This is the last part of the book about the 20 daily habits of the happiest marriage. Saturday and Sunday will be AchieveWorld Peace day off. Then one last week before a December break from daily posting.
Below the author of the book shares his experience of how unhealthy it is living apart from the spouse and that by taking the test posted yesterday, he had received an F and if he had taken action, problems may have been avoided.
Members refer to the author of the Divine Principle True Father for teaching us as a father how to live and become as the Father in Heaven wanted. Dae Mo nim is a spiritualist who sees and aids members with her spiritual sight into the spirit world, and Cheonpyoeng is where she helps, through God and good angels, members tackle problems that began in the spirit.
The
Dangers Associated with a
Couple’s Living Separately Because
of a Job Away from Home
My
beloved wife, Yasuko, ascended into Heaven at the CheongShim
International Hospital on February 14 (January 1 by
the Chinese calendar), 2010 as a result of her terminal stomach cancer.
She was buried in the Korean Unification Church’s 2nd Wonjon
at
Chuncheon City. I am deeply grateful to the numerous Blessed
Marriage families around the world who kindly prayed and
gave warm encouragement for my wife’s healing during her two
operations and hospitalization since
August 2009, until her ascension.
Even
though more than five months have passed since my wife’s
ascension, I still occasionally receive questions about her fight
against her illness or the background of her ascension. This is
why I decided to address the two questions related to my
wife’s fight against cancer and her ascension, partly selecting from
my new Japanese book Makotono
Ai-to Zettai Sei-to Kenkouhou
(True
love, absolute sex, and health), which was published
in January, 2010.
Thus,
finally, I would like to offer here words of my heartfelt thanks
to those many members around the world who, with deep concern,
kindly cared for my wife and my family with their sincere prayers,
communications, and financial contributions, during my
wife’s hospitalization and ascension. I have learned anew the
real preciousness of the friends in our faith and the classic lesson
that “A friend in need is a friend indeed!” I can never thank
them enough, for ever.
Appendix
Q.1: I heard that on the basis of your recent experiences,
you have come to strongly emphasize the
dangers caused by living alone by taking a job that compels
one to leave his family behind. You mention that
taking a job away from one’s family has a bad influence on
the health of the couple. Could you provide a
detailed explanation about this?
A:
I
made and presented objective self-score tables about the “10
habits that make a supremely happy couple” in an Appendixto
my Japanese booklet, Kouten
Jidai-no Niju-no Seikatsu Shukan
which was published in April 2009. Based on these objective
self-score tables, I evaluated our couple’s practice of true
love during every month of the past few years. It turned out that
our couple’s monthly score often repeated: A, F, F, F, F, F, A,
F, F, F, F, F, and the average mark for every year was an overall
“F (failure).”
Honestly
speaking, before the strict objective evaluation of our
relationship, I was living in a subjective fantasy, and at the end
of the process of grading, I finally realized “Oh, we had a problem”
and was shocked by the results. Getting an “F (failure)” as
the average mark of every year meant that we had not been
practicing true love in our life.
This also meant that we had not
been practicing the rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed
couple of one heart and one body” that True Parents and Dae
Mo Nim have taught. In fact, it is impossible for couples to faithfully
practice the daily-life habits of true love and True Parents’ rules
of health in a daily life wherein one spouse takes a job that
results in his leaving his family behind, even if the couples are
eager to practice the habits.
In
July 2009, when my wife was diagnosed with stomach cancer,
I was so surprised. It came out of the blue and was a big shock.
But then again, I had already had a bad feeling that something was
wrong when I discovered the results of the self-score tables
that I had made and applied to our couple a few months prior
to the diagnosis. That spring I discovered that as a couple, we
rated an “F (failure)” for the 10 months during my working alone
in Korea every year. It was then that I had a hunch: “Oh, this
will be dangerous.”
As
a result of this, when my wife was diagnosed with stomach cancer,
I felt much regret and realized that it happened because we
had not faithfully practiced the True Parents’ rules of health:
“Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one
body,” and because I had continued for over 15 years the unprincipled
life of working alone at a job away from home, separated
from my family. It is clearly an unprincipled life to work
alone at a job that separates an individual from his spouse and
family for most of the year. It is an unprincipled life to leave one’s
spouse behind in the pursuit of work for many years. It is definitely
not the type of life that God is pleased with.
