Relationships Need True Love to Work

Without true love, men and woman cannot trust each other. They use each other to serve themselves.

—Sun Myung Moon

Sexual union is the crowning glory of marital love.

When a couple unites through sex, this symbolizes the mingling of the hearts, blood and lives of the two partners.

This is God’s delight as well.

Before the Fall, sex was not seen as dirty or something shameful.  God would be a part of the marriage couple’s pleasurable, sacred lovemaking.

But history has provided evidence of people having difficulty disciplining their sexuality and remain faithful to their partners.

Lovers who are not committed to one another can leave behind unwanted children, diseases, adults who prey on children who are not theirs in the relationship and so on.

It is all too easy for the body to subjugate the mind, for instinct to override conscience in the arena of sex.

Some attribute this to an individual’s childhood trauma and learning.

Others blame social conditioning based on the struggle of power in relationships.  Still others have sought to explain this behavior in light of early social patterns by tracing back to the earliest communities.

Some religious traditions and psychologies look to ancient myths, legends and stories that tell of the origins of human suffering through a human Fall.

These myths are respected and thought of as revealing of profound inner truths that are too deep and not easy to convey, thus are shown through powerful images and narratives.


“Myths are facts of the mind made manifest in a fiction of matter,” asserts anthropologist Joseph Campbell.


The tale of Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis in the Bible quickly comes to mind.

The Qur’an also has a counterpart story.

Reverend Moon found the root of sexual immorality and the secret of all human suffering and self-destructiveness.

These traits are tied up with the reason why it is easy to misuse love and why societies are witnessing harmful relationship patterns between men and women throughout history.

What is this secret revealed in the story of Adam and Eve?

How does the abuse of sexuality between individuals and relationships impact society?


The Human Downfall

The Bible states that the first man and woman brought evil and suffering into the world.

At that time, they enjoyed everything in Heaven on Earth freely.  But God gave them one warning: do not eat a certain fruit.

The Bible states that a crafty serpent (the Qur’an is a vengeful angel) who tempted the women with the promise that if she delve into the fruit she would gain wisdom and divine likeness to God.  He made it seem that God was keeping this power from humanity and keeping it to Himself, hence bringing a word contrary to God.

After this, she saw that the fruit was good to eat for her and ate it.

Further in the story, Eve gave the fruit to Adam.  As the snake promised, they both gained wisdom.  But by eating the fruit which God warned them against eating, it brought shame and guilt upon the man and woman so they hid themselves from God.

They first covered their sexual parts.

In every drawing or account of the Fall of Adam and Eve, it has the man and woman covering their sexual organs.

When a person makes a mistake, they cover their transgressions.  The fact that the couple covered their sexual organs, shows that their mistake was in these lower parts.

This is similar to when two people are caught in fornication or adultery

When this story first circulated, this was probably transparent to the audiences then.  In the Middle East, they understand the euphemism of ‘eating of fruit’ to mean sexual relations.

Also, the expression, ‘to know’ someone as in having sexual relations with another.

Thus the Tree of Knowledge takes on sexual connotations as well. 

Many who speak of having sex outside of marriage or in immature relations promise that they will become mature and experienced.

People still expect this from sex.

When sex is violated in this way, they bear foretold consequences from their deeds: painful childbirth, distrust and tension between men and women, not able to grow and mature in love any further, and a profound separation from God who is the source of love and life.

The Hebrew tale of Paradise Lost, written by Milton brought in a sexual counterpart, and early writings of Jewish and Christian clergy did as well, In the historical perspective, according to scholars makes the Biblical account unmistakable: the tree, snake and the women’s name and other features alludes to the widespread practice of temple prostitution and the story was a deliberate parody to denounce it.

These writings place a sexual sin at the core of all human disorder and misery.

Other myths imply the same detail.  A Shinto myth has a god and his wife engage improperly in conjugal love.  They may call it incest.  Then they correctly give birth to the islands of Japan.  The goddess dies and a misfortune befalls their first son and daughter. Kojiki 4.1-6.1

Hindu and Buddhist text also tell their tale tying the origins of suffering to sexual indiscretions.

