet you for a long time. 

My life will bloom with the blossom of value through you. I was born to love you and waited to love you until this moment.” There is nothing sweeter than the confidential talk of love.


A loving married couple's whispers of love are more effective to cool off any fatigue and the hatred in the world.

A couple shouldn't demand love forcibly from each other.

Love is natural, so the talk of love in confidence is soft and beautiful.


Once the wife knows such a love, she is stimulated to take a nap in her husband's lap because she is so addicted to this happiness. She will not be able to control her heart.


But before the wife married her husband, the man looked creepy and scary, but her heart changes rapidly after marriage.


She will do whatever it takes to be as much with her husband as she can. For example, she will encourage him to come home to see her during his lunch break. 

 Likewise, once a man knows such a love, he also wants to sleep in his wife's lap whenever he finds leisure time. So, he rushes home during his coffee break or at lunch time.



After a couple of love marries, the man will do whatever the wife wants without hesitation - even things he formerly thought traditional were the duties of women.


How do a woman and man who meet through God as the mediator express their love?


This is the developmental process of love: love is first expressed by the mouth, second by the breasts and third through the sexual organ.


Before making love, the woman hides her mouth because of her shyness because love starts from kissing.

As love matures, sons and daughters are born as the fruit of love.

The woman's holy place of love is her sexual organ.


The husband should hold the only key to the door of his wife's love. If the husband holds two keys to the holy place, then he is Satan. A wife's holy place should only be opened by her husband. If it can be opened by any other key, then the woman is Satan.


When a husband opens his wife's holy place of love, then the most precious and valuable children will be born from there.

The children are the crystals of love.

When human beings have a child, they are able to have the same experience which God exhibited during the process of creating Adam and Eve, His first children.


Because the baby is the incarnation of both their parent's flesh and love, a baby looks cute all of the time.


It doesn't matter if the child has a runny nose, is urinating or defecating, all of these actions are soaked in love.

A couple whose relationship is based on a strong force of love, no matter what action they take, it looks joyful and lovely.



If a woman complains about her husband's body smell or the husband complains about his wife's gestures, we can tell that this is not a perfect love between this couple. Such a couple relate to one another based on what the other can gain from the relationship.


Photos courtesy of: freedigitalphotos.net 


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This Post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook Blessing and Ideal Family Part 2.

Home is the Beginning of World Peace

The True Meaning of the Saying, "All Goes Well if there is True Harmony in the Family."

This is a saying in the oriental teaching.

This is a good saying.  When we talk about a home, of course it has people at the heart of the home.  There are the grandparents, parents and then there are the children.  That is not all.  The house itself is a microcosm of all of creation.  All things are gathered here.

When we think of "my home", we normally think of it as the place where my mother and father, wife and children are.

But my home is not just this. There would also be my grandparents, and the house itself and the yard. The surrounding environment harmonizes well with this microcosm of creation. This is essential for happiness.

When grandparents come into an environment that is not harmonized, they will not feel good.  The sight of a grandfather and grandmother laughing with each other cannot be compared to the noisy laughter of a young couple.

Did you know that all things come together in harmony through the laughter of the grandfather and grandmother when they harmonize with each other?

The laughter of wrinkled grandparents is very dignified.  The grandfather's laughter is deep and hearty.  When he makes a gesture, his movements are slow but broad, high, deep and large.

The deep laughter of wrinkled grandparents is quite dignified.

You may not know this, but all things come together in harmony through the grandfather and grandmother's laughter as they harmonize with each other. The grandfather's laughter is deep and hearty. When he gestures, his movements are slow, but broad, high, deep and large.

Everything should be connected through the three stages of top, middle and bottom to bring about any harmony. 

This explains why harmony does not come from a straight line which links two points on a horizontal level.

Whatever goes through two points is called a line, and two points cannot bring about the beauty of harmony.  It needs to have a curve and bend.

There is only harmony when something goes through three points.

So, we have the grandfather, the father in the middle and then those who are underneath.

Normally, we think of a family as consisting of four generations.  You have the grandfather and grandmother, father and mother, your own country and then your own sons and daughters.

