True Love is....

In addition to love being kind and patient and several qualities listed in the Bible, it is also forgiving, other-Centered,, serving and sacrificial, eternal faithful and obedient and principled.

In order for true love to benefit another person, it has to be unconditional. This means that love is based on the person's worth as a human being. 

No matter what a person's status or appearance, unconditional love respects and recognizes the worth of the other person simply because he was created by God.

True love can transcend national boundaries or racial boundaries and discrimination between religious sects. In this unity, we are all brothers and sisters. In the sight of God, there is no such thing as Orientals, Whites, and Blacks . . . we are different only on the surface. Underneath, we come from the same God.

Reverend Sun Myung Moon's comment on unconditional true love:

A second aspect of true love's unconditional nature is that it is given to the worthy and unworthy alike. The Bible states that God's sun shins upon both the good and evil people. Of course, it is easier for us to love those who are lovable, but unconditional love asks us to love those who are unlovable in the moment just because they were conceived in the perfect love of God. In addition, we should love others because they are destined to return to God's bosom.

The day will come when they are restored and revealed as an indispensable part of God: His precious and beloved children.

Unconditional love does not meant to overlook and accept bad conduct, but to give with the hope of redeeming the other and calling him back to live in God's true way.

Once people feel accepted and love, they are far more likely to confess, repent and make the necessary effofrts to change.

The founder of Boys Town, Father Flanagan, had a philosophy that, “There is no such thing as a bad boy.” He believed that beneath the rough, tough, dirty exterior of the worst street urchin, God's child awaited to be allowed to thus come out in safety in order to be loved. 

This kind of unconditional love 'broke down' many many incorrigible boys and cleansed them with healing tears and inspired many to live amended lives.

To this day, Boys Town remains the most successful child rehabilitation system in the world.

Many of its alumni who were once abused and neglect, go on to live a productive and valuable life just because one man had a vision to love without any condition.

True Love Is Eternal

Reverend Sun Myung Moon commented on the quality of true love:

People like gold because it doesn’t change . . . . What element in diamonds makes people love them? As far as its hardness and solidity is concerned, the diamond excels any other stone. Other rocks and metals will be eroded as time goes by, but diamonds won’t . . . . The more valuable something is, the less changeable it is.

True love does not waver – it is eternal. It does not change based on a whim, circumstance or outo f convenience.

A good friend will stay at his pal's side through the good and also the bad times. A devoted husband stays with his wife in her beautiful youth and as her beauty fades. A parent who is deserted by his child will still look out he window every night hoping for his rebellious son's return.

Constancy is the ballast of all lasting and true relationships.

People who truly practice unconditional love, they are there for one another in times of pleasure as well as time of pain.

Also, God's unchanging love is a place where the heart can return again and again for forgiveness, renewal, reassurance, wisdom and a fresh determination.

There was a bumper sticker that read, “If you don't feel close to God – guess who moved?” We are assured that it wasn't God that moved.

One parent won the heart of her teenage daughter through her unending determination. The teenager became rebellious and increasingly 'smart-mouthed' and rebellious which caused the parent pain.

Everything came to a crisis point when the police department called her and said they had her daughter. The mother was understandingly furious and didn't speak to her daughter all night. 

Then she thought again how she believed in her daughter's essential goodness. So, to demonstrate her faith in her daughter, the mother wrapped a small gift box and gave it to her daughter.

The daughter unwrapped it and found a rock inside with a note that read:

This rock is a thousand years old. That's how long it will take before I give up on you.

Right then, the teenager broke down in extreme tears when she witnessed her mother's devotion to her. The two became very close after that incident.

Just as a human mother does not give up on her child, God does not give up on His children either. Even when people give up on themselves. 

They may feel worthless, hopeless, in despair and feel they are beyond redemption just as the teenager girl undoubtedly felt about herself in the story above.

God's love is like a rock.

God is always there waiting and hoping for His child's return. Jesus expressed, “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.”

God is a parent who is always home and ready to answer the door. He always hopes that the children He loves so steadfastly come to pay Him a visit. He hopes to be embraced again in the love that never wavers.

“What made Jesus sacred was that he trusted and loved people, wanted to live with them and save them more than anything else—even though they betrayed him. He blessed his enemies.”

Sixty-six volumes in the Holy Scripture can be condensed into a significant meaning – Jesus' main teaching is unchangeability.

True Love Is Unique

The uniqueness of each individual is taken in account in true love. It is not a 'one size fits all' kind of love. Each person needs to be loved exactly for who he or she is. Each one of us is a unique entity in the universe with their own likes and dislikes and preferences.

To love with discernment requires wisdom, attentiveness, and patience.

No two petals on a flower look alike as well as small stones, pebbles on the side of a mountain upon careful examination. This is one of the beauties of nature. Also, in the way you were born. True love's uniqueness is vividly demonstrated through family relationships.

A highly-successful marriage program advises the husband and wife to make an individual list of the kinds of things that make them feel loved. Then the couple share their list with their spouse.

A wife may feel cared for when her husband brings her a cup of tea in the morning. The husband may feel loved when the wife lines up fresh socks in the linen drawer.

Little favors such as these may not seem profound if they are not catered to the person's unique ways.

Siblings are different from each other and need to be encouraged and nurtured in different ways. This compells parents to love their children in unique ways. Children's love needs change as they grow. A nine-year-old who loved being kissed when he was younger will feel that his mother is smothering him when she does it at ten years old.

A way of giving love has turned into an offense and must be adjusted to the uniqueness of the growing individual.

Children’s lives are a veritable education in how to love the unique adults who are their parents.

Even though there are principles of love that work for and apply to everyone, love is tailor-made to each individual in order to make him or her feel uniquely loved.

God shows this kind of understanding toward each of His children. He gently guides us through things that spake most strongly to each of our individual hearts.

God shows his appreciation for our uniqueness by speaking to the person's heart through music, art literature, sports pets and dancing. Whatever a person love, God uses such things to reach out to him or her. In essencece, God is saying, “I know you. I understand you. I love you for who you are.”

