Impact of Sex Without Commitment

Even though no intimate relationship is immune from experiencing bad times, having a committed marriage between two God-centered individuals can be the best defense against the worst influences that break up relationships.

Sex within uncommitted relations offers no protection and invites the most destructive kinds of interactions to take place.

The guilty parties in the Bible's Genesis story blamed each other for their own wrongdoing.

“Sex always changes the dynamics of a relationship,” observes educator Josh McDowell.

Essentially, any relationship outside a committed relationship is a sibling relationship, between brothers and sisters.

Therefore, when two individuals have casual sex, they no longer or maybe never will fully enjoy the benefits of a friendship or reap the complete rewards of married love.

This is why Reverend Sun Myung Moon cautions single men and women to not get physically involved, not even holding hands, because it depletes the potential for true love between them.

Also, having sex outside of marriage not only affects the two individuals, but compromises relations between friends, other peers and potential marriage partners.  This may also impact future marriage.


Impact on the Relationship

1. Stress with parents and friends
2. Problems with partners
3. Negative effect on future marriage



1. Stress with Parents and Friends

Parents have a deep stake in their children and grandchildren who are the extension of their blood and investment of heart.

When children begin to enter into sexual relations outside the form of marriage, their parents may feel worried, disrespected and hurt.

This breach can be difficult to mend just as when Adam and Eve who could not face their divine Parent and hid from God after their indiscretion.

When one gets obsessed over a sex partner, it reduces the attention given to friends. In addition, of sex only intensifies feelings on all sides.

Nothing is as divisive as sexual jealousy.

Close friends can become the best enemies overnight.

When there is a crowd of friends that are sexually active, it can become a web of attraction, rivalry, possessiveness, jealousies and betrayal.

Even the most innocent gestures become suspicious by a jealous partner.

When one betrays his spouse with infidelity, the friends are then added to the betrayal list.

 “After the initial shock of his affair wore off,” recalls Eugene, 45, a computer instructor, “I found myself dealing with my own anger. How dare he betray his wife, who was my friend! How dare he hurt his young daughters, who are my daughter’s playmates! And then I realized he lied to me too, over and over.”

2. Problems with Partners

“Once burned, twice shy” is uttered by many people who experienced heartache from a breakup of  a sexual bond.

They remember the pain and this one betrayal will stand in the way of them giving themselves completely and trust the ones who deserve their love.

Women may distrust all males as only wanting them for their body.

Males can mistrust and fear which last for years even until they find the right person to marry.

Sometimes the introduction of sex disrupts a warm and caring friendship that might well have been a good basis for marriage.

“Everyone thought we’d be married, including us,” one middle-aged man reminisced about a girl from his youth. “We were very close and didn’t need sex. But everyone expected it and we thought we were missing something. Finally we slept together. Afterwards we felt different about each other. What we had just faded away.”

Conversely, when two people have a horrible relationship that has no future, they may stay in it longer because of the strong bonding power of sex.  It becomes difficult after a couple experiences such a powerful physical intimacy that they are lacking in the emotional closeness.

Sex not only multiplies one's own ego, but it is an addictive pleasure which brings on rationalizations and demands.

One partner comes to expect sex at every opportunity.

When the other refuses to give sex, this can launch  the other to become violent.  It is a fact that when one gets involved in sex outside of marriage, especially live-in lovers, there is more violence and other forms of abuse than among married couples.

Because we posses both a mind and a body, once physical intimacy is introduced into the relationship, then the heart yearns for the same level of emotional intimacy.

Yet, having sex too early in a new relationship makes that longing harder to fulfill because it can overpower any meaningful communication or friendship-building activities together.

Thus, the couple may avoid taking the effort to understand the other and work out their differences.

One college woman admitted that ironically, “Having sex is easier than talking face to face and having to deal with all the things that come up.”

Once a couple no longer has quality interaction outside of the bedroom, then the relationship collapses from within.



3. Negative Effect on Future Marriage

Just because a couple gets married and have children, they are not free from the ill effects of premarital sexual experiences.

The problem of self-centered sexual habits can be carried into the marriage bed.

Marital sex is supposed to be one of uninhibited surrender to the joy of pleasing the one they love within the safe context of acceptance and commitment.

