Where is the School of Love?

Why is it that something as love which is vital to human life as breathing, the ability to give and receive does not come to us naturally?

Rather, true love must be taught, learned and practiced. Humans spend many years as immature, dependent children who have to learn how to act in the world and then provide for themselves.

Schools, teachers, masters of trades and parents teach them skills, but there is no formal school or system that teach people how to love and be loved.

Left without instruction on the proper way to love centered on God, people are left floundering, having to learn about love through painful trial and error.

We have witnessed science and the arts flourish rapidly throughout the centuries, yet our wisdom about love and relationships grows slowly at best and unevenly.

Pitirim Sorokin, a sociologist at Harvard, expressed his chagrin at “our enormous ignorance of love’s properties, of the efficient way of its production, accumulation, and distribution.”

We are living the era to remedy all the love ails by studying about and educating for true love.

Even though to love and be loved properly is one of life's most daunting challenges =, it is essential more than any other aspect of life people work hard to achieve.

Psychiatrists have been visited by high-powered professional people who break down in their offices because they are at a complete loss when it comes to their most important personal relationships. 

Despite all of their qualifications and accomplishments politicians, business executives and celebrities find that their wealth, power and talent fail when they are faced with the demands of love.

Therefore, to study the true way of life begins with a life lived in true love. Only after people are well-versed in the nature and practices of true love will they find a path to follow that will satisfy the human longing for true love.

The most precious philosophy is to live for the sake of others.

—Sun Myung Moon

For people to live in love, they need to understand it.

It is utterly difficult to define love.

The ancient Greeks divided love into different categories, describing features of each.

For example, 'eros' was an impassioned romantic attraction; 'eunoia' stood for general benevolence or good will; 'xenlike' represented kindness to the guest or stranger; and 'agape' love which defined as an unselfish affection for others. 

Agape love became a keystone of Christianity. It is recognized by all the faiths of the world. Buddhism calls agape love 'compassion', Hinduism and 'human-hearedness' or jen in Confucian thought.

Additionally, there are all kinds of love found within the family:

There is devotion of parents toward their children, the children's affection which is reciprocated. Siblings care about one another in a unique special way, and there is the love between spouses which is a world in itself.

Grandparents have a profound regard for their grandchildren.

All these types of love have their distinct features.

There should be an all-around definition for love that encompasses all types of loves and form.

Reverend Moon states that true love is to live for the sake of other people. Within this definition, love that is not true is weeded out. Love that is deceptive and lead people to despair rather than joy are left out when defining what true love is.

True love is other-centered.

Why was humanity necessary?

We were created to completely fulfill His love. Love is the reason that humanity are the supreme creation.

True love only happens in relationship to others. Even God required an 'other' in order to fulfill His love.

God created humanity as His love partners who will share in the glory of His creation.

Even though God is almighty, He needed an object, someone to share in the creation with. God also needs a relationship in order to experience love fully.

If God is so, so must be His creatures.

As author Sherwood Anderson said, “Two oddly sensitive human atoms” find one another, cling together and think, “Here is this other.”

A love that satisfies is only possible when in the presence of another person. The Bible emphasizes the love others in the presence of others. The Old Testament testifies to the greatest commandments which were to love God and love one's neighbor as one loves themselves.

Jesus echoed this truth by telling his followers to not come to the altar of God if they quarrel with their brother in their heart. They had to set things right between their 'brother' before approaching God.

Jesus later pronounced that God only forgives those who forgives others.

Jesus told his people that when two or more were gathered in his name he would be present. He was implying the need for believers to seek communion not only with God, but with one another as well.

Loving others is always in couplet with loving God well.

The prophet Muhammad stated that on the day of judgment, God the most high will say, “Son of Adam, I was sick and you did not visit Me.” 

The son replied how could he visit the Lord when he was the Lord of the Universe. God replied, “Did you not know that My servant such and such was ill and yet you did not visit him? Did you not know that if you had visited him you would have found Me with him?”

Russian thinker Vladimir Solovyov said that love “forces us with all our being to acknowledge for another the same absolute central significance which, because of the power of our egoism, we are conscious of only in our selves . . . shifting the very center of our personal lives.”

Reverend Moon refers this shifting of center from self to others as a 'revolution'. He holds that such a revolution toward true love is necessary for happiness and peace in the world.

Modern culture says that love is a spontaneous feeling within a person's heart toward one another when in fact, ethics figure prominently in successful and loving relationships.

Upon further examination, it is shown that ethics enable true love and love that is based on feelings alone is dangerous.

If a man feels that he has truly fallen in love with another woman, he will leave his wife and children for her. He will leave emotional devastation in his wake in the pursuit of false feelings.

