Mutual Love as the Solution for Unity

All religions speak about bringing about a world of peace and practicing the faith with others who have the same ideals, but religion has yet to build a world full people living in peace and hope.

What can truly unite a common people even in these days of such division including the church?

What do we need in order to unify the church? Some would say, "You need unified principles." But unified principles would be useless without feelings of emotion.

This is the issue.

Any religious group can try to unite based on coming together with the same ideas and united principle, but they need feelings of love for one another to truly unite. They must feel such demanding feelings that one cannot live without the other and must see each other in order for them to unite.


Jesus tells a story to illustrate this point:

Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. 

So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him.

Luke 10:30-34

After he tells this story, Jesus asks, which of these people was the neighbor to the man who was beaten by robbers.  The answer was clear and he said for others to do the same as the Samaritan.

Imagine two people who are calling each other names in order to tear the other down in order to show who is the best of the two.  Their egos will not let them see the other person as equals.  How can these two unite?  Can a mother and father compete over who is better than the other and still unite?

Love grows with time.

The solution for unity is mutual love.

Few couples love each other from the very start.  Love can began from pity or from preference.  A woman can meet a stubborn man and think that he is unlovable, but she can take pity on him because she sees the obstacles he must face because of his stubborn attitude.

When this pity transforms into love, then the man seeks solace in the woman.  That's how it works.  The woman might find the man's attitude as an advantage because she herself does not have a stubborn attitude and turns it into a mutual advantage.

Thus, love blooms in affection as well as in pity and eventually this leads to unity of a couple.  If one has a strong enough pity for the other person, it can naturally find a way to unity.

Wouldn't a parent after spanking a child out of anger regret doing so immediately?  The effect would exactly be the opposite if the parent shed tears and showed love for the child instead.

Don't you think?

Spanking is not effective.  If instead the mother or father controls their anger toward their children they will triumph over their children and have control over them.  An older brother that has hate toward his brother can be brought to submission in this way.

It's possible isn't it to unite in this way?  With such feelings, yes it is possible. We must exhibit this kind of heart.

There is no happiness where there is no unity. When we say, "unity comes, or unity is possible," we mean unity with love as its substance.

The Family Federation formerly called the Unification Church had the purpose of uniting all of Christianity.  Is it possible to unite all of the different denominations and sects if the members just limited their love just among themselves.  To unite Christianity, we must love all the denominations and the sects.

Once in this frame of mind, we can forgive all their human faults

You must understand that forgiveness leads to unity.

When you begin with this mind set, you can forgive all their human faults.  If God still thought of us as sinners, would He have been able to forgive us all our sins time and time again?

God can forgive us because He looks at us with a forgiving mind to love us beyond our faults.

Do you understand that nothing is possible without this feeling of love?

What kind of world would this be without friendship, love for the country, love between parents and children, or love among siblings?  Would unity be possible in that type of environment?

Is it possible to have happiness without love being present?

The only way to bring the Principles ideas to fruition, we must have love.  Through pupils shedding tears of love for teachers, teachers for pupils, children for parents, sisters for sisters, brothers for brothers, siblings for siblings and tribes for tribes.

If you were to pass away tomorrow without accomplishing this kind of standard of love you would die in regret.  Unity demands this standard.  This is not just The Divine Principle teachings for our path toward righteousness but God's.  We must undertake this mission.

Why do we seek unity through love's foundation?

Because everything is temporary without the glue of love because love makes everything eternal.  Does the wife stop loving her husband because he passed away?  No, her love for her husband burns even more strongly after her husband's death.

We must think where unity will come into being.  We always think that it happens at will, but we must have love connections at the foundation of unity.

There is no unity without love connections.  These connections are honored and obeyed mutually.  Isn't this right?  With such a connection of love, one recognizes the other, which is returned in mutual recognition.

At this foundation, there must be a mutually-recognized goal which will make unity possible.  Unity does not work based on two different goals.  The goal must be one and will become one if love is mutually given.



