Why God Made Men/Women Opposites

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  He is heavy into sports, is a doer and doesn't like to talk about feelings and women are - well majority are just the opposite.  Yet, God built these two entities to forever live together within love.

Can you see the ideal love that God wished for in the beginning with your eyes?  Do you look at a well-built man and think that he has the ideal love God has been wanting?  We naturally say no, but don't we women naturally see a handsome and attractive man and think that he possesses a greater love to give to someone else just based upon his looks? 

What about an attractive woman, does she possess more love than an unattractive woman?  God is fair and does not give all qualities to one person.  An attractive person has a flat love while others have a round type of love.  Chances are an attractive woman has considerably less love to give than a woman who is not beautiful.  A less attractive woman more likely has more pure and true love to give than a beautiful woman.

If opposites attract, how ideal is it when two people with similar qualities marry?  The best match in marriage is between two people with different qualities.  This couple will encompass the qualities of different varieties of people and when they unite in oneness, they will be able to relate to more people. 

For instance, if two musicians marry, this is a flat relationship compared to a musician and a scientist marrying who can relate to more fields of people by learning and gaining qualities from one another.  We all desire to see and be a part of an ideal couple.  What about a tall attractive man and a short round plain woman, how can such people have to harmonize centered on one quality.  Would this be wealth and fame?  The only element that can unify two opposites is True Love.

There are much more important qualities of a woman to which a man can pay attention than her eyes, nose, hip or hair.  What kind of of mate does everyone prefer?  Everyone wants the most attractive and successful.  God is ideal and He rather see a beautiful woman marry an ugly man. 
 

"Actually, if a woman marries a very handsome man, she will probably have to endure a lot of worries! She might wonder, "Will some other woman be chasing after him?" and she will not be able to relax!"

Women in the secular world pursue the most handsome men and will do anything to get their love. When a woman marries a handsome man, she will constantly worry when he is late coming home that he might not be faithful.

A handsome who marries a beautiful woman can have the same worries, especially if she spends much time preparing her make-up, clothes and hair.  He might wonder, "Who is she trying to impress?". And he will worry more when she goes out without him looking fancy.  Men and women are more attracted to a person who takes care of their looks especially men who are more physically oriented, therefore, the world is full of dangers for the beautiful woman and man.

The man with a beautiful wife may start out with a lot of affection for her, but his worries will increase the longer they are married.  However, the spouse who marries an average looking person are free from such worries.  If their homely-looking spouse leaves for two or three days, they will not worry so much and think there is a reason for their absence.

On the other hand, the man with an average-looking wife may only have to worry in the beginning about how he will learn to love her. But then, as they continue their life together that worry diminishes to nothing.

An attractive woman will worry her husband over the little things.  Every move she makes will be a source for his suspicion and he will wrestle with these thoughts endlessly.  Even if she buys a new pack of pens, he will wonder what her ulterior motive was for buying that many pens. 

The smallest difference in any action such as beginning to polish her toenails or spending an extra five minutes in front of mirror before leaving for work.  A nagging fear will build inside of him, "She never used to spend so much time in the mirror.  What made her change?"

Here is the lesson:

"We must be able to distinguish true value within a person regardless of what that person looks like...  Certainly, we are striving for ideal families but what is the definition of that ideal? Is the marriage of a white man with a white woman necessarily the most ideal way? Actually, the most ideal way would be for a beautiful white American to go to Africa and find his or her spouse there. Such a bringing together of contrasts would be closest to the ideal." SMM

We stand on earth looking up to the highest ideals of Heaven which is the ideal husband and wife.  A woman shouldn't look down on a man and a man shouldn't look down on a woman because a woman is an absolute necessity for a man to reach perfection.  What do we see as the world trend as men and women go opposite of this natural law and challenging it. Men try to legally marry other men, isn't this true?

Why did God make it where men need women?

It is the way men and women grow and the way we were created;it is beyond your choice.  Women were created with certain indentations, while men have certain protrusions. 

What is marriage?  It is where these two differing shapes and characters of man and woman come together within unity under God's direction.  We see this in nature without exception and this is the way God created the world no matter how much man tries to change this direction.