When those who have repeatedly used sex for selfish reason enter into a committed relationship, they find it difficult to switch it from a selfish act to one of giving to the other.

Those who were virgins when they married learn the other's wants and needs and attune to one another, those who are already experienced have habits and preferences that may obstruct that harmony.

Second, because people hardly forget a past sexual partner, one who is experienced may be haunted by images of past partners even after marriage.  They may unconsciously compare their spouse's performance to past lovers.

This must not only disturb them, but also is heartening to the spouse if they find out.

Who wants to have a spouse that compares their body or performance to another lover of the past?

One young husband observed, “Whenever I kiss my wife or engage in love play, my memory reminds me that this girl could kiss better than my wife, that that girl was better at something else, and so forth. I can’t concentrate on loving my wife with all that I have—there have been too many women in my life to be wholly committed to one.”

Since sex before marriage is taboo, males can be conditioned to connect premarital sexual arousal with the thrill of doing something illicit – the forbidden encounter and the excitement of possibly being discovered.

This sexual excitement can be psychologically linked to risk.

Later on in life, a sexually experienced person may see the safety and legitimacy of marriage as to tamed to be arousing.  Therefore, in order for a husband to get sexually aroused, he is constantly drawn to illicit stimulation such as affairs or pornography.


Weak bonding and predisposition to breakup

Fourthly, after one has many encounters, sex may lose its potency to build strong attachment to one who they finally choose as a lifemate.

Research suggests the chemical sexual bonding power may grow feebler after having already imprinted the heart and mind with previous partners.

On the other side, disappointing sexual experiences can lead one to avert sex or have a feeling of boredom during the act.

One can get into the habit of holding their heart from a sex partner because of many experiences with sex in unsecure relationships that turned sour.

Instead of viewing sex as wholesome and giving of the mind, body and soul like virgins on their wedding day, one may find it challenging to completely give of themselves even with their spouses.  This can be hard to overcome even after years of marriage.

A final consequence of indulging in unmarried sex is the possibility of divorce.

Couples who lived together first before they were married, are more likely to break up some time after they get married.

Research also shows that women who were sexually active before marriage have less stable and satisfying marriages than those who were virgins before marriage.

Those who have a series of sexual relationships learn many things, not the least of which is break-ups and failure in relationships.

Sex amplifies an already present atmosphere of understanding, acceptance and intimacy within a marriage.

On the other hand, outside of marriage, sex only aggravates insecurity, lack of trust and misunderstanding, making real intimacy harder to attain.

One single 21-year-old woman, a rock musician, agrees: “Leaving sexual intercourse out makes it easier to enjoy a relationship . . . . Without sex, you can be yourself—it’s more comfortable. It helps you figure out faster what kind of person they are if they are right for you.

You can also get out of a relationship easier—you’re not glued by the sex. Sex complicates things and confuses you. Sex just slows down everything if what you’re interested in is a good relationship.”


Return for Tomorrow's Post: New Sexual Revolution for God

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on sex and marriage.

The Joy of Marriage

We need marriage because it is the true way to develop our love . . . . Our entire life  should be centered on true love. We should be born in true love; we should grow in true love; we should live centered on true love, and we should return to true love when we die. The way of truelove is life for the sake of others. This is the purpose of a holy marriage.

—Hak Ja Han Moon

There was a very popular book a few decades ago called, "The Joy of Sex".  At that time, society was still phasing through the tenants of the 1960s sexual revolution, where people were still discovering different relationship styles and sex outside of marriage as acceptable.

God built marriage to help each member grow toward perfection of heart through their other-centered love.

Marriage lifts each individual spiritually and physically to the the spouse’s realm of heart.  Marriage also brings the individuals in a marriage closer to God.

In this realm, the couple has the potential to grow to resemble God’s heart and love and extend this love to the world around them.

There is no relationship outside marriage that has the potential for oneness, thus it is the one relationship that demands for surrender of the self.

Therefore, through this sacrifice, marriage promotes true love which at its base is living for the sake of the other.  As marital expert Judith Wallerstein said, “A marriage that commands loyalty . . .requires each partner to relinquish self-centeredness.“

Marshall Fightlin, a Catholic psychologist, asserts that it is the husband’s daily task to fight the impulses to act like a single man and to concern himself with his other half - his wife.

