Relationships Need True Love to Work

Without true love, men and woman cannot trust each other. They use each other to serve themselves.

—Sun Myung Moon

Sexual union is the crowning glory of marital love.

When a couple unites through sex, this symbolizes the mingling of the hearts, blood and lives of the two partners.

This is God’s delight as well.

Before the Fall, sex was not seen as dirty or something shameful.  God would be a part of the marriage couple’s pleasurable, sacred lovemaking.

But history has provided evidence of people having difficulty disciplining their sexuality and remain faithful to their partners.

Lovers who are not committed to one another can leave behind unwanted children, diseases, adults who prey on children who are not theirs in the relationship and so on.

It is all too easy for the body to subjugate the mind, for instinct to override conscience in the arena of sex.

Some attribute this to an individual’s childhood trauma and learning.

Others blame social conditioning based on the struggle of power in relationships.  Still others have sought to explain this behavior in light of early social patterns by tracing back to the earliest communities.

Some religious traditions and psychologies look to ancient myths, legends and stories that tell of the origins of human suffering through a human Fall.

These myths are respected and thought of as revealing of profound inner truths that are too deep and not easy to convey, thus are shown through powerful images and narratives.


“Myths are facts of the mind made manifest in a fiction of matter,” asserts anthropologist Joseph Campbell.


The tale of Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis in the Bible quickly comes to mind.

The Qur’an also has a counterpart story.

Reverend Moon found the root of sexual immorality and the secret of all human suffering and self-destructiveness.

These traits are tied up with the reason why it is easy to misuse love and why societies are witnessing harmful relationship patterns between men and women throughout history.

What is this secret revealed in the story of Adam and Eve?

How does the abuse of sexuality between individuals and relationships impact society?


The Human Downfall

The Bible states that the first man and woman brought evil and suffering into the world.

At that time, they enjoyed everything in Heaven on Earth freely.  But God gave them one warning: do not eat a certain fruit.

The Bible states that a crafty serpent (the Qur’an is a vengeful angel) who tempted the women with the promise that if she delve into the fruit she would gain wisdom and divine likeness to God.  He made it seem that God was keeping this power from humanity and keeping it to Himself, hence bringing a word contrary to God.

After this, she saw that the fruit was good to eat for her and ate it.

Further in the story, Eve gave the fruit to Adam.  As the snake promised, they both gained wisdom.  But by eating the fruit which God warned them against eating, it brought shame and guilt upon the man and woman so they hid themselves from God.

They first covered their sexual parts.

In every drawing or account of the Fall of Adam and Eve, it has the man and woman covering their sexual organs.

When a person makes a mistake, they cover their transgressions.  The fact that the couple covered their sexual organs, shows that their mistake was in these lower parts.

This is similar to when two people are caught in fornication or adultery

When this story first circulated, this was probably transparent to the audiences then.  In the Middle East, they understand the euphemism of ‘eating of fruit’ to mean sexual relations.

Also, the expression, ‘to know’ someone as in having sexual relations with another.

Thus the Tree of Knowledge takes on sexual connotations as well. 

Many who speak of having sex outside of marriage or in immature relations promise that they will become mature and experienced.

People still expect this from sex.

When sex is violated in this way, they bear foretold consequences from their deeds: painful childbirth, distrust and tension between men and women, not able to grow and mature in love any further, and a profound separation from God who is the source of love and life.

The Hebrew tale of Paradise Lost, written by Milton brought in a sexual counterpart, and early writings of Jewish and Christian clergy did as well, In the historical perspective, according to scholars makes the Biblical account unmistakable: the tree, snake and the women’s name and other features alludes to the widespread practice of temple prostitution and the story was a deliberate parody to denounce it.

These writings place a sexual sin at the core of all human disorder and misery.

Other myths imply the same detail.  A Shinto myth has a god and his wife engage improperly in conjugal love.  They may call it incest.  Then they correctly give birth to the islands of Japan.  The goddess dies and a misfortune befalls their first son and daughter. Kojiki 4.1-6.1

Hindu and Buddhist text also tell their tale tying the origins of suffering to sexual indiscretions.