As said before, God is fair in the attributions He gives His creation.  The man protrudes in one place and the woman protrudes in another.  The man's shoulder are broader up high while the woman's hips are broader beneath.  This balance in nature is attractive.  This harmony which God originated is displayed throughout the entire universe.

The waves on the ocean do not follow a straight line but rather a curved one. However, the wind blows in a straight, simple direction. People enjoy seeing the leaves on a tree swaying in the wind; when a tree is stark still, it is not as stimulating to look at.

Air density varies in different places. When a sparse area of air hits a dense area, it is pushed up or down. It is natural that there be a certain amount of wind on the earth; when the air is perfectly still, it doesn't feel natural or comfortable.

When we ask whether you prefer to live in a high, lofty place or a deep low place the women would answer "deep" and the men would answer "high". 

Simply, how are men and women different?  One side is "protruded" and the other is "indented".  Who is the one who is truly determined that man is the subject and the woman is object in relation to one another?  God is the one who decided that man is the subject.

Why did God position woman as the object?  She is in the position to receive like a "receptacle".  If a woman is not in that position, babies cannot grow inside of her.  The rain falls and the earth receives it- the sky in the high position does not receive the rain, it gives it. 

This is why woman represents earth and man the sky and heaven.  The most natural position for a loving man and woman is for the man to be above the woman and the woman naturally receives from the man.   

Since we are all part of the created universe, we need to begin to understand the laws of the universe and begin to follow and align to it.  The man naturally gives to the woman, however, the woman should always think about the man's welfare in order to harmonize with the universe.  Without a man, the woman cannot achieve that harmony.

What makes a mountain more famous to climb than an average mountain? 

First, famous mountains tend to be very high, then it would be well that it has a variety of slopes making it a challenge for even the most seasoned climbers to tackle.  Which man do women prefer most? 

A man who is fun and versatile, or a simple man who is predictable?  Women are naturally attracted to variety.  Men naturally prefer a woman of simplicity.  It is important that a woman be simplistic, yet has various qualities.  This simplicity in a woman is her best virtue.  A woman should be deep, but be uncomplicated.

"Why is the Unification Church a good and high religion? If you compared it with our description of a famous mountain, you could say the same-it has lots of variety. To go through the way of faith of the Unification Church is a difficult thing. You may sit here listening to me for several hours but once you stand up, you have to run back to your mission. There is no in-between."

When you come in contact with a Moonie, or Unification Church member founded by Rev. Moon, you will see that similar characteristics whether you meet a member in Bangkok or America. 

This Eastern concept may be looked down upon by many in America who fight for their individuality and leaders would say, "I have my own style so I don't need anyone else's."  Americans may look down upon the Oriental way of life as inferior to the American one.  Yet, the Western way of individuality can not be embraced by the whole world, only the Eastern way must be incorporated together with it.  Then the whole world will be covered.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Men/Women Misuse Love Root of All Evil

This text was rewritten based on the Speech: Ideal Family and Ideal World given by Dr. Sun Myung Moon, founder of the Unification Church.

Men and Women Need Each Other

 

Man symbolizes heaven and woman symbolizes earth. Man and woman are to come together and realize harmony.  —Sun Myung Moon

 

 

Opposites attract, especially masculine and feminine. The big, muscular Dad is mesmerized by the tiny frailty of his newborn daughter. The petite, refined teenager memorizes every detail of her heartthrob’s rugged face, strong dark eyes, thick hands, and angular physique. The simple, home-loving woman catches the eye of the sophisticated, worldly-wise man.

This tendency of masculinity and femininity to find and balance each other is an expression of complementarity—a principle running throughout all existence. Indeed, the harmony and vibrant tension of these polarities fills the universe with energy, structure, life, beauty and joy. Frosty mountain peaks overlook green, verdant valleys. The peacock carries around his heavy tail feathers to make the colorful display that will attract a peahen, who will in turn bear his young. An electron weighs less than a thousandth of a proton, yet they precisely balance to comprise an atom.

