How to be a True Parent

It has been said millions of times that the toughest job in the world is that of a parent, most particularly the mother's position.

There is probably no other time in history where the children were as collectively rebellious as in the Last Days.  Because of Adam and Eve's mistake, which they made while they were still teenagers, we are witnessing this phenom today.

Now that we are living during the time of restoring humanity back to the position before the Fall, we will see the fruit of fallen history take place.

For parents to educate their children, they must first put their good words into practice.  They should first set the example of being loyal to God's will.

In this way, they create an atmosphere where whatever they say, their children will revere them without ever talking back.

Otherwise, there is no way for the children to follow them.

For this to happen, parents should give their children a heavenly education.  In teaching their children, parents should first be exemplary.

For parents to teach their children about filial piety, then the parents must be children of filial piety first before God.

This means that you, the adults, should be filial sons and daughters according to the heavenly laws so heaven's tradition of filial piety can be established from there.

Parents should educate them to practice filial piety just as their own parents practiced filial piety in the family.

The patriot's parents struggled for the nation even while being driven into desperate circumstances. 

Parents Must First Set an Example

Parents do not make their children practice filial piety just by telling them to do so.

Every parent should want to possess a heart which causes the children to WANT to practice filial piety to spring up within them.

This kind of love does not happen in one morning, but is developed over a long period of influence from the parents.

What does it mean to exert influence?  

Parents should set the example in their daily lives for their children to follow their way. 

You should be experts at putting such things into practice.

As parents, you do not just simply say, "Become great people" but rather, you say, "Go this way in order to become great people."

Fathers must fulfill their responsibility as fathers and the elder siblings should fulfill their responsibilities as elders.

By you becoming people who walk the path of true men and women, who do not deviate from the heavenly law, a pathway will emerge by which you can go the principled course and become the citizens of the one nation.

Then, what should parent's do?

Parents should teach the children to love their brothers and sisters in such a way as the mother and father loves them.  At the same time, they should teach their children to have a love for the nation in such a way. Then they do not need any further education.

When it is time for you to pray, ask God to make your children follow this way since you are doing it this way.

You can only place your children in such a position only after you yourself have set the standard.  Once you stand in such a high position, then God would naturally lead your children in the same direction.

Thus, if you fail to reverse the trend here, then you will be called to account for this failure once your go to spirit world.

Each of your families should have such children that view Mom and Dad as greater than any kings, queens or presidents in the world.

Also, you should be able to show them their mother and father are close and united with each other like no other parents in the secular world.  You should establish such a tradition.

This tradition should be so well planted in your children that they will say that their parents make them proud more than anyone else in the world.

If you look at the parents in the secular world, they constantly fight making a big mess even when their children protest their behavior in tears.

If children are unable to grow up without any tears or sympathy, when they see their parents fight in the secular world, they still exclaim that their Mom and Dad are the best in the world.

This is because they do not know the standard.  This is why you should set the example of a true parent and how children should be.

You should establish a parental bond where adoration flows out from the innermost core of your children's heart.

Thereby, this is where the family precepts and traditions are established.  Through teaching this tradition, the children of the next generation will say, "We will stand in the position as parents."

Parents Are Best Friends and Best Teachers

Have you ever thought where does love originate?

It never comes from the self, but rather from a partner.

Without a partner, love cannot arise. 

We see this pair system in all of creation.

Within humankind, women complement men, and children complement their parents.  Love is never realized without partners, a subject and object partner.

Those who have not been able to truly experience this love of the three object partners, cannot stand of having substantially experienced God's perfect love.

We should give birth to be able to match the rejoicing of God after having created Adam and Eve when we give birth to sons and daughters.

After God spent millions of years to develop the creation, surely he was overjoyed at the time of His first children's arrival.

We learn this in the Divine Principle.  After God created the first parents He told them, "From now on, you will rule over the world.  Our family will be the central family of the world.  Please grow up quickly."  God felt joy and satisfaction after Adam and Eve came into being.

God thus desired to see the day that Adam and Eve would be able to be blessed in His true Holy marriage upon their coming age.

By the same token, when fathers and mothers give all of the energy and love into raising their children well, they want to find good partners to become good husbands and wives.  When this happens, the family thus prospers.

Who are truly your children's best friends?

Not the young boys from the neighboring village. Your children's best friends are none other than you, their own parents.

This is how it should be.  Parents should be liked by their own children even more than their friends.  This is how you should think when raising your children.

Parents must be their children's best friends and best teachers.