A teacher may feel that they are romantically attracted to a young student and end up causing psychological damage to the student for life when they approach them sexually.

Psychologist M. Scott Peck points out, “Many, many people possessing a feeling of love and even acting in response to that feeling act in all manner of unloving and destructive ways.”

In order to benefit the other, true love adheres to ethical principles.

Even though a truly loving person does not feel benevolent feelings toward another person, he will behave benevolently to someone based upon principles.

Such a person will be kind to a spouse even when the other is being surly because the person believes in kindness even when the other is not evoking such feelings.

Such a person believes in preserving and protecting marriage itself.

A person who helps a homeless man on the street is a person who believes in treating one's fellow human beings with compassion even if society does not see such a person as reputable.

To love a person who has harmed others means having a belief that all people can be redeemed, including the reprobate.

Return for Tomorrow’s Post: True Love is ...




This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, Educating for True Love, Chapter 1 written by a team of writers to explaining Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon's thoughts on morality, society and Family.

What Does an Ideal Family Look Like?

Family is where all the efforts are brought to fruition and all of God's work is fulfilled.

 

God's ideal was purposed to manifest beginning in the family and happiness of family.  

The family is good because it is the base for all free activities based on parental love.

An ideal family is God-centered with eternal parental love; eternal conjugal love and eternal fililal love can be found.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We all must have a family base.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is composed of parents, children and their possessions.  

 

What being is able to be the manifestation of the spiritual, physical history of the Old, New and Completed Testament Ages?

Creation, the children and the parents are required in order to form a family.

This ideal does not lie in any other philosophy.

The beginning as well as the ending is in the family.

Who has been able to solve the problem of obtaining eternal happiness?

This is why it has been sought after more than ever.  Unificationism has been recognized because happiness is only attained through a systematized, universalized form taught through the teachings of the Messiah.

If everyone in the world without exception were to bow their heads and admit to the ideology of Unificationism, then unity would automatically be achieved.

When you look carefully at the sisty-six books in the Bible, you will see that it is an expression of the hope for ideal families.  Isn't that what the Bible teachings are mostly formed from, the family?

Every story was connected to a person within the context of their family.

Jesus and his mother and father, Job losing his family, Tamar, Sarah and on and on.

What do men desire?  To be married to an ideal wife.

If you find a man who says that they do not want an ideal wife, then he also cannot claim to be a man.

It is quite obvious that the desire of women since they are born is to meet ideal husbands.  No matter how great a woman is in the world, no matter whether she is a college graduate or holds a doctorate, her greatest desire would be likewise -  to meet an ideal man.

Her desire is to meet an ideal man whom she can love and can have beloved sons and daughters.  This is the root of happiness.  Since we have this doctrine deeply rooted in such a family, no one can be removed from it.

Where will the Kingdom of Heaven be first established?

'The Way of the True family' is the best term for our belief.

We advocate cosmos-centered ideology.

I need to provide a detailed explanation in order to clarify the meaning of the word "cosmos". You can view the family as a miniature nation which is grounded within a small social unit.

The family is a miniature nation, world and cosmos.


Therefore, if you abandon the family, you will not be able to do anything.  We are great in that we teach people these things about the family which were not known before.  The family is the everlasting base.  This fact cannot be changed by the father or elder brother, by any system in the world that tries to change this principle.

The most important time in anyone's life is the moment of birth, marriage and death.

We each should be born well.  In other words as we say, we should be born through the bond of heart.  Marriage, the next important moment in marriage.   We marry in order to live a full life.

We marry in order to achieve the four-position relationship of God, parents, Spouse, children.

When we will see such public laws of the universe governed established on earth, then God's will and humanity's will for world peace will be fulfilled.  The family is where we can find structure and contents required by these universal laws.

We can see that the world develps resembling the family structure.  Even if the world is in total choas, this will always remain true.

Therefore, the ideal world we envision for the future must be established based on the trinty of the family.

Since the four position relationship needs to be completed by every human being, everyone should marry and form a family.

'We must take after God.  A society that is based on human beings must take after them centering on God.

I founded the Unification Church in order to make this come true. The whole world should already have developed to such a state, but it is not the case yet. However, through such principles, the world can ultimately come to resemble human beings centered on God. 


The ideal world of peace is where the whole world is molded in the image of an ideal person.This world will transcend national and racial boundaries.\\\

The family is the horizontal foundation that is in the same form of a miniature world.

Then from the family stems the nation and the world. What is the family?  It is the objective standard to the absolute center.

