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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

10 MORE Daily Habits of the Happiest Marriage Part 2

Refer to  the previous post for the other 14 habits of a successful happy couple.  The information in the book is taken from a compilation of Reverend Sun Myung Moon's speeches.  His members refer to him as True Father and True Parent for being the example of a true couple in a Blessed Marriage.  He teaches that inside a marriage that it symbolizes all relationships including a daughter/son and sister/brother roles between husband and wife.

  1. We should sometimes clean the wax out of our spouse’s ears, using our lap as a pillow

True Parents recommend that we clean the wax out of our spouse’s ears, using our lap as a pillow. The following speech by True Father about a wife’s cleaning the wax out of her husband’s ears was delivered at a Japanese Women’s Workshop in Korea, in 1993. When a husband comes home, his Japanese wife often shouts to him immediately, “First, take a bath and clean yourself,” but he is usually not so willing to do so. Therefore, you should rather say to him, “It is OK to take a bath later.” Then, if he is tired, you should prepare dinner for him, saying, “Please have a meal.” Then, saying, “Please take a rest,” you should let him lie down on your lap in such a way as you do for a child, and clean the wax out of your husband’s ears.
 
Not only should a wife clean the wax out of her husband’s ears, but also a husband should clean the wax out of his wife’s ears. A husband can symbolically experience the father’s heart through his wife, if he cleans the wax out of her ears, while letting her lie down on his lap in such a way as he does for his small child. At the same time, his wife can symbolically experience the daughter’s heart through her relationship with her husband, if she has her wax cleaned out of her ears on her husband’s lap.



  1. We should sometimes let our spouse take a rest using our lap as a pillow on a sofa.
     
From my experience, this method of taking a rest even for 10 minutes is very effective in getting over fatigue of the eyes and giving a rest to the brain. Of course, when you take a rest longer than 30 minutes, it is more effective for you to sleep in a bed. However, when you want to take a rest only for 10 or 15 minutes, this method has a very good effect on resting and refreshing your eyes and brain. If you ask your spouse to wake you up at a certain time, you do not need to set an alarm clock. When you let your spouse take a rest on your lap for 10 or 15 minutes, if you meditate, read a book, or doze, time will fly by very quickly.

If you take a rest with your head on the lap of your lovely wife/husband, you can go back to the heart of childhood at your early age and feel peaceful and happy. True Father told us that if a wife lets her fatigued husband take a nap on her lap after his return home from work, he can enjoy the peaceful feelings of real happiness.
 
Instead of pushing a husband to take a bath after his turn, if a wife sets up a dinner table, saying to him, “Please come inside the home quickly. You must be very tired,” and if she lets him eat while embracing him and says to him, “Please take a bath after taking a nap on my lap,” how happy her husband will be! Just as the case with a husband’s cleaning the wax out of his wife’s ears while letting her lie down on his lap, if a husband lets his tired wife sometimes rest on his lap for a while just as he does, or did, to his small daughter, he can symbolically experience the feelings of father through his wife, and his wife, the feelings of daughter through her husband. The supremely happy couples are those who are symbolically experiencing all of the Four Great Realms of Heart of love (conjugal, parental, sibling, God) namely, children’s realm of heart, brother/sister’s realm of heart, conjugal realm of heart, and parental realm of heart, through the conjugal relationship in their daily lives.


  1. We should sometimes massage our spouse’s shoulder or other parts.
It is prohibited to massage the shoulders or other parts of the opposite sex except for one’s spouse. It is also prohibited to receive these massages from the opposite sex except from one’s spouse. It is strongly recommended, however, that we massage the shoulders or other parts of our own spouse. I would like to encourage you to massage your spouse with your hands as frequently as possible and as earnestly as possible to move the heart of your spouse.
 
If a loving husband and wife give sincere massages to each other with his or her hands, the couple will become healthy not only physically but also spiritually, thanks to the spiritual energy emitted by his or her fingers and palms. I strongly recommend that a husband and wife give massages to each other with his or her own hands as part of the “rules of health: Become an absolute Blessed couple with one heart and one body.”
 