The blessings of marriage appear only when there is renunciation of the self in favor of the other.

The word ‘renunciation’ is familiar to those of any faith, because many worldly things must be renounced in order to embrace God wholly.  Marriage is part of this process.

Marriage is the renunciation of all other romantic and sexual relationships other than with the spouse.
This means that a person’s habit and attitudes that may hinder the couple’s life together must be denied.

It is a paradox that this denial of the self in favor of the other person actually enriches and enhances the self.

Through this, joy and excitement of life is increased.

Theologian Karl Barth says, “It is always in relationship to their opposite that man and woman are what they are in themselves.”

People become whole through marriage.


The God-Centered Marriage

Marriage also brings a couple closer to God.

The rabbis taught that a union of one flesh between a man and a woman is the only full representation of the image of God.

God exists in a community of three persons, so a solitary, isolated human being without a counterpart is necessarily incomplete.

Mrs. Moon says, “We marry in order to resemble God.

God is a being of dual characteristics which are completely harmonized as One. These characteristics manifest into our world as man and woman.

At the proper time, a man and woman are like a seed which will unite to become one.

Thus, a husband and wife together return to God.  Marriage resembles God because it embodies the universal attraction of yin and yang, positive and negative and masculine and feminine.

A woman represents the feminine aspects of the universe, and a man represents the masculine aspects. 

A man and woman yearn to unite.

One’s spouse is a gateway to the opposite half of the universe.  Therefore, the spouse has a value that is equivalent to half of the universe and is indispensable to intimately understanding the total nature of God.

Marriage is an important pivotal point in the journey toward God.  Mrs. Moon, Reverend Moon’s wife, states that if we take a path other than true love in marriage, then we adversely affect the path of our eternal life.

In the process of salvation, a holy marriage centered upon God and true love is instrumental.  This is why a godly marriage is the central part of Reverend and Mrs. Moon’s ministry.  Marriage is so significant both temporal and eternal.

They call a God-centered marriage, “The Blessing” which is a sacrament that symbolically cuts their satanic past and engrafts them to a bright future with God.

The Blessing is not just for the couple themselves, it is very significant to save their ancestral lineage, their descendants and the role they play in human society.

The ‘Blessing’ of marriage connects a couple to the body of humanity.

This makes the Blessing a highly responsible venture to partake.

It is a marriage that is far removed from the being solely for the couple’s pleasure and goes beyond just their children.

The Blessing echoes and takes to greater heights sentiments
about marriage such as author Jo McGowan’s:

To marry, to celebrate a love and a commitment publicly . . . is to say that the meaning of one’s life can only be found in the context of a community. It is to acknowledge one’s part in the human family, to recognize that one’s life is more than one’s own, that one’s actions affect more than oneself. It is to proclaim that marriage is more than a private affair between one woman and one man . . . . [It is] to be part of the human community, to start building the kingdom of God here on earth.




In order for marriage to play such a role in society and building the Kingdom of God, Reverend Moon holds Blessing ceremonies gathering thousands of couple.  These consists of newly married and those rededicating their marriages in front of God with a new, higher-standard devotion to God.

He believes marriage is not for oneself and spouse alone, but also for God and humanity.

Love that Partakes of Divinity

Author Antoine’s de Saint-Exupery’s ideal agrees, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.“

This is where the idea of the trinity and community within marriage become most apparent.

When husband and wife unite in a Blessed marriage, consciously centered upon God, they form a trinity. 

Through giving and receiving between God, husband and wife, the flow of love is perpetuated.

Then the couple radiates benevolence to their children, friends, acquaintances and community.

Catholicism has a similar program, “Marriage Encounter” which also sees the true love of a couple that is centered upon God as a way to salvation for the community.

Psychologist Erich Fromm authenticates this kind of love when he described that true love affects how a person relates to the world. “If I truly love one person, I love all persons, I love the world.”

One husband described such a marriage as touching the “love that includes everything and everybody, the love that’s universal . . . everything that is good about connectedness and caring for others.”

Through martial life, men and women are able to experience all the possible family relationships between them.

At times a husband may be a friend to his wife or like a brother or uncle, also a father and son.