The Greek myth of Pandora tells of a woman who betrays her promise to her immortal fiance and opens a box which releases all kinds of suffering into the world.

This box can easily symbolize a woman’s sexual parts which are opened by another instead of her husband.


Ambivalence towards sexuality

Intuitively, there is a link between sexuality and the origins of human evil.  This forms the basis of the mixed messages within certain religions regarding sex.

The chosen people of Israel had a distinguished mark of circumcision.  This is a mutilation of the male organ which was involved in the Fall.

Christians and Buddhist favor celibacy as their path to sanctification and enlightenment.

Sex is a sacred gift which has become degraded and dangerous.

In the context of wider society, sexuality is honored.  For instance, poetry and songs celebrate its goodness and maligned on the other or the vulgar ways people refer to it when expressing hate and aggression.


Subtle Ramifications

The substance of these sacred narratives is the content of contemporary life.

People indulge in sex without being mature or involved in marriage.  This brings on more heartbreak and distortion about true love.

The most ironic consequence of thinking about casual sex is that people are blind to these very consequences.

Thus, the supreme and sacred power of sexual love with all of its intrinsic psychological and emotional, moral and spiritual, relational, social and lineal ramifications comes to be reduced to merely a pleasurable physical activity, like eating or sleeping. 

The real costs of premature sexual relations on the personal and social level and the impact on God are largely overlooked.  Technology can take care of the unwanted pregnancy and sexual infections, but the damage it causes to the spirit are irreversible.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: The First Love Triangle Was Between..

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on sex and marriage.

Children Need God, Too

Growth in the Child’s Sphere

God created the family as a school of love to naturally influence people to be other-centered and pull them away from their self-centerdness.

Each person is required to give up more and more the love of just self and give more to others in order to experience fulfillment.

The family school of love works step by step naturally to pull people out of self-centeredness into other-centeredness. This process begins in the child's realm.

A child learns to obey and control impulses, including the aggressive ones, out of love for their parents and a strong desire for their approval.

The child learns to take care of things, clean up, prevent messes, do their homework, and respect others and property.

As Fraiberg writes, “There are obligations in love even for little children. Love is a given, but it also

earned. At every step of the way in development, a child is obliged to give up territories of his self-love in order to earn parental love and approval.”

To relate well with his or her parents, children need to relate well and kindly to siblings and playmates.

A child learns that his good relationship with his parents depends in part how well he or she treats his or her brothers or sisters, classmates, and friends.

As they grow, the 'horizontal' relationship to their parents takes on a life and significance of its own, even though they are never fully separated in a relationship from them.

Adolescent Children

As children try to define their identities and emotional boundaries as they grow to adolescence, the relationship to please their parents may become stormy and difficult.

Influences outside the family hold sway as adolescence forge relationships to the larger society and world.

As their family's moorings loosen, children may become emotionally tossed around, and experience great highs and lows.

It is important for parents to continue to nourish and assert this main bond of parent/child and the values it represents and recognize the growing importance of their peers and their child's independent identities.

Parents should do this to the sacrifice of their child's peer's influence and some of their child's decision-making power. In order for them to continue to growing in the child's realm of heart this is necessary.

“Our son was succeeding academically and socially in public school,” recounts Mona, a mother of three. “It was the social success that worried us! He’s sweet and smart and a good athlete, and girls called him, asked him for dates, and to go steady with them.

“Our son knew our standard on early dating, and he tried hard to withstand the peer pressure, but it was definitely confusing for him during this vulnerable time of his life.

“When we told him we were enrolling him in a religious school where students’ families and the faculty shared our values, he was upset at first. But soon he underwent a transformation.

“He became more and more responsible and, in this supportive environment, his faith grew and grew. I thank God, for many reasons, that we as parents made that tough decision.”

One pastor, Dave, is in favor of parents taking a strong stand when their children may not be going in the right direction. “Taking a kid out of school and finding him a new one, grounding him or doing whatever else you need to do to pull him up short—that might look like shutting him down,” he says.

“But in fact, it’s giving him the possibility of a whole new life. In almost every case I’ve seen where the parents took a strong stand, it worked.”