There may be five generations in a family, but normally there are four - your grandfather, your father, your own couple and then your sons and daughters.

Because of this, we introduce the three stages: formation, growth and completion.

This teaching deals with living in harmony and declares, "All goes well if there is harmony in the family."

Why is this?

Because someone wanted to be poetic?  No.

Harmony in the family means that four generations revolve around the united grandparents of top and bottom, east and west, north and south, front and back, and left and right.

We will all live together in the joy of laughter when this is achieved.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Love Like God's Love


This post was rewritten from, True Love Cheon Seong Gyeong Book four Chapter 2

 

Children Complete a Couple

That is such a bold statement, that a couple is incomplete without having children.  You would imagine a picket line being formed with a President making such a comment.  It is the same as saying a person is incomplete without a partner.

There is truth to these statements.

Even though one can be whole on his own, it is only to a certain level of growth.

Everything in creation is created with a partner in order to expand to a larger level of growth and living.

Why should humans think we are any different?

Parents who have raised many children see that their heart of love has grown wide, large and deep.

They can feel on their own that they cannot fight even their wicked enemies.  They stand on that foundation and live according to that broad of a law.

When a baby is born, he follows the electric current of love and automatically seeks out his mother's nipple.

He does not care how ugly or beautiful his mother is.  To witness such a sight of unmatched harmony and holiness.

Each of us are the fruit of our parents' love for one another.  We are born in love, and grow up while receiving love.

You are the visible, real fruit of what your mother and father's love is like. 

Therefore, it is natural that the parents have to love the person who is the fruit of their love.

Through this fruit, the infinite love bears fruit yet again.

This is the path where we can be connected to individual love, family love, tribal love, universal love and even the fundamental love of God.

You are a unique participant and companion in love in front of your parents.

This love makes you equal to your mother and father and you can rise to an equal position.  This is the privilege of love.

Parents want to bequeath everything they own to their sons and daughters, whom they truly love.

You can jump in and inherit a hundred percent of the universe when you have found an equal position of value of love in the tradition of love.

This is why all parents want a child of filial piety.

Children of filial piety pass on the inheritance of love as participants in the eternal love of their parents.

A baby who is born through love can do whatever he wants and you will not dislike him one bit.

Rather, no matter what, you will love your baby because he is made from your flesh and blood and is a second you, created through love.

Even when he defecates or urinates, has a runny nose, he is still cute and adorable in your eyes.

This is because these things are soaked in love.

The love between the parents and children comes from the parents.  We receive our parents' love from the moment of our birth.

After we receive the parents' love and grow up, then we receive the horizontal love between husband and wife.

In order for the love of the husband and wife to continue, they must have children and love them.

Parents can feel genuine love only when they have children.

Through only the love of brothers and sisters, we cannot learn about parents' love.

In other words, we come to know parental love when we ourselves experience the circular course through becoming parents and complete the circle.

The love string of our parents and the string of our ideals are connected to each of us. This cannot be cut off by anyone.  All of the power of the universe protects such a union.

Thus, wherever I go, my parents will follow me. My parents always want to be with me, even in the spirit world. Thus, it is a sin to dislike your parents accompanying you.


The highest value for human beings is to think of and love our parents like they are our own body and practice filial piety.

We are born from our parents' love and are engrafted to their love.

Before the connection of life and lineage are made through love, the connections are in place.

Why are each of us so precious?  Not because we have life, but because we participated together in our parents' love.  Parents have loved, but the individual is the fruit of that love.

Each of us are precious because we are born with the beginning point and the fruit.

True parents strive to continue this tradition of love.

This is the same for those in the East and the West.  All parents want to have an universal tradition of love by transcending our own tribe.

All people want and strive to bring their family into completeness and harmony so they can live a happy and peaceful life.

In this case tradition is the essence.

Only tradition can connect with the future.

Which is greater: conjugal love of husband and wife or the love between parents and children?

Westerners value the conjugal love of husband and wife as greater, but this is not so.  Love for a child is greater than the love of the spouse.