A woman may sometimes be her husband’s sister, mother, daughter, or grandmother.

Love of husband and wife, or conjugal love, encompasses the constellation of relationship with others.  This love helps couples understand various aspects of the heart of God.

A couple’s love and oneness becomes substantially and eternally embodied in the creation of a child. 

God creates by reuniting elements of masculine and feminine into one and creating a new being from this unity.

In this way, we can say that marriage leads to a family which is a complete reflection of God in all His glory.

Marriage and family are the embodiment and full representation of the image of God.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Most Successful Marriages Center on God

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on love, and marriage.

Love Comes From One's Partner

Love cannot be realized by oneself.  - Reverend Sun Myung Moon

 

Where does love come from?

 

A husband should think, "Love does not come from me but from my spouse.  Since love comes from my spouse, I must bow my head and serve her."

 

This is where the heavenly principle of living for the sake of others originates. 

When something highly noble comes to me, I must honor and serve it in order to receive it. We must live the philosophy of living for the sake of others.

When we are alone, love cannot manifest itself.

 

Love does not appear when man is alone, but only when woman appears as his object of love. Only when the object of love appears, does love finally spring forth.

We say that parental love is good and conjugal love is good because genuine love is not something that is self-centered. Love is not something that starts from me but something that starts from my partner. 

You need to know this. Love comes from your husband and from your wife, and from your sons and daughters and from your brothers and sisters.

 

Love does not start from your own self but from your spouse. Therefore, who is the owner of love?

 

 

 

 

 

Your spouse is the owner of love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where does love come from?

 

It comes from your partner. If your partner is homely or ugly, love recedes; if your partner is nice-looking or lovely, love advances more quickly.

 

The way in which love functions is determined according to your partner's attributes: her speech, her scent, her smell, and her taste.

Where is the base of love?

 

The base of love is not me. The word love must be used in reciprocal terms. No matter how handsome a man may be, if he has no partner, he is stuck because he cannot love alone.

The base of love is not me. "Love comes from me" are words that Satan has been using. I am not the base of love.

 

You may think that you are the base of love, but there will be no progress in the future unless such a mindset is totally dismantled and transformed.

Until now, wives have put themselves at the center, and husbands have put themselves at the center, with both wanting to be served. 

This has been destroying relationships. Since the basis of love does not come from me, but from my spouse, if I am to possess that love, I must sacrifice myself for that love. Love requires patience and absolutely demands sacrifice. 

With this viewpoint, there is no place in the cosmos, other than on earth, where we can defeat Satan.

God is holding tightly onto love because it can be found only in accordance with the God-centered principle of love. 

The word compassion (jabi) cannot be expressed in the absence of love. The word benevolence (in) also cannot stand on its own. The words jabi and in are all used only in reciprocal terms. 

 

 

 

Men and Women Harmonize in Love

Man symbolizes heaven and woman, earth. The two must unite and realize harmony. Men and women are different. Men's muscles are rugged and women's are smooth. Men have beards while women do not. 

Their voices are also different. If we compare men and women, we see their contrasting features fit together well.

 

Harmony unfolds between them. When we look at the physical structure of human beings, their left and right sides form a correlative pair. These two halves are bound tightly together.

Ladies and gentlemen, do you like only high things or only low things? You like things that create harmony.

 

Judging from the line formed by the horizon, fish live below and mammals, birds, and other creatures live above. 

Women menstruate once a month, like tidal variations based on the moon. Breathing is similar. A man and a woman establish a line of balance and create harmony.

 

People like Disneyland, with its rides that go up and down, because Disneyland duplicates the motions of the universe.

Which do you think will be more pleasing, a man harmonizing with another man or a man harmonizing with a woman? 

A man harmonizing with a woman is better because that reflects the harmony of the universe. We should live in step with the beat of the universe, the universe that promotes harmony through the harmony of yin and yang.

When man and woman create harmony, they initiate circular movement. When man and woman become one body through love and bear the fruits of love, God comes down and they go up and they meet in the middle. 

God becomes the center of this sphere, and spherical movement begins. The center of the sphere is the place where harmony of love is realized. 

