- We should always talk to each other politely with respect.
Dae Mo Nim spoke
to women about the importance of a wife’s words toward her husband
as follows: You have to watch your
language. When you speak to your husband, you should not roughly say,
“Did you do it?” “Did you eat?” or “When will you come
back?” You do not have to say it too politely by using “Could you
please?” or “Would you please?” But at least you should use
polite words and respect your husband. If you respect your husband,
your children can respect him as their father.
Rev. Jeon
Soo-won, one of the first 36 couples married by Rev. Moon, also advised us about the importance of always
using polite words with respect to the daily conversation between a
husband and wife. From
now on, every day you should make effort to use at least one phrase
that makes your wife happy. Even if the meal is not so delicious, you
may say, “Yah, it’s so delicious, thank you.” Even though the
relationship of the husband and wife is the closest one, you must
attach importance to manners. You should not have a frivolous
conversation with your spouse. You should talk to each other using
polite, respectful expressions.
You must not
make casual, frivolous talk with your spouse as if you were speaking
to a casual friend. Why not? This is because all of your talk with
your spouse influences your children. Women must absolutely respect
your own husband. If the wife does not respect her husband in front of
your children, your children will not respect their father.
As a matter of
course, a husband should also talk to his wife with respect. Some
languages (e.g., Japanese) have a conspicuous difference between the
male daily language and the female daily language and an implicit
bias against women in their languages. We should make efforts to
speak a new language of true love in the new Era after the Coming of
Heaven on earth.
- We should practice hoon dok hae (i.e., reading True Parents’ speeches or the Bible or equivalent religious text for other faiths) together every day.
Let me first
introduce True Father’s speech which conveys the importance of
centering on the vertical love of God in order to bring about genuine
unity between a husband and wife.
Those who
received Blessing Marriage must attach importance to the vertical God rather
than the horizontal attitude, as God requires it in order to set up
the horizontal foundation of love. It is only by practicing love
centered on the vertical love that we can enter the Heavenly Kingdom.
It is very
important for us to practice hoondokhae
in our home if
we want to receive God’s vertical love. True Parents have practiced
reading
every morning
more earnestly than any member in the world and have presented the
best model for all of us in the practice reading,
as well. Even if it is only for a brief time, if a husband and wife
regularly read True Parents’ words together every morning, the
couple can receive a great amount of spiritual blessing, and can
accomplish one heart and one body on a higher level, centering on
God’s vertical love.
Here are True
Parent’s words on the significance and purpose of hoondokhae:
The purpose of
practicing hoon
dok hae is
to resemble God who is the substance of the Words. We practice hoon
dok hae to
become the second True Parents.
How can we set
up the tradition?
All the contents of my entire life are the tradition. Therefore, I initiated hoon dok hae to bestow the tradition. The words of hoon dok hae are not words that will pass away. You must know that they are all kinds of the teaching materials for practice that enable you to settle down on earth. You must inherit the tradition. And you must practice the tradition after knowing it. You must inherit the tradition during the day and night. The education to make you inherit the tradition is hoon dok hae. As it is the place to learn the tradition, once you know it, you must act in accordance with the way that Heaven and I have made efforts to set up with difficulty, and establish your own family and nation. This is very important.
All the contents of my entire life are the tradition. Therefore, I initiated hoon dok hae to bestow the tradition. The words of hoon dok hae are not words that will pass away. You must know that they are all kinds of the teaching materials for practice that enable you to settle down on earth. You must inherit the tradition. And you must practice the tradition after knowing it. You must inherit the tradition during the day and night. The education to make you inherit the tradition is hoon dok hae. As it is the place to learn the tradition, once you know it, you must act in accordance with the way that Heaven and I have made efforts to set up with difficulty, and establish your own family and nation. This is very important.
You must
practice hoon
dok hae in
order for your family to settle down for ever. This is the spiritual
food. Just as you can physically grow by yearning for the physical
food and eating it deliciously, you can spiritually grow by eating
the spiritual food deliciously. When the family settles down in this
way, the liberation will develop on earth.