Dave also commented that children will sense their parents deep love for them with such actions and respond with gratitude.

This is an illustration of the two points of the child's realm of heart shown during adolescence: First, it demonstrates that the relationship with parents is the primary one superseding. 

Also, directing relationships with peers and this vertical relationship with parents and their parents' values are crucially important to their growth.

Second, it shows that adolescence is a time when the young people mind questions everything and needs to be directed toward God.

When we look at adolescence from a spiritual point of view, there is more than the child forming a separate identity from one's parents in psychological terms. It involves expanding the sphere of children's love to include the ultimate Parent, God.

The fulfillment of the child’s realm of heart is to relate to God with filial piety.

This truly means to respond to God with love, faith and obedience like that of a loving, trusting, responsible child.

“We never know the love of the parent 'till we become parents ourselves.”

Henry Ward Beecher made this observation which highlights how filial love of a child evolves through growing and facing the responsibilities that come with being an adult.

A new understanding and sympathy for parent's roles come as sons and daughters become a spouse, a parent, the breadwinner, a middle-aged caretaker of others and a responsible community member.

As sons and daughters rise to the more advanced realms of heart, spousal and parental realms, they grow to appreciate those who had these responsibilities before which they now face.

When children expand to a higher level of heart, they will appreciate through understand and service to their parents.

The long accumulation of a child’s debt to his or her parents begins to be repaid with gratitude.

There may be the time when the child grows up and becomes his or her own parents caretaker.

Some parents become a child again and lean heavily on their sons and daughter's strength. At these times, they assume the parental role toward his or her own parents. 

 Changing their diapers, paying old debts, settling the family estate and becoming the patriarch or matriarch of the family while urging their parents to take a rest.

When parents become elderly, the child's world/realm of heart comes full circle.

As one woman said: 

"As a young Catholic I was inspired by the saints. I had always wanted to do things like work with Mother Teresa in India, but most of my life has not been so glamorous. After college I became a teacher in an elementary school. 

"And then my mother had a stroke and I had to drop out of teaching and help her for two years; bathe her, care for her bedsores, cook, pay the bills, run the house. At times I wanted to complete these responsibilities and get back to my spiritual life. Then one morning it dawned on me—I  was doing the work of Mother Teresa, and I was doing it in my own home.

A child's love which is mature may involve taking up tasks to fulfill their parent's unrealized dreams.

Sculptor Korczak Ziolkowsky, who created the portraits on Mt. Rushmore, accepted a commission in 1947 offered by Lakota chief Standing Bear to carve a massive tribute to the great Native American chief Crazy Horse out of a mountain in South Dakota.

Knowing how much the project meant to the Native Americans who had had their sacred Black Hills violated by the Mt. Rushmore project, he determined not only to do a bust, but to do a full figure of a man on horseback.

This bust was going to be ten times larger than his Mt. Rushmore project. He dedicated decades to the project, but left it unfinished after he died in 1982.

His children comforted him before his death and committed to bring his dream project to completion.

This is an example of children's love by becoming a person who makes his or her parents proud.

Confucius said, “True filial piety consists in successfully carrying out the unfinished work of our forefathers and transmitting their achievements to posterity.”

This was echoed by Thomas Macaulay, Western poet, when he wrote:

“And how can man die better than facing fearful odds for the ashes of his fathers and the temples of his gods?”

The person the child becomes as an adult is a gift laid at the altar of his or her parents’ love.

A child's mature heart is reflected in his or her relationship with God.

“There is a common saying, 'What you are is a gift from God. What you become is your gift to Him.”

When we return appreciation and devotion to God for all He has done for us throughout our life and history this reflects His nature. 

 It also makes His dreams, concerns and tasks our own which are hallmarks of filial piety and a true child's heart toward our ultimate Parent.

Return for Tomorrow's Post:

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy on family and love.

Seven Principles for Loving Relationships Part II

We continue part two of the seven principles for loving relationships:

6. Investing Towards Oneness

In order to realize love, we need to trust in the potential for unity between complementary partners. 