Return for Tomorrow’s Post:




This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, Educating for True Love, Chapter 1 written by a team of writers to explaining Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon's thoughts on morality, society and Family.

Why We Should Live Eternally

Do you believe that we will live for eternity after we shed our bodies on earth? Many movies about vampires is appealing to those who have the desire to live eternally on earth.

But who wants such restrictions of a non-living body that can only come out at night and feed off of the blood of others?

For those who are religious, it is commonly accepted that there is a life after this one, and has a much better ideal than a night creature tale.

What kind of creature did God create human beings?

He created us as the objects of His love who is able to posses His absolute and unique value.  This is an amazing fact, unfortunately, how much value is placed on a person these days?  We have practically been reduced to a worth of a few pennies.

Originally, God's children were to have much more worth.  Their value was so precious that life could not be exchanged even for the entire universe.

People are born from, live in, and die in love. However, they do not just disappear.

Since God as the subject being is eternal, thus, human beings who are his objects of love who stand in front of Him should also live eternally.  From this point, the theory of life after death, or eternal life originated; it did not begin with life.

What kind of person is a true person?

A true person receives love completely in the position of God's child by becoming one with Him inside and out.

We can say that the way of life of people in step with God is the way of a true life.

All people desire the best, no matter what position they have.

When  you are able to reach the highest position, God belongs to you, and you belong to Him.  Then you become God's child and you become God Himself, thus, even the universe belongs to you.

If there is something that God loves and treasure most, would God have made it where it was easily thrown away after 100 years or spent just a day with it?  God invested all of Himself in humanity because we were to live with Him eternally.

We are the object partners of God who can feel joy from us in absolute love.  If God were to have such a liking for them for one or two days, or hundred years and throw them away thereafter never to think of them again, this is not true love.

The more you love someone, the more you want to be with that person.

Is there a man who will remain single for life after his wife died.  He would carry her handkerchief in remembrance.  Nehru of India had lost his wife when she was young. He wore a rose the rest of his life because his wife loved roses.

Since God did not create such complex beings to be cast away out of existence, there must be a basic principle that human beings live eternally.

We must stand on the foundation of an action where a stronger power can , in order to live eternally emitted.

The more love is given as the days pass, the more love that is given back and received, rather than depleting.  The power of love becomes stronger and greater.

Life will not end only in happiness but can expand to an unlimited happiness.

This world is the nation that we have come to idealize where God dwells.

Do you want eternal life?

Perhaps you only mildly wish for eternal life.  If you have something precious, you will bring it with you when you seek refuge.  You would not stop being proud of it after a day or two.

When it is time for you to pass onto the next world, you will want to leave this precious treasure to your descendants for eternity.  That is the same for God.

Since God is an absolute, eternal being, then His object partner He can love should also live eternally.  That is why people have longed for eternal life since time cannot remember.  Therefore, the Absolute Being cannot help, but look for a loving son and daughter who possess the value of eternal life.  We humans resemble God as His masterpiece.

Since God is eternal and we also have an eternal nature, our heart does not become old.  Have you ever thought about your heart aging or not?

Therefore, human beings should live eternally. Only when they can live eternally, can they have the value of existence as that masterpiece.

Therefore, human beings are the lords of creation.  Spirit comes from this place.  Human beings should live eternally, therefore, we cannot just think of our existence ends after 100 years.

Living for the sake of eternal life

People live however they want in their own way centered on their own thinking, not God's

Living means your everyday life.

Lifetime means your entire life.  Furthermore, religious people use the same word 'eternal life'.  Eternal life means not a lifetime but a life that continues eternally.

Eternal life means a life that continues eternally.  Then it is important how you connect on your life course with eternal life.  Doing so is your life responsibility.  A lifetime determines through linking each day to the next.  Your entire life is the sum of continuous days in your life.

What content determines if your whole entire life was determined to be value?  It is not determined after you have gone through all your life well?  This means we purposely live the days which represent the entire course of your life.  If you say you have lived life well today, it means that it was memorable day in your life, that you can be proud of.  When you say that you lived well, tat day would surely be the most valuable day in your entire life course.  If you were to see a day that you could live with value, it would be an unforgettable day in your life as well.

What is the theory of eternal life?

God is wise.  If God did not create the ideology for love, He would be alone and depressed for eternity; He would be a god who could not feel joy, anger, sorrow or happiness.

God, who has lost this absolute love through the fall has stood in a serious, appalling and absolutely miserable position that no one has ever experienced throughout history.  No one was there to comfort Him the moment that all of His creation and children were taken from Him.

God is not satisfied with just recreating an ideal shape and form of His dreams and then resurrecting His original son and daughter whom He desires.  He should be able to decorate the ideal more brilliantly and express it beautifully as He travels great distances while embracing that ideal.  That is how He created the entire universe.

When the atmosphere falls into an absolute low pressure area, then a high pressure area is automatically created which brings about a circulatory movement. God is the King of wisdom, and greatest scientist.

The theory of eternal life is an logically foundation, because the eternal circulation beings through that principle of automatic circulation.  When you invest, invest, and invest some more, the theory of eternal life will begin.

Those who live for the sake of others will not perish.

God's eternal object partner we allude to the ancient saying, "Among all creation, human beings are the most precious."  This brings about the longing for the partner of love who unites with the Creator's eternal love where He lives forever.

Eternal life is the natural product of this theory.  Eternal life begins from this point.  Based on the relationship of love, how to establish a theory of eternal life is the problem which sets up an precious debate in religion.
Eternal life cannot be found in either the man or the woman.  Eternal life is not even found in God, but it is only found in love.

The most important issue of eternal life

Modern Christianity states that if you just believe in Jesus, then you automatically attain eternal life.

In order for one to be able to live for eternity, one must carry on with a continuous action.  In order to walk the path of life eternally, the circulation system such as the veins and arteries of the heart should function normally.