What are the individuals?  They are the stepping stones which the absolute center resides.  When you view the ideal world in this way, an individual cannot be bestowed as the absolute authority to judge this world.

This authority should be bestowed on a true family. This is why you have seen a similiar example of kingdoms being ran by families.

Then knowing this, what would be the first place Satan would attack in humanity?

It would be the place of the family.

This is why families that fail to unite into one break up.  The breakdown between father and son, husband and wife, the whole family is the result of disunity.  If a person created a family and watched it break up later, he will be scarred with a wound that could not be healed for eternity.  There is no amount of consolation that would do this person any good.

We must become parents, husband, wives and siblings that are united within the family which God has yearned for.

Why is the family good?

We yearn for the family because it provides an environment where we can share love with one another freely.  This is the reason why people miss their home and their hometown because the parents and sibling live there.

When the father is pleased, the whole family is pleased.

When the child is pleased within the family, then the whole family is pleased.

The family is where the whole universe can experience joy simultaneously.

We start by gaining control of our body and mind and become a perfected individual.

Then the husband and wife need to become one in order to form a perfected family.

When the mother and father become as one, that family can develop further. 

When the children and the parents in a family become one, that family will flourish on a higher level.

What will happen if families unite with their relatives?

Many movies are made about the problems that come with in-laws, extended family are relatives. what would happen if we naturally just were able to get along with them?

Then a new spirit among the people will emerge.

When they seek to go to an even higher level, they will bring unity of the entire nation.  They will be remembered as a clan of loyal patriots.  A family of God's Kingdom does not come about through force, rather it happens naturally where there is joy.

Even when loving, one should not strive to merely receive love, because ideal love is only established when there is giving and receiving between the two.

A happy family is one where the husband comes home after work and discusses everything that happened to him during the work day with his wife and plans new areas of pioneer with her.  A happy family is one that strives continuously to discover new things.

When the parents set such an example in the family, the children will come to contribute as well.  They will gladly align themselves to make such a family.

The true family is the place where a husband sacrifices for and loves his wife as he loves his mother. On the same token, the wife sacrifices for and loves her husband as her father.

Also, they should love each other as younger sister and older brother respectively.

Heaven is where ideal families live in a world where husbands and wives love and respect each other as they would God.

such a tradition should be established on earth.

The mother and father cannot become as one without love. 

Why do you think you cherish love?

It is because you are destined to like it if you don't want to.

The greater the love the mother and the father have for one another rather than just the love they have for themselves, the more ideal it would be.

Love's bond binds the mother and father completely into one.

Metal chains rust and break after much time, but the bond of love is eternal.

Food or money will not bond the parents and children.  This will happen only through the love between the parents and children that they can bound together.

A family formed on a foundation that cannot be affected by the elements of revolution, no philosophy or ideology would be able to absorb it.

Rather, that family would control and surpass them.

A family with such a standard would be eternally unchanging, even after decades, centuries, and milleniums.  They would maintain the form of a entire race and nation.

What would be contained inside a package of love?

Once you have reached the homeland and opened the package of love, an ideal husband or ideal wife would come out.

Moreover, the package of love should contain a pouch that is filled with blessings from which an ideal family would spring forth from it.  The highest level of restoration for the world would come out of this pouch.  in this state, no one in the world would be above or below anyone.  The individual, family, tribe, race nation and world would be all at the highest level.

Therefore, brothers and sisters as well as the family itself would be restored based on the foundation of love.  In order to lay such a foundation for unity, a package of love like a treasure chest is required.

The family gives birth to the love for society, nation, and humanity

A circular motion is created once your mind and body are united centered on God and manifests in all sorts of forms and figures.  This is why the older sibling must love the younger, by following the example of their parents loving them.





A family that is united into one in love will blossom.



That love will flourish and spread to the love within the society, then the love within the nation.

In this way, it later becomes the love of the whole world.

Unfortunately, the ideal of love within the family spreading to each level has been obscured.  There has been an all and out attack on the structure of the family.

How should love be between siblings?

How should siblings love each other?  They should love one another as their father and mother loves them.  From whom should they learn to love?  They should learn from their parents.

Ideal love is realized in the family, however, God could not have true sons and daughters.

There has not been true brothers and sister or husband and wife in society before.  If we could not become true children could God become fully our True Father?  No, we are only at best His adopted children, because our bloodline belongs to Satan.

It is God's will to fulfill these things.  Love dwells only when God's will is fulfilled.  People would abandon everything they have in the world just to find their way to the place where such a heavenly love could be found.

What is true love?

It is parental love, conjugal love and filial love put together.

