Character
and Enriching Relationships
The
skills and knowledge that is needed to prepare one for abstinence and
marriage require for one to develop a certain quality of heart and
character.
When
one knows about mature love and how to have effective communication
within a healthy relationship require unselfishness, patience,
courage and kindness.
To
mold a young person to have do the inner work in order to meet the
demands of a lifelong love involves character training which requires
developing the heart, conscience and a mature character.
Instructions
from faith-based resources stress the difference between right and
wrong and focusing on a higher purpose than themselves.
Character
development would note how important relationships in the family,
friends also teach lessons on the need to love.
Enriching
Relationships
1.
Parents and other elders
- Siblings and friends of both sexes
Personal
Character
“In
the future, would you like to have a wife with a beautiful face or a
beautiful mind?” Reverend Moon has asked youth. “You should have
a beautiful and giving mind, and live your life centered on the mind
and not on your appearance.”
Most
people focus on the way a person looks or just the personality of the
opposite sex when it comes to dating. Therefore, these are the same
quality traits one will focus on in themselves to attract love.
After
having many unsuccessful relationships, a single person can see in
the end that being caring, generous and kind are the best traits to
look for in a potential partner.
Also,
young people should know it is unfair to expect their partner to have
qualities that they do not have themselves.
A
good subject partner attracts a good object partner and vice versa.
It
takes a good person to appreciate another good person.
Reverend
Moon has said, “No matter how good your partner is, you will not be
able to see his or her value without you yourself being the best.”
Therefore,
young people should concentrate on perfecting their own character
before choosing an ideal partner. To find a good husband or wife is
to become one yourself.
Ovid
said, “To be loved, be lovable.”
When
one invests daily to cultivate their own heart and character in order
to be a good mate for someone else, they will attract a good person.
Such
an attitude creates the habit of looking at oneself instead of the
spouse when conflict arises.
When
one has a good character looking for compatibility in a partner, it
is wise to look for a mate that also has a quality character.
Sexual
attraction and having the same interests will cause an immediate
connection, but these can change. On the other hand, sharing values
and having mutual respect adds for a more enduring basis for a
promising marriage.
For
one to maintain their chastity and have a successful marriage,
requires moral strengths more than any other fact of life.
The
following are key characteristics
Personal
Character
- Self-control
- Faith in God and sense of higher purpose
- Sense of personal worth
- Self-control
Self-control
means to delay gratification and discipline any ungodly desires.
This
ability forms the basis for the mind and body to unite and to give
true love. To keep one's purity, self-control is the central virtue
while self-discipline is an underlining virtue to have the capacity
to follow through to have a committed marriage.
One
must practice obedience to one's parents and be submissive to their
demands until one's own conscience's voice becomes strong enough to
guide the body this is self-control.
Will
power is the engine of self-control, which in turn is powered by
motivation, the fruit of understanding and emotion.
To
strengthen one's will involves feeding the intellect with knowledge
and feed the heart with inspiration.
In
order to be successful in life requires ones to focus and have
determination for the goal. These two qualities also serves one who
is remaining chaste in preparation for marriage.
It
takes self-discipline to apply oneself to studying, to learn a new
skill, to avoid drugs and alcohol when they are lonely or sad and to
make good choices in love.
Now,
many teenagers make a purity pledge before God, family and friends
and members of their community to bolster self-control.
Wearing a
purity ring serves as a visible reminder of one's promise to not have
sex until they are married.
They can look forward the to the day
that this ring is replaced with a wedding ring. It is essential for a
single person to can be around others who share their same struggles
and celebrate their successes and hold them accountable for all of
their decisions. Their support systems can help serve as their
external conscience.
“Two
of my friends and I, we made a pact,” one college senior confides,
“so when I feel my resolve fading, I think about my friends and I
can’t let them down. We call each other up a lot and we check on
each other.”
The
mind is the most neglected area of self-control when it comes to
purity.
The
mind is the most prominent sexual organ.
Sexual
expression is affected by the imagination and through learning. If
one wants to remain chaste, they must avoid inflaming his or her
sexual desire for anyone outside their present or future spouse.
“Each
person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire,”
the Bible warns. “Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to
sin.” James 1.14-15
There
is a reason that Jesus declared, “Anyone who looks at a woman
lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Matthew 5.28
A
Taoist text likewise says, “when you meet a beautiful woman in
another man’s home and cannot banish her from your thoughts, you
have committed adultery with her in your heart.” Treatise on
Response and
Retribution.
A impulsive thought is hard to control, but the following fantasy is under one's control.
Keeping the mind free
and pure not only helps the maintenance of purity but it is also promotes
the greatest intimacy and sexual joy in marriage.
- Faith in God and a Sense of Higher Purpose
One
who is trying to maintain their purity and prepare oneself to
cultivate the spouse's realm of heart is to have faith in God.
Such
faith has two dimensions: one is giving Him priority in life; love
Him first.
The
other dimension is that faith demonstrates love through trust and
obedience. Having a relationship as the central part of one's life
when the first ancestor's were to have focus on the Heavenly Father
to be their primary love.
If
Adam and Eve were to obey God's warning even though they couldn't
understand their Father's heart, they would have not been affected to
the power of selfish and illicit love when they were tempted.
This
same trust in God would is needed as an anchor for their marriage and
family life.
People
can find power through trusting in God's truth and the promises He
makes, plus trust their parent's guidance and other figures who
represent Him.
Having
trust that our Heavenly Parent can sustain a person through the rough
times when people at home, work or school does not inspire. When
they feel empty inside, God can console the 'restless heart' which
Augustine referred to.
Only
God fully understands one's pain and struggle.
Youth
pastor Rick Stedman was tempted during the years before his marriage
at age 30 to have sex.
First,
he thanked God for having sexual desire which will be necessary in
marriage. Then, he would pray for his friends, family members one by
one who gave him love that helped him through his loneliness.
Sexual
desire then becomes moments of strengthening the pastor's connection
to God and to his loved ones.
Having
such a strong faith means one loves God more than one's own partner
and all He signifies
“Therefore,
after [we] love God, love the world and love the nation,” Reverend
Moon teaches, we may invest
our
love in our spouse.
Paradoxically,
when one places God's love as central, this ensures that one's love
is true because true love is unchanging goodness and truth. Seeing
through God's eyes ensures that they will have love for their future
spouse that is lasting.
Having
trust in God and following His ways protects one's future marriage in
every way. The strongest unions are God-centered.
Return for Tomorrow's Post: Family is Road to World Peace
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook "Educating for World Peace"
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