7 Days of Holy Sex - Day 6 - Truth About the Birds and the Bees

Without true love, men and woman cannot trust each other. They use each other to serve themselves.


—Sun Myung Moon




One Standard for Both Genders

One thing that should be cleared is the imbalance given to men and women when it comes to sexual views.  We continue with the speech of Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon who dedicated his life to erase many false beliefs about the origin of human problems and bringing about a solution to fix it to bring about a world of peace beginning with the individual:

"The absolute sex standard applies to both men and women equally. Males degrade themselves through misdirected sexuality as much as females do.

Obviously, men cannot be rewarded for promiscuity while women are penalized and held solely accountable for controlling them. Nor can female sexual desire or capacity be denied.

Christian tradition, for example, insisted on male monogamy, and both the Jewish and Christian scriptures teach that husbands have just as much of a duty to sexually satisfy their wives as vice versa.  Exodus 21:10, 1 Corinthians 7:3

That said, also the pretense cannot be maintained that males and females are the same in sexual response and desires or in bearing the consequences of sexual acts. Intrinsic gender strengths and weaknesses require consideration. This has been reflected in the traditional codes of male and female honor:

Men agree not to use their superior physical strength to take advantage of women, nor to exploit the female susceptibility to promises of love and security, while women agree not to use men’s vulnerability to visual arousal and emotional manipulation against them. It is also the chief rationale behind the traditions of marriage.

In this way, the original standard protects both men and women from mutual exploitation and use of the opposite sex as an emotional crutch, pawn or object of revenge. As such it creates trust and represents real power, freedom and independence for women as well as men.


Timeless Ethic 

The timeless gold standard of sexual ethics—reserving sexual intimacy only for the spouse—recognizes the moral implications of sex and the deeper need for enduring love.

It understands that sex in marriage not only heightens the sense of bonding, exclusivity and security between the partners but also it addresses all the responsibilities inherent in the sacred gift of sexuality.

It celebrates the freedoms that premarital purity affords young people—reaching personal maturity and preparing for family life and their roles as citizens. It affirms these realities, not only out of tradition, but also out of recognition of the emotional, moral, social and spiritual dimensions of this powerful and far reaching act.

Fidelity within marriage and purity outside it is a crucial foundation for all ethics, a critical underpinning of civilization itself.

If all humanity were to adopt the original standard of chastity—even without agreeing to other divinely ordained norms—then God’s world of goodness, harmony and peace would inevitably be realized.

This ethic of sexual love represents the original and unchanging God-given standard. We violate it at our peril.  Sexual union is the crowning glory of marital love, symbolizing the mingling of the hearts, blood and lives of the two partners. It is the delight of the Creator as well.

Yet, as sacred as human sexuality may be, society and history provide ample evidence of people’s difficulty to discipline their sexuality and remain faithful to their partners—lovers unable to commit to one another, partners leaving behind unwanted children and disease, adults preying on children and so on. It is all too easy for the body to subjugate the mind, for instinct to override conscience in this area.

There are many theories as to why this is so.

Some keep the explanation in the realm of individual learning and childhood trauma. Others point to social conditioning based on power relationships. Still others have sought to explain such behaviors in light of early social patterns and evolution, tracing them back to the earliest communities.

In a related vein, religious traditions and certain schools of psychology find insight in ancient myths, legends and sacred stories that tell of the origins of human suffering in a prehistoric Fall.

Contemporary thinking respects such myths to be revelatory of profound inner truths—too deep for us to readily recognize and explicitly discuss—that are best conveyed by powerful images and narratives.

“Myths are facts of the mind made manifest in a fiction of matter,” asserts anthropologist Joseph Campbell.

It is relevant then to note the sexual overtones in several of these sacred narratives. The Genesis tale of Adam and  Eve comes readily to mind mirrored in many ways by its counterpart in the Qur’an.  Reverend Moon finds not only the root of sexual immorality revealed in this Biblical story but also the secret of general human suffering and self-destructiveness.