My
eldest daughter graduated from a medical school in the United
States and became a medical doctor (still an intern) at a hospital
in Detroit City. In regards to her mother’s diagnosis of stomach
cancer, my daughter remarked: “If I kept a small bird in a
cage surrounded by several cats, the bird would die soon because the
small bird would become severely stressed and would be
unable to eat peacefully.”
My
daughter’s words were not meant to criticize me directly, but
it did make me realize my failings. Because I had started my new
post in Korea alone, and was away from home for a significant amount
of time every year, I did not sufficiently fulfill my responsibility
as a husband. I left my wife to face life’s hardships alone
for over 15 years, which inevitably must have caused her
significant stress.
When
I look at her situation, I realize just how much stress and
difficulty she must have faced. For over 15 years without her
husband, she lived in a foreign country, America, where she could
not speak, write, or read freely. She was in a completely different
culture and society, with foreign rules and a completely different
educational system. On top of that she had to raise four children
alone and manage her retail business at a small indoor shopping
mall, all without her husband to depend on, because I had
left my family behind to take my teaching job in Korea.
All
that my wife had to depend on were her church friends and
other secular friends who knew the wisdom of the world. With
insufficient support, she fought alone while running about in
utter confusion. Because my wife was always busy with continuous work,
there was no time for her to eat slowly. She became accustomed
to swallowing her entire meal in a very short time.
When
I look back, I feel so much regret because I should have
realized the danger of leaving my family behind. Early on, in
1999, when I had a stroke at Sun Moon University, I should have
realized that I needed to live together with my wife. It is so important
for a husband and wife to live together because then they
can monitor each other’s health. If the husband and wife look
at each other every day, and if they are interested in each other’s
body, they are more likely to notice if something is amiss.
Also,
if a husband and wife spend time together and consistently massage
painful areas of their spouse’s body, they will be able to
check the status of their spouse’s health and catch any problem early
on through observation, touch, and massage. If this careful
attention and early awareness of potential problems exist, a
couple can prevent serious illness by catching problems before
they become serious.
In
1999, as a result of the periodic medical examinations given to
the faculty and staff of Sun Moon University, I found out that
I had high blood pressure and that I should take the proper medication
to control it. But, because of my busy schedule and work,
I ignored it for a while. This neglect caused a greater problem for
me later on, a brain hemorrhage. If I had lived together with
my wife, we could have managed my health together.
She could
have helped me take proper care of my medical problems, which
might in turn have prevented the bleeding in my brain. During
this time, as a result of the brain hemorrhage, I was facing
serious health problems, and it was determined that it would
be very good for my health if I went to Cheongpyeong Hospital.
So,
after getting permission from the President of Sun Moon University,
Dae Mo Nim, a highly reccommended spiritualist, invited me to be a professor at CheongShim Graduate
School of Theology in the spring of 2004. My life
in Cheongpyeong has been wonderful. Cheongpyeong has a nice
environment that promotes good health. The area is endowed with
clean air, pure water, beautiful nature, and woody hills
for daily hiking. In addition to the benefits of the environment,
I
could also receive many benefits spiritually, being able to
frequently participate in Cheongpyeong Workshops.
Also,
the food served at the cafeteria of CheongShim Graduate School
of Theology was much healthier than that served at Sun
Moon University. The food service that catered to the CheongShim
Hospital was also in charge of the meals at our Graduate
School, which meant that the food tasted better and was
far more nutritious than what I was previously accustomed to.
My life as a professor at CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
made me much healthier than before because the environment greatly
resembles that of the CheongShim Hospital.
Thanks
to the grace of Cheongpyeong’s environment, my life became
very healthy, but the life of my beloved wife continued to
deteriorate because she couldn’t have her husband with her since
the time he was in Korea. As a result, her situation was like that
of a lonely widow. She worked everyday like a workhorse, alone,
with nobody to help her, and her hardships continued.
In
connection to one’s taking a job away from home and leaving
one’s family behind, another decisive factor that has a bad
influence on health is a lack of health insurance. If a husband works
full time for a company, generally speaking, his dependents (wife
and children) can receive the benefits of family health
insurance.
This policy is, however, usually not applied to dependents
living in a foreign country. If my wife and children came
to Korea to live with me, they also would have automatically been
qualified for health insurance as my dependents.