All is United Upon Contact with True Love



When we are in contact with true love, the cells of our minds and the cells of our body respond in unison.  Through this unison, the differences are ironed out and produces harmony in all parts and move together in the same direction.  This is how unity occurs.

Then through this center point that unites the man and woman on a horizontal line to God's vertical line, all things operate.  Outside of this Principle, nothing works properly.

This is the eternal equation. This principle operates in this way in all movements, all beings, all cell structures, and united ideals and paths.  When we see this absolute standard, we can see why it is so hard to relate to one another and bring about unity in an eternal stance.

Viewed with love, there is nothing that is not directly connected to each of us personally.

If all the cells of the mind and the body are united in true love, then vision becomes one, thought becomes one, movement becomes one, smell spreads in one direction, words are spoken praising this unison.

Men and women then become united horizontally and stand on the vertical line as God intended.


Why do we value the five senses and what are their basic functions?

The five senses main purpose is to follow love and only love.  When the senses follows love, the eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue all become one with feeling.  The whole will become one.  The eyes will search back and forth in pursuit of love and the nose follows love, also.

"All my soul and flesh, all my living organs follow this principle. All plants seem to react in their various ways when the morning sun shines, on them, but they all follow the principle because such is the essence of life.

We speak of God's love freely as if we understand it: do we really? Do you know how strong His love is? You've seen gristle on chicken legs that stretches when you pull on it.

What is love, then?

Love is like that gristle that is strong when pulled. When love pulls on it, when God's love pulls on it, the whole world follows. Do you understand what I am saying?

When possessed by love, the eyes become one, the nose becomes one, hands become one, the focus becomes sharpened, all unite into one. Perfectly one. So, we say, "perfectly done!" and all the cells echo "perfectly done!" This is possible, don't you know?" SMM


All things of creation follows wherever love dictates, hangs onto and wants to be possessed by love.

Once cells feel the taste of love, they want to dance.  The whole universe dances in celebration when it witnesses love.  When we rejoice because of true love, the whole universe rejoices with us.  When we laugh taking in God's abundant love, the universe laughs in unison.

It is the same as the echoes of a mountain.  When we shout, "Yoo-hoo!" it echoes back exactly, "Yoo-hoo!".  You're eyes will be open like never before - it is indescribable.  You and I were created to receive that kind of love.

A man and woman in love can move the whole universe with their breath.  Just like the ocean waves moved by the moon's pull, your love's "yoo-hoo" will be replied to by many "yoo-hoos" from all over.

Don't you want to discover this?  Follow the formula for unity with love as its foundation.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: The Language of Love 

This text was rewritten and taken from the Textbook"Way Of Unification" Written by Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 2

Thanks for returning for these 10 tips to a very happy marriage tested and practiced by people married over 20 years.


5. We should call each other at least once a day in the daytime and always keep in touch.

The next is advice given to husbands about what their attitudes should be while they are working outside the home.  With the rush of life these days, easily a couple can spend time with coworkers more than with their spouse.

Therefore, we should take care during the day in our thinking and care about our spouse.  A husband is wrong if he doesn't call at least once to his wife at home or that she worries where he is all the time.  Husbands can talk a long time on the phone with others, but are reluctant to call their own life.  

When the husband is taking a lunch break, he shouldn't think that because his wife can take care of herself that she doesn't need to be asked if she ate lunch during lunchtime.  A husband should call his wife to see if she ate.

A wife's attitude once her husband leave for work is to visualize the hard work the husband does outside the home.  The woman should trusts that her husband is doing an admirable thing.  She should become a wife that calls the husband to check to see what he ate for lunch and how did it taste.

It is small sentimental moments as these that touch the spouses' heart, remind of one another while away and show the tender care you have as a reminder of what brought the two of you together.

The writer of the Book spoke on this point about his own marriage:

"My wife called me every morning and every evening, and it was our couple’s daily habit that we talk on the phone twice a day. Always staying in touch with each other through phone calls was tremendously helpful to us for our heart-to-heart relationship."