Also, all of the nervous system and all the actions of the cerebrum should also function normally.  This requires a tremendous amount of consumption to keep this in working order.

When it is time for you to go to bed after you take off your shoes, are you confident that you will be there to put them back on again in the morning?  No matter how busy you say you are, there is nothing in this world that is more important than the issue of eternal life.

Only, we have been inundated throughout our entire lives with unnecessary trivial happenings that we  do not place much importance on the life hereafter.

Either way, there is not quest in this material world that is more serious than to resolve the problem of eternal life.

Ultimately, human beings must return to eternal life

We each has the responsibility to dissolve the problems of the Fall by establishing the way of True Parents' love who have laid a strong foundation based on Jesus' path, who have reversed the mistakes of the Fall and passing it on to humanity.

Only after we establish a family of true love over which God can reign, can you go straight to heaven.  When we see the reality of the path of restoration, we do not spend our life on earth wasted on trivial matters.

The rails of God's Kingdom on earth and in heaven must all be the same.  A train can run only when the rails are the same.  In the same way, in the heavenly world, there must be the path which connects God's Kingdom on earth with His kingdom in heave; this is the path of true love.

Consequently, the path of an individual takes, and then the path of a family takes.  These two should be connected and then their direction be consistent with each other.

Therefore, everything we do in our lifetime, becomes a permanent fastened to his rear end as a record of how well we have performed for the sake of true love.  Thus, when a person passes to the spirit world, he comes to dwell at the same level which corresponds to the achievements he left behind in his lifetime.

Faith and the issue of eternal life

How does one live for eternity?

You can only be saved through love.  Only a true woman can be God's partner in love.  Therefore, if someone has true love, he must be able to live for eternity.  Once you enter the realm of that love, whether you are in the spirit world or on earth, you must come to know where you should live.

Even rats of a ship know to escape to dry land.  Even though they are small creatures, they can distinguish which is the right way to take and go in that direction when faced with matter of life and death.

Why have humans who were created to become the lords of all creation, come to be as corrupt as they are?  It was because of the Fall.

How are you going to remove this mask of the Fall or free yourself from the devil's love, life and lineage?

To free yourself means to break free from something holding you back from life.

We need to completely break free from and stand in the position to have no relations or common base with Satan.

A mother in her nineties will tell her seventy year old son to be careful of the cars, and be safe.  She can say this until she reaches the ripe age of ninety.  She will not get tired of saying it even if she were to continue for eternity.

What is the motivating power behind a mother's careful warnings?  It is love. If parental  love is like that between fallen people, what would our life be like if we were able to belong to God's true highest love in His original world?

When we are able to reach the state, then the realm belonging to the true object of God can be established for the first time.  When we come to know that God's love is eternal and unchanging, we can validate the theory of eternal life centering on our human love.  We live eternally centering on love.

 

Return for Tomorrow's Post: How to Breakthrough Hell

This post was derived from the book Cheon Seong Gyeong Book Five, Chapter One The Existence of Human Beings, Section 5

Man Become Less Valuable Than Material

When we narrow down 'our standard' it becomes 'my standard'.  When we broaden it, then it becomes the 'world standard'.

Where would we find the standard?  In the past, present or future?  What would be the central factor that sets the standard?  Would the standard be set by money, knowledge or power?

Could a person set the standard?

We can say that the standard should be based on the mind.

It would only be natural that the standard be based on the mind, but the mind also varies.

Sometimes it is beautiful and other times it is ugly.  Would the standard be based on a school record, or on religion, or on God?

Through this topic, we need to determine what has value for our lives.

The Korean word for treasure literally means "material treasure".

In talking about value we often are referring to material value; usually a treasure is based on material value.

What determines a standard of value?

First, something of value will last for a long time, has an unique eternal and unchanging quality.  Gold for instance is not easily changed.

These are the quality of value for material things.

People talk about the value of material things, but do not see a person as a treasure.  Minimum wage is still under 9 dollars an hour.  How cheap a man is!

Why haven't people been regarded as treasure?  People will go to war and kill other people to obtain material treasure or territory.  This is a real problem.  How did a human become less valuable than gold?

A pearl has a harmonized color which is beautiful.

Gold and pearls are very soft, while diamonds are very hard. Would you exchange your loved one for gold?

Would you give up your loved one's little finger for an equal amount of diamonds? Is that a good deal?  If someone offered you a diamond as big as your wife or husband, would you trade them in?

Then this means that men and women are more valuable than gems.

What do men have that makes them more valuable than diamonds?

It is his sparkling eyes or his skin?

Do you have the three qualities of value?

Men and women change.  Do you have valuable quality only when  you are young and pretty, or also when you are old?  Why do you prefer a warm, embracing person over an aloof and distant person?

When it is warm, people tend to relax, but when it is cold everyone automatically tries to protect himself.

Warm weather causes people to be more expansive and relaxed.  Do your favorite things change or not?  People are changeable, particularly women!

Changeable women are less liked than more stable women, right? 

Would the changeable quality be true for men also?

The three qualities of value apply to people as well as material things.

Therefore, a person who has a changeable quality has no everlasting value or uniqueness.

Man has two aspects: a mind and body.  Which changes more?  Does your conscience change more than your physical desires?

People who believe in the theory of evolution, say that there is not much difference between the make up of men and animals.

By holding to this belief, one tends to believe that animal behavior and conflict is also inherent in men, is natural and will last forever.  With this kind of ideology, a world of true, everlasting peace where man has freedoms within principle cannot exist.

They also say that the mind's desires are an illusion and that there is no such thing as an absolute standard of conscience.

They feel we are just material and there is no such thing as a permanent ideal.

In other words, if we are no better than animals just existing without a true purpose, then there is no room for a permanent standard for which to live.

Therefore, no permanent quality of value can exist.

If you and I are truly descended from monkeys, then man is also only an animal.  Do you think that monkeys live by moral standards or ethics?

There are no such standards as keeping one's purity in the monkey world.