However,
they lived in the USA. So they managed with overseas travel
insurance for Japanese citizens, which was more economical than
the regular private health insurance coverage in the United
States.
My
wife, however, could not receive that insurance any longer; when
she became a naturalized citizen of the USA, she lost the
qualifications needed to obtain overseas travel insurance for the
Japanese. In addition to no longer being qualified for overseas insurance,
my wife also faced difficulties in obtaining other cheap
health insurance due to my income in Korea that exceeded the
level for her to be qualified for the subsidized health insurance in
America. This became problematic because when problems with
her stomach worsened, she had no health insurance coverage
in the United States and could not get a specialist’s timely
help, which she needed.
In
the beginning I did not worry too much because I thought if
something serious happened she could always come to Korea and
get help. My wife could easily come to Korea where she could
receive the health benefits of my insurance and have operations and
such if she should get seriously ill. But it was unfair of
me to think in this way.
A wife should always be able to receive the
benefits of health insurance, whether sick or not, and be
able to have regular medical examinations without having to worry
about expenses. Providing this peace of mind is one of the most
important responsibilities of a husband.
My
wife was very self-sacrificing, patient, and frugal, and avoided
spending money just on herself. She would always think of
others first and make providing for their needs a priority. When
I received the True Parents’ instruction to go to the Czech Republic
and Slovakia for missionary work as a Japanese Ambassador for
Peace, she willingly agreed with my going there at my
own expense.
She also willingly agreed with me in borrowing a
large sum of money from a bank and lending it to a senior Japanese
Blessed family without requesting any loan interest from
them, so that they could pay for their family’s hospital charges.
But then my wife would hesitate about getting health insurance
for herself and paying the expensive fees, because it would
be only for herself inasmuch as she was the only one in our
family without health insurance.
My
wife became all the more hesitant about paying for the expensive
health insurance around the beginning of 2009, when in
the currency exchange market the value of the US dollar visà-vis
the Korean won went up sharply, that is, the value of the Korean
won vis-à-vis the US dollar fell sharply.
That is why I stopped
the remittance of the cost of living to my wife in America from
my salary in Korean won, telling her to temporarily use the
money in her bank account because the value of the American dollar
vis-à-vis the Korean won would soon fall sharply just as
the value of the American dollar vis-à-vis the Japanese yen had
dropped sharply. Therefore, my wife hesitated even more about
paying the expensive cost for health insurance only for herself.
I
recently read a newspaper article about a research study that found
that the sum of the husband’s income greatly influences whether
the couple can live a long life together. This made me feel
so sorry for my wife. In
the case of stomach cancer, many experts also point out the
importance of early treatment through early detection.
For early
detection, periodic medical examinations are crucial. After visiting
the CheongShim Hospital and seeing my wife’s condition, which
failed to improve even after her operations because of
the late-stage stomach cancer, Dae Mo Nim emphasized: “All Blessed
families should, by any means, receive a medical examination at
least once a year.”
I
strongly recommend that all Blessed families obtain health insurance,
get periodic medical examinations, and get a specialist’s diagnosis
early on, especially if the stomach has any problem. As
a husband who has the responsibility for protecting his wife’s
health, I feel so deeply sorry for my wife that I often cannot hold
back my tears. Because her health insurance expired and
she could not get further coverage, she could not go to a specialist
in America to get an exact diagnosis, when necessary.
Man Was Not Created To Live Alone
As
a result, my wife’s stomach cancer was discovered too late, and
it became terminal. In
conclusion, and based on my own experience of taking a job
away from home, and leaving my family behind for more than
15 years, I am certainly against maintaining this kind of life for
an extended period of time. In Korea, there are many middleaged men
who live alone, leaving their wives and children abroad while
they study English. This is a big problem.
Many of these middle-aged
men who live alone have come to suffer from serious geriatric
diseases, such as high blood pressure or heart trouble, because
of their unhealthy irregular meals and lifestyle. Human
beings were not created to live alone. Human beings were
created for marriage, and to live as a couple. Being in a marriage
partnership is the best state for human beings and can lead
to a happy and healthy life.
This is especially true if they live
peacefully hand in hand with each other every day, if they are
interested in the state of their partner’s bodies, if they
experience loving
physical contact in everyday life, and if they live everyday
with a smile. Then, they can reduce each other’s stress, build
strong immune systems, and maintain overall physical and emotional
health. That is the central message of the “rules
of health:
Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one
body” which
True Parents and Dae Mo Nim have taught us.
