The
most basic and central truth of the universe is that
God
is the Father and we are His children.
—Sun
Myung Moon
In
order for a son or daughter to learn how to love, it involves the
heart to develops which begins at a very young age and matures
throughout the lifetime.
The
toddler who clings to his or her parents' hand is decades apart from
the weeping adult who must place his or her parents to rest in the
grave and vow not to let their wishes go unfulfilled.
Even
though the experience is different, the essence of the heart is the
same: a heart of attachment, appreciation and love toward the parents
that only deepens and becomes conscious and responsible over time.
A
child's growth determines the person's relationship not only toward
his or her parents, but also toward society in general, and
ultimately God.
The
East calls a child's devotion to his or her parents “filial piety”
and is considered the root of all goodness and morality.
Confucius
taught that a child's responsiveness to one's parents is the root for
empathy. Mencius taught
that
if a person loved his parents, he would be kind to people in general
and caring toward everything in the world (7A45).
Jesus
demonstrated how important a child's heart is when he instructed his
disciples to not turn away children from him.
“Such are the
kingdom of heaven made of,” he said. Saint Paul said that a
Christian’s right relationship to God was to cry out trustingly
like a child, “Abba!” which means “Papa” or “Daddy.”
The
child’s realm of heart is foundational to a life of true love.
The
success within the children's realm of love places a person in a
position to receive and respond to the love of parents and the love
of the ultimate Parent, God.
On
this strong foundation, a person is well-placed to learn to love
others as oneself.
The
Formation of a Loving Child
Before
religious leaders were accepted to say so, Reverend Moon was pointing
to the breakdown of the family as the main culprit in society's main
problems.
Now,
these assertions are widely accepted among social scientists. Developmental psychologists widely agree
that
having loving relationships with caregivers (usually a parent or
parents) promote the development of empathy with others and impacts a
person's relationship to the world at large over a lifetime.
Children
who lack such loving relationships are left without maturing a
proper heart of compassion toward others, which leaves the growing
young person crippled morally.
Such children are prone to get
involved in all sorts of risky and destructive behaviors.
When
a mother plays with her child, the natural facial expressions
prepares them to be able to 'read' other people's facial expressions
then understand what the person must be feeling based on this. This
is an example of training in empathy.
The
ability to empathize: to recognize and feel another person’s pain,
suffering or joy as one’s own. To have empathy is the basis of the
capacity to give love, take responsibility, and have fulfilling
relationships with others.
Those
who develop early loving relationships are able to attain trust over
mistrust. This is what Erick Erickson calls the first 'crisis' of
life.
When
a baby cries, someone comes to comfort. When the baby is hungry,
someone brings food. When the baby needs warmth and dryness this is
provided.
When the baby needs to be held, someone's tender arms are
there. When a child is lonely or frightened, someone's soft voice
reassures the child.
A
baby who grows up in this nurturing environment, sets the stage to
grow up to be benevolent, helpful participator in the world.
A
view of a larger universe and of God are imprinted firmly on the mind
of a young person through these early interactions.
James
M. Barrie, author of Peter
Pan, said, “The God to whom little boys say
their
prayers has a face very much like their mother’s.”
If
a mother had a smiling sympathetic face, the child will respond with
a similar face to the world whenever they interact outside the
family.
“We
learn how valuable and worthy of love we are almost exclusively
through interactions with attachment figures, especially parents,”
observes Stephen Stosny, a psychologist.
A
child who grew up in a loving home, assumes others are similarly
lovable and worthy. He or she will behave in a manner that is just
and kind toward them and treat others as he or she has been treated
at home.
Operating
from a core of being loved, the child is able to love others.
Studies
have shown one common characteristic of rescuers of Jews under
Nazism: The rescuers all have very warm relationships with one or
both parents which caused them to have empathy for others in maximum
proportions.
Since
they were convinced of their own worthiness, it was easy for them to
see others as similarly worthy and to take a stand for others' human
rights.
History
is laden with children who have been neglected or abandoned. They
have moral impairment that can result from having a poor relationship
with parents.
1940s
psychologist William Goldfarb did a study of seventy children who
have been raised for the first three years of their lives in
institutions. He found that they were cruel to one another and also
to animals.
They
severely lacked an ability to control impulses, especially aggressive
ones.
Researcher
Selma H. Fraiberg studied children who were misplaced out of their
homes. She studied abandoned babies, children raised in
institutions, children shifted from foster home to foster home and
children who had to be torn from their family during wartime.
She
remarked, “These children who had never experienced love, who had
never belonged to anyone, and were never bonded to anyone except on
the most primitive basis . . . were unable in later years to bind
themselves to other people, to love deeply, to feel deeply, to
tenderness, grief, or shame.”
Since
these children were denied the most pivotal relationship in the
children's realm of heart and love, these children could never mature
their heart to empathize and love others. They could not see other
people as themselves.
Ambivalence
in the Love Relationship between Parent and Child
In average families, there is enough ambivalence in the love relationships to produce ambivalence in a child.
Morally,
this places children between great altruism and great cruelty.
The
average person tends not to be cruel or or consciously try to hurt or
oppress others. But the same person may have not developed empathy
for instance for people in poverty and think that they are
responsible for their own fate.
Freud
explored the human psyche and uncovered the ambivalence of a child's
relationship to the parents. He found child's relationship with
their parent “contained not only impulses of an affectionate
submissive nature, but also hostile and defiant ones.”
He
explained that we all relate to the Father, God, with the same
ambivalence we have toward our parents in general. This creates the
idea in the evil Satan.
From
the standpoint of cause and effect, it can be thought that a child's
'hostile and defiant' interactions toward the parent reflects a
relationship with their false father Satan and evil even though they
have a relationship with goodness and God.
Since
the parents heart is divided between good and evil, they raise
children who are similarly divided in heart.
This
creates a great need for parents who have true love. These parents
resemble the selfless love of God and are able to love their children
in a healthy and a beneficial way.
Children
raised in this ideal home, they can be true to their parents' good
expectations and thus become brothers and sisters who are true to one
another. These siblings can support one anther's growth and
successful entry into the spouse's realm of love.
Marriages
that come from adults raised in this type of environment will have
peace and harmony which will become shelters for the new generation
as they are guided by true parental love.
The
more the parents' love reflects the love of God, the happier and
healthier, and more productive the child will be.
The
child will demonstrate empathy will have a more benevolent impact
upon the larger world.
To
have such Godly parents of true love is thus a very pressing social
need to nurture and guide a child's heart.
Return for Tomorrow's Post: Children Need God, Too
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, "Educating for True Love" written by a team of writers to explain Reverend Sun Myung Moon's philosophy.