You practice
hoondokhae
to
find out what you will do for the day, that is, something for you to
leave behind. You do not practice it just to hear the words. You
practice it in order to live. You practice it to expand the
environments of re-creation by becoming the subject. Therefore, you are
expected to practice it each and every day.
As we can see
from these words of True Parents, it is very important for us to
practice hoondokhae
as a daily-life
habit.
- We should make love at least twice a week.
Some Blessed
couples seem to think that the act of sex is a secular act.
Therefore, they rarely make love, and quickly finish the act of
love-making within a brief time; in their view, to shorten the time
of love-making and thus save time for God’s providential work is a
sign of the most faithful couples.
Nonetheless,
this kind of attitude in love-making is wrong. The act of love-making
is a holy act for Blessed couples, and is strongly recommended by
God. It is the act of welcoming God into our home, and offering
special joy to God the Father-Mother.
Therefore, True
Father told us to make love more frequently and for a longer time
than the couples of this world. True Father told us to make love
earnestly even by dedicating our life to that
act.
What is the
privilege of the human beings as the lord of creation? That is the
privilege of love. Animals make love for propagation once a year.
Human beings, however, transcend the seasons. This is our privilege.
The home is the place where we should bloom by dedicating our life to
this act and by drawing the image of our special ideal of love.
It seems that
some Blessed couples feel that just to think about sex, or to imagine
sex itself, is a bad action. Nonetheless, the act of love-making by a
Blessed couple is not an illegitimate act, but an act
of true love centered on God. Therefore, True Parents recommend that
we earnestly “think
every day” how
to make love.
Where will God
and human beings meet? God will meet human beings when man and woman
make love and become one, that is, when they become one centering on
their sexual organs. Because these sexual organs fell, they
devastated this world; they ruined heaven and earth.
That’s why
these organs became evil. When you, man and woman, make love, you
should think that you are going to welcome God. When you look at your
lower body, you should think every day to yourselves, “How
shall I connect this organ centering on love? How shall I serve and
welcome God? How can I make love centering on true love?”
Dae Mo Nim has
also repeatedly emphasized that Blessed couples make love more
frequently and more willingly.
When I
personally talk with Blessed wives, there are really many wives who
reject their husband’s desire for love-making, saying, “I don’t
like it,” when a husband says to his wife, “Let’s make love.”
That is, however, a wrong attitude. Who is the owner of the wife’s
sexual organ?
Because the
husband is its owner, the wife must completely open her sexual organ
for him, so that her husband can freely come and play in there to his
heart’s content. Otherwise, he will go outside the home. Among the
fallen members I have personally talked with, there are husbands who
fell because their wives failed to fulfill their responsibility as a
wife. Because the wife was lacking in the heart for love-making, her
husband ended up in doing it outside the home.
Therefore, the
wife must completely open her sexual organ, so that her husband can
really come and play in there; she must open her heart and body, so
that her husband can freely visit various places (of her body). Did
you understand? The wife must open her heart and body.
While your
husband makes love to you, you must let him enjoy visiting a stream,
a rocky stretch, a riverside field, a flower garden, a mountain, and
a grass field. You must study and study again how to let your husband
enjoy visiting various locations of “creation” i.e., female
sexual organ; so you must learn to open it for such a purpose.
Do you
understand? God presented such a scene for me by drawing its picture.
Nonetheless, even though God drew such a picture for me, we Blessed
couples have failed to actualize this scene, and do you know who has
been practicing it? It is Satan! It is women in bar rooms!
The women in
bar rooms have learned it first and practiced it as an evil means.
The women on Satan’s side are practicing such a scene more
frequently. That’s why I am teaching this sex education and the
conjugal-life education for you. There is no other meaning. Why am I
teaching such an education? Even though the Blessed couples on God’s
side must practice it more frequently, who practiced it more
frequently?