I
have eagerly studied these rules of health that True Parents and
Dae Mo Nim have taught. The finding of my wife’s terminal cancer,
however, made me acutely realize that I had not faithfully practiced
them every day with my wife. Consequently, I have
come to strongly encourage others to stop as soon as possible their
unprincipled lifestyle of taking a job away from home and
leaving their family behind because it makes the daily practice of
these rules of health impossible. I have also come to emphasize the
importance of practicing these rules of health every day
as a couple as
much as possible.
Especially
now, the age of paying for the mistakes of our ancestors in history is providentially over,
and we are in the new Era after the Coming of Heaven. Therefore,
in this new Era, True Parents have also emphasized the
importance for Blessed couples to do things (e.g., prayerreport) together
with their partner and to participate as a couple in
public events such as the Church Holy-Day Celebrations as much
as possible.
Blog Note: The church has a deep belief in being helped by angels and good spirits in support of our direct work with the Messiah of the Second Advent. Even True Father and Dae Mo Nim have stated that if a cancer or disease is too far along, it may be too late even for heaven to save that person's body. When this happens, sometimes a member or person without this understanding can lose faith because a person dies in the church and also may accuse the ill person of paying for mistakes. The author addresses this from a direct question centered on this.
Appendix
Q.2: It is reported that in other hospitals, many
patients of stomach cancer are completely healed
or can live for several years after being diagnosed with
it. But your wife passed away within a year after
she was diagnosed with it. Is it true that healing angels
really work at the Cheongpyeong Training Center and
CheongShim Hospital?
A:
I
have never directly received this question from any member of
our Church. I felt, however, the existence of this unspoken question
in the heart of some members around the world. Actually our
second son, Takamasa, said to my wife and me at our home
in New York in August 2009, before our departure to Korea for
the treatment of her stomach cancer, “I can believe in God,
True Parents, and Dae Mo Nim, if Mama is cured or gets better
at Cheongpyeong, but I can’t believe in God, True Parents, and
Dae Mo Nim any longer, if Mama is not cured or doesn’t
get better at Cheongpyeong.”
When
my wife’s health got worse around December 2009 because
of the loss of her ability to eat any food after two operations for
her terminal stomach cancer, she was very much worried about
our second son’s losing faith in God, True Parents, and
Dae Mo Nim (Cheongpyeong Spiritual Works). She regularly participated
in the Holy Song (Ahnsu) Sessions at the hospital and
made every effort to recover from her illness, not only for
the sake of herself, but also for the sake of our children,
especially for
the sake of our second son who did not have firm faith
in God and the spirit world. Nonetheless, the discovery and operations
for her stomach cancer were too late for it to be cured, even
with the focused help of the angels (I have already explained above
the reasons for the delay of its discovery).
Our second son and two
daughters came to Korea from the United States to take care of
their beloved mother in the last days of her life on earth. Our children
and I prayed desperately for her miraculous recovery from
the cancer during the Special Workshop, but in my view it was
my wife that prayed most seriously for our children in her heart
on the bed so that they would not lose their faith even if she passed
away, as her health gradually deteriorated.
Although
no miraculous healing happened to my wife during the
15th
Anniversary
Special Workshop, her earnest and ceaseless motherly
prayers to keep or strengthen the faith of our children brought
about the small miracle of a photo of our son with angels.
When our daughter took a picture of our second son at the
Cheongpyeong Training Center immediately after the Holy Song
session, a number of balls of light showed up with him and around
him in the room. It was our somewhat skeptical children who
first told me that “angels” appeared in the picture.
Frankly
speaking, I was previously not sure about the pictures of
angels on the leaves of the Tree of Love, like small light bulbs,
when I saw them several years ago. Nonetheless, I could easily
agree with our children in their view about angels on the picture
because they took it with our family’s ordinary digital camera
without adding or changing anything through a computer.
As
a result of the picture, our second son has become less skeptical,
or more serious, about the existence of angels and the spirit
world. I have also come to be firmly convinced, now more than
before she became ill with her stomach cancer, that healing angels
really work at the Cheongpyeong Training Center and
CheongShim Hospital, although
they may not be able to cure
all diseases.
Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD
(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
CheongShim GST University Press
Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim
Published by CheongShim GST University Press
Copyright
ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda
All Rights Reserved
Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press
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