The Greek myth of Pandora tells of a woman who betrays her promise to her immortal fiance and opens a box which releases all kinds of suffering into the world.

This box can easily symbolize a woman’s sexual parts which are opened by another instead of her husband.


Ambivalence towards sexuality

Intuitively, there is a link between sexuality and the origins of human evil.  This forms the basis of the mixed messages within certain religions regarding sex.

The chosen people of Israel had a distinguished mark of circumcision.  This is a mutilation of the male organ which was involved in the Fall.

Christians and Buddhist favor celibacy as their path to sanctification and enlightenment.

Sex is a sacred gift which has become degraded and dangerous.

In the context of wider society, sexuality is honored.  For instance, poetry and songs celebrate its goodness and maligned on the other or the vulgar ways people refer to it when expressing hate and aggression.


Subtle Ramifications

The substance of these sacred narratives is the content of contemporary life.

People indulge in sex without being mature or involved in marriage.  This brings on more heartbreak and distortion about true love.

The most ironic consequence of thinking about casual sex is that people are blind to these very consequences.

Thus, the supreme and sacred power of sexual love with all of its intrinsic psychological and emotional, moral and spiritual, relational, social and lineal ramifications comes to be reduced to merely a pleasurable physical activity, like eating or sleeping. 

The real costs of premature sexual relations on the personal and social level and the impact on God are largely overlooked.  Technology can take care of the unwanted pregnancy and sexual infections, but the damage it causes to the spirit are irreversible.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: The First Love Triangle Was Between..

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on sex and marriage.

Sex Before Marriage Disrupts Growth of Heart, Character

When people view sex as just a physical matter, even between consensual partners who agree to just use each other for sex, the levels of harm are deeper.

Harm means one has done wrong and someone has to be held accountable for his or her actions.

No harm means that if one feels distressed after having an uncommitted sexual relationship, then the problem lies within that person, not in the practice.

Those who feel guilt may be thought of as too sensitive or having an conscience that is overactive or the person has a belief in outdated religious values.

No harm means that social fallout can be blamed on socio-economics and no one has to question their personal conduct.

No harm means that one can believe the falsity of sex without consequences.

Reverend Moon speaks about sexual misconduct affects the individual personal development, future pursuit of loving relationship, and upon the next generation.


Effects on the Individual

The emotional, psychological and spiritual harm that is caused through insecure sexual relationships is felt on a semi-conscious level if at all.  This is eclipsed from the pleasure that arises from sexual relations and the belief that one benefits from such an experience.

Unfortunately, the damage of having sex outside of marriage may only been seen years later.

Child psychologist Thomas Lickona relates the story of one woman psychiatrist describes the aftermath of being sexually promiscuous in her college years.

She says, “That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself . . . to so many and for nothing, still aches. I never imagined I’d pay so dearly and for so long.”

These feelings are common.

The Biblical explanation of the union brought through sex is actually bringing two people into ‘one flesh’, even if that was not the partners’ intentions.

Lickona further states that when two people break this bond and go into other relationships, the personality disintegrates and the person feels deeply-seated frustration and a dissatisfaction.

There are many facets of this disintegration on the psychological and level of moral health among young adolescents.


Effects of non-marital sex on the Individual

1. Spiritual and moral growth stunted
2. Character becomes corrupted
3. Guilt, regret and diminished sense of worth
4. Heartbreak and destructive behavior
5. Spiritual disorientation
6. Degradation of love, life and lineage


1. Stunting of Spiritual and Moral Growth


The most central challenge to becoming mature is learning to be unselfish and live for others.

In adolescence, one needs to learn how to discipline their sexual impulses that are awakened, just as they learn about toilet training.

Learning to be unselfish is obviously the central challenge of growing up.