Everything that is complementary to one another first begin as separate beings in the world, but are drawn into oneness.

Despite the complementary nature of men and women, they do not easily get along. Sometimes they can seem like adversaries.

Any group of men or women's conversation at one point turn toward the complaints about the opposite gender.

Men may say that 'women talk too much,' women may say that 'men are so insensitive'. This is the long history of misunderstanding that happens between the sexes. There is also mistrust, abuse, and exploitation.

The ultimate unification of masculine and feminine takes place in marriage and in making a family.

Through a husband and wife embracing one another and through having many experiences with their children throughout the years, a man and woman can come to understand and appreciate the opposite sex.

The husbands and sons represent masculinity in all phases of development as also a man embraces all femininity trough his love for his wife and daughters.

Therefore, married life provides a fascinating, ongoing adventure of bonding of masculinity and femininity.

Through marriage, men and women become better mirrors of the divine.

“In the image of God He created him; male and female he created them,” the Bible reminds us; man and

woman together echoes the Creator’s own “wedded” nature Genesis 1.27.

A Hindu scripture speaks of the original Self or Creator as splitting in two to make man and woman. Thus making each 'like half of a split pea'. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1.4.3

A couple that is an example of this is a full mirror of the Godhead.

Reverend Moon shows the married couple as a smallest unit of humanity. This is in the sense of fulfilling the purpose of human creation as God's complete reflection and love partner.

This is why the love between man and woman can be uniquely edifying.

7. Unity Around a Higher Purpose

People who unify based on a higher purpose, this is a basic context for true love. Every being in creation tends toward unity, based upon shared purposes.

Unity is the beginning point of love, the point where love can come to abide . . . . When both come closer and closer they can meet at one point between them. In other words, by both of them denying themselves for a greater purpose, they can unite with each other. That is the standard of true love.

—Sun Myung Moon

American President Richard Nixon spoke about how one extraordinary moment in time united people of all lands when Neil Armstrong, landed successfully on the surface of the moon:

“For one priceless moment, in the whole history of man, all the people on this Earth are truly one. One in their pride in what you have done. One in our prayers that you will return safely to Earth.”

People united in celebration of what he had done and all were passengers in a spaceship alone in black, cold space. This moment was profoundly moving and gratifying where all inhabitants of the earth united in oneness.

Unity, the sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves, is something we deeply desire.

To bring unity, it also helps to keep problems that are small and tensions in perspective.

“I wanted as little to do with my supervisor as possible,” recallsa medical technician. “But when I saw how hard she worked to throw a Christmas party for the kids in the critical care ward, I just had to give up my grudge and help her.”

When we give ourselves to the greater good, it feeds us self-respect. This supports our ability to love and invest further in the relationship.

Therefore, when people unify centered upon a greater purpose, this is the best context for lasting love

We will discuss more on this principle in the next post..

Return for Tomorrow's Post: Centering on Higher Purpose for Unity

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, Educating for True Love, written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy.

Seven Principles for Loving Relationships Part I

 

We speak upon having mind and body unity often. Once one is able to center their fallen body upon their godly mind, this principle fosters and furthers the flow of true love.

This is one of the following seven principles.

Why does religion emphasize principles or rules?

Because principles underpin both the natural and human worlds.

A Confucian philosopher, Chu his writes, “There is not a single thing that lacks an inherent principle.”

This is the same observation behind the idea of natural law, that there are invariable principles that govern the nature of everything in existence.

Even though we were endowed with free will and we can choose to live in accordance with these laws or not, the principles of the natural world and human world have many parallels to one another. This is because they both have the same origin, God.

We can also see that these principles reveal much about the Creator to us as well.

Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made

Romans 1.19-20

Reverend Sun Myung Moon gives us insight that the principles or laws for true love not only have counterparts in the created world, but they also tell us much about God.

The following is a summary of all of the principles. They are first briefly defined and then described within the larger universe.

Principles for True Love

1. Maturing Through Responsibility

We each grow to our fullness when we fulfill the responsibility to give out true love. 

Everything in creation automatically reaches maturity without effort except for humans. Our mind reaches its potential only through our exercise of our responsibilities.