But man is more advanced culturally, but seems to be changing into more like the monkeys because men and women just have casual sex together like the monkeys.

Those who uphold moral values seem to be losing the debate with evolutionist because they cannot show how men and women are really different from animals.

In order to be able to distinguish men from animals, even though evolutionists do not believe in God, we would have to create even an imaginary God who could be the embodiment of some absolute standard.  Otherwise there is no other way to win the battle.

Without an absolute standard, mankind cannot survive.

God has been neglected by mankind throughout history, but now we have reached a deadlock.

In the animal world, the stronger animal attacks the weaker ones.

Is this natural in the human world?

Do humans naturally need power in order to protect themselves?  There is certain conduct that needs standards.  To determine those standards, we need a foundation.  Would this be formed by the body or the conscience?

Moral quality has to pursue a tangible value, such as justice and honor.

The mind works by combining intelligence, heart and will power.  

 

Human value is based on conscience, which has an everlasting quality.

At the same time, everyone will like and agree on the value of the conscience.

The conscience should be needed morning and night and every moment of our lives.  That is the kind of standard we have to come up with.

The quality that defines a person of treasure, comes from his conscience and mind, which is eternal and unchanging.

In the Orient, when there is a bad person, we say he has a bad mind, we never say he has a bad body.

When you value someone, you value his mind saying his state of mind or thinking is good, not his appearance.

In criminal law, it is important the person's motives to commit the crime, motive is intangible.  Motivation comes from the mind, and the body reacts to that.

Does the conscience pursue good or evil things?

The answer will be the same 1,000 years from now.  If you ask someone from 10,000 years ago, their answer will be the same.

This means that the conscience has an unchanging quality.  Thus, we say that the conscience is at the base of value.

Therefore, the man's unique value comes from his conscience.

Why do we appreciate the three qualities of value in material things?

There must be some corresponding aspect in man which include those qualities.

We appreciate those qualities in certain things because we have them within ourselves.  That reciprocal relationship is the key to determine value.

We can see the same principle in the relationship between man and God.

We are not the universal subject of creation, so we cherish these qualities of values because there is a first cause which initiated this.

Evolution tries to deny the power of the conscience by saying that it is only the by product of material which came about by itself.  That material came into existence first and conscience is like a side effect.

Evolutionists don't accept the idea of a first cause, or God. 

Evolutionist say that conscience is like animal instinct which evolved to a higher status.

Do you feel good to hear that you descended directly from monkeys?

Evolutionists do not have any solutions to the human problems of today.  In order to distinguish ourselves from the animal world, we need to have God and if no real God exists we still have to make an imaginary one.  Otherwise there is no solution to the deep problems of humanity.


For the last ten years I have been spending an incredible amount of money inviting the world's leading scholars to come and think about absolute value, but they don't even want to think about it. Everyone wants to deny there is absolute value, saying there is only relative value; they keep saying they are tired of hearing about absolute value. They are asking me to change the subject of the conference, but I have refused.  I know that, no matter how great these academics are, they cannot find absolute value because it can't be observed in a laboratory or test tube.


Scholars try to determine everything through their physical senses.  They do not recognize anything that does not come their way or is intangible.

The physical senses cannot perceive the spiritual reality or anything beyond the material world like God.

There is no way you can reach conclusions about value and conscience through the analytic method. 

Today's scientific world is confused about what is reality.

There are five senses, but you need to employ one more sense to perceive the complete reality of the universe.

Thinkers say that we must conquer reality if we are to advance.

But there is such confusion of what reality is.  Religiously and philosophically there is confusion.  We have to clarity this confusion by setting the standard.

We need philosophy and religion, but what do 'I' need most of all?

An active conscience.

To determine what is reality, we have to restore our consciences to be true ones.  Have people throughout history lived with true conscience?

All men have the common desire to live with true conscience, but how can that be realized?

An important quality in a moral code is filial piety.

We place value on this, but what is it and why should we exercise it?

Filial piety is loyalty to the unchanging value of the family.

A son that practices filial piety will serve his parents and brothers and sisters even if they do not reciprocate.

Our conscience dictates that this is the right thing to do.  But if you are not able to recognize the value of conscience, you will not recognize the value of filial piety.  You have to have some starting point.

Conscience values your parents' welfare more than your own.

On a larger scale, a patriot follows his conscience by serving his country and caring about its welfare.

There is the common ground that the conscience dictates the benefit of something higher than yourself.  The conscience pursues something of higher value not caring only for the self first.

What is a saint or a holy man?

The saint follows the same principle, but he obeys his conscience for the sake of mankind.  He recognizes that the subject of all is God.  In history, holy men have always been religious leaders.

Like evolutionists, the materialistic communists say that awareness, or consciousness, is merely a by-product of the material world.  So, where can we find the moral code in that?

Communism is destructive because it is based on materialism and recognizes consciousness as only a by-product, not something that has value or needs a standard to follow.

Within communism, there is no ideal of a person of treasure.

Since communists do not place value on the spiritual element, life is expendable in their political system.  Humans are only viewed as material.

We see throughout history that they freely sacrifice people's lives to attain material.

There is no such thing as an everlasting moral standard in the world of communism.

Which is first, consciousness or the material?

How do we determine that consciousness came first?

As stated in earlier posts as an example, the eye is material whether it is in man or some animal.  Would the first eye in existence have known that it would encounter sunlight or dust therefore develop eyelashes and tears itself?

Whoever designed the eye would have understood these phenomena.  Anyone who tries to argue that the eye randomly came about into existence, you can show him his error with this short example.

Are the tear ducts to keep the eye clean and moist a random event?

Then it is logical to say that long before the eye came into being there was an universal conscious that designed the eye according to the environment.  So, we can say that conscious came before the material world.


I don't deny the process of evolution in development, but I am saying that there is a creative process going on behind it. In the theory of evolution there are sudden occurrences called mutations, in which something new comes from its parent body. But we have to say that there must have been some energy or willpower that authorized that occurrence. Could evolution itself create a new awareness and make a new design? Absolutely not.


