5 Myths About Sex Part I

In order to give credibility to the timeless sexual ethic in the present world, the prevailing mindset to have permissive sex needs to be refuted with sound arguments.

These facts need to be based upon good reasoning and contemporary research.



1. Is Sex a Primal Need?


The first misunderstanding about sex is that it is a need and an entitlement.

This is the foundation for all the other wrong assumptions about promiscuous sex because it carries a certain moral imperative: since sex is needed for people to be physically and mentally healthy, then it is unfair to deny them.

Therefore, since people think sex is a must, then it does not matter if one is married, young or have other concerns.

Plus, there is a moral pressure for the person who does not want sex by the one who claims they need sex to yield to their desires.

Now, because society believes sex is healthy and normal, the person who resists sexual advances have to explain themselves.

Because of this belief, many single people and even children pursue sexual involvement earlier.  Also, they do so in insecure situations they may not have been inclined to do.

Obviously there is no sexual ‘need’ - there is not one shred of scientific evidence that sexual inactivity causes a threat to anyone’s health or well-being.

No one has ever received medical treatment because of celibacy. 

On the other hand, there is mounting evidence of people being treated for sexual excesses and sometimes are told to be abstinent as their therapy.

This sexual ‘need’ is actually being confused with the need for genuine love.

Even though the human body desires to connect to another body, any other body, the heart has the need to connect to another heart, to love and be loved as an irreplaceable person.

This is actually what is necessary for the mental and physical health of a person, not sex.

Studies show that infants who lack attention or touch from caregivers perish and spouses often die of a broken heart soon after their partner passes away.

The specific need of adults is for the experience of marital love. 

Our spirit craves the sanctity of marriage for the emotional and spiritual rewards.

Sex is only one dimension of what is needed and desired.  The idea that sex is a need came from the distorted ideas of Freud.

Research shows that three percent, which is more than a hundred thousand, have been celibate throughout their whole lives and that millions worldwide have kept their virginity until the age of thirty and beyond without any ill effects.

Infidelity in marriage is the great exception.

When there is no opportunity for sex, the interest for sex has been known to drop down to zero.  Many married couples find themselves needing to schedule time to make love because they are too busy or forget the need.

Therefore, the ‘need’ for sex is not on the same level as the need for food or sleep.  If one neglects the need for food, this need asserts itself within a matter of hours and becomes stronger the longer it is deferred.  It does not lessen.

“Sex is a natural urge, but the role it plays in your life and the importance you attribute to it . . . is a matter of free choice,” concludes psychologist Peter Koestenbaum.

Sex researchers Masters and Johnson have stated, “In one respect, sex is like no other physical process . . . (it) can be denied indefinitely, even for a lifetime.”

Being abstinent can represent a redirection of erotic impulses.

Even though one may be married, they must maintain a large measure of self-control when their spouse is ill, pregnant, menstruating, busy at work or involved in the demands of being a parent.

The belief that sex as a “need” is oppressive.






It is oppressive for people to believe that the need the physical gratification of sexual impulses.

Sexual compulsion and exploitation of women increases.  It makes it hard for those  who are immature and weak to refuse their own or someone’s else’s sexual ‘need’.

Because of such a notion of need, then children and married people begin to doubt themselves if they do not have a desire for sex as much as they are pressured to have.

Therefore, they vulnerably push themselves into sexual involvement earlier and in an unsecure situation.

Teenagers speak of virginity as something they are happy to finally get rid of as there is a lot of pressure to do so.

It is very tragic that such innocence and authentic need for a committed love are often sacrificed on the altar of a physical ’need’.




2. Is One Partner for Life Unnatural?

The second mistaken notion of sex: It is natural to have many sexual partners.

This is because humanity compares their actions on the same level as animals.  Animals are not monogamous creatures.

Such people speak from evolutionary terms about the need to propagate the species through having many sexual liaisons.

From this viewpoint, people see monogamy and marriage as almost an impossibility.  They think that to withhold sex is contrary to our genetic makeup.

Despite what evolution has taught, humans differ from animals in obvious ways.

First, sex among animals is a seasonal matter and driven by instinct for just the sake of reproduction.

On the other hand, men and women enjoy a physical union more frequently than animals and the sake of pleasure between the two.

Secondly, animals come together without discrimination in regard of who their partner is.