It is the place where life emerges and moves, and it is the starting point of human equality and communal philosophy. This is so because the power of love is there. Thus, the force that embraces all interactions of the universe is love.

For human beings love is eternal. It is one and never divided. Once a man and a woman are joined in love they are to live together for a lifetime and then eternally even after death. They are two bodies that become one body by uniting and revolving together. 

When the two bodies become one, they revolve as God does and form a four-position foundation of love, the expression of the ideal world of love. Only true love dwells there and false love cannot invade. 

When man and woman become blessed by God and achieve perfection, God comes to them freely. When they form a four-position foundation of love, they will come to love each other's mind through each other's body, and when they come to love the mind their body will follow. (Blessed Family - 344) 

Original Human Beings Are Enraptured with True Love

 

What is the holiest thing in the world?

 

True love is the holiest thing in world. True love originates with God. If God exists, there is no other way than the way of true love.

 

 God truly desires the way of true love, and without traversing the way of true love, we cannot go before God. We have to know this point.

God wants to see, hear, eat, and touch everything in the universe through love.

 

As for human beings, if they receive a kiss of love from God, their joy will make them feel as if they are going to explode from inside.

 

This is where God's desire lies. God does not rejoice because He has diamonds or jewelry. 

The human body has five senses and every human being feels and confirms true love through the sensations of the five senses.

 

If the eyes are directed toward true love, they will be colored by and intoxicated with true love. 

Think about how enchanting the smiling lips of a person immersed in true love are.

 

Try to imagine the intense beauty of the five senses moving in intoxication with true love and the harmony of the five senses moving toward God.

Alone, God cannot experience the joy of such beauty. He can experience such beauty only when He has a partner, and this is the reason God created human beings. 

How would God feel as He observed a beautiful man and woman absorbed into one another through true love-intoxicated eyes, or kissing with true love-intoxicated lips, and playing the melody of a heart of true love?

 

If there is an Eve of true love, God would want to completely traverse her world of heart. God would have an impulsive desire to explore the breadth and depth of this beautiful Eve's world of heart.

God would want to traverse both Adam's and Eve's world of heart, a world more beautiful than the created heaven and earth.

 

It is certain that God would rather travel within the world of the heart of a person of true love than the universe. God would never want to leave Adam's and Eve's world of heart and true love. 

If, after God created human beings, He fell into their true love and became a child lost in that love, what kind of world would we have?

 

Since God would dwell in their midst, the world formed by God and human beings becoming one would be a world filled with joy and beauty.

If the true love of God had been perfected, the God of responsiveness would have no regrets at being totally absorbed by true love. 

God's nature is such that He would be totally happy with anything that happened within the realm of true love.

 

If human beings were to live in this world of true love, they would live a happy life free from regret. Moreover, this world would be without war and free of complaint and misfortune. 

Love Is Realized in a Completely Natural Setting

 

This is a story from my youth:

 

One day, I caught a pair of birds and tried to make them kiss each other's beaks. 

To see them kiss I put them in a cage, fed them, and watched them. I did it out of a child's desire to see them love each other and sing happily together. This was an experiment, out of curiosity, to understand the principles of nature. 

I continued this experiment, which I now understand to have been quite naughty. It was only after a long while that I finally understood that love is realized only in a natural setting. 

Sincere love is realized naturally, in an atmosphere that is natural to the highest degree. Through a long journey of experiments I came to the correct understanding of love.

When someone loses love, will having a university education help him to regain love?

 

He will only accumulate knowledge, become individualistic, and come to worship materialism.

 

Just as Korean bean soup tastes right only when it is served in a thick Korean bowl, character training can reach its purpose only when it is based on love.

The flower of world civilization should blossom on the basis of artistic harmony. In this sense, roasted ribs should be served on a heavy platter and Korean bean paste soup should be served in a thick, Korean earthenware bowl to bring out their proper tastes.

 

Once you have become used to the rough, deep, and refreshing taste of Korean bean paste soup, you will never forget it no matter where you may go.

Likewise, once people have become used to the earthy, deep, relaxing taste of love, they will not change.

 

Just as one easily tires of instant foods that are usually heavily sweetened, if one could obtain love easily and anywhere like instant food, we would be unable to call it true love.

