Daily-Life Habits That Make a Supremely Happy Couple
A Guide to the Happiest Married Life
written by Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD
AchieveWorldPeace Note:
The following text was given by a Unification Church member based on the values taught by the founder, Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, married for over 50 years before his death this September, which is centered on his teachings of the Divine Principle. The Original text of DP is given in Korean and the philosophy and based on the teachings of the bible and of Jesus. With the combined teachings of the Eastern philosophy and teachings of the Western bible, the Reverend has been able to tap into the hearts of people of all religions, faiths and along with non-believers for one reason: the teaching of the heart of God which is rooted in every human being.
The UC member had used many of the speeches given by the reverend to instruct his congregation on how to keep their marriage alive with the unity of God and the energy of spirit world. Reverend Moon was married over 50 years to his wife Dr. Hak Ja Han Moon before his recent death at 92 in September of this year.
The members who this text is original geared toward have had extensive training and missions to train their body and their minds to become united centered on God in the goal of becoming the original children of God that appeared before the fall. They understand the basic rule of the living for others, no sex outside of marriage or with anyone other than their spouse, spouses live for one another and their sexual organs belong to their spouse.
For more understanding of the Divine Principle, please scan the dozens of articles which translate the Divine Principle into conversational speech.
I have changed the 70-page text to be understandable for readers who are members of other churches
Chapter 1
This method is used by many couples in this world, even before their marriage.
“Method for the Improvement through Practice,” as a way to improve the conjugal relationship. No matter how bad their relationship may be, a married couple can, without fail, improve their conjugal relationship, if they only practice these following habits.
This is why I named it the “Method for the Improvement through Practice.”
As for the “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple,” I will present the words of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim (Spiritualist who can see spirit world with evil and good spirits) repeatedly on each habit in most of the cases. I personally came to practice these 10 habits largely because I had read their speeches, which repeatedly touch on these habits.
If you have not yet been practicing these habits, please read carefully and repeatedly the speeches of Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon and Dae Mo Nim in addition to this text. The motivation to experiment with these habits in your daily life will surely well up from your heart. Undoubtedly, you will come to say to yourself, “As Rev. Moon and his Wife have taught us repeatedly like this and even presented to us an ideal model of practice in their daily lives, let’s try to practice these habits in our lives.”
After practicing these habits on an experimental basis, you may cease practicing them if you as a couple does not feel good. Nonetheless, after practicing these habits experimentally, I am sure your couple will end up in practicing them continuously because you will come to feel a deep sense of peace and goodness in your heart. In other words, you can feel genuinely happy, and you can feel the presence of God by practicing them.
Any couple can, without fail, become an “A+” pure-love couple by faithfully practicing the “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.” There is no need to pay any extra expenses when practicing these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.” Therefore, no matter how poor a couple may be, they can still practice these “10 daily-life habits,” without worrying about money.
If a husband and wife faithfully practice these “10 daily-life habits” while here on earth, the couple can live in happiness eternally, simply by continuing to practice these daily-life habits of true love in the spirit world, after both ascending into Heaven.
I really hope that all couples will faithfully practice, not only the first “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple,” but also the additional 10 habits, and truly become “A+”pure-love couples living in supreme happiness. I am sure God will always dwell in such “A+” pure-love couple.
This is, in a sense, a tribute to my late wife, and this book is dedicated to her with my profound gratitude for her untiring practice of true love here on earth.
The Value of Holding Hands
We could easily say that “holding each other’s hand” or living “hand in hand,” which Rev. Moon and Dae Mo Nim have recommended, is the main characteristic emerging from these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”
“Special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms, as we know from using them to heal our bodies and to rid of any negative energy. So, if we live hand in hand as a couple, we can receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health (happy feelings), but also to our physical health.
The Spiritualist Dae Mo Nim, however, has repeatedly emphasized the importance of changing our daily-life habits. Therefore, since 2008 I have renamed it as “a checklist of the 10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”
- We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
- We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
- We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
- We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
- We should call each other at least once a day during the daytime and always keep in touch.
- We should bow down before a picture of True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, report to God facing each other and holding each other’s hands, and bow (down) to each other to close, every morning and every night.
- We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife), by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and returns from work.
- We should always talk to each other politely, and with respect.
- We should practice reading True Parents’ speeches together every day.
- We should make love at least twice a week.
These 10 points of advice are not my personal advice, but are from Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon, his wife and Dae Mo Nim. Therefore, readers must not talk about these 10 points as coming from Prof. Masuda. I merely gathered these 10 points together as a practical “checklist of the 10 daily-life habits,” from the guidance of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim, concerning our lives as a husband and wife.