The technology of cell phones has developed very rapidly, and the cost of phone calls has dropped sharply, especially when using alternative lines. Consequently, no matter where the husband may be, and regardless of where the wife is, it has become possible for a married couple to freely have an intimate talk

The young people of today take for granted how cheap and conveniently easy it is to stay in touch with anyone from around the world.  This makes it easy for a couple to have intimate talk during the long hours they are away from one another.

When a couple work separately during the day, they should make a strong effort to develop a heart-to-heart relationship through talking over the phone regularly.

6. We should bow down before the picture of True Parents (Same as Jesus and Holy Spirit) , recite the Family Pledge and report (pray) to God together

This can cater to your faith.  Some faiths already have some kind of altar with a picture of the founders of their respective faiths. While facing each other and holding each other’s hands and bow (or pay some kind of respect) to each other at the end, every morning and every night.

This is best done during a new day in the morning and at the end of the day before going to sleep.  The couple bows to each other, recite the Family Pledge or equivalent of a commitment for each day such as the "Lord's Prayer", report to God what you plan to do for that day, while facing each other and holding hands, bow to the picture or equivalent to the founder of the faith.

"My wife and I liked to offer a full bow to each other lowering the head all the way down to the floor. However, if you and your wife are neither Korean nor Japanese, the couple may make a slight bow to each other while standing, and hug warmly after greeting to God and True Parents, ideally with a full bow.

My wife and I also made it a rule to hug each other and to say each other, “Let’s do our best today,” or something like that, in order to encourage each other in the morning, or “Thank you very much for your hard work for today,”to show thanks at night, after bowing to each other. It is important for us to practice the daily-life habit of expressing love and respect not only to God and True Parents, but also to our spouse."

Here is Dae Mo Nim’s(church spiritualist) advice on the importance of offering a bow and reporting (praying) to True Parents (Equivalent Jesus and Holy Spirit) every day:

"Every member has a picture of True Parents in their home. The picture conveys the meaning that True Parents, who are united with God, can come to your home and are, indeed, at your home. God and True Parents do not exist in a place far away from you. 

You must think that spiritually they are always watching your whole life. It is very important in our life of attendance that we thank God, who is the origin of true love, and True Parents who have come as the substantial embodiment of true love.

When we live in the evil world, in the realm of Satan, it is very difficult to live without the protection of God and True Parents. I recommend that you offer a bow to the picture of True Parents in the morning, saying, “I will really live with God today. I will work centering on God and True Parents, without showing any self-centeredness and arrogance.

When you come home after the day’s work, you should examine whether or not you have lived the entire day with God, saying, 'Heavenly Father and True Parents, thank you very much for allowing me to come home safely.  Thank you very much for allowing me to come home without any accident from this evil world'. You must make this kind of practice your daily-life habit. You cannot faithfully live a life of attendance if you live a life halfheartedly."

Both the husband and wife will slightly bend the fingers of both hands, extend both hands in front of each other, place each other’s right hand with the back of the hand upon the palm of his or her spouse’s left hand, combine each other’s fingertips in both hands, and lightly hold hands with their fingertips. 

Then, a couple offers a report (prayer).

Thanks to the great victory of the Second Advent, the new providential age has dawned when we can unconditionally receive the special grace of “the realm of complete freedom” from Satan’s accusation. Therefore, as the representatives of the victorious True Parents, we Blessed couples can now become God’s branch temples wherein God always dwells.

Revelation 21:3 of the New Testament prophesied the advent of “a new heaven and a new earth”: 

See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will always be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes.

"We are living in the beginning of the long awaited new heaven and new earth, which billions of your ancestors in the spirit world, who have come and gone in history, have yearned for. This is the era of the kingdom of the peaceful, ideal world."

We are living in the time that was prophesied in the book of Revelations in the Bible.  God will dwell with us directly on earth.

"My wife and I personally changed the style of our couple’s reporting (praying) to the posture of facing each other with both hands extended and clasping each other. As a result, we became more deeply conscious that God does not reside in heaven far away from us outside our home, but in fact dwells within the bodies of our couple here on earth. 

As we looked at each other’s face while reporting to God, the spouse’s face sometimes appeared to be like God’s. Consequently, more and more, my wife and I came to feel that each of us was a precious reflection of God’s duality of masculinity and femininity."