While educating their children, parents should not lose their tempers and yell, "Hey you, don't do that!".  Teachers should not say, "You brat! I will spank you if you don't do what I told you.  Don't do that!"  Instead both should educate children with love.

Parents should teach their children in such a way that if they were to ask their children, "Hey, do you think you should do that?" The children will answer in such a way, "You are right, I should not do that because it would make my parents sad."

This is the reason that the parents should be their children's best friends.  Do you think that Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden had friends?  If Adam had any friends, his only friend was Eve.  Next there was just God.

But God did not want His children to be friends with the archangel who was a servant until after the purpose of creation was fulfilled, then Lucifer would have gone to the  next level beyond the servant if he fulfilled God's will.

Instead, Adam and Eve befriended the wrong person.  So, parents should be the best of all teachers, the best of all friends and become the best of all thrills of love.

Love begins from God.

Therefore, conjugal love stems from the parents.

When it is is time for the parents' children to find mates, the parents can say, "Hey, you like each other not because of yourselves but because of the virtues of your parents."  Their children should reply, "You were right, if you had not raised us this way and found such partners for us, we would have been disastrous."

As we have seen in society, marriages that are based on personal choice only without thought to the purpose of the whole, fail to meet the standard.  So who should educate children in love?  They should be educated by their parents.

Children should see that their mother and father love each other with great fun, like two cooing pigeons and learn from this kind of love.  They should be able to say, "Wow, when I see my father and mother together like that, I feel lonely when I am alone.  I also need a partner whom I can love like my parents love one another."

Their parents should teach them how to be like this.

When children are able to repeat this kind of love and extend it out into society, then the world will become a world of goodness and human history will become a history of goodness.  This is what we seek to accomplish.

Chastisement with Love

According to the Revelation of John, one should be hot or cold, but never lukewarm, because the world where love is lukewarm will never do.

If you have a heart of love you can even chastise with a stick. 

While raising your children, if they fail to meet a certain standard, even though you have loved them, then you should sometimes treat them coldly.  If you do not scold them when they are clearly at fault, then they grow up without the capacity to distinguish right from wrong.

Although your Teacher may look amiable, I can sometimes be strict. I can be merciless toward evil, but toward goodness I can be hot like a furnace at thousands of degrees.  When I heard recently that a teacher at a school in the West was in trouble with the authorities for using corporal punishment, I said to myself, "Now that nation will perish!" 


A nation that does not allow the correct discipline of children will soon be a nation of adults that do not know how to behave in the proper way.  Therefore, students should not mind if their teachers strongly guide them in the right direction even with strong chastisement.

There is a saying in Korea, "Give one more rice cake to someone you dislike, and wield a stick for someone you like."

This is the only way to ensure that the right tradition is continued.

Children should forget the pain of their punishment and should be able to shed tears before the love of their parents.

The closer you are to someone, the more you can scold him, saying, "You heathen! Why did you do that?" 

Instead of rewarding him, you can spank him on the calf and scold him, saying, "You rascal, did you do something good or bad?"

But the intensity of our concern for him must exceeds the severity of the punishment otherwise, it will be a sin.


If your punishment is more severe and surpasses the concern for the child, he could become one of your biggest enemies.


Even if you correct your child out of love, if the severity of the punishment exceeded the degree of love then everything will shatter.  Nevertheless, the opposite case happens, then everything is set right.

If we were to say that your love for him is at a level of ten on a scale of one to then, but incurred a minus of five because of a severe punishment, your child would still be grateful at the level of five.

Even still, if you child is unable to accept his punishment well, in order to allow him to come to repentance, you should love him with a greater love than you have shown him in the past.

Thus, even a delinquent child would be able to repent and turn immediately around in front of such true parental love.

However, if you scold your child repeatedly, and speak loudly about how well you have raised him, he will begin to pack his bags. 

But, if you love your child with a greater love, by shedding tears as if your heart would melt for them, they will turn around.

Greater love tends to take the lead in assimilating and integrating all other lesser forms of love. 

Even parents that live in the secular society if they are lax and tell their children not to study because they look tired, that parent does not truly love their child.

Parents should encourage their children to stay up and study even if they have to spank them.

Why is this so?

The parents should be concerned for the future well-being rather than just their present circumstances.  Parents discipline children in this way because they have greater hopes and dreams for their future.

When you give birth to and nurture your children, do so with true love. 

Based on this foundation, if your family members are able to unite closely and learn to love their nation, they will then become patriots.

Hence, parents watch over the growing process of their children and thus educate them.

Sometimes loving parents have to wield a big stick of love so that the children can grow up in the right way.