In conjugal love, the husband and wife fight because they think the other does not love them.  But parents and children fight thinking that they must love the other more, this the original heart.

The parent and child relationship is such a way because the love of parents and child is the center and vertical.  It follows the road that is close to the heavenly law.  Thus, we find that the love that serves others is closer to the genuine love.

However strong a man is, or however tough a woman may be, they will bow down to that love.

The reason parents are precious is because they give and sacrifice for the sake of their children.  So things come to be the other way around.

When parents get old, they become children.

Long before, the parents were their children's first teacher, they become seventy and eighty years old they become like children again.

At the same time, the child takes the place of the father or mother as they become elderly and unable to care for themselves.

The child should love his parents just as the parents have loved them when they raised them.  This is the principle of heaven and earth.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Why Do We Like the Concept of Family?


This post was rewritten and derived from the book, Cheon Seong Gyeon Book Three, "True Love' Chapter 2, Section 3

God's Rules for Successful Relationships

When we look at love relationships today, on the whole, there seems to be a lot of confusion, a lot of advice and nonsense that just further the confusion when it comes to the love of a man and a woman.

Wouldn't God make a certain standard for relationships?

Most certainly, God has an absolute standard and order, and model of love He has in mind.

It depends on whether the love a man and a woman share is in accord with God's will that determines success or destruction.

That is a relief to know that God has already placed within the creation a set standard for how a man and a woman should love one another.

Once these certain standards are set in place, not only do they receive God's protection in their love, but they are guaranteed a successful and loving relationship full of happiness.

Many relationship gurus fight amongst themselves over who has the better solution to acquire love and how to keep it, but the highest best advice comes from the master of love Himself, God.

Let's go back to the beginning of the very first love relationship, Adam and Eve.

We by now know the story that if they had become one in love that was based on the love of God, then this world would have turned out completely opposite from what we witness now.

They would have matured and become perfect individually and then they would have become the universal model of love.  This is what God desired from human beings.

Likewise, man and woman must also have wanted to have united based on this true love of God, wouldn't they?

The true love of that couple would be the core of the universe.  That love would have become the standard of measurement for the rest of humanity and for eternity.  God's love and human love is the same in essence.

Love causes oneness. 

Why does a man and a woman long for each other?

They feel such a natural desire because it is the only way man can possess God is through a woman and a woman can possess God only through a man.

In other words, they have a longing for one another because God comes and dwells where a man and a woman have become one in love.

God is the source of man and woman.

Therefore, we should sing praises for the noble value of God and the dignity and value of men and women.  When God's beloved woman lives in a man's heart and God's beloved man lives in a woman's heart as well, these two will become object partners to God.

When they love each other, God will be delighted to see such love and all things will rejoice.

Heaven and earth will rejoice to see such a man and a woman embrace who have such values.  When man and woman embrace each other in mutual fondness, that fondness becomes the point where the universe unifies.

This was how God's original ideal for the world of peace was to unfold.  Originally, a man should meet a woman where he can rejoice, and a woman should meet a man with whom she can rejoice.

More than this, their encounter should be a place where both God and all things in creation can rejoice.

Then, all of creation will be mobilized for this couple.  They want to be ruled by them.  Birds will sing and butterflies will flutter and dance joy at this sight.  God will rejoice, people will rejoice, everything will rejoice.

This would have been the original scene if the first ancestors started history based on such a position. The world would have had a different origin and it would have been centered on God.

The Reason Men and Women Are Born

What is the original purpose of man to be born on earth?  It is undeniable that man was born for the sake of a woman.

Of course many Westerners would shake their head at such a notion, but this fact is undeniable.

Likewise, woman was not born for her own sake.  Even her breasts and sexual organs are not for her, but her children and husband.  We should know that problems arise if a woman fails to understand her own purpose for being born for the sake of man.

Since the 70s of modern feminism and equal rights, women have fallen far away from the traditional view of marriage and life.

No matter how much it is fought, God ultimately established the world based on these principles.

Therefore, we cannot enter the world of goodness, truth, happiness and peace or the world of love and the ideal unless we follow this principle.