7.  We  should always send off, and welcome home, our husband (wife) by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/ or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work, and returns from work.

We should practice at least one point for the seventh habit: holding his or her hand, kissing, and hugging.  You are free to practice all of the points at the same time.  When the husband returns home the wife shouldn't stay in the back room, but be able to greet her husbad who wants to hear such words at least three times.

The husband comes back home extremely exhausted and rather than hear the problems of the wife's day want to receive comfortable words from his wife and children.  If the woman habitually stays in a another room when her husband returns, daily this will deplete his love for his wife in an instant.

A wife should anticipate the return of her husband and wait for him at the entrance with the first sign of his return and be excited that he is home, "Honey, you're back, welcome home!" Any husband that comes home to a welcome home parade led by his wife and children will feel that he truly has arrived at the the Heavenly Kingdom.

Dae Mo Nim also spoke to wives about their attitudes when a husband leaves home for work in the morning. You also should not simply let your husband go to work in the morning. At least hold his hand when you see him off.

According to the wishes of almost all wives, when their husband leaves home for work, some wives want him to hug her, and other wives want him to hold his their hands or kiss her. Have you done that?

There are more husbands who have not done that than those who did. Those who say, “I have done that,” only practiced it once in a very great while. Is that true? That is not good.

A husband and wife's hands together should create the same hot feelings that is felt on a long hot day.  When a husband does this, he will come to not look at any other woman but his wife.  The other women will become invisible to his eyes.  A man should become the type of husband that can hug, kiss, and hold his wife's hands warmly.

A husband has to become a person who can give absolute love to his wife. 

Some church members are expressionless in the morning.  If we look at men in the secular world they are not ideal either.

A husband should be able to embrace their beloved wife even in the morning.

A husband who touches his wive's breast and caresses her hands in the morning will have a wife that could live off of her husband's love all day.  A wife that can consume such love can live during the day for the sake of her husband and children.  The person who lives and thrives on her husband’s love is the happy wife. 

Before a husband leaves for the day, he should hold his wife's hands, hug her tightly, touch her breast, or kiss her.  If any man acts this way toward his wife, she would be enchanted and filled with an euphoric feeling thinking, "I am the happiest woman in the world".

Would this be true or not?

This is the testimony about the author of the Divine Principle which this blog is based upon:

"Regularly there was a time for prisoners to see their wives and families. When True Mother visited True Father, they always kissed each other intimately in public. True Father also ordered Mr. Kamiyama to kiss his wife, who regularly visited him, boldly in public without hesitation.

One of the things Mr. Kamiyama learned from Reverend Moon was sent to prison was the importance of expressing affection between a husband and wife. 

In fact, watching Mr. Kamiyama’s hesitant attitude toward his wife, in prison, True Father ordered him to 'teach our members to express affection more openly between a husband and wife', after his release from the prison."

Couples should inherit this tradition and accomplish one heart, one body, one mindset, and one harmony as a husband and wife just like True Parents. Many Blessed husbands seem to be poor at expressing affection to their wives.

As the Coming of Heaven and Earth settles, we should throw away the old culture of conjugal relations in the past.  The selfish practices do not have a place while establishing the ideal world centered on God's love.

We are inheriting a new heavenly culture of true conjugal love that has been established by the True Parents which have shown us an ideal model which gives us the daily-life habits of true love in order to become supremely happy couples.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 3

Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD (Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part was rewritten from the English translation of the Japanese booklet.

CheongShim GST University Press

Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim

Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press

How to Be a Successful Spouse

The following are notes of elder Korean disciple of the Divine Principle Mr. Jung Ro Yoon, (at the time)Vice President and Director of  New Hope East Garden.

Written by Bill Selig.

Recently, I was rummaging through my papers and came across what I consider a real gem of a talk. I found it to be especially sound advice, both useful and practical. What follows are my rough notes from an evening talk given July 2, on husband-wife relations—never an easy topic, but woefully needed and universally appreciated.