There are people everywhere today who taste love as if they were eating instant food. This is the problem.

 

Love does not deepen because you bathe in a fragrant bath. 

I would say that the love of a couple living in the countryside that washes themselves in cold water before going to bed is purer, longer lasting, and ever deepening.

 

A couple that has to brush their teeth before kissing is not experiencing natural love. 

The toothpaste smell will prevent them from tasting the unique smell of the other. When I look at people who brush their teeth before kissing, I don't know whether they are trying to taste love or taste toothpaste.

When you meet with someone you like and love, you want to embrace and kiss that person. This is a natural instinct between the sexes. You can think you are meeting your partner in order to love your surroundings which is the universe. Finding a partner and establishing a relationship is a natural human behavior.

When man relates to woman and woman relates to man under the ideal of partnership, there will be no acts or incidents that violate the order of love. The true order of love emerges only when man and woman meet on the basis of the ideal of partnership. 

 

 

Return for Tomorrow's Post: What Does An Ideal Family Look Like?

 

 

Cheong Seong Gyeong Book Four - True Family, Chapter Five Section 4-7

Can We Become 'Ideal'?

What does the ideal mean?  Is it possible for a man to become ideal?

Only God can be the subject to this explanation.  This means that God is central to the ideal.

God's goal is the creation of the ideal house of the universe.

The Divine Principle, which this blog is based upon, teaches that the Messiah will come to the family, which is the building block of the universe.

Your home began with your parents.  A husband and wife, plus children are there.  Is this all there is needed to have happiness in the home is having parents and brother and sister?

Happiness comes when you have harmony in relationships, when there is loving give and take.

A happy home is an environment that allows you to freely express yourself in love.

If something joyful happens to you, would you like to celebrate it by yourself or look for someone you can share it with?

You would look for a loved one to rejoice; a husband wants to rejoice with his wife, parents with their children and children with their parents.

Would the ideal home consist of siblings that fight with their parents?

Wouldn't it be more natural for them to want to be with their parents?  A wife and husband do not come together for just their own happiness, but solely for their children.

The relationships that are contained within the four-position foundation (husband, children, sibling, God) can cover the entire earth.  Children eventually become parents who have their own children, who in turn become  parents continuing this cycle.

Would the children think that it is bad that their parents call the town together to celebrate with them when they are happy?

Would children want their parents to only share their happiness with the children instead?

Father's children could understandably complain in their hearts that their parents spend too much time with the church members instead of having fellowship with the children.

If children have this selfish thinking can they be called good children?  Father's children would not complain because they understand that they labor to pour out their love for the sake of the world.  For that reason, they appreciate their parents.

What is happiness within children whose parents work hard for the members of their church and for a public purpose?  They have happiness because they know eventually that love will come to them.  The ones who receive that devoted parent's love will pour their love to the children.

If those parents instead spent time with their children instead of the the members, then the members would be justified in their complaints that Father only loves his own family.

Those parents aren't neglecting their children, of course they love them, but more than their own children, they love society, nation and the world. Eventually that love will come back to our children.  This principle is true and will not change with time, nor will its value diminish.

When you love the universe more than your own family, you are entitled to receive more and ultimately it will benefit your own children. 

Ideal parents will expand their love universally.

If the parents bring a great benefit and love to Russia, when their parents visit there, they will be well received with love and respect.  If the parents love the world, then wherever their children go, they will be welcomed.

When people receive a lot, they want to reciprocate.  When parents see that their parents are loving the world and working hard to spread that love, the children should not feel neglected.  They should be able to understand this realization and see it as their hope.

What if a wife only wanted her husband to pay attention to only her, or a husband wants his wife to ignore other families and pay attention only to him?  Such a person deserves hell.

Many American women are this way.  They even look for a man who does not have a family ties so he will pay attention only to her as the wife.  A husband or wife usually become jealous when the spouse pays too much attention to the family, resenting the love that person gives to someone else.

If the world is filled with such husbands and wives, would this be a hellish or heavenly place?

Women should realize that the ideal husband is he who loves his wife, but loves his parents, brothers and sisters and neighbors as much as he does her.

That kind of husband is not wasting time with others, but inviting their love for his wife.  It is only natural that the love he shares with them will come back to her.  A daughter-in-law can become the central figure to the husband's family because of the love she gives.