A woman is born to meet a man, and a man is born to meet a woman.  Isn't this so?  This is the highest truth whether it is recognized or not.

When we deviate from this highest truth, that constitutes the highest evil.

God created men and women physically opposite and complementary to one another.

Women are one-directional, men are three or four-directional.  Women are more likely to enjoy staying at home while men are more likely to enjoy traveling the world.

There are many books, movies and discussions over the differences between men and women and that it is almost impossible to come together in unity.

How is it possible for men and women to become one?  Surely, a perfect God would not create such beings that would not be able to unite.

Men and women unite through love.  Love has the ability to unite human beings and God.

Man was not born for the sake for academic accomplishments, money or political power.  He is born for the sake of a woman.

Man was born with a larger physique, not so that he can live only for himself, but so he can earn a living for their children and wives.

No one can argue the fact that men and women's sexual organs are different from one another.

Of course these organs do not exist for their own sake.  Man's sexual organ came into existence for the woman, likewise, woman's sexual organ is for the sake of man.

Have you ever stopped to think about this?  This is not a funny matter.

Where is the final destination of love?

Since the coming together of the male and female sexual organ makes them one, this is the final destination.

That which man has is not his, and that which woman has is not hers.  In other words, man has what belongs to woman, and woman has what belongs to man.  The sexual organ becomes a channel through which the mind and body come merged through love.

We should clearly know that we are each born for the sake of our one partner.

This is important, because if we know our final destination, there is no confusion and we know clearly the path we should take in life.

So, why are men and women born on earth?

Men and women are born to love each other.  Since God is the great king of wisdom, He switched ownership of their love organs.

A man is not the owner of his sexual organ.  The same is true for women.

Those who behaved carelessly in regard to the ownership of their love organs will be ultimately judged.

If men were to suffer punishment under the most harshest and fearful of laws, would they even think of other women instead of their wives.  Conversely, can wives think of other men instead of their own husbands?

Men and Women Absolutely Need Each Other

How much do men and women need each other?

Just think, no matter how much men boasts about their accomplishments, it does not matter because it would all disappear in 100 years if there were no women.

Therefore women are absolutely necessary.

When we look at a single man, we think he needs to be with a woman and when we look at a woman, she has to be with a man.

Man can not be born based on his own desire, nor woman be born through her own desire.  Both need each other.

The reason one is born a woman is that there is a man who needs her. Likewise, the reason I am born as a man like this is that there is a woman who needs me.  Isn't that right?  We are all born in this way, with God's knowledge.

Man absolutely needs God, but before this, he needs a partner called woman.

This is where human history has failed miserably.  Men have failed to correctly understand the absolute need for women.  Also, women have not understood they absolutely need for men.

A true man and a true woman who pursue true love are joined through their efforts of becoming one in heart.

When such a man and woman are joined as one, God comes and dwells with them.

God does not like to see a couple that is joined by true love to separate.  Therefore the love of an absolute man and woman is eternal.

God is omnipotent and omniscient, but even God's existence will have no meaning if He is alone.

On the same token, no matter how handsome or fit a man may be, these things have no meaning if he is without a woman.

Men who are in love with their own existence and good looks lead such an ugly existence.

He has no value before God. This is the problem that many men in the world have fallen into such narcissism. This is the reason why history has moved toward tragedy.

God's providence works to change and improve this world that has been immersed in such self-centeredness.


Photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Become Part of God's Direct Lineage

This post was rewritten and derived from the textbook, Cheong Seong Gyeong Book Four - True Family, Chapter Five Section 1 - 3

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 3

This is the last part of the book that gives 10-daily habits to become the happiest couple.

We should always talk to each other politely with respect.

The spiritualist Dae Mo Nim advised women to speak toward their husband with soft words and not demanding words or words of accusation or roughly say words  such as "Did you do it?" "when will you come back?" "Did you eat".

You don't have to be overly nice either by saying "Could you please?" or "Would you please?", but use words of respect toward the husband.  If the wife respects the husband then then children will emulate the mother and show respect to him as their father.