God dwells where there is unity of mind and body. 

Due to the Fall, maturity does not maintain or come easily to us. We are disunited between our godly mind and our sinful, flesh or body. Humans do many things that they know they should not do and immediately regret them.

Saint Paul wrote about this state of disunity. He said that there was a war between his 'members' or body and his mind. Those who sought to have unity with their mind, they often had to walk a difficult path of self-denial and sacrifice in order to restore the natural relationship between their mind and body centered on God.

If we observe those who have good moral stature, these are people that the world deems as extraordinary

people who are pure-hearted, passionate for truth and righteousness, and morally advanced.

Such people have overcome selfish desires and attachment to worldly concerns such as lusts, obtaining possessions, influence, or even status in society.

Instead, they follow the dictates of what is good and true and beautiful even at the great sacrifices of themselves and their comfort. Jesus said they have 'overcome the world,” but they have overcome the influences of the world within themselves that are far from God in order to follow Him and the imperatives of true love.

Such people are called saints, sages and the enlightened ones.

We can say they are the incarnations of God's ideal.

When a person does attain unity between their mind and body, there is an affinity with the divine where He influences the person directly and bestows His extraordinary love and power to him or her.

When a person achieves this unity with God, he or she is able to manifest the divine nature out into the world and serve as a clear messenger or reflection of God.

Jesus boldly declared to the people, “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” John 14.9

2. Mind and Body Unity

Mind and body unity allows us to give true love. This is where the mind leads the fallen body of the flesh. Everything is composed of external and internal dimensions where the external follow the internal. 

Our body, which leads humanity in the wrong direction, must obey the mind, but when humanity ignored God's will, the sinful body ended up dominating the godly mind.

All animals have natural harmony between their mental and physical aspects. Their inner instinctive impulses direct their body's behavior toward a purposeful action. This is how we come to admire the dignified beauty and elegant efficacy of even the simple house cat. Every single movement embodies grace. Nothing it does betrays its essential God-given feline nature.

Isn't every inch of an oak tree's trunk, branches, roots, leaves, acorn or bark true to its own nature?

We rely on the absolute integrity of the created world as part of our basic security.

The absolute integrity within the creation is a reflection of its Creator.

St. Paul write of God's “eternal power and divine nature” which is expressed and seen through the crated world. Romans 1. 20

The 'divine nature' represents His character while His 'power' represents His manifestation throughout the world. In other words, the divine Word and His deeds are one.

God is the ultimate example of harmony of word and deed, character and expression; the equivalent of mind and body unity. Because God has such a character and we as humans are created in His image, we also can manifest this kind of integrity. When we a person does, we see a authentic human and likeness of divinity.

Such individuals as a government official who speaks out against a tyrant even though he may be killed or persecuted, or the Oxford graduate who sets up his medical practice in a slum are people acting in a way that is true to their deepest heart and conscience.

These are examples of unity of mind and body in service to love.

For Reverend Moon, this mind and body unity is a prerequisite to altruistic loving. Thus it comprises a principle of true love.

3 Giving and Receiving

Through giving and taking, True Love is generated and sustained. When one initiates and invests love continually, then receives well

True love gives completely. It is total giving, to the degree that we ultimately reach a point where there is nothing left to give. After we reach that ‘zero point,’ we will have the capacity to receive much more than we gave. This process of giving and receiving will achieve a balance that continues forever. Relationships of giving and receiving will produce a world where people live for the sake of others centering on true love.

—Sun Myung Moon

Youngsters love to play catch with their fathers, teenagers enjoy talking to each other and young lovers delight in dancing together.

The commonality between all these activities: basic give and take between people. These small gifts comprise our lives.

Give and take is the substance of all relationships.

Conversation is basically just an exchange of words, and marriage is an exchange of concern and support. Through that exchange, the heart is transmitted back and forth.

Giving and receiving is a second universal principle which comprises and sustains true love.

Just like everything else, love depends on give and take, communication, support, working and playing together. The genesis of love depends on it.

Interaction inspires affection.