Then there must be something that is outside evolution that supplies creative energy.

Development occurred between the highest and lowest stages, but it did not just happen automatically.  Each stage was the result of a design and input of additional energy.

Evolutionists do not want to recognize that creative energy.  Evolutionists need to acknowledge an universal consciousness that provided the know-how beforehand.

When you talk about the conscience of man, then you have to recognize that there is an universal truth that ties into it.  Therefore, they must recognize God who is the first cause.

Does conscience also evolve?

If you do not recognize the unchanging quality of conscience within yourself, then you cannot begin to look at the unchanging and unique characteristics within gems.

If you do not have this quality within yourself, then you have no reason to seek it outside  yourself.  You appreciate precious things because you have that quality within yourself.

You cannot compare two things unless you have the capacity to appreciate both.


Return for Tomorrow's Post:  Mind Wants Principle, Body Wants Addiction



This post was rewritten and derived from the speech, Our Standard

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part I

Daily life habits of a supremely happy couple

 A Guide to the Happiest Married Life

The Original text of DP is given in Korean and the philosophy and based on the teachings of the bible and of Jesus. With the combined teachings of the Eastern philosophy and teachings of the Western bible, the Reverend has been able to tap into the hearts of people of all religions, faiths and along with non-believers for one reason: the teaching of the heart of God which is rooted in every human being.

When I first posted the "How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book" it was receiving the highest views and still gets a lot of views.

When you think about it, there is not any school for what to do once you find love or finally take the plunge into marriage   There are no rules other than our respective religions and then the opinions of those around us.  But, would we want to take the advice from people who have a history of broken relationships?

I think when it comes to obtaining the right marital advice, it does start from a source that is well grounded.  Whether it be a grandparent who has been married for over 50 years, neighbors who have  been through hell and back, yet stuck through it without a divorce.  There is the spiritual leader, our church pastors.  Yet.  Who really has the answer when it comes to the matters of the heart?

We should first take a look where the source of marriage came.  God blessed us in the Garden as a man and woman for what purpose?  Why didn't he just make Adam alone?  What good would it had been for God to love just one man?  Thank goodness he made a counterpart with a whole different view, look and mind to help stimulate more of God's internal Being.

With that said, Adam and Eve did not start their marriage in the right way - they did not start their marriage centered  on God or within the Garden of Eden.  But let's just look at the original way in which God intended.

God is suppose to give the blessing of marriage.  Marriage now is just a conditional form, not ideally approved by God Himself.  How do we know this?

If God was to conduct the first marriage, it is called the Marriage Supper of the Lamb which refers to a perfected man and a perfected woman who love absolutely centered on God this marriage would bare children with God's direct lineage.  Currently, marriages are conducted which bare children born into sin.  Does this kind of marriage sound like it holds the wish of God's ideal world?

It is far from His direction.

In this sense, God is looking for a man and woman who He can relate with His perfected self, who have walked the course of indemnity to return their respected lineages back to Him.

In other words, all marriages that are conducted on earth, need to connect directly to God.  God gave us the blessing to be linked to our counterparts, would it not make sense that we need to connect to God in order for it to work?  Marriage without the root of God can be likened to a leave blowing off the branch.  It may seem to work for a while, but it is completely disconnected from the foundation on which to stand.

The following text was written by an author who had extensive training and missions in order to train his body and mind to become united centered on God.  He had the goal to become a child that appeared  in front of God before the fall.

He understands the basic rules of no sex outside of marriage or with anyone other than their spouse, their sexual organs only belong to their spouse and that spouses live for one another.

In the book that lists the 20 habits of the happiest couple, it is advised that they are practiced at least sometimes if not everyday.

This method is used by many couples in this world, even before their marriage.

No matter how bad it seems a couple's relationship is, they can indeed improve their conjugal relationship.  We hear all of the time that marriage and relationships take a lot of work...but sometimes this kind of 'work' becomes a chore, instead of a link to bond a couple even stronger in marriage.

It is best if one has guidance on what seems to be common place.  A couple can greatly improve their marriage by following the following steps.

Method for the Improvement Through Practice

If you have not yet been practicing these habits, please read carefully and repeatedly the speeches of Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon (author of the Divine Principle) and Dae Mo Nim (spiritualist) in addition to this text. 

When a couple truly love one another and don't want to give up on their seemingly failing marriage, it will not be work to experiment with the daily habits, but will well up from the heart.

"After practicing these habits on an experimental basis, you may cease practicing them if you as a couple does not feel good. Nonetheless, after practicing these habits experimentally, I am sure your couple will end up in practicing them continuously because you will come to feel a deep sense of peace and goodness in your heart." 

In other words, you can feel genuinely happy, and you can feel the presence of God by practicing them.

These 10 daily habits are free to experiment without having to pay for an expensive therapists or counseling which either partner may not want to attend or follow their advice.  No matter how poor a couple may be, they can practice without worrying about getting a bill.

A couple will find they can live in happiness even into eternity by following these 10 daily-life habits while on earth.  Just simply continue to practice these daily-life habits o true love.


The Value of Holding Hands

We could easily say that “holding each other’s hand” or living “hand in hand,” which Rev. Moon and Dae Mo Nim have recommended, is the main characteristic emerging from these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

Did you know that there is a special spiritual energy which comes from our fingers and palms?  We use them to heal our bodies, to rid ourselves with negative energy and to make others feel better with a massage.  A hand massage from a partner contributes to happy feelings and to our physical health.  The art of hand holding may be lost in our current world, but is vitally important in connecting with our spouse. 

10 "Commandments of Hand holding

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
5. We should call each other at least once a day during the daytime and always keep in touch.
6. We should bow down before a picture of True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, report to God facing each other and holding each other’s hands, and bow (down) to each other to close, every morning and every night.
7. We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife), by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and returns from work.
8. We should always talk to each other politely, and with respect.
9. We should practice reading True Parents’ speeches together every day.
10. We should make love at least twice a week.