In contrast, humans are spiritual beings with a need for meaningful and lasting love, but also to be loved as a specific and whole person.  Humans also need this love to be returned.

Thirdly, children require many years of parental investment in order to thrive.  This is unlike primates.

The kind of love which a child needs affects his resilience and capacity for being a great contribution to society.

When parents do not properly take care of their children, this does not make sense even from a species-survival mentality.

It is natural for men and women to bond for life to care for each other and the children they have.

Many other mammals take care of their young.

When those compare themselves to animals who have multiple partners, this evidence refutes this matter.

Therefore, those who have a tendency to get involved in temporary sexual liaisons because of immaturity, bad conditioning and because of the Fall.

Humans have the natural tendency to let the body dominate the mind.  This is not a ‘natural’ state from God or even evolutionary traits.


Return for Tomorrow’s Post: The 5 Myths About Sex Part II

This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers to explain the philosophy of Reverend Sun Myung Moon.

All Creation Has Purpose

Who dislikes hearing about the "ideal"? We talk about the ideal husband, ideal family, and nation.  When we talk about the home that is most ideal, then that must be the home in which we want to dwell.

This home would probably be located in an ideal neighborhood and built like a mansion seen in the magazines.

Can we say that this world is the ideal world?

As people of faith, we know that we live in more than one world.

Beyond this world, we know there is a spirit world beyond this physical world which is a bigger house than the ordinary one people imagine.

Would we find harmony or disharmony in this large house?

The 'ideal' represents harmony.  Do we live in this world of harmony?  Does it exist?  Is it possible?  Would the ideal house be lit by just one color of light, or would it be lit by all the living colors of the world.

This large house includes all of nature-trees, and flowers in all their beautiful variety.  Even grass that seems insignificant is part of the whole.  All of these variety of elements each contribute to the overall existence.

Everything in creation has a purpose. 

The courageous tiger is admired by everyone, but the tiny insects and smelly skunks also contribute to existence. We humans dislike the skunk's smell, but some element of the universe might like it.

What if we find out decades from now that the skunk's smell has medicinal value for some animals?  No one wants to be bit by a poisonous snake, but that venom has great value for certain medicines.

A blade of grass would feel that they have some kind of tiny supporting role in the large universe, or that they were important enough that the rest of the world would harmonize with its qualities.

What about in the church?

Some members might think that they are unimportant in the church, but may think that they are indispensable in God's dispensation.

If you think you are indispensable then how do you think the rest of creation views themselves?


My eye may realize that it is small, but feel that if it were blind and staring blankly then Reverend Moon would look unattractive. For that reason my eye feels it is important, and I have to agree. If you ask one hair on my head whether it belongs to me or I belong to it, that hair will definitely respond that I belong to it! 


In a way, this seems like mild arrogance, but everything considers its existence to be important to the rest of the universe.  Without having this concept, we cannot begin to think of the ideal.

Out of all of the thousands of churches in America, there may be only one that sacrifices for the world and sits on a concrete floor.  That church would think they are the center of the universe.  That is the ideal, and is very dramatic.

If you were to think that this life of faith is horrible because of the sacrifices we have to make, you will make your life miserable.


Even though people scornfully oppose me, I still think that without me this nation would be lost, and that I am important to the rest of the universe. This attitude is where the ideal lies. 

The more you can make yourself available for the harmony of the rest of the universe, the closer you are to the ideal.

Now, you know how the ideal is tangible in our present life.

The important thing is not what kind of work you do, it is all about how you feel inside when you do the work, the motivation.

What do you think the ideal way to finish doing chores?  Is it to sulk and hate every minute of it or to have the thought that you do this work for the sake of mankind and the universe with a joyful heart.  Work that is done willingly like this will have value.

Who would be happier: the one who is lazy and does not participate in work, or the one who is busy?

The busy person would be more happy because the more work you perform, the more you relate to the variety of the world and the more opportunity you have to harmonize with your neighbors.

Why do we always try to do our best when we could goof off and work at your leisure?

By doing your best, you become more central to the rest of the world.  It is better to work with your whole heart and soul.

When listening to speeches, you can think that among the others that are listening, you will be the champion in taking action and carrying out the words you heard.

The ideal is connected to all practical elements. 

You may do a good performance and it does not guarantee you will be praised or recognized.  Sometimes you may be chastised.