Children should not complain or protest because of being scolded or even spanked by their parents when they make mistakes.

Children should take such discipline as a lesson.  They should repent seriously and strive to amend their errors.

Such children will be able to grow up correctly and draw near to the center where God abides.



Return for Tomorrow's Post: Parents' Heart Resemble God

This post was rewritten and derived from the textbook Cheon Seong Gyeong Book Four-True Family, Chapter Nine, Section 3-5

The Family is the Workshop of Love

Each night you know where your husband is, but would you feel happy each morning and embrace each person as much as you embrace your husband?

If so, then truly you are developing an ideal home and everyone will win the position of king and queen of love.

Any wife who demonstrates such harmony and unselfish love in her husband's home will become the queen of that house because everyone will practically worship her.

Is this a universal principle, or just an opinion?

Anyone who violates this principle will crumble, not the person who lives by it.

The ideal house is a house where the most loving person becomes the central figure. 

He will create a palace of love.

Why did God prepare the relationships of parents and children, and husband and wife?

Because they are miniatures of the universe, in which each person can practice how to love the whole universe. If you become a perfect member of your family, all you have to do is expand your love and the whole universe will be your home.

The home is the fundamental unit to practice loving everything in the universe. When you graduate in family love, you can build a universal home.

With this outlook, a man sees a beautiful young lady as his sister instead of thinking dirty thoughts.

It is good if they have pure fellowship all night in that case. With this realization a husband and wife can trust each other deeply, and there will be no misunderstanding whenever one of them meets someone else.

The family is a unit that serves as an instructional manual to teach you how to love the universe. 

If you meet the family's criteria, then you have met the universe's criteria.

The Kingdom of Heaven in heaven is the place where men and women will live who served all mankind as their brothers and sisters and who made a home where true love was practiced.

It is a satanic act for men and women to try to limit or regulate the flow of love.

Anyone who violates this principle shall be judged in accordance with it. The family God gives you is your workshop for loving the rest of the world. If you practice that, then you have the qualification to enter heaven.



If your husband has unselfish love for humanity, then when you love him you are loving the world; then you are not receiving just one man's love but a much greater love. This is precisely Mother's position. I am in a position to be loved by many women from all parts of the world.



When Mother sees that and rejoices over it, her own position is increased. Then she can receive my love more, and the love of the people will flow to her as well. In that case she is becoming a greater woman who is entitled to receive the love of the entire world.

When you apply the principle I am describing this morning, and expand your love through loving your family, you are loving all mankind and the world. It works both ways.

The home is a workshop of love. 

By knowing how to love your grandparents, you know how to love all the old people of the world. By loving your brothers and sisters, you know how to love all the young people of the world. When you love your husband, that is how you can love all the men of the world.

In the miniature world of your home, there are all kinds of personalities.

Some of them may be sharp and critical, but if you know how to love them then you can love all people like that in the world. You might complain that you have to live with such stingy, pushy brothers and sisters, but by having that opportunity you will know better how to love the negative people of the world.

The home is a training ground of love.

Eventually, you can conquer not just the world but the entire spirit world and God Himself with this kind of standard. When you throw out many fishing lines baited with love, you can catch the whole world on your hooks.

The greatest catch will be God.

When you reel Him in, He will embrace you and cry out, "My child!" The ideal house is the fishing hole where you can catch all kinds of fish, including spirit world and God.

Normally you catch fish with a hook, which hurts the fish, but when you catch someone with a hook of love he won't feel pain but joy, even if you hook him in the eye.

Those who dwell in the ideal home are ideal men and women because they have this unselfish principle of love. When you enter an ideal house, the woman's eyes are filled with love; her nose is a lump of love and even her hair is full of love.

On every side you perceive love.

Do you want that? Is it easy or difficult to practice? Even though it is difficult, when you know the preciousness of love you have energy to do it. Shall we start practicing that love today?

Love unites a separated husband and wife, and heals separations between children, between the nation and the world and the universe. Love has such power.

Shall we live that way of life?

Wouldn't you protest that it is too difficult to do?

Even though you have an urge to complain, knowing that love will come as the fruit of practicing this way of life you will not have one moment to complain because you will be filled with great joy and enthusiasm.

Are we the enemy or hope of America?

How much hope? It is gigantic. There is so much hope here that eventually all Americans will swallow that hook. Once you know this dramatic way of life, in the morning you feel gigantic power and excitement. Without it you feel dead.  If you have it, then you are the hope of America.