"God is the cause and we are resultant beings. Before I was born, my gender, country of birth, and parents were already determined. I had no choice in the matter. If I had been born in a royal family, then I would’ve been a prince. If I’d been born in the countryside, then I might’ve been a farmer.

My fate had already been decided to a great degree. However, gender, nationality, and parents are not the only factors deciding whether my life will be happy or not. Can we say that being born in a rich family would make us better off?

Are those born in the countryside bound to live in poverty?

No.

It may be true to say that until we are married, our life is mostly controlled by the environment and our parents, but afterwards, the quality of our lives and degree of happiness are essentially determined by our own actions.

If we have good parents, then we tend to recall our childhood as happy. Consequently, if the children are good, then the parents did their job well. The deciding factor is love. The quality of our life is greatly determined by our parents’ love. If we don’t receive proper love as children, then our hearts are not fully developed. Generally speaking, those who can give and receive love had a good childhood."


The value of the Blessing


"After the (arranged marriage) Blessing, if you feel your spouse is cold toward you and can’t receive love, then perhaps their childhood was not good. In other words, ironically, one could say that my happiness is determined by my spouse’s childhood.

"Our quality of life is determined not by money or knowledge, but the love we received during infancy."

All religions have made a great mistake. They teach that we have to perfect ourselves. The True Parents are the only ones to have declared that it is my spouse who perfects me. We need our partner in order to perfect the four Great Realms of Heart.

Who is the enlightened one?

The enlightened one realizes my spouse’s heart is more important than I am. Without my spouse, I cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the crux of the Divine Principle.

Five attributes of a husband’s love are interest, responsibility, understanding, respect, and giving first. Dear brothers, it is very important that we check ourselves regularly in these areas in relationship to your wife.


(1) Pay attention.


The fact that you wake up in the morning is a miracle. Everyday should be looked upon as a gift from God. Look at each other’s eyes. If they are bloodshot, then this may indicate some medical problem. Don’t hesitate to seek professional care.

If necessary, take her to the doctor or even the hospital. We should help each other.

If your husband is ill, then the wife must bear some responsibility. After all, there must’ve been some sign or indication before the actual sickness appeared. If you don’t love your husband/wife to this degree, you cannot possibly prepare the conditions for your eternal life.

Our spouse is so precious. Check his/her eyes for health. The eyes are the window to the condition of the body, mind, and heart. If there is no love, always check the eyes.

If the husband/wife doesn’t want to look at you, then something may be wrong. It is our original mind trying to tell us something. Paying attention to our spouse’s every gesture, act, and word is a habit of love that we all need to develop. It doesn’t cost us a penny but can generate an invaluable return investment.


(2) Love means to take responsibility.


We should take responsibility for our mission/jobs. The perfection of our character comes through a life of faith. The goal of a life of faith is to perfect our character and to take responsibility for our family and job.

The worst character trait for a person is to be irresponsible. Husbands should work hard in their missions/jobs and offer everything up to Heavenly Father, but we must also take care of our families. Husbands must learn how to proportion each day so both family and mission receive your full ability, talents, and love.


(3) Love comes from understanding.


Even a small misunderstanding has the potential to separate the husband and wife. How can we increase understanding?

Dialogue and communication.

Don't chastise or judge your spouse. Instead, take time and report to each other.

At the end of the day tell each other everything. Your spouse is your best friend. Understanding entails forgiveness. This is why the messiah comes. Without forgiveness, you are not husband and wife, but just 'companions'.

Your spouse is not just a roommate. She is your personal channel to eternal life. 

If there is no forgiveness, then we may miss the possibility to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.


(4) Love comes from respect.


The critical factor is language. We must train ourselves to use beautiful words. One simple word spoken in haste or insensitivity can destroy a relationship and lead to separation and even divorce.

Words can be very powerful. If wrongly used it’s like being kicked in the stomach. Be thoughtful and charitable toward one another in word and deed.


(5) Love is giving, not receiving.


Those who only want to receive are failures. Husbands have a tendency to act as boys, always wanting to receive more love, but originally, man was to give love. If you give, then forget about it, then sooner or later, it will be returned to you many times over.