These are tied up with the tragic human propensity to misuse love and the harmful patterns of relationships between men and women, throughout all of the history of civilization. What is the insight revealed below the surface of the story? What does it tell us about gender relations? How does the abuse of sexuality impact individuals, relationships and society?


The Human Downfall

The Bible declares that the first man and woman lived in a world without evil or suffering, and intimately knew the Creator. They were intended for one another and lived naked, without fear or shame.

The Creator freely gave them everything, but He also gave them one warning: do not eat a certain fruit.  This was perceived to be a literal fruit which nothing that enters the mouth can defile the soul only what comes out meaning speech.  The fruit was a symbol for something else.

A crafty serpent, however—in the Qur’an it is a vengeful angel—tempted the woman with promises of wisdom and divine likeness, and she ate the fruit. She then gave it to the man, who also ate it.

As promised, they gained wisdom. But they also took on an unanticipated sense of shame and guilt and hid themselves, covering their sexual parts.  Because of their crime, they lost Paradise and humanity has lived in sorrow and tragedy ever since.

This earliest ancestral couple’s reflexive covering of their genitals after their actions of course points to a sexual transgression like fornication or adultery. This was something that was probably transparent to audiences at the time the story first circulated.

In the Middle East to this day, “eating of fruit” is a euphemism for sexual relations. So is the expression, “to know” someone, as in “Adam knew Eve and bore Cain”. Genesis 4:1.

Thus the Tree of Knowledge takes on sexual connotations as well. In this light, the Tempter’s promise of insight, maturity and transcendent experience as the result of sexual initiation becomes quite plausible; people still expect this from sex.

Further, the foretold consequences of their deed—painful childbirth, tensions between man and woman, the difficulty to achieve maturity in love, and profound separation from God, the source of love and life—are natural outcomes arising from a sexual violation.

Milton brought in a sexual component to the Hebrew tale in his “Paradise Lost.” Early writings of Jewish and Christian clergy did as well. A historical perspective, according to scholars, makes the meaning of the Biblical account unmistakable—this is a Hebrew denunciation of the fertility cults of that time and place.

The tree, the snake, the woman’s name and other features allude to the widespread practice of temple prostitution and deliberately parody and denounce it.

After affirming the beauty of ethical sexual expression earlier in the narrative, this story places a sexual sin at the center of all manner of human disorder and misery.

Other myths with sexual implications suggest themselves. A Shinto creation myth has a god and his wife engaging in their first conjugal love improperly—some call it incest—before correctly giving birth to the islands of Japan. The goddess dies, and misfortune befalls their first son and daughter (Kojiki 4.1-6.1).

Hindu and Buddhist texts have their own tales tying the origins of suffering to sexual indiscretions.

The Greek myth of Pandora has a woman betraying her promise to her immortal fiancée and opening a box that releases every kind of suffering into the world. The box can easily symbolize the woman’s sexual parts, suggesting an act of improper sexual initiation or infidelity.


Ambivalence Towards Sexuality 

It is this link—half-veiled yet intuitively understood—between sexuality and the origins of human evil that forms the basis of the mixed messages regarding sex that is evident within certain religions, especially the Judeo-Christian tradition.

A distinctive mark of the chosen people of Israel was circumcision, a mutilation of the male organ involved in the Fall. Christians came to emphasize the  non-sexual conception of their Savior. Both Christians and Buddhists have favored celibacy as the path to sanctification and enlightenment. This ambivalence reflects the tragedy of a most sacred gift that has become degraded and dangerous.

Wider society reflects this same ambivalence in the way sexuality is honored on one hand— for instance, the poetry and songs celebrating its goodness— and maligned on the other—the vulgar ways people refer to it when expressing hate and aggression."SMM



Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 7, Immature Sex

This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "The Meaning of Sexuality".

