We considered in part 1 the two points that discuss the common mistaken reason people believe that they cannot control their urges and 'need' for sex. One point was that many mistake the need for love and acceptance of their whole person as a need and want for another's physical body.
Many believe in an animalistic approach to humanity as not being able to control these desires.
3. The third flawed premise is: Sex is a natural expression of love.
It is instinctive that those in a romantic loving relationship want to express themselves sexually. It is natural for true love to want the best for the beloved and their relationship and try their best to not jeopardize the relationship.
People of True Love Sacrifice Themselves to the End
The most authentic expression of love is experiencing the pleasures of sex and bonding in a committed marriage.
Who would want to receive a gift from their lover that had been used prior from another lover and owner? What woman would rejoice in receiving a ring that had been passed to five other girlfriends before her? This is an expression of our innate desire for exclusivity.
So the question remains, is sex a natural expression of love? We know it makes sense that it should be reserved as an exclusive gift for one beloved enough to be chosen as a lifetime partner.
Sex within Marriage Honors the Intrinsic Moral Aspects of Sexuality
4. Does Sex Promote Maturity?
The fourth falsehood is: Having sex only in marriage restricts growth and creates sexual inhibitions.
Many have used the excuse to not wait for a partner in marriage and to explore their sexuality because to no do so means they cannot reach maturity. Some speak as chasity to be the equivalent as immaturity and not knowing about the world.
This may refer back to satan's on tricks to Eve telling her that her eyes to the world and she would be like God and He was holding her back from her power. This is how satan seduced Eve.
People commonly tout a wide range of sexual experiences and partners as evidence of growth and “exploring the farthest reaches of love and the self.”
People will list off a wide range of sexual experience to prove as evidence of growth and exploring the farthest reaches of love and the self. Lifelong monogamy demands self-honesty, maturity and a deeper adventure in loving.
One who practices monogamy or wait for and invest in one person holding back their temptations and unnatural desires sustains and replenishes love over a long time. This lifestyle stretches every faculty and promotes the greatest of personal growth. Those who practice promiscuity are actually stunting their spiritual growth and severing their relationship to God and a healthy relationship with others.
It is only too convenient for individuals to run to another partner instead of facing the deeper issues that real and enduring intimacy demands.
“It is easy to associate multiple sexual partners with personal change,” writes human potential philosopher George Leonard, but it is “far more likely to be associated with the avoidance of change.”
When one practices physical intimacy only within the love and commitment of marriage, it is the basic integrity of the body as an expression of the mind. In other words, sex is the outer expression in line with the deepest heart and conscience.
The body has its own symbolic language: a fist means hostility; a smile signifies good will.
Finally, the issue of inhibitions is ironic. Those who are engaged in nonmarital sex routinely speak of performance anxiety, guilt, feelings of being cheap, fear of being compared to previous partners or embarrassment over making comparisons during sex, fear of pregnancy or disease and other experiences that can only negatively complicate their sexual response.
Reverend Sun Myung Moon in his own words speaks about the good points on waiting for marriage to engage in sex:
"On the other hand, research indicates that highly religious wives report the greatest number of orgasms—a clear sign of freedom from neurotic inhibitions.
Further, evidence suggests that those women who were virgin brides have the greatest sexual satisfaction.
This is to be expected, given the great significance of emotional and psychological factors in sexual experience. These married women have security, trust, time to accommodate themselves to their partners, and for those who are religious, the vehicle to find great meaning and freedom from guilt that their faith provides.
5. Is Sex Liberating?
The fifth myth is: Sex only within marriage oppresses women. Some claim that the notions of purity and fidelity are based solely on protecting men’s property rights over their women. Though this is an exaggeration, there is some truth to the assertion that traditional morality is linked to male exploitation of women.
Certainly there has been a double standard; chastity has almost universally been enforced for females but not for males. Boys and men have often been free to indulge themselves at the expense of girls and women, who would seldom find sexual satisfaction yet would surely pay the price for any illicit liaisons through stigma and punishments as well as pregnancies and other burdens.
Yet it is foolish to abandon an intrinsic and protective moral code because of this injustice; it is far better to correct the injustice. It is even more foolish for women to claim the “right” to the shallow pleasures of casual sex, as is now taking place, and seek to join men in exploiting their partners and using sex for domination.
This amounts to abandoning the double standard in favor of a lower standard for both genders. Instead of passing on feminine strengths to men, this means women are trying to inherit men’s typical weakness—the penchant for separating the body from the heart and sex from responsibility and true love.
Further, the permissive standard has hardly been liberating to women.
Females are now expected to want many sexual partners and males are expected to treat them as such. The result is that women also have to deny their natural instincts of self-protection:
Females carry the greater burden of the consequences of sex outside of a secure relationship. Sexually transmitted infections ravage girls and women much more than males, and of course unwanted pregnancy, abortion and other liabilities belong only to one gender. Ironically, regarding contraception, the double standard still prevails in the “safer sex” world; females shoulder the greater responsibility.
The double standard extends in another direction, too. Women are unfairly expected to still be “feminine”—soft, yielding and undemanding—while at the same time being sexually independent and self-sufficient.
To meet this demand, girls and women have to suppress their more relational and monogamous inclinations. This is frequently unsuccessful; studies confirm that even women who have no qualms about sex outside of marriage desire far fewer partners than comparable men do.
It is almost universally the women partners who end up in the awkward position of trying to negotiate commitment in the midst of a physically intimate relationship.
Worse, they are often already pseudo-wives, living together with a man, offering domestic services and ready sex while having none of the emotional and material security of marriage. And time is notoriously crueler to women.
Many find out too late that they traded playing “house” with various partners for the ability to experience real marriage and motherhood. Committed partnership becomes a more elusive goal for women after a certain age; male peers often prefer more attractive younger women and can readily marry them. In addition, after age 28 or so, female fertility begins to decline rapidly.
This is not the case for men."SMM
Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 6, The Truth About the Birds and the Bees
This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "The Meaning of Sexuality".
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