- We should sometimes clean the wax out of our spouse’s ears, using our lap as a pillow
True
Parents recommend that we clean the wax out of our spouse’s ears,
using our lap as a pillow. The following speech by True Father about
a wife’s cleaning the wax out of her husband’s ears was delivered
at a Japanese Women’s Workshop in Korea, in 1993. When
a husband comes home, his Japanese wife often
shouts to him
immediately, “First, take a bath and clean yourself,” but he is
usually not so willing to do so. Therefore, you should rather say to
him, “It is OK to take a bath later.” Then, if he is tired, you
should prepare dinner for him, saying, “Please have a meal.”
Then, saying, “Please take a rest,” you should let him lie down
on your lap in such a way as you do for a child, and clean the wax
out of your husband’s ears.
Not
only should a wife clean the wax out of her husband’s ears, but
also a husband should clean the wax out of his wife’s ears. A
husband can symbolically experience the father’s heart through his
wife, if he cleans the wax out of her ears, while letting her lie
down on his lap in such a way as he does for his small child. At the
same time, his wife can symbolically experience the daughter’s
heart through her relationship with her husband, if she has her wax
cleaned out of her ears on her husband’s lap.
- We should sometimes let our spouse take a rest using our lap as a pillow on a sofa.
From
my experience, this method of taking a rest even for 10 minutes is
very effective in getting over fatigue of the eyes and giving a rest
to the brain. Of course, when you take a rest longer than 30 minutes,
it is more effective for you to sleep in a bed. However, when you
want to take a rest only for 10 or 15 minutes, this method has a very
good effect on resting and refreshing your eyes and brain. If you ask
your spouse to wake you up at a certain time, you do not need to set
an alarm clock. When you let your spouse take a rest on your lap for
10 or 15 minutes, if you meditate, read a book, or doze, time will
fly by very quickly.
If
you take a rest with your head on the lap of your lovely
wife/husband, you can go back to the heart of childhood at your early
age and feel peaceful and happy. True Father told us that if a wife
lets her fatigued husband take a nap on her lap after his return home
from work, he can enjoy the peaceful feelings of real happiness.
Instead
of pushing a husband to take a bath after his turn, if a wife sets up
a dinner table, saying to him, “Please come
inside the home quickly. You must be very tired,” and if she lets
him eat while embracing him and says to him,
“Please take a bath after taking a nap on my lap,” how happy her
husband will be! Just as the case
with a husband’s cleaning the wax out of his wife’s ears while
letting her lie down on his lap, if a husband lets his tired wife
sometimes rest on his lap for a while just as he does, or did, to his
small daughter, he can symbolically experience the feelings of father
through his wife, and his wife, the feelings of daughter through her
husband. The supremely happy couples are those who are symbolically
experiencing all of the Four Great Realms
of Heart of love (conjugal, parental, sibling, God) namely,
children’s realm of heart, brother/sister’s realm
of heart, conjugal realm of heart, and parental realm of heart,
through the conjugal relationship in their daily lives.
- We should sometimes massage our spouse’s shoulder or other parts.
It
is prohibited to massage the shoulders or other parts of the opposite
sex except for one’s spouse. It is also prohibited to receive these
massages from the opposite sex except from one’s spouse. It is
strongly recommended, however, that we massage the shoulders or other
parts of our own spouse. I would like to encourage you to massage
your spouse with your hands as frequently as possible and as
earnestly as possible to move the heart of your spouse.
If
a loving husband and wife give sincere massages to each other with
his or her hands, the couple will become healthy not only physically
but also spiritually, thanks to the spiritual energy emitted by his
or her fingers and palms. I strongly recommend that a husband and
wife give massages to each other with his or her own hands as part of
the “rules of health: Become an
absolute Blessed couple with one heart and one body.”
- We should sometimes go to a coffee shop only as a couple and enjoy talking with each other over coffee or tea.
It
is important to have some time with only your spouse, without the
children, and to talk with each other in a calm place with a good
atmosphere. This practice is mainly for the sake of wives, who are
usually not satisfied with their husbands because men would otherwise
not listen to women’s words attentively and to the full extent.