7 days of Holy Sex - Day 5 - Benefits of Waiting for Marriage Part 2

We considered in part 1 the two points that discuss the common mistaken reason people believe that they cannot control their urges and 'need' for sex.  One point was that many mistake the need for  love and acceptance of their whole person as a need and want for another's physical body.

Many believe in an animalistic approach to humanity as not being able to control these desires.



3. The third flawed premise is: Sex is a natural expression of love.

It is instinctive that those in a romantic loving relationship want to express themselves sexually.  It is natural for true love to want the best for the beloved and their relationship and try their best to not jeopardize the relationship.


People of True Love Sacrifice Themselves to the End

The most authentic expression of love is experiencing the pleasures of sex and bonding in a committed marriage.

Who would want to receive a gift from their lover that had been used prior from another lover and owner?  What woman would rejoice in receiving a ring that had been passed to five other girlfriends before her?  This is an expression of our innate desire for exclusivity.

So the question remains, is sex a natural expression of love?  We know it makes sense that it should be reserved as an exclusive gift for one beloved enough to be chosen as a lifetime partner.


Sex within Marriage Honors the Intrinsic Moral Aspects of Sexuality


4. Does Sex Promote Maturity?

The fourth falsehood is: Having sex only in marriage restricts growth and creates sexual inhibitions.

Many have used the excuse to not wait for a partner in marriage and to explore their sexuality because to no do so means they cannot reach maturity.  Some speak as chasity to be the equivalent as immaturity and not knowing about the world.

This may refer back to satan's on tricks to Eve telling her that her eyes to the world and she would be like God and He was holding her back from her power.  This is how satan seduced Eve.

People commonly tout a wide range of sexual experiences and partners as evidence of growth and “exploring the farthest reaches of love and the self.”

People will list off a wide range of sexual experience to prove as evidence of growth and exploring the farthest reaches of love and the self.  Lifelong monogamy demands self-honesty, maturity and a deeper adventure in loving.

One who practices monogamy or wait for and invest in one person holding back their temptations and unnatural desires sustains and replenishes love over a long time.  This lifestyle stretches every faculty and promotes the greatest of personal growth.  Those who practice promiscuity are actually stunting their spiritual growth and severing their relationship to God and a healthy relationship with others.

It is only too convenient for individuals to run to another partner instead of facing the deeper issues that real and enduring intimacy demands. 

“It is easy to associate multiple sexual partners with personal change,” writes human potential philosopher George Leonard, but it is “far more likely to be associated with the avoidance of change.”

When one practices physical intimacy only within the love and commitment of marriage, it is the basic integrity of the body as an expression of the mind.  In other words, sex is the outer expression in line with the deepest heart and conscience.

The body has its own symbolic language: a fist means hostility; a smile signifies good will.

If a person smiles but is concealing malice this is a deception, a misuse of the language of the body.  In the same way, when two people bond in sex this represents the total union of hearts, minds and lives.  So, when two people are enjoying the boundaries of sex just for pleasure or as an expression of only warm feelings, this can be considered a false message.  This is deceitful and is incompatible with moral maturity and authenticity in a relationship.

Finally, the issue of inhibitions is ironic. Those who are engaged in nonmarital sex routinely speak of performance anxiety, guilt, feelings of being cheap, fear of being compared to previous partners or embarrassment over making comparisons during sex, fear of pregnancy or disease and other experiences that can only negatively complicate their sexual response.

Reverend Sun Myung Moon in his own words speaks about the good points on waiting for marriage to engage in sex:

"On the other hand, research indicates that highly religious wives report the greatest number of orgasms—a clear sign of freedom from neurotic inhibitions.

Further, evidence suggests that those women who were virgin brides have the greatest sexual satisfaction.

This is to be expected, given the great significance of emotional and psychological factors in sexual experience. These married women have security, trust, time to accommodate themselves to their partners, and for those who are religious, the vehicle to find great meaning and freedom from guilt that their faith provides.