If people are unable to sacrifice their selfish ways for each other, then love will not be able to last a long time in the that environment and will disappear. This easily explains why marriages and families are breaking down due to humanity adapting to more selfish, individualistic way of living.

Naturally, good parents sacrifice themselves for their children.  The bond of love they have for their children will never break.  The sons and daughters who grew up receiving true love from their parents will be filial children toward them.

When the husband and wife try more and more to live sacrificially for each other, thinking in their hearts, "You have lived for my sake," their family will receive blessings from heaven.

Such families are the dwelling place that God seeks.

Who is the most valuable in the family?

The children are not the most valuable.  This sounds shocking.  Take yourself for example.  Is there anything that is more valuable than your parents?  Is authority, knowledge, honor or money more precious to you than them?  Wouldn't you give up all of these things if your parents were on their deathbed?  Of course.

The parents are of the highest value within the family.  None of these objects are more valuable than your parents.  The next in value would be your spouse and finally your children.

What is more valuable than the life of those listed above?  There is no such thing in creation that is more valuable than the unit of your family.  Then why do we value our parents, spouse and children so highly?

It is because we have a love for them that will never be severed.  Even within a relationship where there seems to be 'hate' within the family, hate is a form of love that has been misguided in the wrong direction.  You can't not hate that which you do not love.

Parental love is absolutely necessary for the children. 

For a husband and wife to stay united, conjugal love is necessary.

The sibling love between brothers and sisters, and filial piety toward parents, are also absolutely necessary in a family.

Who do you cherish and like the most in your family?

It's your parents, right?  Why do you like them the most?

It is the one relationship in your life that sustains love from the moment of birth o throughout your life.  The one you love next best would be your spouse.  If the love shared in the relationship between a husband and wife is not a conditioned love, but is unconditional, then that love becomes the best thing in a family.  Nowadays, spouses agree to love each other until the other crosses a certain boundary.  This is a conditioned love that is based on the individual's preferences.

Unconditional love brings happiness and harmony even if this love is not directly connected to the eternal love of God.  Then finally the filial love the children have for their parents.  If children can sacrifice their selfish ways for and love their parents in a bright and positive manner, they can bloom as the hope of the future.  This type of filial love will be a pure and sincere contribution to their own happiness.

A family that is in complete possession of the true parental love, true conjugal love and has true filial love would be the most ideal family in the world.

Who do you think is the center of the family?

The person who is the oldest member of the family.  That would be the great grandfather if he is still living.  He would be the center of the family.

If the other members choose to ignore him and think of him as not as immportant because he will soon pass, it is the same as ignoring the vertical (spiritual realm) world.

Even if the eldest in the family was to become senile and dependent on other, he should still be the center of that family.  This means he should be the first served at the every meal.  This is becausee the son represents the horizonatl position.

Where does unhappiness come from?

It is when the love nest is lost.  In a happy family, the children live with and attend their parents who safeguard the household.  The parents safeguard the house.

The parents represent God.  They are two strangers who represent two separate families who unite as husband and wife, bound together in love.  They abide by the heavenly principle and carry on the family line.  A family must have parents, spouse and children.  Only then can that family provide the grounds for happiness.

God's yearning for the ideal He purposed for humankind is in order to find His own happiness.  God cannot fulfill His ideal world without human beings.  Only when humankind and God form a relationship in unity, can He have a place of emotional harmony.

We feel joy when we are emotionally content in our own homes.  God wants to be able to feel the same from such a position with the world.  Even if someone was to obtain all the wealth, fame and possessions in the world, this alone does not bring happiness.

Do we not see this trend today?  There are mega stars in deep depression, suicidal and unhappy even though they seem to externally have everything.  These things may be the condition to find happiness, but they cannot be happiness itself.

What determines whether you feel happy or not?

In order to feel happy, you need to have a loving parent, a spouse, and children.  No one one earth can deny this truth.  If anyone has only fulfilled one of these conditions, he would still feel a hole, incomplete and feel sad. He would not be able to help feeling discontent proportionate to what is missing.

What do youthink God had in mind for the first human ancestors?

Could such a loving God have imagined a world of chaos for His children?  A world filled with sadness and unhappiness?

God's ideal was for man and woman to come together in union to form an ideal family that would eventually become an ideal world.

The man or woman is not the center of an ideal family.  A family is just an unit that is connected to each other by the bond of a parent to a child and a husband and wife's love. These relationships would then be centered on God's love.

Therefore, we can conclude that God's will is to perfect a family that is centering on His love.

This is an ideal family:  a place where parents, children, husband and wife, and brothers and sisters desire to unite into oneness based on true love.

From such a place the eternal global equalization begins and consequently, the God's Kingdom on earth.