From my personal experience, I am sure that even if we practice only half of these 10 points, our conjugal relationship will tremendously improve and be carried on a strong ascending wind current. If you haven’t practiced any of these habits yet, I strongly recommend that you immediately put them into practice.
Try them out! You have nothing to lose!
I would like to present True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches that support these “10 habits that make a supremely happy couple.”
1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
As for the first habit of “always walking hand in hand,” I would like to introduce True Parent’s speech delivered on May 5, 2005, the one-year anniversary of The Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives.
It has become a rumor here that Reverend Moon is always walking hand in hand with his wife, Dr. Hak Ja Han. Usually in Korea, the husband keeps walking on and on ahead of his wife, who walks behind him. Then, the wife wonders, “How busy is he, walking that fast?” Reverend Moon, however, walks hand in hand with his wife.
Dae Mo Nim has also repeatedly mentioned that True Parents (members call Rev. Moon and his wife TP because they have fulfilled oneship as a couple before God and teach members, as parents, to rid the evil lineage of satan plus sin from their own lineage through marriage) always hold each other’s hand while walking outside, and she has taught us that we Blessed Married couples, married by the Reverend, should emulate them by always holding each other’s hand in our daily lives.
True Parents hold each other’s hand while watching TV and while walking outside. True Parents always hold each other’s hand in their daily lives. You know that, don’t you? True Parents say, “Follow us by watching our lives.”
True Parents are the ideal model for all Blessed couples and always “walk hand in hand” in their daily lives, not only in the United States, but also in Korea. Up until now, just as in Japan, top Korean leaders such as the President and the First Lady, or the chairman or president of a major company and his wife, have never had the habit of walking together hand in hand in public, in Korea. All Blessed couples, however, should emulate True Parents and practice the culture of true conjugal love.
Hyung-jin Nim, Rev. Moon's son, also always walks hand in hand with his wife, Yeon-ah Nim. During the fall semester of 2006, when he frequently guided our CheongShim Graduate School’s hoondokhae, he always, without fail, walked hand in hand with his wife between their car and our Chapel on the fourth floor of the main building, before and after the gatherings. I was very happy to see the beautiful scene of their walking hand in hand.
As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the workshops to rid our bodies of negative energy, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. That’s why I recommend walking “hand in hand” rather than “arm in arm.” So, if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can give and receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health but also to our physical health. I wholeheartedly recommend “always walking hand in hand” just likeTrue Parents; it is part of the True Parents’ rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one body.”
When walking together, or watching TV together, or sleeping together, and so on, a husband and wife are advised to hold each other’s hand, and every time when the husband and wife hold each other’shand, it brings about the unity of a husband’s five fingers and a wife’s five fingers. Therefore, we can view it as symbolizing the “Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives,”
When we walk hand in hand, we should sometimes remind ourselves that “walking hand in hand” brings about the unity of a husband’s five fingers and a wife’s five fingers and symbolizes the “Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives”. We should always walk hand in hand and at least sometimes give deep thanks to God in our hearts for the fact that we now live in the unprecedented new “Era after the Coming of Heaven,” (through the coming of the Lord of the Second Advent's worked to bring Heaven on Earth) when a husband and wife can completely become one and when God can dwell within us.
2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
I would like to introduce four speeches of Dae Mo Nim, in which she talked about the second and third habits of holding each other’s hand intimately, while watching TV, and while in bed before going to sleep. True Parents hold each other’s hand while watching TV and while walking outside. True Parents always hold each other’s hand in their daily lives. You know that, don’t you? True Parents say, “Follow us by watching our lives.” I sometimes watch how True Parents are doing in their lives. When they watch TV, how are they doing?
They are watching TV while holding each other’s hand. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding each other’s hand and responding to the rhythm. We Blessed couples must resemble such True Parents.
You must not simply go to sleep when you sleep at night. You should sleep holding your husband’s hand or other parts of the body.
When watching TV after dinner, you and your husband must not sit apart. For example, while watching TV, you should hold your husband’s hand and put it on your lap or put your hand on your husband’s knee or use his lap as a pillow. If you act in this way, you can receive love from your husband in many ways. But many wives do not act in such a way. Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort.
Some couples sit apart as if they were fighting when they watch TV, or when they watch their children playing. That is not good. We can say a husband and wife were utter strangers to each other in the past from some viewpoints. Therefore, without their effort to stay close and to care about each other, they gradually drift apart. Therefore, you have to sleep holding each other’s hand and watch TV holding each other’s hand.
On the bed at night, after scratching on the back of the spouse to increase comfortableness, or massaging the legs, or touching the ear and head and so on to each other, a husband and wife should hold each other’s hand and squeeze it tightly in the end to say “Good night!” together before going to sleep. Such a husband and wife are a happy couple.
