In the previous post, we spoke about 8 points of the benefits of sex in a marriage. These are the basics of sexual codes: An individual's sexual expression was meant to be reserved for only his or her spouse.
The only priest or priestess allowed to enter the Holy of Holies in the temple of the body is the married partner.
The Qur’an concurs: “The believers are . . . those who guard their private parts except with their spouses”
When it comes to conjugal love, partners already have this sense of belonging to their beloved. "You own my heart,” they profess to each other.
In the Song of Solomon, the young woman says, “My beloved is mine and I am his”.
Couples promise their undying commitment, share their fortunes and futures and give all they have and what they will acquire to one another. The greatest gift of this love is the exclusive affection and trust in an exclusive sexual relationship. This is why it is natural for a husband and wife to claim their spouse on their beloved's love and his or her sexual expression.
Legal codes have historically recognized this expectation as “conjugal rights.
St. Paul, for example, speaks of this standard when he states, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
1 Corinthians 7:4
This means that each of us is a caretaker of our reproductive organs, attending them as a treasure for the sake of the true owner our spouse and the Creator. This sense of entitlement or proprietorship, of course, is necessarily in the spirit of respect and care.
Again, the Bible goes on to say that, “Even so, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Spouses are to love one another even as god loves and sacrifices for each of them. Each denying themselves for the other and the duty to satisfy each other sexually is part of the larger promise within a marriage. The world's major religious traditions for thousands of years have been consistent and of one accord in affirming commitment in a sexual union as the norm.
Religion Teaches Sexual Sacredness
Rev. Sun Myung Moon has used his 93 years of knowledge of the spirit world and different religions to bring about the truth of absolute, pure sex in the following speech:
All religions share the strict prohibition against sex outside of marriage, especially against infidelity within marriage. “You shall not commit adultery,” is among the Ten Commandments recognized recognized by Christians and Jews Exodus 20:14 and affirmed by Muslims Qur’an 6.151-53.
Among the ten precepts recognized by Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism is the charge of chastity.
This uncompromising norm will never change or become outdated. It is everlasting, having originated in the Creator and conforming to the very design and purpose of human creation.
Reverend Moon calls it the absolute sex standard. This is the standard “in the beginning” to which
Jesus was referring when he commented about matters of marriage Matthew 19:8.
The gold standard of sexual morality This norm is indeed latent within people’s consciences and “written on their hearts” Romans 2:15.
Common sense tells us abiding by this simple standard establishes the safety and security necessary for the greatest sexual satisfaction for both partners, and only these conditions will contain all the potential consequences of sexual union for the partners, their families and society.
Those involved with public health policy call it the “gold standard” of sexual morality, because it averts all the myriad negative health, social and other consequences of sexual behavior.
Confronting the Permissive Standard
However self-evident this original standard that links sexuality to marriage might be, reaffirming and reinvigorating this is sorely needed in contemporary times.
The developed nations remain in— and developing countries continue to fall under the thrall of—the sexual revolution that broke down traditional taboos in the 1960s. Men and women relate in a 'low-commitment culture of ‘sex without strings, relationship without rings'.
Popular sexual morality has evolved since the blatant hedonism and promiscuity of the early days of the sexual revolution, but the basic “free sex” ideology still persists among many people of influence.
This is an outlook that sees sex apart from marriage as an act of liberation against unfair restrictions and that physical involvement is no one’s business except the partners.
Fun is considered justification enough for sexual relations; lovers should expect to be discarded when someone new comes along, and marriage and parenthood are unnecessary constraints on personal freedom.
In the aftermath of rampant unwed pregnancies, divorce, disease and heartbreak, this “free sex” philosophy of sex for pleasure has progressed to what is called the “ethic of intimacy", the belief in sex for love.
Warm feelings are now the acceptable reason for men and women to enter into a physical relationship. “Loveless” or “meaningless” sex is the only kind that might be condemned. Sexual activity itself is still regarded as morally neutral; it is its motivation that determines whether it is good or not.
Such an ethic of intimacy represents a moral advance in the many cases where sexual relations are brutally selfish and exploitative.
Yet it is a far cry from the authentic standard and remains just a variation of the older idea. Mutual consent, tolerance and a loose definition of love and intimacy easily legitimate temporary liaisons based on fickle feelings.
“We were crazy about each other,” recalls one young man. “I thought, ‘This is the one.’ We even discussed marriage. I gave my virginity to her. Well, so much for ‘undying love'. Now I don’t even know where she lives.”
Such an ethic does not protect partners from agreeing to use each other and inflict harm on one another and innocent parties beyond themselves, however this might go undetected at the time.
Whether the old free sex perspective or the newer ethic of intimacy, sexuality is regarded as a domain with its own rules, a unique impulse that cannot and must not be overly controlled. Sex is seen as a need to be addressed like that of food and sleep, and thus vital to mental and physical health. More than this, it is an entitlement, a right that cannot be denied.
In popular culture, sex is the universal gateway to joy, love, wisdom, transcendent experience, personal growth and discovery, worthy of endless participation, depiction and discussion. It has taken on mythic dimensions, like the Holy Grail or fountain of youth, and is almost an object of worship, as mentioned above.
This is a well-worn detour from the truth.
History abounds with examples of societies exalting sex out of all proportion and outside its rightful boundaries. Fertility worship in ancient Israel is a Biblical illustration.
History also testifies to the fact that whenever a society allows this to happen, destruction follows. Anthropologist Carl Zimmerman and others have discovered that the acceptance and practice of adultery and other aspects of sexual license are reliable predictors of the disintegration of a civilization.
Addressing Flawed Premises
The original sexual norm represents the enlightened and responsible standard, because it respects the realities of the heart and conscience as well as the body and harmonizes unselfish love and passion according to the human nature endowed by the Creator. The absolute sex standard confronts the flawed premises of the old “free sex” ethic: Absolute Sex Morality
The primary human motive and need is to give and receive love.
Sexual love is one dimension of this need and, while conjugal companionship and sexual intimacy are both good and healthy conditions, neither is a necessity, especially genital sexual relations. Sexual restraint is expected of any mature person. Sexuality has intrinsic moral, spiritual, psychological and social dimensions. Sexual love is a feature solely of the marital relationship.
It is responsible only in the context of this commitment and it is enriching only when accompanied by both love and commitment. Sexual expression is a responsibility and both a personal and public
matter.
“Free Sex” Morality
Sex is the primary human motive and need. As such, regular sexual outlets are a necessity. Too much sexual restraint is unhealthy and destructive.
Sexuality can be simply physical pleasure; it has no necessary moral, spiritual, psychological and social dimensions. Sexual love can be a feature of any relationship; all sexual behavior is either normal or a variation.
Sex can be enriching free of love and commitment, while mutual consent and the use of birth- and disease control make it responsible. Sexual expression is an entitlement and a wholly personal matter."SMM
Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 4: Benefits of Waiting for Marriage
This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "The Meaning of Sexuality".
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