Harm means one has done wrong and someone has to be held accountable for his or her actions.
No harm means that if one feels distressed after having an uncommitted sexual relationship, then the problem lies within that person, not in the practice.
Those who feel guilt may be thought of as too sensitive or having an conscience that is overactive or the person has a belief in outdated religious values.
No harm means that social fallout can be blamed on socio-economics and no one has to question their personal conduct.
No harm means that one can believe the falsity of sex without consequences.
Reverend Moon speaks about sexual misconduct affects the individual personal development, future pursuit of loving relationship, and upon the next generation.
Effects on the Individual
The emotional, psychological and spiritual harm that is caused through insecure sexual relationships is felt on a semi-conscious level if at all. This is eclipsed from the pleasure that arises from sexual relations and the belief that one benefits from such an experience.
Unfortunately, the damage of having sex outside of marriage may only been seen years later.
Child psychologist Thomas Lickona relates the story of one woman psychiatrist describes the aftermath of being sexually promiscuous in her college years.
She says, “That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself . . . to so many and for nothing, still aches. I never imagined I’d pay so dearly and for so long.”
These feelings are common.
The Biblical explanation of the union brought through sex is actually bringing two people into ‘one flesh’, even if that was not the partners’ intentions.
Lickona further states that when two people break this bond and go into other relationships, the personality disintegrates and the person feels deeply-seated frustration and a dissatisfaction.
There are many facets of this disintegration on the psychological and level of moral health among young adolescents.
Effects of non-marital sex on the Individual
1. Spiritual and moral growth stunted
2. Character becomes corrupted
3. Guilt, regret and diminished sense of worth
4. Heartbreak and destructive behavior
5. Spiritual disorientation
6. Degradation of love, life and lineage
1. Stunting of Spiritual and Moral Growth
The most central challenge to becoming mature is learning to be unselfish and live for others.
In adolescence, one needs to learn how to discipline their sexual impulses that are awakened, just as they learn about toilet training.
Learning to be unselfish is obviously the central challenge of growing up.
The reason why a person’s development is impeded when they delve into premature physical involvement is because their egos are boosted just to gratify only their own desire - to take rather than give.
A person learns selfishness instead of nurturing their unselfish love and compounds their self-centeredness. Within marriage, sexual intimacy supports the partners’ mutual love and commitment.
Everyone should reach a certain developmental period and sufficient growth within the heart within the child’s realm and sibling ream, a person is not prepared for the potent power of sex.
As Genesis describes it, his or her ’fruit’ of love is not yet ripe for eating.
It is a challenge for to hold one’s sexual desire for just one person for life, especially for the males. Sarah Hinckley speaks about how sex ruins this: “a crucial challenge to the man—an essential test of his masculinity— is lost or failed.”
Sleeping Beauty, and other counterparts in other lands, express the moral reality.
A princess has a spell cast on her through the piercing of her skin and drawing blood. This represents the onset of puberty.
She falls into a deep sleep and is restrained in the forest. But she is protected until the bravest and most virtuous gentleman, mature in heart and character, overcomes the obstacles to awaken her with a gentle kiss. He then introduces her to the world of true love forever.
On the other hand, the tale of Snow White tells of the story when a young girl makes a mistake by eating of a poisoned ‘fruit’. This symbolizes the virgin who fails the test to save herself for maturity.
Fortunately, a pure-hearted prince frees her from the consequence of her mistake.
The scars from sexual intimacy in uncommitted relationships all too often cause lasting emotional desolation and a sense of irretrievable loss.
This can jade a young person who may become cynical about life clouded by crushed hopes.
Allan Bloom of the University of Chicago lamented how early sexual experience impoverishes the imagination.
Virginal students are still “fresh and naive, excited by the mysteries to which they have not yet been fully initiated,” while those who “have nothing more to learn about the erotic” are “flat-souled . . . unadorned by imagination and devoid of ideals.”
Moreover, when people are involved in sex within insecure relationships, it drains the individuals, especially the youth.
At the time of adolescence they are starving for attention and energy which is needed for their emotional, moral, creative and intellectual growth.
When people are promiscuous or continue to have sex outside of a committed relationship, there is always anxiety over the possible unwanted physical consequences from the union.
2. Character Corruption
The people of Paradise quickly went from innocence to deceit. This illustrates how unprincipled sex hinders character growth.
People look to others not as holy spiritual beings, but as bodies which they can use to get their own gratification. They have to practice cunning techniques to try to get another to have sex.
Most sexual liaisons are not like the romantic notion of two lovers drawn naturally into lovemaking, but are the result of one partner seducing the other.
Lust can come to motivate nearly every word or action in regards to others, as one is constantly grooming friends and acquaintances towards a sexual encounter.
A study showed that this behavior has become acceptable among singles.
Dating singles regard “lying, cheating and dumping each other” as ordinary behavior outside of committed relationships.
A large number of men revealed that they would even hide a deadly infection like AIDS from would-be lovers in order to receive sex.
Even though these same people would never practice such treachery in their business dealings or tolerate others doing this to them, when it comes to physical love, they debase themselves.
There are countless statesmen, clergy and business executives who have a trusted character and leadership who are loosed from their moral standard by the power of sex.
The cheater may not even notice the profound violation of the partner, any children or relatives and friends.
Even though the lies, and blatant cover-ups, silent deceptions and trust is exploited wreak havoc on the cheater’s conscience may not know the depth of how they are using their lover.
Finally, self-deceit must complete the picture in order for the cheater to live with himself.
He will rattle off walls of reasons why he had to partake in such behavior - about how he or she is the victim himself because the other did or did not do this or that.
By trying to hold onto any semblance of integrity, this leads to moral blind spots not just in their love life, but in other areas of their lives.
Tomorrow we will continue the next four effects that having sex before marriage has on a person. See you then!
Return for Tomorrow's Post: Effects Sex Before Marriage on a Person
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on love and marriage.
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