 

Implications of the Reproductive Organs

But perhaps the design most revealing—in a metaphoric way—about masculinity and femininity are the reproductive organs themselves.

The female organ receives the male organ, so masculinity is active and initiating while femininity is receptive and responsive. The male organ angles upward and away from the body when erect. It is often aroused by inspiration solely within the mind. This is symbolic of the masculine propensity towards “heaven,” the world of ideals and vision. In contrast, the female organ is like “earth” in that it opens deep into the body and is subject to monthly cycles.

This represents the feminine concern for immediate, practical matters. The internal structure of the female organs represents the feminine tendency to emphasize the world of feelings and human relations and to solve problems by changing something within herself.

In contrast, the outward thrust of the male organ symbolizes the natural inclination of masculinity to focus on manipulating things in the outer world. In communication, masculinity tends to be direct and assertive, as the male genitals symbolize, while femininity is apt to be more indirect and round-about, like the female organs.

Apart from physical design, observation of the tendencies of men and women suggest other distinctions between masculinity and femininity. Femininity is concerned with context; masculinity is focused on content. Masculinity emphasizes rules and standards; femininity is mindful of individual differences.

Femininity is egalitarian and cooperative; masculinity is hierarchical and competitive.

It must be said in the end that differences notwithstanding, men and women are far more similar than not, of course. Both genders have personality, the fruit of the interaction of mind and body. Both are spiritual and material beings. Both have heart and conscience. What masculinity and femininity do is to impart a certain slant to these universal human components, creating only a difference of style and emphasis.
 

Complementary Virtues

The diverse characteristics of masculinity and femininity can be reduced to certain strengths or virtues. These are reflected in the qualities that are universally prized in men and women. In all the various family roles of men—son, brother, husband, father— and their social counterparts, among the key virtues celebrated are strength, leadership, courage, justice, discipline, self-sufficiency and providing. In their roles as daughter, sister, wife, mother and the like, there are also certain qualities that are celebrated in women.

These include beauty, support, surrender, mercy, modesty, nurturance, and resourcefulness. The Bible provides a succinct description of the virtuous woman when St. Paul says, “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited” (Titus 2.4-5). These various virtues are complementary to one another, paired in subject and object partnership.

One stimulates or inspires the other and either can be much more difficult to generate or maintain without the other.  Frequently the virtues are masculine and feminine dimensions of the same quality. In any case, the masculine dimension tends to be intrapersonal, that is, related to vertical mind and body unity.

 

For example, chastity in men traditionally is a testament to self-control, for the purpose of being single-minded, able to serve God or otherwise realize a worthy purpose. In contrast, feminine virtue is more often than not an interpersonal quality, related to horizontal, person-to-person unity. Chastity for women has more connotations of fidelity, keeping love undivided for the sake of its fulfillment.

Complementary Virtues

Masculine            Feminine

Strength                 Beauty

Leadership            Support

Courage                Surrender

Justice                   Mercy

Discipline              Modesty

Self-Sufficiency     Nurturance

 

Strength and beauty

Strength encompasses physical power, stamina and the ability to endure physical and emotional pain to provide for and protect others. It means keeping one’s own counsel when necessary and eschewing easy comfort.

Strength is “beauty” in a man, as reflected in a recent song defining manhood as being as “swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.”

In the same way, what we call beauty—being a source of pleasure and inspiration—is an important feminine “strength.” Beauty encompasses grace and graciousness, creating comfort and harmony. A woman’s beauty stimulates love in her husband even as it cheers and encourages her children. Beauty also involves creating splendor around oneself, drawing out the attractiveness of other people and things and harmonizing them.

Both of these virtues are often distorted in the world, interpreted in exaggerated, external terms that become oppressive. The truth of Francis Bacon’s words, “The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express,” is readily forgotten. Women are prone to obsessively focus on their appearance. Likewise, men are likely to forget that real strength is a character quality, as the saying goes:

“The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift. It’s in the burdens he can carry.”