5. Is Sex Liberating?

The fifth myth is: Sex only within marriage oppresses women. Some claim that the notions of purity and fidelity are based solely on protecting men’s property rights over their women. Though this is an exaggeration, there is some truth to the assertion that traditional morality is linked to male exploitation of women.

Certainly there has been a double standard; chastity has almost universally been enforced for females but not for males. Boys and men have often been free to indulge themselves at the expense of girls and women, who would seldom find sexual satisfaction yet would surely pay the price for any illicit liaisons through stigma and punishments as well as pregnancies and other burdens.

Yet it is foolish to abandon an intrinsic and protective moral code because of this injustice; it is far better to correct the injustice.  It is even more foolish for women to claim the “right” to the shallow pleasures of casual sex, as is now taking place, and seek to join men in exploiting their partners and using sex for domination.

This amounts to abandoning the double standard in favor of a lower standard for both genders. Instead of passing on feminine strengths to men, this means women are trying to inherit men’s typical weakness—the penchant for separating the body from the heart and sex from responsibility and true love.

Further, the permissive standard has hardly been liberating to women. 

Females are now expected to want many sexual partners and males are expected to treat them as such. The result is that women also have to deny their natural instincts of self-protection:

Females carry the greater burden of the consequences of sex outside of a secure relationship. Sexually transmitted infections ravage girls and women much more than males, and of course unwanted pregnancy, abortion and other liabilities belong only to one gender.  Ironically, regarding contraception, the double standard still prevails in the “safer sex” world; females shoulder the greater responsibility.

The double standard extends in another direction, too. Women are unfairly expected to still be “feminine”—soft, yielding and undemanding—while at the same time being sexually independent and self-sufficient.

To meet this demand, girls and women have to suppress their more relational and monogamous inclinations. This is frequently unsuccessful; studies confirm that even women who have no qualms about sex outside of marriage desire far fewer partners than comparable men do.

It is almost universally the women partners who end up in the awkward position of trying to negotiate commitment in the midst of a physically intimate relationship.

Worse, they are often already pseudo-wives, living together with a man, offering domestic services and ready sex while having none of the emotional and material security of marriage. And time is notoriously crueler to women.

Many find out too late that they traded playing “house” with various partners for the ability to experience real marriage and motherhood. Committed partnership becomes a more elusive goal for women after a certain age; male peers often prefer more attractive younger women and can readily marry them. In addition, after age 28 or so, female fertility begins to decline rapidly.

This is not the case for men."SMM





Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 6, The Truth About the Birds and the Bees

This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "The Meaning of Sexuality".

Trust God Matches Best Person as Your Spouse

In my experience lately, I wondered why God matches certain people or cause an attraction between two unlikely people and now I found out why of course through reading speeches and through recent experience.

There may not be just only ONE person possible for us to be happy with, but there is the BEST one God has in mind that not only benefits the family, but the world through their united interaction.

I think too many people settle early for the second best chose for their spouse or just good enough.  Then there are those who get to experience that out-of-the-world matching by God where there is absolutely no question, this person was created for you and matched by God.

They don't necessarily seem to fit separately, but the best matches are those who have the opposite qualities of their mate, yet are headed toward the same direction.

This type of match of 'opposite attraction' once this couple unites, will have a broader range of attributes and experiences to bring to the relationship.  A child of this kind of harmonious marriage will inherit the wide range of talents and backgrounds of their parents and will be a well-round person able to embrace more people.

There is absolutely one woman for a man who can represent the best sister, mother, daughter, wife for that him.  I believe each of us has that one person - God's ideal mate for us.

In a previous post, we imagined  the Garden of Eden how God had prepared Eve for Adam.  Could they say to God, I don't like her hair, who else is better?  Absolutely, Adam and Eve were born for each other.

Marriage is for the purpose of man to learn about woman, and women to learn all about man and to live for the sake of their spouse, family, nation and world through this love and for God to be at the center.

This is God's ideal.

So why does it seem that most people do not seem to get it right even though in the beginning of the relationship it seems like a perfect match.