I guess number 4 made a lot of us blush or stop and reread.  Maybe some are asking?  "What, a religious site suggest us to what?"   I must bust a lot of peoples' bubbles, as probably regularly for those reading this site.  Marriage, sex, love...was designed by God and for God to be a part of it between a husband and wife.

These 10 points of advice are not my personal advice, but are from Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon, his wife and Dae Mo Nim. These 10 points are gathered from the guidance of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim, concerning our lives as a husband and wife.

By following this lists, our conjugal relationship will tremendously improve and be uplifted by a strong ascending wind current. If you haven’t practiced any of these habits yet, I strongly recommend that you immediately put them into practice.

Try them out! You have nothing to lose!

I would like to present True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches that support these “10 habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.

Most Asians have the habit of the husband walking ahead of the wife, sometimes walking so fast they leave the wife behind.  The founder of the Family Federation who is Korean, walks hand and hand with his wife.  Dae Mo Nim is a spiritualist who suggest that when holding hands it is while walking outside and in the couple's daily lives.

Even as an "elderly" couple, the founder and his wife would hold hands while watching television and desire for others to learn how to interact in their own marriage by observing them.  They have even influenced the President and First Lady of Korea and leaders to walk in public hand and hand.

As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the workshops to rid our bodies of negative energy, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. That’s why it is recommended to walk “hand in hand” rather than “arm in arm.” 

So, if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can give and receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health but also to our physical health. I wholeheartedly recommend “always walking hand in hand” just like True Parents; it is part of the True Parents’ rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one body.”

Walking hand in hand has more of a positive energy than walking arm in arm.  

"Become an absolute Blessed Couple of one heart and one body."

A couple is advised to hold hands when walking together, sleeping together and even while watching television.  Each time a couple holds hands, it brings about an unity of a husbands five fingers with his wife's five fingers. 

When we walk hand and hand, we should give deep thanks to God within our hearts for the coming heaven on earth that will bring about the ideal world he set to build before the fall.

When a husband and wife completely become one, God can dwell within us.

2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.

3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.

They are watching TV while holding each other’s hand. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding each other’s hand and responding to the rhythm. We Blessed couples must resemble such True Parents.

Holding hands while listening to music and responding to the rhythm.  When you are tired, you must not just simply go to sleep when you are tired at night, but sleep holding your partner's hand or other parts of the body. 

Also while watching television, it is best to hold hands, or place your hand on their lap or your husband's knee.  You can also use his lap as a pillow.  When you act in this way you will receive love from your husband in many ways.  Many wives do not act in this way basically neglecting their partner with this kind of affection.

Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort.

When watching television, some partners sit far apart as if they are fighting or were strangers to each other in the past.  This is not good.  If a couple does not make constant effort to stay close and to care for one another, they will gradually drift apart.  

Therefore, it is a good practice to hold each other's hands while watching television or while sleeping.

Many religious people do not express their love in their daily lives as if it was a sin.  A husband and wife should say "good night" to one another while holding each other's hand and squeeze tightly in the end. They can do this while laying in the bed at night, after scratching each other on the back, while massaging the legs or touching the ear and head and so on.

Many go about their daily rituals, but when it comes to practicing true love with their own hands, many partners hesitate.  Many older couples fail to change their old habits for completely new ones in their daily lives.

If Jesus was followed completely toward the end by his disciples, there would not have been a need for him to die for us, but live for us.  He would have found a blessed wife and teach us about marriage through his own ideal marriage given by God.  Jesus was supposed to be the fulfillment of the Marriage  Supper of the Lamb.

If this is hard to believe, just imagine that God had brought Jesus to teach us more than how to be a child of God and brother to humanity.  He was supposed to reverse the mistake the first marriage made and return it to God.  Just imagine a faithful Son of God and Daughter of God in marriage on earth.  Wouldn't we want to emulate this type of couple?

Even with this foundation on earth of a marriage from God, if his followers did not practice their teachings about a conjugal life, this heavenly fortune and happiness will fly from them.  One needs to obediently practice the words by getting rid of old habits, and ideals of the fallen, extremely secularized world.

This fallen world loosely use their sexual organs  and have several partners without a care for consequences of heart or destruction.  If one cannot give up old habits of the world, they are unfaithful foolish people who have given up the task of becoming a married couple with the most supreme happiness.

It is possible to have a happy, fulfilling and loving marriage centered on God

How can a religious person succeed in their witnessing and converting people to God's ideal if they do not have a happy union with their partners?  Who wants to have a lifestyle of sadness or a worse situation than what they already experience?  

Only after having happy marriages and a life-style in which God had in mind when He created human beings, then we can we naturally witness to our relatives and those in our communities.  If we look at the Mormon Church whose history is shorter than that of the Episcopal Church, have grown bigger.

The key to its success consists in the happy family-life of its members. Reportedly, a very small number of its members joined the Mormon Church because of its unique theology. The majority of its new members joined because they were attracted by the happy family-life of the Mormon Church members.

The author of this guide for marriage said he and his wife were practicing this advice:

"I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love.  After collecting True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love, I felt compelled to put them into practice.

By faithfully implementing such teachings, my wife and I felt so peaceful and happy that we soon made it a rule, for example, to hold each other’s hand while in bed before going to sleep and while watching TV together. My wife and I always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. As a result, my wife and I always held each other’s hand whenever possible, because it felt very good. While she was still alive on earth, my wife repeatedly said to me, 'It is my happiest time to have ‘pillow-talk’ while holding each other’s hand in bed'.”

4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.

As for the “sleeping naked” part of the fourth daily-life habit is explained more extensively in another post. 

A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling in love with each other, just as couples do in Korea. But many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. 

It is fundamentally wrong to sleep separately.

In one family the wife used the small room and the husband used the back room;this couple lived their lives separately even though they were under the same roof.  This kind of life is really wrong.  Even if you fight with your husbands, you must not sleep in a separate room and take your pillow with you.