This is followed by God's Kingdom in heaven coming about automatically.

As God is the original substance of true love, when one connects to true love everyone becomes part of one body.

Parents are gods living in God's stead on earth, husband and wife are mutual counterpart gods and sons and daughters are little gods.

Is there any domination or manipulations on any part within that kind of relationship?

A family is composed of three generations which is centered on true love in this manner and is the basis of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Without achieving such a foundation, the kingdom cannot be established.

The family is the center of the universe.

Family perfection is the basis for the perfection of the universe.

If there is true love within the family and a love for the universe, you can freely go anywhere.

In this case, God stands in the combined central position of love as the Parent of the whole universe.

Man's love, woman's love, son's love, daughter's love, parents' love and God's love are all included in the original ideal family foundation.

Those who love their parents, spouse and children in such an harmonized circumstance leads a heavenly life.

There is a saying to the effect, "All is well if there is harmony within the family." If peace reigns in a family everything will go well.

A family that has reached perfection in love, is a family that experience peace which forms the basis of God's Kingdom.

The driving force of a family is true love.

Loving God more than yourself and loving your spouse more than life itself is such an example of the the power of pure and beautiful love.

God did not create a force that is greater than the power of true love in the universe.

True love is God's love.

Such a family is the basis of God's Kingdom.

How else will heaven on earth begin if the individuals within a family are disunited?  Each family's driving force is true love.

A human being should be part of a parent-child relationship as well as a husband and wife and sibling relationship.

These three relationships should meet at one point.

There can only be one central point.

That means the central point of upper and lower, left and right and front and rear should be one and the same.

If any of these have a different center, then the balance of the three relationships would be broken.

For example, it is hard for even three people to come together if their each stick their their philosophies without finding a common ground.

In the end, there are seven points:  above, below, left, right, front, rear and finally the central point is formed.

The significance of fulfilling the number seven is the seven points have become as one in perfected true love, centering on God, thus achieving a perfect sphere forming a family that manifests harmony and peace.



Return for Tomorrow's Post: Thanksgiving: Gift of True Christian Spirit

This post was rewritten and derived from the textbook Cheon Seong Gyeong, Book Ten, Chapter Two, Section 1

Family is Training Ground of Heart

If there is a wealthy family, then what kind of fortune should the one in the child's position receive?  They should be able to inherit the fortune of the grandparents and the parents.

Why do you think we need grandparents?

We need grandparents because they represent the living history of the past, the ancestors in history who lived before.  Everyone has at least one childhood memory of loving their grandparents, hearing their stories and spending time to get to know the history of the family lineage.

The parents represent the present and the children are symbolic of the future.

Children are also the center of the whole.  The center of grandparents, the center of parents, the center of God are all founded on true love.

Thus, when you love and respect your grandparents, it means to learn to inherit all the past.  Through loving your father you learn from the present.  Through loving children you learn about the future.

So, what does one inherit from their grandfather and grandmother, and father and mother?  You inherit true love.

Although your grandfather and grandmother are old, they united in true love.  Your mother and father are united.  You should be like them and inherit the future.

But, we cannot inherit the future unless we become a true family.

When we take a look at the three generations, it is like looking at the universe.

The love of the universe resides in the true family that represents the present and future.

The Family is a Model for the Heavenly Kingdom

When we observe the animal world, we see that male and female animals love each other.  This is a textbook from which we learn about the love of the universe.

Without a grandmother and a grandfather, we feel unstable.  It is only with them that we can move straight into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Grandparents, mother, father and children will all go to the Kingdom of Heaven.  The model and textbook for all of this is the true family that is centered on God's love.  We see that this is opposite of the current families where separation, divorce, fights, selfishness and destruction is at the very core.

Those who loved the true grandparents, the true parents, the true children, the true family, nation,world and true universe will automatically go to the Kingdom of Heaven.

We can think of the ideal family as a type of educational material that teaches us how to establish the Kingdom of heaven.

A person who loves his grandfather has a model to love all the people of his grandfather's age in the world as their own flesh and blood.  If he loves the people of his parents' age as his own, he will be able to travel freely throughout all the nations.

If he thinks of the young people of all nations as his own sons and daughters, he will be able to travel freely within the Kingdom of Heaven even though there are twelve pearly gates and directions.

A person who loves people in the world as his own family will have no boundaries even when he goes to the spirit world.

Therefore, the family is a textbook which shows us how to make a connection with the Kingdom of Heaven.

When you apply this principle to the national level, then you will become a patriot.

When you apply it to the world, you will be a saint. When you practice it in heaven and earth, you will become God's children, or holy sons and daughters.  People have such a desire.