I just returned from Korea, where the President was just assassinated and the entire country is trembling.  Because I am a symbol of hope for many people around the world, they were more concerned about my well-being than about events in Korea. Were you concerned? Why? Because you were worried that the hook of love might be taken away from you. When I go to Korea, your heart goes to Korea. When I go to Britain, your heart goes there.


Everything that lives off of sunlight will turn toward the direction of the sun.  No one has to be taught this; plants are not taught this either.  Everything just automatically turns to face the sunlight.

You have never heard of a minister giving a ten-hour, or even two or three-hour sermon because no one would stay that long. But when Father talks for hours, when he's finished, you wonder where the time went and keep asking for more. Why?

You are hooked with love.

All five races are joined here in the exciting task of building the ideal home.

That is not my home or your home but God's home, in which all are entitled to dwell. We are joined together here for tomorrow's victory in the fulfillment of the ideal home. A new ideology has come which will bring a heightened hope and civilization.

We want to create God's ideal home. Would you make it the kind of place God goes only reluctantly, or the place where He is excited to go?

A place where God is uncomfortable and sits in a corner watching everyone, or where He moves around everywhere with complete freedom?

When you are persecuted and struck, think that you must be able to withstand it so you can make a home where God has complete freedom. Then it is not painful but exciting to receive persecution.

When other people curse you, then remember that you should be able to embrace even these men and women and tame them so God's home will be more exciting.

Then persecution tastes exciting. Then you are a public person.

We want to make a home so exciting that if you tell God He has to go back He will beg you to be able to stay.

Those who would make that house, raise your hands.

Would you complain? Would you get discouraged? Who can say they will live up to this new expectation?

Thank you.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Pour Your Heart Out for Others

This post was rewritten and derived from the speech Ideal Home

Sex Education Focus on Purity

When you are nearing twenty, where do you take your clean and unstained pure love, carefully wrapped? To the altar of God, the place where Heaven will be most happy to receive it. Then you join with a man of pure love or a woman with pure love to become a holy husband and wife together.

—Sun Myung Moon



Those who have kept up with the post or are familiar with Unification Thought and the teachings of the Divine Principle, you will recognize a common underlining theme in each one.

Reverend Dr. Sun Myung Moon made it his life mission to speak about reversing the fallen history and what he had learned in his 90 years in search of the ultimate way to completely be rid of humanity's sinful fallen lineage.

In short, humanity's wrong turn began with the wrong use of love through the sexual organs and in his quest he found that to reverse this is through connecting our love to God and our sexual organs only between husband and wife.

For the next week, we will focus on this part of the teaching.

Many think that a pastor should not bring up the topic of sex, but God created sex to be abundant and enjoyed between a husband and wife.  Because sex education is not being taught in the home or in the church's, Satan has been teaching his ungodly way of sex.  It is time to reclaim this holy part of the body and return it to God.

Here Father Moon gives a speech on the topic:


"When children are young, the joy of their lives is in seeing their parents’ faces. Next comes the deep attachment they develop with their siblings and friends.

But as they begin to turn into young men and women, they become intensely fascinated with the other sex, and the longing for conjugal love rises in their hearts. This is the “urge to merge” with a mate and become more complete, the longing for oneness in heart and body with their life companion, to team up with a partner to impact the world in a greater way.

These developments are a direct call of the four realms of heart and are necessary to a life fulfilled in true love. Traditionally, parents and indeed their whole society guided young people along a clearly defined path to meet a mate and come into marriage.

Centuries ago in the West and presently in parts of the East, elders arranged marriages while youth were yet teenagers. In the modernized world not long ago, individuals dated to select their own mate for marriage. In either case, sexual love was expected to be reserved for marriage.  Presently, however, these ways have become all but lost.

Dating is no longer with the intent to marry, but simply to have fun and companionship.

In fact, there are few clear rules or guidelines to help steer couples to the altar. Sex has become an expression of casual interest with little connection to marriage.

It is indulged in at earlier and earlier ages; 16 is a common age to lose virginity in most Western countries. Parenthood is no longer related to marriage and the widespread use of contraceptives and abortion intends to sever sex from parenthood as well.

A “divorce culture” in which a high percentage of first marriages fail has broken young people’s confidence to marry and adult confidence to advocate it. This plus the lack of stigma attached to sex outside of marriage has led to the widespread practice of couples living together before or in place of marrying.

Perhaps to an unprecedented degree, a multitude of powerful forces conspire against young people keeping the tradition of giving their bodies and souls to one person for life. Yet this remains the standard imprinted in the heart and conscience by the Creator.

For what reason do we marry? It is in order to realize the purpose of [human] creation.”