One blog described the law of love attraction so well that I want to contribute this portion of the post to their advice.

First, the blog speaks about you first need to know the list of qualities you need in your ideal mate.  Then they challenge you with the next step...list the qualities you think your mate would want.  The hard truth, the blog says, is that everyone wants an ideal mate, but they themselves don't have the qualities to be the perfect mate for someone else:

"If both of your checklists match perfectly, it’s instant attraction. The secret law of attraction in love would set into motion a chain of reactions that will draw both of you together like moths to a warm flame!

Most singles start out in their teens or twenties wanting the best partner in all aspects, and by the time they’re twenty five, they drop their expectations a wee bit. And by the time they reach their thirties, they drop all their expectations and date anyone they get.

Now obviously, even if you find your partner by dropping all your expectations, you’re never going to be completely, truly happy in love. You’re always going to look at someone else, and wonder how things could have been if you could have been with your dream partner.

This is one of the biggest reasons why some people start to fall out of love with their own partners after a few years into a long-term relationship.

Instead of dropping expectations in love all the time, retain them. But just like you have expectations from your partner, remember that your dream partner has expectations too. Ask yourself what your dream partner might want from you and try to become a better person yourself."



If people don't have a simple understanding of this science of love, they will think that it is impossible to have a perfect match.

Thankfully, you now know that with faith and patience, you will find the one absolutely that matches you in every way.

First we need to have the standard of love within ourselves.




Love begins From Within You

When you look back on your love relationships, do you think that you have been able to love someone unselfishly?  If you can say that you have loved to this degree, these experiences will be your assests when you ascend to the spirit world - your pure love relationships will be the only thing you can take from this world into the next.

"You have met someone whom you can love. What an incredible blessing that is for you. Think of all that lies behind this marriage. But this love should not be just a horizontal bond between you and your beloved; you must link it to the vertical dimension."

It isn't easy to add vertical love to horizontal love, is it?

We are living on the horizontal plane and this axis links husband and wife.  However, for the family to link to the vertical line and for the vertical realm to reach down the family must extend upward.

What is this vertical line?

This vertical line above you is your nation in which you should feel patriotic.  In the fallen world, we pay our taxes because we can't avoid paying them.  In the original world, we should pay taxes because we love our country more than our own family and want to pay them.

With this intensity of patriotic love for your country, your children and descendants will create a great benefit and reward for future generations. Through this way, the blessing will multiply and expand.  This is the way to become an ideal family and form an ideal nation on this foundation of love.

You and your spouse become the core of the country when you devote yourself to loving your country and create a full circle of love.  As this core expands, you will receive special protection and true love will expand.

It is an Oriental custom always to use both hands when you serve your elders. Also, Orientals have the custom of bowing. To bow means to empty yourself and to convey the attitude, "I am nothing; you are everything."

When you bow, you acknowledge your elder as the perfect plus, and you empty yourself totally to that person, becoming a perfect minus. Whenever the plus is perfected, the minus is automatically perfected as well; and the interaction between plus and minus creates energy.


The Ideal Couple

What holds a man and woman together?


Men and women have interlocking shapes, to keep them from missing each other or sliding apart once they meet. The man has the additional role of anchor, so that when a couple is bolted together, they won't slip and lose their footing. This way, a couple can be anchored and bolted together with true love.

There is a space-age glue so strong that something mended with it may break anywhere else, but never at that joint. Likewise, a man and a woman bonded together in complete, true love might get hurt someplace else, but nothing will ever be able to separate their union.

God created man with interlocking shapes that prevents them from missing each other or sliding apart once they meet.  Man has the role of an additonal anchor where the couple will not lose their footing once they are bolted together with true love.

A man and woman that are tightened completely together through true love might get hurt elsewhere, but like the space-age glue, there is nothing not even God that can separate their union.

