Now we continue the talk with the next three myths:
3. Is Sex a Natural Expression of Love?
The third flawed premise of sex is: Sex is a natural expression of love.
It is an instinct for those who indulge in romantic-based love to want to express this love through sex, even in no marital relations.
But, it is natural for true love to want the best for the one a person loves and the relationship. In true love, one will avoid doing anything that will jeopardize either of these in any way, including refraining from delving into harmful activity.
People who love one another will sacrifice themselves to this end.
The most authentic expression of love is to wait to pledge pleasurable sex and bonding which can have drawbacks only within the commitment of marriage.
When a man or woman anticipates opening such a precious gift from the one they love, they will be repelled by the idea of receiving something used by a prior lover.
It is not too late for those who have given away their virginity, they can recommit to their current or future loved one through a pledge of celibacy.
Would any woman really be so proud to accept an engagement ring that had been on the finger of five other girlfriends before her?
Most men would not take delight in having photos of their wife’s ex-husband laying around the house.
These expressions are an innate desire for exclusivity.
If people think that sex is a natural expression of love, then they should also believe that they should reserve this gift for one beloved who is special enough to be chosen as a lifetime mate.
Sex within Marriage Honors the Intrinsic Moral Aspects of Sexuality
4. Does Sex Promote Maturity?
The fourth falsehood is: Having sex only in marriage restricts growth and creates sexual inhibitions.
The sexual revolution brought on in the 60s made the idea that parents lived a stifling life confined within the walls of marriage and it was time to break through.
Many people can name a range of sexual experience and many partner as evidence that they have grown and “exploring the farthest reaches of love and the self.”
Yet lifelong monogamy demands self-honesty and maturity than having an open relationship. Yet, deeper adventures in loving will be experienced in a secure relationship.
When one invests in another person in such a way where they replenish and sustain a lasting love, is precisely the context that stretches every faculty and promotes the greatest personal growth.
It is too convenient for people to just run to a new partner instead of dealing with the deeper issues that real and enduring intimacy demands.
“It is easy to associate multiple sexual partners with personal change,” writes human potential philosopher George Leonard, but it is “far more likely to be associated with the avoidance of change.”
This may sound like a paradox, but one who continuously run from one relationship to the next before healing what is broken in the one before, will find they repeat the same patterns they experienced in the last relationship they tried to escape.
Physical intimacy within the love and commitment of marriage maintains the fundamental integrity of the body as an expression of the mind. It keeps the outer expression congruent with the deepest heart and conscience.
The body has its own symbolic language: a fist means hostility; a smile signifies good will.
A misuse of the body’s language for example would be to use a smile to concel malice which would be deceptive.
In this same vein, sex between a couple represent the total union of their hearts, minds and lives.
Therefore, if sex is merely just to experience pleasure or an expression of warm feelings, then this would be considered a false message.
This kind of deceit goes against the moral maturity in a healthy relationship.
Finally, the issue of inhibitions is ironic.
Those who are involved in non-marital sex constantly speak of having performance anxiety, guilt, feeling cheap, fear of being compared to other partners, fear of unwanted pregnancy, diseases and other experiences that complicate their sexual experience.
On the other hand, research shows that highly religious wives report the greatest number of orgasms. This is a clear sign of freedom from neurotic inhibitions and guilt found in sex within an unsecure relationship.
Evidence shows that those who were virgins before getting married, had the greatest sexual satisfaction.
These married women have security within their marriage, trust and time to accommodate to their partners.
Those who are religious and waiting for sex within the bonds of marriage, find great meaning and freedom from the guilt that their faith provides.
5. Is Sex Liberating?
The fifth myth is: Having sex only within marriage oppresses women.
Some claim that ideals of purity and fidelity is only a piece of paper that protects men’s property rights over their women.
There is some truth to this exaggeration. The thought that traditional morality is linked to male exploitation of women can be seen in history.
There has been a double standard for men and sex; chastity has almost universally been enforced for females but not for males.
Even though society says that women should stay pure, boys and men are free to indulge in free sex at the expense of girls and women.
Women pay the price fore any illicit liaisons through having a stigma attached to them or punishments such as having to endure pregnancies without the father.
Even though society view women differently in the context of sex, it is foolish to not follow the protective moral code for sexual ‘freedoms'. It would be better just to clear this injustice to women.
It is unsafe for women to claim the ‘right’ to enjoy casual sex just to join the sexual ‘freedoms’ of men who exploit their partners and using sex for domination.
The timeless gold standard of sexual ethics—reserving sexual intimacy only for the spouse—recognizes the moral implications of sex and the deeper need for enduring love.
Women choose casual sex to stay equal to the wrongful lower standard for both genders than to succumb to the double standard placed upon women.
This means that women inherit men’s weakness, which separates the body from the true heart, and sex from responsibility and true love.
Despite popular belief, permissive sexual standards has not truly been liberating to women.
Females are now expected to want many sexual partners and males are expected to treat them as such. Thus, women have denied their natural instinct of self-protection: Women are the ones who pay the heavy burden of the consequences of having sex outside a secure relationship.
Unwanted babies, and abortions and other liabilities plague only the women. Even with the responsibility of contraception is placed mainly with the female.
Despite women being sexually independent and self-sufficient, they are still expected to still be feminine, soft, yielding and undemanding at the same time.
Because of this, women have to suppress their inclinations to be monogamous. Research shows that even women who have sex outside of marriage, they desire less partners than their male counterparts.
It is almost universally the women partners who end up in the awkward position of trying to negotiate commitment in a sex-only relationship.
What is worse, that women play the part of wives by living together with a man. They offer domestic services and sex without any emotional and material security which marriage provides.
Many women sadly play house with many partners and find out too late that time causes them to miss the experience of real marriage and motherhood.
After a certain age, finding a committed partnership becomes a more elusive goal for women while male peers often find younger, attractive women who are ready to marry them.
In addition, after age 28 or so, female fertility begins to decline rapidly.31 This is not the case for men.
In conclusion, these are the top myths about sex outside of a committed relationship is not freeing which have degraded not only many marriages, but also has brought society to a lower standard of love.
Photos courtesy of: freedigitalphotos.net
Return for Tomorrow’s Post: Sex Before Marriage Disrupts Growth of Heart, Character
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook ‘Educating for True Love’ written by a team of writers explaining the philosophy of Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