She can become a queen of love in that house.  Any home that violates that principle is judged and shall decline.  Is this true or false?

Some women who are humble and live this principle may not be as pretty, but are ideal because they have this concept of ideal womanhood, ideal family and ideal love.

What kind of husband would you want?

The kind that does not have a family or the one who has nagging parents and grandparents and even great grandparents?  The husband with the big family will be the most exciting place to go.  There you have more objects to love and fellowship with.  By having this foundation, you can receive more love.

This principle is very simple, but American women are blind to it.  Once they are awakened to this way of life, however, a revolution will occur in American homes.

Now, you have the tools to become an ideal husband or wife.

What if your husband disappeared on the night of your honeymoon?  Then you find him in fellowship with his father-in-law, and the next night with his mother-in-law.  If you were unable to see your husband the whole honeymoon, would you complain when you see him loving your parents instead?


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Pompeii, Roman Empire Fell from Within


This post was rewritten and derived form the speech Ideal Home

Sex Education Focus on Purity

When you are nearing twenty, where do you take your clean and unstained pure love, carefully wrapped? To the altar of God, the place where Heaven will be most happy to receive it. Then you join with a man of pure love or a woman with pure love to become a holy husband and wife together.

—Sun Myung Moon



Those who have kept up with the post or are familiar with Unification Thought and the teachings of the Divine Principle, you will recognize a common underlining theme in each one.

Reverend Dr. Sun Myung Moon made it his life mission to speak about reversing the fallen history and what he had learned in his 90 years in search of the ultimate way to completely be rid of humanity's sinful fallen lineage.

In short, humanity's wrong turn began with the wrong use of love through the sexual organs and in his quest he found that to reverse this is through connecting our love to God and our sexual organs only between husband and wife.

For the next week, we will focus on this part of the teaching.

Many think that a pastor should not bring up the topic of sex, but God created sex to be abundant and enjoyed between a husband and wife.  Because sex education is not being taught in the home or in the church's, Satan has been teaching his ungodly way of sex.  It is time to reclaim this holy part of the body and return it to God.

Here Father Moon gives a speech on the topic:


"When children are young, the joy of their lives is in seeing their parents’ faces. Next comes the deep attachment they develop with their siblings and friends.

But as they begin to turn into young men and women, they become intensely fascinated with the other sex, and the longing for conjugal love rises in their hearts. This is the “urge to merge” with a mate and become more complete, the longing for oneness in heart and body with their life companion, to team up with a partner to impact the world in a greater way.

These developments are a direct call of the four realms of heart and are necessary to a life fulfilled in true love. Traditionally, parents and indeed their whole society guided young people along a clearly defined path to meet a mate and come into marriage.

Centuries ago in the West and presently in parts of the East, elders arranged marriages while youth were yet teenagers. In the modernized world not long ago, individuals dated to select their own mate for marriage. In either case, sexual love was expected to be reserved for marriage.  Presently, however, these ways have become all but lost.

Dating is no longer with the intent to marry, but simply to have fun and companionship.

In fact, there are few clear rules or guidelines to help steer couples to the altar. Sex has become an expression of casual interest with little connection to marriage.

It is indulged in at earlier and earlier ages; 16 is a common age to lose virginity in most Western countries. Parenthood is no longer related to marriage and the widespread use of contraceptives and abortion intends to sever sex from parenthood as well.

A “divorce culture” in which a high percentage of first marriages fail has broken young people’s confidence to marry and adult confidence to advocate it. This plus the lack of stigma attached to sex outside of marriage has led to the widespread practice of couples living together before or in place of marrying.

Perhaps to an unprecedented degree, a multitude of powerful forces conspire against young people keeping the tradition of giving their bodies and souls to one person for life. Yet this remains the standard imprinted in the heart and conscience by the Creator.

For what reason do we marry? It is in order to realize the purpose of [human] creation.”

Nothing else can satisfy individuals’ yearning to live a life of honor and significance, to be loved unconditionally and to give their children the security of their parents’ enduring unity.


Desirable and Attainable?

To conform to this norm requires youth and single people to believe in the value and viability of both purity and marriage. Just as importantly, they need to believe in their own capability to be successful in each enterprise.