You may think that it is better to receive some reward for a good job, but it is better to be criticized.

No one can subtract from what you did, but by receiving criticism, you create a situation where the critic has to surrender to you.  Then those who praise you can defend the values of what you did.

In other words, you will be able to conquer both elements by what you did.

This is how the saints did their great work.

They were never accepted in their own time, but they had the capacity to digest the criticism of people, thus history remembers and recognizes them and they receive a much higher reward.

When you do the right thing yet the entire world comes against you, it will be your asset.

This is because you will acquire a great capacity to contain all of the elements in the world.

While doing this work, digest the criticism, and by doing so, I am creating room for all of America to eventually bow down to the truth.

Then what would be the ideal kind of work?

It is when you do the right thing, yet receive criticism instead of praise.  When you think in this way, you understand that you have no adversary in the world.  People think it is bad to be cursed at
 because you will acquire the capacity to contain all the elements of the world.

I am one example. I am working hard to do the right thing, but because America doesn't understand this it has opposed me. 1 will digest that criticism, and by doing so I am creating room for all of America to bow down eventually.

There are two kinds of people that receive curse words: the one who deserves to be criticized, and the one who does good things yet receives abuse from people.

What makes something bad?

Evil has no hesitation to sacrifice others for its own good without any righteous purpose attached.  Goodness is giving of the self for the public purpose.

What is the ideal way of life?

We conclude that the ideal way to live is in giving yourself for the sake of others, even when you are criticized for doing so.  There are also two ways to serve others:  one is to do something good yet be criticized and the second is to be totally committed to serving others, even while risking one's life.

Which one is the most ideal way?

Jesus taught this ideal level because he was serious about giving his life for the sake of others.

"He who would gain his life would lose it, but he who loses his life for my sake will find it."

When Jesus spoke that he was the way, the truth and the life, was he speaking of a small mountain or a superhighway that reaches to heaven?  He was speaking about the truth which the entire universe would embrace.

When Jesus said he was the life, he did not envision a shivering miserable life.  Jesus had the authority to speaks these things because in his way of life, he always lowered himself to serve others.

When Jesus said he was the way, the truth and the life, did he mean he was a small mountain trail, or a superhighway to the Kingdom of Heaven? What kind of truth was he referring to?

He meant the truth which the entire universe would embrace it.

When you lower yourself, you will be lifted up, but those who try to elevate himself will be lowered.

When you kick a ball way up in the air, it comes down with great force and rebounds back up high. Is that more ideal, or should it be kicked so high that when it comes down it doesn't rebound but just disappears into the ground?  This is unimaginable.

We may think this is the ideal way, but the ball wouldn't like this ideal way.  But the ball was born for this mission.  If the ball wants to be the number one ball, it has to be kicked hard in the air and rebound back up high again, and last the longest and go the farthest.

When American young people hang out at the club, we may think why do they want to dance and waste their time away.  It may make sense that they would have fun for themselves.  There is no law that says you have to live for the sake of the world.

When we do our mission work and get spit on or criticized, we wipe it away and say, "I am doing this for the sake of the world".  You raise money not for yourself but to benefit the world.  This is what distinguishes your activity from everyone else's.

What is the opposite of the ideal?

Can we judge someone's happiness by how rich he is?  Can we also say that the one who does not own anything is unhappy?  What is the definition of happiness and unhappiness?

It does not matter how elegant your palace you live in, if you live there only for yourself and sacrifice others for your own benefit, you are sitting in hell. Even if you don't have a place of your own, and you look poor as long as you are trying to serve other people, you have heaven.  Is this true?

There are many people that make a good living and live in luxury, they go home at night anguished over their lives that they can't sleep.  A rich man in his heart feels pressure from his society and nation and feels guilty.  This is a kind of self-torture.

There is this fight between the conscience which tells him not to live like this, but he has a desire to keep all his things for himself.

There are many rich people who struggle internally at night for living this selfish way.  Even the walls and the ceiling will say they deserve to live that way.  The fine furniture will say that it did not exist to please the selfish owner, but to accuse them.

When your conscience is clear you feel that the entire universe is embracing you. 

If you sleep humbly under a bridge in a sleeping bag, you would see the beautiful blue sky and sunshine when you wake up the next morning.  The green grass and flowers would make the best hotel room.  Even the gentle breeze jumps around you.