You should become a person who can embrace all the sons and daughters of every race as well as their grandsons and granddaughters.

In this way, you should stand in the position to become the owners of the family who with true parents love, and love the people of the world with true love.

When you stand in the position to represent the family that practices true love connected to the original parents through God's love, you finally enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Family Brings Together the Love of Three Generations

The family encompasses the whole of history, the present and the future.

What is the ultimate point that God has sought for six thousand years?  It is the true family where love is interconnected and where all are united in love.

Everything that exists comes under love's dominion.

We cannot cut our relationship with this absolute source of love.

Adam and Eve's original mission was to establish such a true family.  They were not just to end up as man and woman, but instead as God dreamed of a new family where they would be united.  This is the first starting point towards establishing men and women.

Thus to be able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven safely, you have to find a family and within the realm of that family in this world, enter and live in a place where you can feel satisfied in God's love.

Only then can you go beyond this world as well.

In order to form the family realm of love you have to be unconditional. 

Parents represent the past, the husband and wife represent the present while the children represent the future.

To love one's partner during your lifetime is the equivalent to God loving the world.

It is where the oneness of parents, a couple, and the children offer their love that represents heaven and earth.

With this as a foundation, they would tell their descendants to follow them.  The original homeland of the heart, the place where heavenly affection is felt will be remembered in heaven and earth.

What do you think that God would be looking for up until now?

He has not been seeking a subject partner, rather He has been looking for an ideal object partner.

He has searched for those who resemble God and possess the inner and outer aspects of the world He created.  The starting point would be the family.

The best representative of the universe is family. 

To be one with the parents is the same as the past and the present meeting.

At that point, you can love the past by loving your parents, love the present through loving your partner and love the future by loving your children.

Therefore, you can deeply experience the love of three generations within the realm of the family.

This is the placed where the three kinds of love are concentrated within the family.

The Kingdom of Heaven begins in the family.  It does not unfold anywhere else.

That is all the Kingdom of Heaven is:  it is a 3-D extension of the family and not something that goes beyond the family realm.  Therefore, when you embrace your husband or wife, you should think that this is a man of the world becoming one with a woman of the world.

The place where you make a condition to love all of mankind begins in no other place but within the relationships of the family unit.

Therefore it makes sense that the world's problem began with the first family, therefore, all of the problems of society can be remedied within the family.

You should live your life this way.

Loving your parents connects history with the present and paves a road for God to come to you.

Therefore, children should love their parents to connect the human beings of history with yourself as an inhabitant of the present, that is to unite the past and the present. 

Parents love your children centering on yourself to connect the present with the future.  A philosophy that practices and sings the praise of such a love for thousands of years is Unification Thought.

The Family is the Training Ground of the Heart

We cannot live separate from the heart.

Even if you are the president of a country or have global wealth or authority, you would not be able to live if you had no place to express your heartfelt joy.

Without the expression of heart, how can you feel the deepest satisfaction from the people who are under your command, office or the people who follow you?

You must feel it in your family.

You should be able to return home after a long day and feel joy through your spouse and children.  This is a primal joy.  It is the same with God.  You should be proud of this joy in front of others.

Even if God was to snap His fingers and restore the world, He would not be able to feel any joy if there is not a family centered on love to share His love.

Even though the Western trend is to abandon the family after a certain age, we need our families after all.

Parents are meant to be the head of the family and teachers should be the head of the educational institutions which represent society.

Parents assist your physical development as you grow up as well as help you emotionally.  Then why do we need school?

It trains us for life in society.

If family is the school where we learn the true basic emotions, then school is the experimental training ground of society.

But, society is not where this training ground ends.  It ends with the national level.  Once people have experienced everything from the family to the societal level, they go on to the next level.  The president is the fruit of the third stage after the formation and growth stages.

Today, many people complain about the president, but this attitude is learned within the family with children who dishonor and complain about their own parents.

A seed divides, sends roots down and a shoot up, then through circulatory action, growth begins.

After such division comes a synthesis when flowers and fruit are produced.

Schools raise the children needed by the nation through educating them to serve the nation. Training is not real life, but a preparation stage for the life they will live.

Therefore, you should not make the wrong preparations.

How do you describe a family unit?

Family is the training ground for the heart.  It is a place where you train your heart to love.  This is why you should live with affections like brothers and sisters at school and also live affectionately like brothers and sisters in a nation.

Proper parental education is needed at school, in society and also by the nation.

Parents should pass everything in the realm of heart on to their children. 

Parents should build a foundation of heart for their children through teaching them to follow their parents' rightful footsteps in living a certain way in the family, society and in the nation.