It seems that many Oriental Blessed Married husbands are not good at expressing love in their daily lives. They repeatedly recite “absolute faith, absolute love, and absolute obedience” with their lips. Nonetheless, when it comes to practicing true love with their own hands, many of them seem to be hesitant to follow True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s advice in their daily lives, as obediently as a small child. In particular, many middle-aged and older husbands in their 40s and above tend to resist throwing away old and familiar habits and avoid practicing completely new ones in their daily lives.
When we come to think of it, we Blessed couples have miraculously encountered the greatest father and teacher in human history who can teach us how to practice true love in our daily lives. Our True Parents have taught us how to attain the supreme happiness as a married couple, not only by words, but also by concretely showing us the best example (ideal model). We Blessed couples have the miraculous opportunity of inheriting the greatest heavenly fortune and happiness through our True Parents. Nonetheless, if we don’t practice their teachings about our conjugal life, the greatest heavenly fortune and happiness will fly away from us.
I recommend that all Blessed couples obediently practice these words by discarding old ideas and habits of the fallen, secularized world who loosely use their sexual organs and have multiple sexual partners without care. Those who cannot practice obediently due to their old inflexible ideas from this fallen world are unfaithful and foolish persons who have given up on the task of becoming a married couple of supreme happiness. It is possible to have a happy, loving marriage centered on God.
Unless we married couples can become supremely happy couples and demonstrate a life-style as a genuinely happy couple, we will never succeed in witnessing to and converting others. Only when we really become supremely happy couples and manifest the life-style of a genuinely happy couple, can we succeed in witnessing to our neighbors in our surrounding communities as well as restoring the relatives in our clans in accomplishing our mission as a clan messiah. In the United States, the Mormon Church (Church of the Latter- day Saints) has now grown bigger than the Episcopal Church, which is affiliated with the Anglican Church of the United Kingdom.
The key to its success consists in the happy family-life of its members. Reportedly, a very small number of its members joined the Mormon Church because of its unique theology. The majority of its new members joined because they were attracted by the happy family-life of the Mormon Church members.
I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love. Nonetheless, thanks to my job as a professor in Unification ethics at Sun Moon University, and more recently at the CheongShim Graduate School of Theology, I have seriously researched and become very familiar with True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love in our daily lives.
After collecting True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love, I felt compelled to put them into practice.
By faithfully implementing such teachings, my wife and I felt so peaceful and happy that we soon made it a rule, for example, to hold each other’s hand while in bed before going to sleep and while watching TV together. My wife and I always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. As a result, my wife and I always held each other’s hand whenever possible, because it felt very good. While she was still alive on earth, my wife repeatedly said to me, “It is my happiest time to have ‘pillow-talk’ while holding each other’s hand in bed.”
4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
As for the “sleeping naked” part of the fourth daily-life habit, I will explain it extensively in another chapter of this book. There I will quote True Father’s original speech, “From tonight on, a husband and wife must sleep naked together,” to a great extent and explain its providential meaning, and related issues, through answering four questions on this daily-life habit.
Therefore, in this section, I just focus on the latter part of this fouth habit (“sleeping together in one bed”), and I will introduce Dae Mo Nim’s and True Parent’s words.
A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling in love with each other, just as couples do in Korea. But many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. It is fundamentally wrong to sleep separately.
Also in another family, the husband used a back room, and the wife used a small room; they lived their lives separately under one roof. Such a life is really wrong. You all sometimes fight with your husbands, don’t you? Even when you fight, you must absolutely not sleep in a separate room by taking your pillow with you.
True Father also said, at the Cheongpyeong Training Center after the Pledge Service on True Children’s Day, in November 2006, “a husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds.”
You husbands and wives should completely take off your clothes and sleep naked together every night, embracing each other in one bed, not in two separate beds. Then, is it possible for a husband and wife to quarrel every day? Is it possible for them to quarrel in the morning and sleep together at night?
It is impossible.
Although your husband’s snoring sound is very loud and noisy, a husband and wife should sleep together in one bed, even if they must use ear plugs, as a daily-life habit in the Era after the Coming of Heaven. The 3M Company in the United States invented very effective soundproof ear plugs for the astronauts of NASA, and they are on sale at a cheap price, even at the store at the Cheongpyeong Heaven and Earth Training Center.
Return Tomorrow for : How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 2
Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology
This book is in large part the English translation of my Japanese booklet
CheongShim GST University Press
Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim
Published by CheongShim GST University Press
Copyright
ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda
All Rights Reserved
Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press
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