"True love is the super glue which holds husband and wife together. Do you understand? Don't just laugh. This is an operation of natural law; tell me whether you understand

You or the world could push, toss, knock down and kick such a strong couple bonded by true love and they still would not be able to be pulled apart but always stick together.  Such couples come from a a Marriage blessed directly and approved by God bearing children of His lineage.

A truly united couple does not break apart even if someone drill a hole through them -  the broken pieces would fall and return and stick to them.  Even if pressured was applied to this couple, once this pressure is removed, the couple would plump right back up.

A totally united couple is completely one.  Nothing under the sun can alter a couple with unity brought together by true love.

Would you like to be part of this perfect couple or be a mediocre couple?

What about a couple that only takes the easy way of dealing with issues. " Can you attain perfection as a couple if your focus is only on having fun and a good time; if you long only to see beautiful sights, smell nice things, eat good food and listen to good music; if you can relate only to good feelings?


One Common Trunk Line

Those blessed in a marriage that inherits the love and blood lineage of God is what Jesus wanted to accomplish during his lifetime if he had those of faith to follow him to the end.

Here the author of the Divine Principle tells groups of couples about the importance of this kind of marriage and becoming one in unity:

"After being a single person so long, it is wonderful to get married because something is added to you. However, in order to sustain that added stature, you need a strong root and a broad foundation. Your roots are your parents and relatives. Anyone who tries to flee his parents by getting married is making a mistake.

Once you are married, you cannot think of yourself as an individual but as part of the larger root system. Furthermore, once you are married, you have not only one family to worry about, but two. You have in-laws now -- brothers, sisters, mother-in-law, father-in-law, as well as many other new relatives. You should be able to plant yourself firmly upon this new root and foundation.

If you women try to be clever and take advantage of your husband's relatives for your own benefit, you will be kicked out of the house. Here I am referring basically to women; if you act that way, your husband will eventually throw you out.

Marriage is like a grafting process. The root of the man and the root of the woman are grafted together and become one. Your two roots join into one common trunk line, which branches out and produces blossoms, bearing the fruit of both families. A couple is not just one family but represents two families.

Your parents and relatives will see your blossoms and rejoice; your in-laws as well will look on and feel joy. Marriage is not just the meeting of husband and wife, not just the union of one individual to another, but the joining of two families. Two roots come together and become one trunk; a new trunk, new branches, new leaves are produced, and then the blossoms, flowers and fruits come.

Would you like to have a broad and embracing kind of tree, or would you rather ignore your in-laws and focus just on your spouse and yourself? Those who disregard the roots and focus only on their marriage relationship may try to justify themselves by claiming: "We are like Adam and Eve. We are the only ones that count.

We just want to concentrate on ourselves. Life is simpler and more convenient that way; we don't have any burdens. Why should we bother with the roots and branches?" Is that the right attitude? Unfortunately, however, this is the trend in America today.

One danger in focusing just on your spouse is that your relationship may easily break up. The wife may meet a man who is more handsome than her husband, someone who tells her how beautiful and attractive she is and how her husband is not treating her right. If she has no anchor or foundation, her heart can be affected.

Or the husband may meet a pretty woman who flatters him telling him how handsome he is. Perhaps his wife never told him that, and when another woman says it, his heart starts to quiver. He thinks, "You know, my wife is like a stump; she is unattractive and ugly. She's a good housekeeper but not adequate as a wife." Then the marriage breaks up.

Your marriage needs to be anchored to its roots and secured to its branches. Then when you consider all the foundation upon which you are standing and your commitment to the future, you cannot take your marriage lightly.

You should tell yourself, "I am marrying for the sake of my spouse, my parents, and my future children." You are the present. The present could not exist without a past, which is your parents. A future is coming, which will be your children. The past, present and future must be linked in your Blessing."


Return for Tomorrow's Post:  God Fortune is in Finding Right Spouse

This information was rewritten and taken from the religious textbook: True Love, Volume One, Restoration of Love.

"Why do people get married? It is to love God. Why should we love God? It is because we need to become one with the axis of God."