The reason why a person’s development is impeded when they delve into premature physical involvement is because their egos are boosted just to gratify only their own desire - to take rather than give.

A person learns selfishness instead of nurturing their unselfish love and compounds their self-centeredness. Within marriage, sexual intimacy supports the partners’ mutual love and commitment.

Everyone should reach a certain developmental period and sufficient growth within the heart within the child’s realm and sibling ream, a person is not prepared for the potent power of sex.

As Genesis describes it, his or her ’fruit’ of love is not yet ripe for eating.

It is a challenge for to hold one’s sexual desire for just one person for life, especially for the males.  Sarah Hinckley speaks about how sex ruins this:  “a crucial challenge to the man—an essential test of his masculinity— is lost or failed.”

Sleeping Beauty, and other counterparts in other lands, express the moral reality.

A princess has a spell cast on her through the piercing of her skin and drawing blood.  This represents the onset of puberty.

She falls into a deep sleep and is restrained in the forest.  But she is protected until the bravest and most virtuous gentleman, mature in heart and character, overcomes the obstacles to awaken her with a gentle kiss.  He then introduces her to the world of true love forever.

On the other hand, the tale of Snow White tells of the story when a young girl makes a mistake by eating of a poisoned ‘fruit’.  This symbolizes the virgin who fails the test to save herself for maturity.

Fortunately, a pure-hearted prince frees her from the consequence of her mistake.

The scars from sexual intimacy in uncommitted relationships all too often cause lasting emotional desolation and a sense of irretrievable loss. 

This can jade a young person who may become cynical about life clouded by crushed hopes.

Allan Bloom of the University of Chicago lamented how early sexual experience impoverishes the imagination.

Virginal students are still “fresh and naive, excited by the mysteries to which they have not yet been fully initiated,” while those who “have nothing more to learn about the erotic” are “flat-souled . . . unadorned by imagination and devoid of ideals.”

Moreover, when people are involved in sex within insecure relationships, it drains the individuals, especially the youth.

At the time of adolescence they are starving for attention and energy which is needed for their emotional, moral, creative and intellectual growth.

When people are promiscuous or continue to have sex outside of a committed relationship, there is always anxiety over the possible unwanted physical consequences from the union.



2. Character Corruption

The people of Paradise quickly went from innocence to deceit.  This illustrates how unprincipled sex hinders character growth.

People look to others not as holy spiritual beings, but as bodies which they can use to get their own gratification.  They have to practice cunning techniques to try to get another to have sex.

Most sexual liaisons are not like the romantic notion of two lovers drawn naturally into lovemaking, but are the result of one partner seducing the other.

Lust can come to motivate nearly every word or action in regards to others, as one is constantly grooming friends and acquaintances towards a sexual encounter. 

A study showed that this behavior has become acceptable among singles.

Dating singles regard “lying, cheating and dumping each other” as ordinary behavior outside of committed relationships.

A large number of men revealed that they would even hide a deadly infection like AIDS from would-be lovers in order to receive sex.

Even though these same people would never practice such treachery in their business dealings or tolerate others doing this to them, when it comes to physical love, they debase themselves.

There are countless statesmen, clergy and business executives who have a trusted character and leadership who are loosed from their moral standard by the power of sex.

The cheater may not even notice the profound violation of the partner, any children or relatives and friends.

Even though the lies, and blatant cover-ups, silent deceptions and trust is exploited wreak havoc on the cheater’s conscience may not know the depth of how they are using their lover.

Finally, self-deceit must complete the picture in order for the cheater to live with himself.

He will rattle off walls of reasons why he had to partake in such behavior - about how he or she is the victim himself because the other did or did not do this or that.

By trying to hold onto any semblance of integrity, this leads to moral blind spots not just in their love life, but in other areas of their lives.

Tomorrow we will continue the next four effects that having sex before marriage has on a person.  See you then!



Return for Tomorrow's Post: Effects Sex Before Marriage on a Person


This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on love and marriage.