It’s now time for the test. Let’s test each other. Wives, please grade your husband: 20 points for attention, 20 points for responsibility, 20 points for understanding, 20 points for respect, and 20 points for love. 70 points are needed to pass this test."


Husband’s love


"On a more practical level, there are three categories to pay particular attention to:

(1) clothing

I suggest you buy at least four outfits per year for your wife. The marriage vow you made to your spouse’s parents was to clothe and feed their daughter.

How many shoes did your parents-in-law provide before you married their daughter? So if you’ve been married 17 years, then you should’ve bought her 68 outfits!

You must learn how to praise your wife and any new clothing. For example, "Honey, that color really suits you, in fact, it makes you look slimmer!"

 Husbands, don’t take your wife’s clothing and her appearance for granted. Compliment her. 'Sweetheart, you look beautiful today'.

(2) Food

Brothers, you should take your wife out to dinner frequently. And at the end of the day, never, never forget to ask if she had lunch. This shows that you’ve thought about her during the day and that you’re concerned about her well-being and health.

Going out to dinner gives her a break from her daily routine and makes her feel special. It also gives the two of you some quality time away from the constant demands of the children.


(3) Bedtime manners

Everyday be able to say "good night" and "good morning" with a clear conscience. Whatever differences or spats you may’ve had during the day, try to resolve everything before you go to sleep.

If you can’t say good night to her face and kiss her because of some internal friction or misunderstanding, then you have a problem that is unresolved. It should be dealt with as forthrightly and as quickly as possible, otherwise it will fester and almost certainly carry over to the next day.

Sooner or later, it will come out in another emotion.


The Blessed wife

(1) Set up order among the children and establish the family norm.

The tradition in Asia is for the wife and children to welcome the husband with a bow each night. In the West, of course, the culture is different, but wives should find some means to imitate the spirit behind that gesture.

The husband has worked hard in the job/mission and deserves to be welcomed home.

In Korea, we call the mother, "educator." The mother is the primary influence for children to learn how to walk, language, dialect, and mannerisms. Children must learn how to act properly and follow heavenly tradition.


(2) Smile

By looking at the wife’s face you can know if the family is happy with a good future or gloomy. In Seoul, there are more than 5,000 divorces per day. Wives should be diligent and do service activities for the family and, if possible, serve the community. There are many ways that the wife can be involved in community activities.


(3) Have good relations with neighbors

Praise people. Those who are successful figured out how to praise others. Are you a success or a failure?

As a personal example, I had two aunts when I was growing up. When I was only 8 years old, I made a decision not to spend time with one of them. One of my aunts would always praise me, while the other aunt always criticized me. She said my head was shaped like a potato! The other aunt said that I would grow up to be a famous military general!

The same head but with two distinct futures, so naturally I found ways to avoid the aunt who criticized me.

Learn how to praise and be positive and you will be successful and more likely to be appreciated by others.

The final judgment will come from your children. When they grow up and are old enough to receive the Blessing, the test will be if the son says he doesn’t want the Blessing for fear of receiving a wife like you, then that means you failed as a mother.

But if he says, "yes, I want to be Blessed and want a wife like you," then that means you have had a successful marriage. This is one reason why True Parents encourage children to come to Jardim and learn how valuable their parents are. The entire family should be educated together. 'The ideal family', says Father, 'is three generations (grandparents, parents, and children)'.

Let’s test the wife. 

Husband can grade using the following criteria: 30 points whether she successfully can establish order, 30 points for smiling, 30 points if she builds good community relations, and add 10 bonus points per child.


Conclusion


These are my thoughts on this topic. I hope they may be of use to you and your families. Please don’t take every word as literal truth, but understand the spirit behind it.

Some of the ideas come from my own culture and customs, and do not necessarily translate precisely, but the bottomline truth is that men and women Blessed by our True Parents are more precious than we realize, and that we have to take steps to guard and nourish our blessings. God bless you."


Return for Tomorrow's Post:

Jung Ro Yoon
July 2, 1999
Notes by Bill Selig