Dae
Mo Nim even recommends that a couple have a trip to stay overnight or
a couple of days away from their home without taking along a child,
so that a husband can sufficiently listen to his wife’s words from
her heart and liberate her resentment and misunderstanding. In her
speech on the importance of listening to the wife’s words, she
said, Men’s thinking is very
simple. That is different from women. Husbands easily forget their
wife’s wrongdoings after a certain period of time. But that is not
the case with women. In some cases, women never forget the memory of
her husband’s wrongdoings even until the time of death.
Therefore,
if a husband wants to be liberated from his wife’s resentful
memory, he should make a trip of two nights
and three days’ stay or so away from home only with his wife. At
first, after briefly talking with her, the husband
is to say, “If you have something you want to say to me, please
tell me everything.” At the beginning, his wife may say a lot of
what is beyond his understanding. In spite of that, the husband
should keep on listening to her.
Even
if the wife’s talk does not make any sense and is a result of her
huge misunderstanding, even if he wants to run away from the place,
and even if he comes to feel like wishing to die quickly as a result
of her talk, he should endure. Saying, “Is that so?” and “Is
that so?” the husband should keep on listening to his wife.
Then,
after she has said everything she wants to say, she will not say
anything because she has nothing left to say.
In this way, when the wife has uttered everything inside her, the
husband should love and treat her as if she were
a small child, saying, “Now I see. Now I see.” From here, if the
husband and wife begin a new conversation, the couple can make a
happy family. If
a husband listens to his wife’s talk sometimes for two or three
hours attentively in his daily life, there will be no need for a
couple to spend two or three days just to talk with each other. It is
very important for a husband to become a “best friend of his wife’s
heart” who always and willingly listens to her talk to the very
end.
- We should sometimes see a movie/video/DVD with our spouse, holding each other’s hand affectionately.
If
a couple does not have enough time or money to enjoy a movie together
at a movie theater, you can borrow a DVD of a dramatic, touching
movie and enjoy it at home holding each other’s hand
affectionately.
- We should sometimes participate in a voluntary service project together with our spouse.
If
you participate in one of the various volunteer service projects to
help the handicapped, or those children and families in extreme need
due to disease, accidents, or natural disasters, you will naturally
come to feel the heart of gratitude for your good health and for the
relative comfort of your living circumstances, even if you are not
rich. According to many scholars in marriage counseling, rather than
withdrawing into the small world of a married
couple, to share a higher public purpose with one’s spouse in the
larger society is very beneficial to a married couples’ uniting
into one heart at a deeper level.
In
the TV/movie entertainment world of Korean society, there are a
number of famous married couples of actors and actresses who are
called the “couples of lovebirds.” One of the common
characteristics for all these “couples of lovebirds” is that they
have their own favorite voluntary service projects, and are always
happy to participate in these service projects together as a couple;
consequently, they deeply respect and love each other.
True
Parents’ central teaching is that we practice true love and live
for the sake of others. I am convinced that when a husband and wife
sincerely practice such teaching from our True Parents’ and really
live for the sake of others, together, they can deepen the heart of
respect for each other and become an ideal “couple of lovebirds”
who are no less deeply in love than the famous ideal Korean couples
of its entertainment world.
Our
church movement has also a number of service projects and NGOs
for peace, and for the handicapped and the needy. If there is no
branch office of these service projects and NGOs in your local area,
you can volunteer to set up a branch group of these projects in your
local community and start a service activity together
with your spouse. Although there are many voluntary service projects
in and around your church, we should not forget that the most
important voluntary service activity that God likes most, is
witnessing. Witnessing to a person by teaching the Divine Principle
and testifying to True Parents’ life and activities constitutes the
most important part of living for the sake of that person.
Witnessing
to a person means giving true love, true life, and true lineage to
that person. If you and your spouse restore numerous spiritual
children by witnessing, they will give spiritual stability and
fortune not only to your couple, but also to your children, because
their thankful ancestors’ spirits will come down to protect your
whole family.
Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD
(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
CheongShim GST University Press
Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim
Published by CheongShim GST University Press
Copyright
ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda
All Rights Reserved
Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press
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