Nothing else can satisfy individuals’ yearning to live a life of honor and significance, to be loved unconditionally and to give their children the security of their parents’ enduring unity.


Desirable and Attainable?

To conform to this norm requires youth and single people to believe in the value and viability of both purity and marriage. Just as importantly, they need to believe in their own capability to be successful in each enterprise.

On one hand, they need to be sold on the beauty of reserving sex for marriage. One young woman sums up her sense of this when she writes, “It is sexuality dedicated to hope, to the future, to marital love, to children, and to God.”

At the same time, confidence that they personally can practice it is essential. This is not easy in many societies given the dearth of role models to look up to.

On the other hand, the idea of saving sex for marriage only has meaning if they view matrimony as desirable. More pointedly, they must see it as an attainable goal for themselves. When so many in society model marital failure, it is common to find individuals who doubt they can succeed in marriage:

“I want to be married, but most people I know have divorced or given up on it. I don’t know how I could do better.” In such cases, they may well decide to give up their chastity and dreams of marriage for a live-in lover, the closest thing to marital  commitment they believe they can achieve.

For these reasons, helping young and single people to be responsible regarding their sexual desires and to achieve the life purpose of marriage requires support for both goals. This support may encompass many facets—from basic relationship insights and skills to inner qualities and the lessons gleaned from family relationships to considering practical issues of when and how to meet a potential mate.


Education for Character, Abstinence and Marriage Preparation 

Guiding young people into matrimony and safeguarding their chastity is a multi-faceted endeavor involving many overt and subtle contributions from the family and community.

The disruption of traditional culture in the developed countries has left in many cases a profound vacuum that leaves adolescents and young adults with an unprecedented lack of assistance in this critical task. Families and societies have adapted in some measure to meet the need.

The most noticeable developments have been the rise of education for character, sexual abstinence and more recently, the emergence of marriage and relationship education.

Character education has been a rising trend in many societies.  Whether in elementary school or at the university, whether in a secular or parochial setting, intentional character education aims to bolster the moral development of students and foster emotional and social learning.

Methods include bringing out the ethical dimensions of classroom instruction, creating a more caring school community, conducting service learning projects and utilizing cooperative learning techniques.

Many view character education as a socializing influence that promotes better interpersonal relationships, including those between the sexes.

Formal education about sexuality has been a growing trend worldwide, especially with the proliferation of sexually transmitted infections. 

Much of this, however, is focused on control of the physical consequences of sexual relations, not primarily the support of purity. In response, what is called abstinence education has emerged.

Whether offered in a secular or faith-based setting, this is formal, research-based instruction characterized by an emphasis on reserving physical intimacy for marriage. Nations as diverse as the United States, Uganda and India have supported this effort with government funding.

The last thirty years has witnessed an explosion of scientific understanding about what makes marriages succeed and fail. This has been translated into programs imparting certain knowledge and skills that are supplementing the traditional premarital guidance offered in faith and family settings to great effect.

For instance, in cities where judges and clergy agree to conduct marriages only for couples who have received premarital education and counseling, divorce rates have dropped dramatically.

They are also increasingly being offered in schools and other contexts. In the United States, several states and cities have mandated marriage education for all high school students, and such courses for personal enrichment are increasingly common on college campuses. The hallmark of such programs is training in better communication skills and greater facility in dealing with conflict



Complementary Education

The three kinds of education are naturally complementary and interdependent. The most effective abstinence programs incorporate marriage and relationship education, just as the most comprehensive relationship education cautions against physical intimacy outside of the context of commitment. This burgeoning formal instruction in the understanding and skills needed for sexual abstinence and marriage preparation is of great value.




Three Facets of Marriage Preparation

Yet for Reverend Moon, there are other components of chastity and marriage support that are equally if not more important. We may consider the great religious traditions and their appeal to and cultivation of personal character. There are also the lessons gained and the wholesome influence of personal relationships with elders, youngers and peers. This is where character education has an important role to play.

Finally there is the question of the age of entering into marriage and parentally involved mate selection; these represent yet another facet of depth and power. If these various facets can be likened to

Parental Involvement in Mate Selection
Right Age of Marriage
Relational
Knowledge
Skills
Character
Enriching
Relationships

Olympic medals, knowledge and techniques alone represent the bronze medal level. This combined with character and family relationships compares to the silver medal status. If parentally involved mate selection and right marital timing are added, this represents the highest, gold medal level



Return for Tomorrow's Post: 7 Days of Holy Sex Day 1: Significance of Sex

This text was rewritten and derived from the Textbook: True Love, Chapter "Purity and Preparation for Marriage"