 In their true meaning, strength and beauty encapsulate all the good qualities that distinguish masculinity and femininity. That is, all masculine virtues are regarded as enhancing a man’s strength while the feminine virtues are seen as making a woman more beautiful.

Leadership and support

Leadership involves taking command of a situation, being assertive and taking initiative to get something done. Leadership demands sacrificing oneself to protect and provide for others. It means making decisions in spite of uncertainty and others’ disapproval. It sometimes requires taking a stand that disturbs the peace.

Support, on the other hand, is the ability to facilitate leadership, to respond to what is required, fill in what the leader lacks and influence the situation indirectly. Just as leadership is a kind of support, giving support often involves taking leadership, rallying others and harmonizing them with the leader’s purpose and direction.

The male capacity to zero in on the root of a problem and detach from feelings to make more impartial decisions suits many men to be like the CEO and public affairs director of their families, accountable for their direction, protection and overall function.

 

At the same time, the female sensitivity to relationships and capacity for detail makes most women the ideal person in charge of day-today family matters and connections to the neighborhood—the director of personnel and head of public relations, the one to oversee the health and happiness of the home.

Courage and Surrender

 

Courage and surrender are counterparts to one another.  Courage is acting despite fear, which means to surrender to what needs to be done regardless of risk. Its close cousin is heroism. A prerequisite to courage is confidence, the trust in oneself and in one’s God-given strengths.

Conversely, surrender is the willingness to trust in others and in life, to be vulnerable and yield oneself to a person or situation. This also demands considerable courage to put one’s fate in the hands of someone or something that is as yet unproven. Women are called to surrender in countless ways, just as men need to be courageous to exhibit leadership and other qualities.

Justice and Mercy

Justice is promoting fairness through establishing and enforcing standards, rules and boundaries. It involves making distinctions, passing judgment and discerning right from wrong. Justice is to be impartial, “blind.” Mercy, on the other hand, bends rules and permits special consideration for individual cases.

It softens the dictates of justice to allow for the complexities of the heart. Of course both are vital and depend upon one another for balance: “And what does the Lord require of you,” says the prophet Micah, “but to do justice, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”.

Discipline and Modesty

 

These virtues represent restraints upon both strength and beauty, respectively.  Discipline involves self-control and moderating one’s passions. It also includes the humility to submit to a superior’s correction and direction. Both are essential if a man would exercise authority over others. St. Paul bids older men to “be temperate, serious, sensible” and younger men to “control themselves” (Titus 2.2, 6). Modesty is the feminine form of self-restraint. It is reserving one’s beauty and sexuality for one’s spouse alone, guarding what God has entrusted. Both are encompassed in chastity, as mentioned above.

Self-sufficiency and Nurturance

Self-sufficiency is the ability to handle one’s own needs and solve one’s own problems so as to be available to be of service. This is related to independence; men are expected to be strong in themselves so others can depend upon them. The complementary virtue of nurturance means to actively attend to that which is young and undeveloped, believing in its potential and patiently awaiting its full unfolding. It includes relieving distress and providing comfort.
 

Patience and gentleness make this possible. Nurturance also connotes an acceptance of a measure of dependence; generally women are more willing to admit their needs and be cared for.

 

Providing and Resourcefulness

These virtues relate to dealing with things. Providing refers to the masculine trait of acquiring what is needed for the people causes ones loves.

“The best of men are those who are useful to others,” reads a hadithm, The traditional requirement for a boy of the indigenous peoples of the arctic North was to slay a seal as a feast for his community, representing this male virtue. Resourcefulness on the other hand involves carefulness in dealing with what has been entrusted, shrewdly conserving resources to meet the needs of those under one’s care.

 

Traditional recipes and quilts are but two examples of the ingenuity of women to make utility and beauty out of limited resources.

Men and Women Combine Both Principles

Masculinity and femininity as principles or archetypes are one thing; real men and women are another. It must be remembered that all people have both masculine and feminine sides to them. This common base allows women to understand men and vice versa. Real people are a blend of masculine and feminine traits—the virtues just described are celebrated in individuals of either sex.
 