Those on
Satan’s side did! Therefore, as a husband and wife, you must have a
time to make love really to your heart’s content, holding each
other’s hand. Do you understand?
Here are Dae Mo
Nim’s words about a couple’s sexual life, which she spoke to
Blessed wives. God explains about the act of love,
saying, “Play as much as you want,” and “The more you make
love, the greater the amount of joy and beauty you generate.”
When a man and
woman give and receive beautiful love with each other, an inseparable
bond of heart is created between the two. The act of love-making
creates an emotional bond. It is not because the emotional bond is
already formed that you make love. You should not think in reverse.
You must not say, “I do not feel love, so how can I make love to my
husband?” You are to nurture a loving heart while making love.
Then a man and
woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts.
Then the couple becomes happy. When you act in that way, the wife
will not feel discontented, nor will the husband.
Generally
speaking, as a daily-life habit to become a supremely happy couple, a
married couple should make love at least twice a week, except during
the period of menstruation. Of course, there are individual differences and age
differences in the preference of frequency of the couple’s
love-making. The best frequency of love-making seems to be 3 or 4
times a week in the case of couples in their 20s and 30s, who eagerly
want pregnancy, and around twice a week for those couples in their
50s and over. True Father told those wives at a Blessing workshop
that without a child that they “should
make love once in two days” to
make sure to give birth to a baby.
Nonetheless, in
the act of love-making, the most important thing, after all, is not
its frequency or quantity, but its quality. The most important point
in love-making is that a husband and wife be deeply
moved by God’s creativity and His heart and offer deep thanks to
God while making love beautifully with respect and love for each
other, so that God can be moved by watching the
beautiful scene of their love-making.
In love-making,
if a couple wants to make love beautifully with respect and love for
each other, centering on God, a husband should, without fail, make
sure to spend sufficient time for foreplay, and
quality time for after-play, this for the sake of his wife, every
time they make love. Because many young men do not understand the
importance of foreplay in love-making, True Father, in his speech on
the Korean Chuseok
festival in
2008, specified that husbands should always spend at least “15
minutes” for
foreplay in love-making, so that wives can feel the utmost joy.
Immediately
after ejaculation, some husbands always turn their back to their wife
and quickly fall asleep, facing the wall. This is a very bad habit
that makes for an unhappy wife. Wives of such husbands will come to
feel used by her husband, only for his selfish need and cannot feel
love from him. There must be a sweet and intimate time of the
after-play after every love-making if a couple wants to become a
couple of the supreme happiness.
It is reported
that a wife can feel supremely happy when, whispering words of
admiration and thanks to her (and to God in the case of a Blessed
couple), her husband gently kisses her, hugs her tightly, and has
intimate pillow-talk with her while they embrace each other or hold
each other’s hand, every time after love-making. Unlike men,
women’s sexual excitement and feelings do not drop sharply at the
end of love-making. Therefore, a husband should always be responsive
to his wife’s need for “heartistic”
love at the end of each love-making.
For those
relatively young couples, before menopause, “to make love” means
sexual intercourse that accompanies the act of insertion as a matter
of course. For those couples after menopause, however, there are
frequent cases that make it difficult to have ordinary sexual
intercourse because of malfunction, or health problems of their aged
sexual organs.
Even in these
cases, however, it is still possible for the couple to feel the joy
of love and satisfaction simply by kissing and caressing with the use
of their hands and mouth (both tongue and lips) apart from the act of
insertion.
I would like to
clarify that for those couples after menopause, “to
make love” does not necessarily mean to have sexual intercourse
that includes the act of insertion. This clarification is in
consideration of those older couples, so that they can also easily
reach the grade of “A+” in self-evaluating and scoring the degree
of the couple’s practice of “the 10 daily-life habits that
make a supremely
happy couple.”
Yoshihiko
Masuda, PhD
(Professor,
CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
CheongShim
GST University Press
Based on the
Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim
Published by CheongShim GST
University Press
Copyright
ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko
Masuda
All Rights Reserved
Published in the Republic
of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press
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