When you look at a family, it is not necessarily a good one just because you see that they have a good house and a good environment.

On the other hand, a family might have a bad environment, or a shabby house, if it offers peace and you are connected to all things in your life to it, then it is a good family.

This home has a foundation of heart where the parents and children live for the sake of each other.

This is the original homeland where memories and the source of motivation for all living begins.  Then it becomes the base to determine how much happiness we have in life.



Photos courtesy of: freedigitalphotos.net

Return for Tomorrow's Post: The Three Great Loves

This post was rewritten and derived from True Family Cheon Seong Gyeong Book 4, Chapter three

How to Be a Successful Spouse

The following are notes of elder Korean disciple of the Divine Principle Mr. Jung Ro Yoon, (at the time)Vice President and Director of  New Hope East Garden.

Written by Bill Selig.

Recently, I was rummaging through my papers and came across what I consider a real gem of a talk. I found it to be especially sound advice, both useful and practical. What follows are my rough notes from an evening talk given July 2, on husband-wife relations—never an easy topic, but woefully needed and universally appreciated.


"God is the cause and we are resultant beings. Before I was born, my gender, country of birth, and parents were already determined. I had no choice in the matter. If I had been born in a royal family, then I would’ve been a prince. If I’d been born in the countryside, then I might’ve been a farmer.

My fate had already been decided to a great degree. However, gender, nationality, and parents are not the only factors deciding whether my life will be happy or not. Can we say that being born in a rich family would make us better off?

Are those born in the countryside bound to live in poverty?

No.

It may be true to say that until we are married, our life is mostly controlled by the environment and our parents, but afterwards, the quality of our lives and degree of happiness are essentially determined by our own actions.

If we have good parents, then we tend to recall our childhood as happy. Consequently, if the children are good, then the parents did their job well. The deciding factor is love. The quality of our life is greatly determined by our parents’ love. If we don’t receive proper love as children, then our hearts are not fully developed. Generally speaking, those who can give and receive love had a good childhood."


The value of the Blessing


"After the (arranged marriage) Blessing, if you feel your spouse is cold toward you and can’t receive love, then perhaps their childhood was not good. In other words, ironically, one could say that my happiness is determined by my spouse’s childhood.

"Our quality of life is determined not by money or knowledge, but the love we received during infancy."

All religions have made a great mistake. They teach that we have to perfect ourselves. The True Parents are the only ones to have declared that it is my spouse who perfects me. We need our partner in order to perfect the four Great Realms of Heart.

Who is the enlightened one?

The enlightened one realizes my spouse’s heart is more important than I am. Without my spouse, I cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the crux of the Divine Principle.

Five attributes of a husband’s love are interest, responsibility, understanding, respect, and giving first. Dear brothers, it is very important that we check ourselves regularly in these areas in relationship to your wife.


(1) Pay attention.


The fact that you wake up in the morning is a miracle. Everyday should be looked upon as a gift from God. Look at each other’s eyes. If they are bloodshot, then this may indicate some medical problem. Don’t hesitate to seek professional care.

If necessary, take her to the doctor or even the hospital. We should help each other.

If your husband is ill, then the wife must bear some responsibility. After all, there must’ve been some sign or indication before the actual sickness appeared. If you don’t love your husband/wife to this degree, you cannot possibly prepare the conditions for your eternal life.

Our spouse is so precious. Check his/her eyes for health. The eyes are the window to the condition of the body, mind, and heart. If there is no love, always check the eyes.

If the husband/wife doesn’t want to look at you, then something may be wrong. It is our original mind trying to tell us something. Paying attention to our spouse’s every gesture, act, and word is a habit of love that we all need to develop. It doesn’t cost us a penny but can generate an invaluable return investment.


(2) Love means to take responsibility.


We should take responsibility for our mission/jobs. The perfection of our character comes through a life of faith. The goal of a life of faith is to perfect our character and to take responsibility for our family and job.

The worst character trait for a person is to be irresponsible. Husbands should work hard in their missions/jobs and offer everything up to Heavenly Father, but we must also take care of our families. Husbands must learn how to proportion each day so both family and mission receive your full ability, talents, and love.


(3) Love comes from understanding.


Even a small misunderstanding has the potential to separate the husband and wife. How can we increase understanding?

Dialogue and communication.

Don't chastise or judge your spouse. Instead, take time and report to each other.

At the end of the day tell each other everything. Your spouse is your best friend. Understanding entails forgiveness. This is why the messiah comes. Without forgiveness, you are not husband and wife, but just 'companions'.

Your spouse is not just a roommate. She is your personal channel to eternal life. 