  1. We should sometimes go to a coffee shop only as a couple and enjoy talking with each other over coffee or tea.
It is important to have some time with only your spouse, without the children, and to talk with each other in a calm place with a good atmosphere. This practice is mainly for the sake of wives, who are usually not satisfied with their husbands because men would otherwise not listen to women’s words attentively and to the full extent.
 
Dae Mo Nim even recommends that a couple have a trip to stay overnight or a couple of days away from their home without taking along a child, so that a husband can sufficiently listen to his wife’s words from her heart and liberate her resentment and misunderstanding. In her speech on the importance of listening to the wife’s words, she said, Men’s thinking is very simple. That is different from women. Husbands easily forget their wife’s wrongdoings after a certain period of time. But that is not the case with women. In some cases, women never forget the memory of her husband’s wrongdoings even until the time of death.

Therefore, if a husband wants to be liberated from his wife’s resentful memory, he should make a trip of two nights and three days’ stay or so away from home only with his wife. At first, after briefly talking with her, the husband is to say, “If you have something you want to say to me, please tell me everything.” At the beginning, his wife may say a lot of what is beyond his understanding. In spite of that, the husband should keep on listening to her.
 
Even if the wife’s talk does not make any sense and is a result of her huge misunderstanding, even if he wants to run away from the place, and even if he comes to feel like wishing to die quickly as a result of her talk, he should endure. Saying, “Is that so?” and “Is that so?” the husband should keep on listening to his wife.

Then, after she has said everything she wants to say, she will not say anything because she has nothing left to say. In this way, when the wife has uttered everything inside her, the husband should love and treat her as if she were a small child, saying, “Now I see. Now I see.” From here, if the husband and wife begin a new conversation, the couple can make a happy family. If a husband listens to his wife’s talk sometimes for two or three hours attentively in his daily life, there will be no need for a couple to spend two or three days just to talk with each other. It is very important for a husband to become a “best friend of his wife’s heart” who always and willingly listens to her talk to the very end.

  1. We should sometimes see a movie/video/DVD with our spouse, holding each other’s hand affectionately.
If a couple does not have enough time or money to enjoy a movie together at a movie theater, you can borrow a DVD of a dramatic, touching movie and enjoy it at home holding each other’s hand affectionately.

 
  1. We should sometimes participate in a voluntary service project together with our spouse.
     

If you participate in one of the various volunteer service projects to help the handicapped, or those children and families in extreme need due to disease, accidents, or natural disasters, you will naturally come to feel the heart of gratitude for your good health and for the relative comfort of your living circumstances, even if you are not rich. According to many scholars in marriage counseling, rather than withdrawing into the small world of a married couple, to share a higher public purpose with one’s spouse in the larger society is very beneficial to a married couples’ uniting into one heart at a deeper level.

In the TV/movie entertainment world of Korean society, there are a number of famous married couples of actors and actresses who are called the “couples of lovebirds.” One of the common characteristics for all these “couples of lovebirds” is that they have their own favorite voluntary service projects, and are always happy to participate in these service projects together as a couple; consequently, they deeply respect and love each other.

True Parents’ central teaching is that we practice true love and live for the sake of others. I am convinced that when a husband and wife sincerely practice such teaching from our True Parents’ and really live for the sake of others, together, they can deepen the heart of respect for each other and become an ideal “couple of lovebirds” who are no less deeply in love than the famous ideal Korean couples of its entertainment world.

Our church movement has also a number of service projects and NGOs for peace, and for the handicapped and the needy. If there is no branch office of these service projects and NGOs in your local area, you can volunteer to set up a branch group of these projects in your local community and start a service activity together with your spouse. Although there are many voluntary service projects in and around your church, we should not forget that the most important voluntary service activity that God likes most, is witnessing. Witnessing to a person by teaching the Divine Principle and testifying to True Parents’ life and activities constitutes the most important part of living for the sake of that person.

Witnessing to a person means giving true love, true life, and true lineage to that person. If you and your spouse restore numerous spiritual children by witnessing, they will give spiritual stability and fortune not only to your couple, but also to your children, because their thankful ancestors’ spirits will come down to protect your whole family.
 
 
Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD
 
(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
 
CheongShim GST University Press
 
Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim
 
Published by CheongShim GST University Press
 
Copyright
 
ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda
 
All Rights Reserved
 
Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press

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