A patron who exchanges a few words with a bus driver everyday can create such a bond that the commuter misses her when she changes routes. A daughter-in-law can feel surprised at how she misses the cantankerous, complaining mother-in-law she cared for until her death.

We develop a bond when we are given enough dealings with just about anything or anyone. Reverend Moon observed this give and receiving action as a principle of true love.



Return for Tomorrow's Post: Seven Principles for Loving Relationships Part II


This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, Educating for True Love, written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy.

The World's Future is Bright

Since we are flowing toward one world, what is the one language that you are going to use in the future?

Will learning this language be more important than learning English, Chinese or Japanese?

Within the Korean language, you can find the deepest thought in the world of religion.  The ideal and the deepest thoughts are all combined into one.

That precious understanding is found in the Korean language.

Right now, the world does not know this, but the world is evolving and moving to the other side.

The high will go down, and the low will go up. And the lowest will go to the highest point. 

This principle happens automatically, not through force.



Wise Use

In the future, ownership will move from the individual to the group.

Possibly, through ownership by family or extended family.  Have you noticed companies that have been around for over 100 years were and are still a family company run by members of the same family?

Vertically, this is a "world property" concept.

Horizontal relationships vary; horizontally, it is a group that covers 360 degrees group property not individual ownership.

Vertical relationships are one.  In the future, the world will inevitably go from a wasteful society to using resources frugally.  We will save resources, because they will be limited.

It will not be necessary for everyone to cook everyday at the house for the family.  There can be a village bakery, which uses a small amount of resources that yields the maximum product.

When you do cook,  you can make a particular dish, but you would make enough to share with other people in the village.  If everyone was to do this like a potluck, then there is no need for everyone to cook everyday.

If a village was to share in this way, the citizens wouldn't have to cook but a few days a year.

That day of such unity is very near.

People of faith think that this day is slow in arriving.   This day has not only been prophesied, but the foundation of manpower and preparation is connecting in every area to bring this about.

Even though China is becoming an ultimate power, it will crumble if it does not have this kind of standard in the future.  The reason why we know this will happen is because spirit world is like this.

Spirit world is our original hometown.  The earth is our body's original hometown. 

The spirit world is the mind's original town.

From here, the only way to go is toward the world of the mind.

Americans like hamburgers with cheese; Koreans cannot do without eating smelly kimchee.  Trends here on earth have to follow the pattern that is set in the spirit world.

The after life is better than here; it is heaven.

No matter how long you live on earth, it is like a small grain of sand on earth compared to eternity.  It is like one second of life compared to the life we are going to lead there.  Because we were born as human beings instead of animals, no one should deny this.

Once people begin to understand the reality of the spirit world, then they will understand the true way we should live our life while on earth.

You cannot occupy important positions without training first.
 

Is this thinking practical and powerful enough to bring the unification of spirit world and physical world?

This is a dual structure, which does not mean that this is a relationship between two things that are the same.

One is vertical and the other is horizontal.  This is what makes it dual.

All existence has to follow this 90 degree angle where the horizontal meets the vertical.

A tree follows this principle and orients itself to grow vertically.  Even if a tree is on a slope, it never takes the horizontal line.  It is smart.  But man follows the horizontal line, the fallen thought world, which is far away from the vertical line of God.

This is where we observe that nature is higher than humans in that it follows its own purpose of creation brought about by God.  It always stands at 90 degrees based upon the vertical line.  People should bow down to a tree because they are better than fallen man.

A tree, unlike fallen humanity, absolutely fulfills God's purpose and will.

When you are working hard at your mission, it is very difficult if you do not understand the purpose of why you are doing it.  This becomes a hopeful activity once you have that understanding.

There are two ways to follow: one is to clearly see the objective, and the other is when you don't want to do your mission work, but you have to.

In the latter, you will not be able to go fast.

With this type of selfish thinking, it would weigh you down and you would get behind and be defeated.  When you understand the historical purpose behind this work we are doing, you will go beyond your complaints and go forward quickly for the work of God!


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Corrupted Love Decreases, God's Love Increases

This post was rewritten and derived from The Tide of the Heart.