“A husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds.”

A husband and wife should take all of their clothes off and sleep naked in the same bed every night;A couple should not sleep in separate beds.  If this is a possible habit to partake, does this kind of husband fight everyday or quarrel before they leave in the morning or sleep at night together?

It is impossible.

Even if your husbands snores as loud as a boar, a husband and wife should sleep in one bed.  Even if she has to wear the new effective ear plugs made for astronauts, she should determine to sleep with her husband every night.

Return Tomorrow for : How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 2

The previous text was rewritten from the book given by a Unification Church member now called the Family Federation based on the values taught by the founder, Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, married for over 50 years before his death this September, which is centered on his teachings of the Divine Principle. 

 Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part the English translation of my Japanese booklet CheongShim GST University Press Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press

Matching Spouses

If you are a regular of this blog or a Unification Church member you know about the way the founder Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon performs the (Marriage) Blessing by matching members who have accepted the doctrine of the Completed Testament the Divine Principle.



This ceremony is not just the joining of two people, but is a marriage directly approved by God linking the family and children born from this marriage to His direct blood lineage never before seen in all of history.

This was the hope and dream for Jesus, but because even his disciples ran away and did not completely follow him in the end, Jesus could not fulfill his destiny of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, forseen in the bible, until the return of the Second Advent in our time.

If Jesus was to perform the marriage blessing starting with his disciples and his apostles, you and I by now would be enjoying a world of peace beginning and centering on Jesus's True family.

With Jesus and his True Wife as the example centered on God's pure lineage, there would be an example of not just how to serve humanity as a brother, but as a husband and wife and to spread this absolute lineage from the level of society to nation and then the world.

Nowadays, men and women search for the clues of how to deal with relationships and make them last longer, only leaving each new relationship with scars.  People have become jaded that marriage can never last in these days and either give up in their relationships, or they remain single forever.

People give up on marriage in the first year these days.  Actually, a couple should not decide whether a spouse is good or not before they have lived together for a certain time period.  There are many differences in backgrounds of two households coming together and uniting - this will not be an easy task.

During the matching process in the Unification Church, spouses may be chosen, but it is ultimately decided by each person the value of his or her spouse.

"You must take that responsibility and make that decision. Although you might have in mind someone other than the spouse I suggested for you, is there any guarantee that that person is actually a better match for you?"

This statement can clear many relationship problems encountered when it is at its weakest.  Once a couple has become bored with the routine they may look around for a better prospect.  True love when it is exhibited can never become dull, it actually becomes greater and greater having a high peak and balancing out, but every time it climbs it gains greater power.

When love does not have a strong base or center on God, many find new wives and new loves to fill in the hole the previous one did not seem to fulfill.   This type of thinking makes people jump from one unhappy relationship and further create a hole within their heart leaving nothing for their next love.


Choosing Spouses

Many people choose their spouses based on superficial qualities that is not everlasting.  How can one person know the true background and history of a significant other and base their judgement on whether a person will be a good match for them?

People in the Unification Church see the value in having their parents or a leader match them based on more substantial qualities.


Reverend Sun Myung Moon explains how he chooses spouses for his members:

"When I am considering potential spouses for someone, I think about every aspect of each person. Once I approve of a particular marriage, I know that is the best available match for those people. I always think of the children that will come from such a union. I can look at a woman for only a half minute and discern the deepest qualities of her character.

For instance, I can see if a woman has a very bad temper. If I were to match her with a man with the same problem, they would not be able to survive together more than three days. Moreover, even if they had children, those children would be terribly damaged because of the conflict that would exist between the parents.

When a man is a great athlete, he needs a soft woman who will be like a cushion for him. One's family is the basis for all of the historical actions a person will make. The family is the place in which an individual learns to digest life's experiences.

For a woman with a bad temper, the best mate is someone who can look at her and be intrigued by her nature. He will say, 'How interesting that such an element exists in her nature.'

The woman may shout shrilly at him, 'Come here right this minute, John,' but John will be in no particular hurry to respond. He will take his time and then come to her, asking, 'Did you want to say something to me?'

There are different kinds of echoes into a valley. Certainly the most interesting one is full of reverberations, not just a simple one. When a woman shouts out at her husband, he should have a good echo for her.

This is reality. The husband should be able to give back a reply which will cushion her shrillness and return something interesting to her. He shouldn't just give back to her whatever she shouts at him.

You want the best match for you, of course, but how can you decide who that person is? Your ability to judge is quite limited; your viewpoint is rather narrow.

However, I have a wide variety of knowledge and resources to draw upon in judging people's character. I have been known for quite a long time as a specialist in the knowledge of people.

At the time of the 36 couples' blessing in Korea, I went through great difficulty to match those couples. If someone was very headstrong and refused to accept my advice, I couldn't force him. Yet time has proven my judgment correct, without exception.

After 21 years, such a fact is common knowledge now among the 36 couples. Therefore, those couples understand in a deep way the value and meaning of the matches I recommend for people, perhaps even better than I do.

Of course, you don't know from experience these things which I am speaking of. You must live for at least three years with your spouse before you can accurately begin to judge whether your match is a good one or not.

Therefore, those who are rejecting each other after only three days are being too hasty!

 Within those three years, you should have at least one baby in order to make that decision properly. At the end of the three years, any person who resisted his spouse in the beginning will be embarrassed to admit how wrong he was. 

Especially when your baby comes, you will be able to appreciate the value of your spouse. After all, without him or her, that special baby could never have been born."


One reason marriages have become failures is because of the outlook or individual expectations couples have when entering into the union.  Two people may come together based on self-centered ideals and what they can obtain from the other rather than what they can give and living for their spouse's sake.

"The reason you marry is more for the sake of your offspring than just for yourself. Some couples' marriage may serve the primary value of paying indemnity, which is of the utmost importance." 

Man and woman did not begin history of a loving relationship centered on God and have passed this relationship non-stop through lineage until today.  To reverse this fallen mistake some couples may be chosen to pay retribution for the past mistakes of their ancestors or of society.