You should not just lightly have conversation with your spouse as if you were speaking to a casual friend.  The children will see how the parents speak to one another and will influence the children and they will try to speak the same way.  Women must absolutely respect their husband, then the children will respect him, too.

As a matter of course, a husband should also talk to his wife with respect. Some languages (e.g., Japanese) have a conspicuous difference between the male daily language and the female daily language and an implicit bias against women in their languages. 

We should determine to speak a new language of love in the coming of Heaven on Earth.  

We should practice hoon dok hae (i.e., reading True Parents’ speeches or the Bible or equivalent religious text for other faiths) together every day.

There is  importance of centering on the vertical love of God in order to bring about genuine unity between a husband and wife.

A husband and wife should show utmost importance to the relationship of the vertical God rather than the horizontal attitude.  God requires that a couple are more attached to His foundation of love.  

Through this practice of love centered on God, then the Heavenly Kingdom will be established on earth.
It is important to practice reading God's word words in the home if you want to receive God's vertical love.  When a couple reads together regularly even if briefly, then a great amount of spiritual blessing will come.  They can accomplish one heart and body on a higher level centering on God's vertical love. 

Here are True Parent’s words on the significance and purpose of hoondokhae:

How can we set up the tradition?

You must inherit the tradition. And you must practice the tradition after knowing it. You must inherit the tradition during the day and night.  As it is the place to learn the tradition, once you know it, you must act in accordance with the way that Heaven and I have made efforts to set up with difficulty, and establish your own family and nation. This is very important."

The whole family should practice this tradition to have a stable foundation.  This is spiritual food, nourishment for your bodies. Your spirit body yearns for food, just as much as your physical body.  You spirit can grow by eating the delicious spiritual food of God's words. 

Do not practice to just hear words.  You practice in order to live and find out what you will do for the day and what attitude you should have.  Each family is expected to practice it each and every day.
It is very important practice reading God's words as a daily-life habit as a husband and wife.

10. We Should Make Love at Least Twice a Week

Many religious couples view sex as a secular or wrong act and rarely make love to their partner.  And once they do, they quickly finish the act of love-making and to save time to do more work for God.  This kind of attitude toward love-making, a God-given act, is wrong.  

The act of making love is a holy act between a married couple is God strongly recommends it.  That is right.  God created this act for the enjoyment of a married couple, how would He view this act as wrong?

It was only after the fallen act of Adam and Eve misuse of their sexual organs, did making love become viewed in the wrong light.

Father advised that married couples, therefore, make love more frequently and for a longer period of time than those in the secular world and to do so earnestly by dedication their life to the act.  It is that precious.

What privilege have we been bestowed as humans beings blessed as lords of creation?
Animals make love for procreation once a year.  Human beings privilege, on the other hand transcend all the seasons.  

Some couples think that just thinking about sex or imagine sex itself is a bad action.  This is not an illegitimate act but an act of true love centered on God.  It is recommended to think every day how to make love to our spouse.

Where can God and human beings meet?  When man and woman become one through love making, God will meet human beings.  In other words, when they become one centering on their sexual organs. Because humans fell centered on the sexual organs misuse, it devastated the whole world thereafter and ruined heaven and earth.

The fallen in act in the Garden of Eden, caused our sexual organs to become evil.  So, when husband and wife make love, they should think they are welcoming God.  We should look at our lovely body as how we will connect it centering on love and serve and welcome God and ask "How can i make love centering on true love?"

Dae Mo Nim has also repeatedly emphasized that Blessed couples make love more frequently and more willingly.

It is a wrong attitude for a wife to tell her husband that she does not like to make love and reject their husband when he has a desire for lovemaking.
Who is the owner of the wife's sexual organ?

Members of the church who had adultery confessed that they fell because their wives failed to fulfill their responsibilities as a wife.  The wife lacked heart for making love so the husband ended up getting his fill outside the home.

Therefore, the wife must completely open her sexual organ, so that her husband can really come and play in there; she must open her heart and body, so that her husband can freely visit various places of her body. Did you understand? 

The wife must open her heart and body.