In this way of life, you don't fee anguish when you lie in bed at night, but fall asleep immediately from all the providential work serving others.

If a riot was certain to break out, we should stay at peace while others are uncertain and afraid.
In our way of life we don't feel anguish as we lie in bed at night, but just fall asleep immediately! Who is happier, the anguished rich man, or the person sleeping under the bridge?

The happier person is not the rich person living in anguish, but the person sleeping under the bridge.

Whatever the mission, I am at peace because I do it with all my effort.

The one who deserves to live in the ideal house is the ideal man or woman.  We should concentrate on being ideal men and women, but instead we worry about what you don't have; this is the basic problem.

The main cause of the problem lies within yourself, yet we often place blame on our environment and circumstances.

We do not have time to eat or sleep in doing our public mission, because the nation is crumbling and the world is at stake.

There is not time to spend on someone who is not certain why they are here.  It does not mean we don't care about members, the priority is to follow the bigger cause first when we have too many responsibilities to fulfill.

If a person is totally dedicated to the public cause then he is living the ideal life.

This movement seems like it does not care about people, but that judgment will declines.

This is because the Church is dedicated fully to the public purpose, the basic unselfish cause.

We are taught that we should sacrifice our desires for the public cause, so the person who wants to sacrifice others to take care of him does not understand this concept.  Before you complain, be a frontline soldier who works harder than any other member and then your constructive criticism will be worthwhile.

This is important for new members to know this as they will face many difficult times.

You have many demands and responsibilities with little time.  You have new members to take care of, fundraising efforts and you out there for the mission.  Is it more ideal to fellowship or tell them that you are too busy doing your mission?

The one who is truly dedicated for the public cause will eventually win.

As a tree grows its branches extend out farther and farther.  What if the tree does not bear any fruit or flowers?  Trees normally bear flowers, but for whom does it bear them.?  Would the flowers blossom or have a certain color for the tree's sake or for the ideal of harmonizing the universe?

The color of the flowers are for the sake of inviting insects and bees.  The vibrant colors are necessary to communicate with the rest of the world.  Also, the fragrance of the flowers is not for the survival of the tree.

The fragrance is to harmonize and communicate with others.

When you see the flowers you impart your happiness and enjoyment of them. In reality the flowers possess their color and fragrance for your joy.  It seems as if beautiful flowers in the garden call out for you to touch and smell them.

The flowers, too, would be pleased because their purpose is fulfilled and they were touched and appreciated by others.

It is this communication and fellowship which makes life more beautiful.

Would it make sense for a plant to have green flowers and green leaves?

It is easy to admire how sensible plants are in having flowers of various colors.  People would take this for granted, but what if the flowers were just as green as the leaves?

Is that exciting?

There is a possibility there is a green plant with green flowers, but even then you will find some accent of white or red for instance that sets it apart.

Have you ever seen a plant with green flowers as well as green leaves? Would it make sense? I have always admired how sensible plants are in having flowers of various colors, not just green like their leaves.

Flowers impart beauty and fragrance for the sake of others, for the sake of harmony with the universe. In that harmony a fuller life is generated. 

If we were flowers, we would want to be a stimulating, vibrant color.

God would like the color and fragrance of the one who works hard for His ideal world.   No matter what other people think, at least one person would come to enjoy our color and fragrance-that is God.

That color and fragrance never changes wherever you go, so God would go there and enjoy it.  If you were to wind up in hell, God would go there with you also.  Wherever you go, you carry the fragrance and color which attracts God.

Therefore, activity and life will be generated wherever you go.

It is not that bad if your surroundings are drab, because you would look more vivid.  Others think that this is hell, but we think it is heaven to live this way of life.  The dark circumstances of hell will make you stand out better.

The Chinese character for "ideal" actually depicts a king and a village, so it literally means "king's village," or the village where the king dwells.

A king would not just be responsible for the good of the country, but for both the good and the bad.  Good kings will let other people take care of the good things while he takes care of the bad situations.

God is the King of kings because He thinks He will be responsible for the evil of the world. 

Because God takes care of the bad things, He is supremely good king of all of the kings of the past, present that lived on earth and they will have to bow down to Him.



Return for Tomorrow's Post: Your Attitude in Prayer

This post was rewritten and derived from the speech Ideal Home