For instance a Japanese woman and a white man uniting together under one roof can reverse the mistakes of hate that was created when the Japanese bombed America.  These kind of couples may pay much indemnity so that blessings can be given to the country and to the world as well as their family in the future who will benefit from this couple's victory.

God looks for this kind of couple with which He can work.  This kind of indemnity may take much responsibility and also become a privilege at the same time which go hand in hand.  Everyone wants blessings, but one must also love the path of indemnity sacrificing for the blessings of others.  If you are able to pay indemnity and be able to give blessing this is very good.

Rev. Moon continues his speech:

"There is always a wavelike motion of up and down. When you are well off at a certain time, you will have to come down to a lower position in order to eventually go up higher again. Western civilization has been going in an upward direction for a long time.

Natural law requires that those in the upper position, such as America, must keep in mind those who are in the lower position, such as Africa. Unless they do that, they cannot maintain their fortunate position.

I am in the leadership position of the Unification Church so I am at the top of that church. However, I am always thinking of those who are at the lowest point within the church, particularly those suffering missionaries in Africa or South America.

I always want to hear any news I can about those members. Did I come to America in order to say nice things and encourage Americans to continue as they have been?

No, I came to make America aware of her responsibility. Since America is on the top of the economic curve, she should be helping those at the bottom, such as Africa and South America.

Why should I stay here for a long time and still keep such a rigorous schedule and work so hard? Although America is at the top economically, she is incredibly low and miserable in a spiritual sense.

This earth does not prosper economically everywhere at the same time. While one part of the world is going up, another part is bound to go down. When a certain country is at the top it should help those who are in the lower positions; therefore when the cycle is reversed, they will receive help too."


This same principle is true for marriage.

If a man is particularly handsome and special yet is perfectly willing to marry any woman, even the least attractive and least desirable, when he receives the best quality wife, no one will blame him.

If a man is matched with a quality spouse, this does not mean that they will live the happiest lavish rich lifestyle.  Their marriage can be considered a public marriage.  To be worthy of such a blessing, the couple should like God's expectations that they serve others from the lowest and most humble position.

How does one create an ideal lifestyle?

Through true love.  Through the context of an ideal family you have the father, mother, who give birth to daughters and sons and ultimately grandchildren.  This family is the dwelling place for God's love.  How is it possible for God to relate to love through the basic structure of a family which He created?

Imagine if God only manifested Adam on earth, could he be the place for God's love to live?

One person could not be the center of God's ideal love because this would limit God to love just with his masculine elements.  Always two elements must be connected through the cycle of give and take.  Electricity flows because of this principle.

"There must be give and take between a man and a woman before the cycle of love can be complete." 

Have you noticed that all of creation exist through the pair system?



The ideal nose is even harmonious with the give and take of two nostrils.  How miserable do you feel when you can only breathe through one of your nostrils when it is stuffed up?  This plugged nostril does not bring harmony.

The same with the eyes.  Both eyes work connected to the same optic nerve.  When both eyes do not work together, the person has double vision.  The same principle applies to the ears and all parts of the body which is the model of the creation.

Why didn't God create Adam with just one strong arm?

Just through these few examples, we can see that through the application of the pair system the ideal of creation requires a circuit of give and take between two separate parts.

What if both men and women expressed their feelings in the same way?

The family unit is comprised of true unique, eternal, unchanging love.  There is an native Oriental story that describes the differences in men and women's expressions of emotions.  A mother who lost her baby wept and wept for days.

The death of her baby affected her so much that she could not eat and barely functioned.  Yet, the husband went about his daily living and continued to eat meals without showing any emotions.  The wife confronted him with anger and asked him, "Are you made of stone?  How can you not have any emotions at such a time?"

Then the husband responded by vomiting blood.  The husband was suffering to such a deep degree from the inside, but it never showed it to anyone.

How could a stable family function if both the man and woman both wept furiously or laughed very strongly at the same time?  Women are more sensitive to feelings of love than man.  This is part of God's creation which He planned from the beginning.

"Men and women are essentially the same, yet very different in expression; they are so different sometimes, they irritate each other. However, that is the way of harmony. Within love, these two different natures are bound to be harmonious."

God originally created man and woman not to be in opposition or constantly competing with one another, but to seek total oneness with each other and encompass the world with their love.

The man is in the plus position in relation to woman and woman is in the minus position  A woman can appreciate all men in the world through her relationship with her ideal husband who can represent all men even though he is an individual.

The same is true for the man.

Through this principle, a man and woman together in a family represent all of mankind.  In the context of a family, all elements are represented.  Women are normally more grounded and realistic while men are idealistic.

She will want to have her husband around her and not want to be away from him. In support of his high ideals, a man will decide to go away from his family for a time period even though he loves them.

Through this high ideal and striving nature for man to achieve his dreams, the world has advanced this far.  Men are designed to reach out for things that they only grasp in their imagination and seeks after his dreams and ideal.

On the other hand, women are more stable in that they are more concerned with the here and now rather than the intangible dream.

This is why we say that the man symbolizes heaven and the woman symbolizes earth.

What is the will of the universe?

Basically, the universe desires the harmony of true love. When a man and woman are dwelling together in harmony, they represent all of mankind, also heaven and earth. When they are dwelling in this way, they have achieved the realm of the ideal.

Did you ever look at marriage as the powerful force God used to bring this heaven and earth and all of mankind into unity?

This is not just a conceptual principle, it is reality.  Men and women should understand the importance and the true ideal God had at the beginning for their spouse and what can be achieved through an ideal man and woman uniting through marriage.

Men and women yearn to be together in spite of themselves to fulfill this cosmic ideal of God.  Through the focus of a family unit, people eat, sleep and go about their daily lives.  God's love is the focal point of the ideal family.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Appreciate Your Spouse

This text was rewritten and derived from the Speech: Ideal Family and Ideal World.