On one hand, they need to be sold on the beauty of reserving sex for marriage. One young woman sums up her sense of this when she writes, “It is sexuality dedicated to hope, to the future, to marital love, to children, and to God.”

At the same time, confidence that they personally can practice it is essential. This is not easy in many societies given the dearth of role models to look up to.

On the other hand, the idea of saving sex for marriage only has meaning if they view matrimony as desirable. More pointedly, they must see it as an attainable goal for themselves. When so many in society model marital failure, it is common to find individuals who doubt they can succeed in marriage:

“I want to be married, but most people I know have divorced or given up on it. I don’t know how I could do better.” In such cases, they may well decide to give up their chastity and dreams of marriage for a live-in lover, the closest thing to marital  commitment they believe they can achieve.

For these reasons, helping young and single people to be responsible regarding their sexual desires and to achieve the life purpose of marriage requires support for both goals. This support may encompass many facets—from basic relationship insights and skills to inner qualities and the lessons gleaned from family relationships to considering practical issues of when and how to meet a potential mate.


Education for Character, Abstinence and Marriage Preparation 

Guiding young people into matrimony and safeguarding their chastity is a multi-faceted endeavor involving many overt and subtle contributions from the family and community.

The disruption of traditional culture in the developed countries has left in many cases a profound vacuum that leaves adolescents and young adults with an unprecedented lack of assistance in this critical task. Families and societies have adapted in some measure to meet the need.

The most noticeable developments have been the rise of education for character, sexual abstinence and more recently, the emergence of marriage and relationship education.

Character education has been a rising trend in many societies.  Whether in elementary school or at the university, whether in a secular or parochial setting, intentional character education aims to bolster the moral development of students and foster emotional and social learning.

Methods include bringing out the ethical dimensions of classroom instruction, creating a more caring school community, conducting service learning projects and utilizing cooperative learning techniques.

Many view character education as a socializing influence that promotes better interpersonal relationships, including those between the sexes.

Formal education about sexuality has been a growing trend worldwide, especially with the proliferation of sexually transmitted infections. 

Much of this, however, is focused on control of the physical consequences of sexual relations, not primarily the support of purity. In response, what is called abstinence education has emerged.

Whether offered in a secular or faith-based setting, this is formal, research-based instruction characterized by an emphasis on reserving physical intimacy for marriage. Nations as diverse as the United States, Uganda and India have supported this effort with government funding.

The last thirty years has witnessed an explosion of scientific understanding about what makes marriages succeed and fail. This has been translated into programs imparting certain knowledge and skills that are supplementing the traditional premarital guidance offered in faith and family settings to great effect.

For instance, in cities where judges and clergy agree to conduct marriages only for couples who have received premarital education and counseling, divorce rates have dropped dramatically.

They are also increasingly being offered in schools and other contexts. In the United States, several states and cities have mandated marriage education for all high school students, and such courses for personal enrichment are increasingly common on college campuses. The hallmark of such programs is training in better communication skills and greater facility in dealing with conflict



Complementary Education

The three kinds of education are naturally complementary and interdependent. The most effective abstinence programs incorporate marriage and relationship education, just as the most comprehensive relationship education cautions against physical intimacy outside of the context of commitment. This burgeoning formal instruction in the understanding and skills needed for sexual abstinence and marriage preparation is of great value.




Three Facets of Marriage Preparation

Yet for Reverend Moon, there are other components of chastity and marriage support that are equally if not more important. We may consider the great religious traditions and their appeal to and cultivation of personal character. There are also the lessons gained and the wholesome influence of personal relationships with elders, youngers and peers. This is where character education has an important role to play.

Finally there is the question of the age of entering into marriage and parentally involved mate selection; these represent yet another facet of depth and power. If these various facets can be likened to

Parental Involvement in Mate Selection
Right Age of Marriage
Relational
Knowledge
Skills
Character
Enriching
Relationships

Olympic medals, knowledge and techniques alone represent the bronze medal level. This combined with character and family relationships compares to the silver medal status. If parentally involved mate selection and right marital timing are added, this represents the highest, gold medal level



Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 1: Significance of Sex

This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "Purity and Preparation for Marriage"