A wife should let her husband make love to her as if he was to enjoy visiting a stream, a rocky area, a riverside field, a flower garden, a mountain and a grass field.  If this is not natural, the wife should study how to let her husband enjoy the various locations of creation including her sexual organ and open it for this purpose.

God has educated the church's spiritualist through drawing a scene, yet members of the church never learned how to practice visualizing this and actualizing it in their daily lives.  

Do you know who has practiced exploring the sexual parts?  Satan, women in clubs and harlots.  They are the masters of the sexual organs and how to let men freely enjoy their body.  They first learned and practiced through evil means even selling their bodies more frequently.  Sex education of the proper conjugal relationship should be taught in the church.  

People believe that ministers should not speak about sex or teach such an education.  Even though God gives a married couple the privilege to share in the joy of lovemaking who practiced it more frequently and enjoyed it more?

Those on Satan’s side did! Therefore, as a husband and wife, you must have a time to make love really to your heart’s content, holding each other’s hand. Do you understand?

People on the side of Satan enjoyed lovemaking more.  Therefore, a husband and wife must have time to make love really to their heart's content, holding each other's hand.  do you understand?

In a  couple's sexual life, God explains that this act is like playing as much as you want and the more that a couple makes love, the greater the amount of joy and beauty is generated.

Then a man and woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts. Then the couple becomes happy. When you act in that way, the wife will not feel discontented, nor will the husband.

A couple creates an inseparable bond of heart when they give and receive beautiful love with each other.  An emotional bond is not already formed through love making first.  We should not think in reverse.   do not say, "I do not feel love, so how do I make love to my husband" or when she is upset with her husband she wants to withhold from him.  A spouse is to nurture a loving heart while making love.

The best frequency of love-making seems to be 3 or 4 times a week in the case of couples in their 20s and 30s, who eagerly want pregnancy, and around twice a week for those couples in their 50s and over. True Father told those wives at a Blessing workshop that without a child that they “should make love once in two days” to make sure to give birth to a baby.

As a daily-life habit, to become a supremely happy couple, a married couple should make love at least twice a week, except during times on a woman's menses.  

Of course the age difference and individual differences  should be considered in the account of the frequencies of the couple's lovemaking.  

The quality of the act of love-making is the most important thing, not the quantity.  The important point is that the husband and wife be deeply moved by God's creativity and His heart and offer deep thanks to God while they make love beautifully with respect and love for each other.  This way, God can be moved by watching the beautiful scene of their lovemaking.

With respect and love for one another centering on God, if a couple wants to make love beautifully, they should without fail make time for foreplay and quality time for after play.  This is for the wife's sake every time they make love.  

Father said specifically that husbands should understand the significance of foreplay in lovemaking because young men do not understand its importance.  Wives can feel the utmost joy.

Some husbands immediately after they ejaculate turn their backs to their wives and quickly fall asleep. This habit will make for a very unhappy wife.  This kind of husband will make his wife feel used and that she was for his selfish need.  She cannot feel love from him. 

A wife can feel supreme joy while whispering words of admiration and thanks to her husband who gently kisses, hugs her tightly.  They can have intimate pillow talk while they embrace each other or hold each other's hand, every time they make love.  Unlike men, women's sexual excitement and do not drop sharply after they make love.  Therefore, a husband should be mindful and responsive to his wife's needs for "heartistic" love at the end of each sexual act.

Before a couple experiences menopause this act means intercourse accompanies the act of insertion as a matter of course.  For a couple after menopause, there are frequent cases where it is difficult to have ordinary intercourse because of health problems of their aged sexual organs or a malfunction.

In these cases, however, a couple can still experience joy of love and satisfaction by just kissing and caressing with the use of their hands and mouth (both tongue and lips) apart front he act of insertion.
I would like to clarify that for those couples after menopause, “to make love” does not necessarily mean to have sexual intercourse that includes the act of insertion. 

This clarification is in consideration of those older couples, so that they can also easily reach the grade of “A+” in self-evaluating and scoring the degree of the couple’s practice of “the 10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.

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