Men may have their feminine side quite developed, just as women may have ready access to their masculine traits. The roles that individuals play will demand sometimes more masculine traits and sometimes more feminine ones. For example, a male kindergarten teacher will require qualities that may come more naturally to most women, while a policewoman will need to draw upon dispositions that probably are easier for most men to access.

 

All men and women have the capacity to develop the traits that are the strengths of the opposite sex. A male orderly in a senior citizen facility can learn to pay more attention to details, just as a female manager in a large company can learn to tune certain details out.
 

Yet at the same time, the greater masculinity within men means that they have certain natural strengths as well as limitations that suit them for certain tasks, just as the greater femininity of women gives them certain advantages and disadvantages. Either gender can take on just about any role, but the fit may not be as perfect.

Author Patsy Rae Dawson offers an analogy:

A six-inch brush is better for painting large surfaces and a two-inch brush is ideal for trim. Either can be used for either task, but it may take more effort to do so, such as painting trim with the larger brush.

So it is with the sexes.  Either can fill in for each other’s duties but it may take more exertion to do so.

Men and Women Need Each Other

Thus for every male or female gift, we can understand there is also a corresponding weakness or shadow. The male penchant for achievement sometimes leads to neglect of relationships; the female

sensitivity to feelings can spell difficulty in overlooking negative experiences. Thus, boys and girls, men and women need each other’s companionship and support. One side of this is humorously expressed by Rogers and Hammerstein in the musical “South Pacific”:

“There isn’t one thing wrong with any man here that wouldn’t be cured by putting him near a real live, womanly, female, feminine dame!”

The needs—or “weaknesses”—of a man only serve to draw out and accentuate the strengths of a woman, just as a husband’s unique assets are revealed and highlighted by the needs of his wife. By investing their strengths into each other as a team, the sexes create a powerful and beautiful whole greater than the sum of its parts.

This is symbolized in mythology by androgynous figures that combine masculinity and femininity and as a result have extraordinary abilities, like the blind Tiresias in Greek mythology who can foresee the future.

“A woman is half of the universe,” states Reverend Moon. “When a woman unites with a man, 180 degrees and 180 degrees come together. In marriage they form a sphere equal in value to the universe.

Submit to One Another

 

This is why the marriage partnership, though tradition speaks of well-defined roles, comes down to the interplay of the husband and wife augmenting each other’s strengths and compensating for one another’s weaknesses.

 

The spouses’ horizontal subject and object partnership means that though there is a certain stable nature to their positions, there is also dynamic movement in which roles stretch and switch according to shifting conditions. A husband’s masculine way of living for the sake of his spouse will naturally define his role and likewise with the wife’s feminine way of serving.

Instead of concern about “manly” or “womanly” tasks, the spirit of mutual service and sacrifice carries the day.  Reverend Moon puts it this way:

 

"In true love, both spouses must be obedient to each other and be willing to be united with each other. We may say, “Why do I have to obey my husband or wife? I want to be free.” But in true love, obedience, loyalty, surrender— everything is possible, and you are not humiliated by it.

"You want to be controlled by your love. In true love then, there is a heavenly dictatorship of one to the other, and you want to live that way throughout eternity."

The New Testament asserts both spouses are to “Submit to one another” out of respect for God (Ephesians 5.21). The husband submits to his conscience and the needs of his family as a true servant leader, especially to respect and care for his wife. The wife surrenders to the needs of her husband and family.

The man’s heartfelt care for his partner will tend to elicit the response he desires, just as the woman’s wholehearted support will tend to elicit the qualities she wants from her mate. Thus there is the call for each husband to “love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5.33).
 

 

Web designer Peter Brown says of he and his wife Kim, “We just tell ourselves that, ‘True love is the boss.’ Although it sounds simple, it has a very real impact in our lives ...

[Both] the wife and the husband must bow down to the ethic of true love."


Return for Tomorrow's Post: Divine Inspiration, Get It!

Photos Courtesy of: freedigitalphotos.net

 

Today's text taken from Textbook: Educating for True Love, Explaining Rev. Moon's Thought on Morality, Family, and Society.