If there is no forgiveness, then we may miss the possibility to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.


(4) Love comes from respect.


The critical factor is language. We must train ourselves to use beautiful words. One simple word spoken in haste or insensitivity can destroy a relationship and lead to separation and even divorce.

Words can be very powerful. If wrongly used it’s like being kicked in the stomach. Be thoughtful and charitable toward one another in word and deed.


(5) Love is giving, not receiving.


Those who only want to receive are failures. Husbands have a tendency to act as boys, always wanting to receive more love, but originally, man was to give love. If you give, then forget about it, then sooner or later, it will be returned to you many times over.

It’s now time for the test. Let’s test each other. Wives, please grade your husband: 20 points for attention, 20 points for responsibility, 20 points for understanding, 20 points for respect, and 20 points for love. 70 points are needed to pass this test."


Husband’s love


"On a more practical level, there are three categories to pay particular attention to:

(1) clothing

I suggest you buy at least four outfits per year for your wife. The marriage vow you made to your spouse’s parents was to clothe and feed their daughter.

How many shoes did your parents-in-law provide before you married their daughter? So if you’ve been married 17 years, then you should’ve bought her 68 outfits!

You must learn how to praise your wife and any new clothing. For example, "Honey, that color really suits you, in fact, it makes you look slimmer!"

 Husbands, don’t take your wife’s clothing and her appearance for granted. Compliment her. 'Sweetheart, you look beautiful today'.

(2) Food

Brothers, you should take your wife out to dinner frequently. And at the end of the day, never, never forget to ask if she had lunch. This shows that you’ve thought about her during the day and that you’re concerned about her well-being and health.

Going out to dinner gives her a break from her daily routine and makes her feel special. It also gives the two of you some quality time away from the constant demands of the children.


(3) Bedtime manners

Everyday be able to say "good night" and "good morning" with a clear conscience. Whatever differences or spats you may’ve had during the day, try to resolve everything before you go to sleep.

If you can’t say good night to her face and kiss her because of some internal friction or misunderstanding, then you have a problem that is unresolved. It should be dealt with as forthrightly and as quickly as possible, otherwise it will fester and almost certainly carry over to the next day.

Sooner or later, it will come out in another emotion.


The Blessed wife

(1) Set up order among the children and establish the family norm.

The tradition in Asia is for the wife and children to welcome the husband with a bow each night. In the West, of course, the culture is different, but wives should find some means to imitate the spirit behind that gesture.

The husband has worked hard in the job/mission and deserves to be welcomed home.

In Korea, we call the mother, "educator." The mother is the primary influence for children to learn how to walk, language, dialect, and mannerisms. Children must learn how to act properly and follow heavenly tradition.


(2) Smile

By looking at the wife’s face you can know if the family is happy with a good future or gloomy. In Seoul, there are more than 5,000 divorces per day. Wives should be diligent and do service activities for the family and, if possible, serve the community. There are many ways that the wife can be involved in community activities.


(3) Have good relations with neighbors

Praise people. Those who are successful figured out how to praise others. Are you a success or a failure?

As a personal example, I had two aunts when I was growing up. When I was only 8 years old, I made a decision not to spend time with one of them. One of my aunts would always praise me, while the other aunt always criticized me. She said my head was shaped like a potato! The other aunt said that I would grow up to be a famous military general!

The same head but with two distinct futures, so naturally I found ways to avoid the aunt who criticized me.

Learn how to praise and be positive and you will be successful and more likely to be appreciated by others.

The final judgment will come from your children. When they grow up and are old enough to receive the Blessing, the test will be if the son says he doesn’t want the Blessing for fear of receiving a wife like you, then that means you failed as a mother.

But if he says, "yes, I want to be Blessed and want a wife like you," then that means you have had a successful marriage. This is one reason why True Parents encourage children to come to Jardim and learn how valuable their parents are. The entire family should be educated together. 'The ideal family', says Father, 'is three generations (grandparents, parents, and children)'.

Let’s test the wife. 

Husband can grade using the following criteria: 30 points whether she successfully can establish order, 30 points for smiling, 30 points if she builds good community relations, and add 10 bonus points per child.


Conclusion


These are my thoughts on this topic. I hope they may be of use to you and your families. Please don’t take every word as literal truth, but understand the spirit behind it.

Some of the ideas come from my own culture and customs, and do not necessarily translate precisely, but the bottomline truth is that men and women Blessed by our True Parents are more precious than we realize, and that we have to take steps to guard and nourish our blessings. God bless you."


Return for Tomorrow's Post:

Jung Ro Yoon
July 2, 1999
Notes by Bill Selig