Sex includes everything that a person possess in mind and body that is male or female.
It is the “aspect of our being that lies behind, produces and is given expression by our physical sexual characteristics and reproductive capacity,” in the words of Christian ethicist Stephen J. Grenz.
He describes that masculinity or femininity is “not operative in one restricted area of life but is rather at the core and center of our total life response,” as the Catholic Church has put it. In other words, sex is not just a simple act of a few moments of enjoyment.
Because sexuality encompasses a person’s whole being, then any sexual relation with another will include all the dimensions of a whole person, good or bad.
Each of us has a material body, thoughts, feelings, a conscience, connection to higher meaning, family, community and so forth.
This is the same with sexuality.
Sex involves the physical and psychological aspects, social, cultural, interpersonal factors, too and moral dimension and spiritual implications as well.
Sexual union is a person-to-person encounter and the dimension of morals deals with the whole-person realities. This explains why it is much more than just a private matter between partners.
This traditional view of sex is why, “a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis declares 2.24
The term ‘cleaves’ represents the bonding process of two people in a marriage. This word determines that there is more than just a oneness of flesh as a result of a sexual union, but a better translation is closer to ‘one person’.
Sexuality Reflects the Dimensions of the Whole Person
Sexuality reflects the heart’s impulses.
Because male has no meaning apart from female, and vice versa, sexuality also means incompleteness.
In a sense, sexual instinct is a counterpart to the spiritual heart impulse.
Ethicist Lewis B. Smedes describes sexuality as the “human impulse towards intimate communion.”
Even though contemporary beliefs lend toward the individual being self sufficient and our defensive reaction isolate themselves from painful encounters, sex impels us towards a close connection with another person.
Not only the sexual urge and act, but even our organs give testimony to the principle of living for another.
In this sense, our genital organs symbolizes the desire of the heart for oneness with the spouse.
This is at the core of what Pope John Paul II called the “nuptial meaning of the body,” that is, its capacity for union and communion through selfless giving.
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach observes that sex is “simply the only human activity that physically necessitates another human being.”
The sexual organs are the only body part that cannot fulfill its fullest function without their counterpart in a member of the opposite sex. Otherwise they are almost useless.
This is true also for the spiritual heart. It cannot find fulfillment without the beloved either. Indeed, the heart and the sexual parts are connected. One moves the other.
There is a mysterious link of reinforcement between the communion of lovers’ hearts and union of their genitals.
A man must yield his body to the woman in order for her to experience the true meaning of her physical sexuality and vice versa.
This primal, inescapable need draws the two sexes to bridge the divide between the two and strengthens and concedes their weakness for one another.
Therefore, the sexual urge gives an innate push of both masculinity and feminity to become one towards a greater love and completeness.
Three Responsibilities of Sexual Love
These inherent responsibilities translate into the most basic and universal of sexual codes: An individual’s sexual expression is reserved solely for his or her spouse.
The first responsibility of those who want to delve into sexual love is to be true to one’s conscience.
The good mind which directs our heart’s desire to find joy through love. When you are responsible toward your good conscience this represents living by morals, honoring the sacredness of one’s heart and body and the power of sexuality to merge all of these aspects with another‘s.
To be responsible is to respect the gifts of love, life and lineage.
Also, sexuality has the potential to enhance or through its misuse compromise these gifts.
In addition, when you respect the guidance of your conscience, the responsibility to your parents, grandparents, tribe and past ancestors are included.
One aspect is upholding the family honor.
“I’ve gone a little farther than I intended to sometimes,” Cal, 21, admits. “But my fiancée and I have basically held the line at just holding hands. Partly it would be against what I believe in that lovemaking is for marriage.
"But partly I’d be ashamed in front of my parents. My father’s first and only woman was my mother and he was pure and inexperienced when he married my Mom. It was the same with my grandparents. Dad once told me he had been really tempted one time during his marriage, but one reason he didn’t give in was because he did not want to set that kind of example for me. Times are a lot different than they were for my father, but I still feel I want to uphold my family’s principles.”
Conscience Child Sexual Love Spouse
Another aspect is to make sure that one’s sexuality is a force of blessing for the community and nation and not become an opposite force.
Clearly there is a public dimension to the private sexual act.
Even though we have become a society of people that believe that whatever someone does in their spare time is their own business, private matters can become public problems.
When you think of cases of couples who conceive children who partly become the responsibility of community.
This includes the legal devastation to the families who are torn apart through one of the parents, or spouse having sex outside the marriage.
Raymond J. Lawrence, an ethicist, stated, “what happens in any bedroom is always potentially the business of the whole human family.”
Furthermore, to be responsible to live up to one’s own conscience involves one to achieve full maturity of their heart and character.
This also means for a person of sufficient mind and body unity to be worthy to partake in the privilege of sexual love and to fulfill the other two responsibilities.
If we compromise our chastity in any way, then we must heed the guidance of our conscience, make amends and rededicate our live to God’s original standard.
Responsibility to the Present or Future Spouse
This second responsibility of sexual love recognizes the obligations that come with a lasting marriage.
The potential for conjugal love is destroyed if shared with anyone besides the spouse.
For a couple to have a lasting marriage, this means they must have a commitment to cherish and care for the other and dedicate their heart and sexual expression only to their partner alone.
Through this commitment, this preserves trust, which is the bedrock of love, by allowing the couple to be faithful to each other.
Single people are not excluded from this responsibility. They must be mindful of their future husband or wife and practice fidelity before they meet them.
In today’s society of free sex, this does not come naturally and sometimes have to be fought for against the worldly view of sex for recreation.
“I imagine it’s my future wife,” explains a high school student about an empty picture frame near his bed. “I’ve had it there since I was 13, and I sometimes write letters to her when I get lonely. When my friends tell stories of fooling around with their girlfriends and I start to feel left out, I think about my future wife and how I want to save the excitement for her.”
Responsibility to Existing or Potential Children
When a couple enters into a sexual union, the commitment to any fruits this love may bare implies the third responsibility.
The parents have the responsibility to lovingly nurture this new being’s material and spiritual needs whom they chosen to create.
When parents are neglectful or abusive to their children, they do them and society a grave disservice.
A loving marriage is the most secure foundation for the nurturing of a child.
Children need the attention of both their parents.
All children naturally long for their parents to love each other and be together. This is not only for their physical or emotional needs, but to affirm their identity and value as an individual.
Marriage is an anchor for their lineage as children want to know that they are born of enduring love.
Such parents pass on a sound legacy and a healthy tradition for their descendants to inherit, imitate and build upon.
“As a father of four,” says author Daniel Gray, “I am reaping the dividends [of
investments made] years earlier when I heard and put into practice the message of abstinence before marriage,” a key dividend being his
moral authority in guiding his children.
All children deserve to be proud of the quality of love that conceived and raised them.
These three responsibilities of sexual love encompass the deep dimensions of sexuality: The first to conscience, the second to love and the third to life and lineage.
To fulfill these three responsibilities, one must practice commitment and lifelong monogamy and purity before marriage.
This is reflected in the words of one young adult, a male virgin, who gave these common sense conditions for beginning a sexual relationship: “a willingness to spend a lifetime with my partner and/or the children we create.”
This standard allows the power of love to bind individuals, families and ultimately a society together in strength and safeguard their futures.
Return for Tomorrow’s Post: The Five Myths About Sex
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers explaining the philosophy of Reverend Sun Myung Moon on Love and Marriage.
