How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 3

This is the last part of the book that gives 10-daily habits to become the happiest couple.

We should always talk to each other politely with respect.

The spiritualist Dae Mo Nim advised women to speak toward their husband with soft words and not demanding words or words of accusation or roughly say words  such as "Did you do it?" "when will you come back?" "Did you eat".

You don't have to be overly nice either by saying "Could you please?" or "Would you please?", but use words of respect toward the husband.  If the wife respects the husband then then children will emulate the mother and show respect to him as their father.

You should not just lightly have conversation with your spouse as if you were speaking to a casual friend.  The children will see how the parents speak to one another and will influence the children and they will try to speak the same way.  Women must absolutely respect their husband, then the children will respect him, too.

As a matter of course, a husband should also talk to his wife with respect. Some languages (e.g., Japanese) have a conspicuous difference between the male daily language and the female daily language and an implicit bias against women in their languages. 

We should determine to speak a new language of love in the coming of Heaven on Earth.  

We should practice hoon dok hae (i.e., reading True Parents’ speeches or the Bible or equivalent religious text for other faiths) together every day.

There is  importance of centering on the vertical love of God in order to bring about genuine unity between a husband and wife.

A husband and wife should show utmost importance to the relationship of the vertical God rather than the horizontal attitude.  God requires that a couple are more attached to His foundation of love.  

Through this practice of love centered on God, then the Heavenly Kingdom will be established on earth.
It is important to practice reading God's word words in the home if you want to receive God's vertical love.  When a couple reads together regularly even if briefly, then a great amount of spiritual blessing will come.  They can accomplish one heart and body on a higher level centering on God's vertical love. 

Here are True Parent’s words on the significance and purpose of hoondokhae:

How can we set up the tradition?

You must inherit the tradition. And you must practice the tradition after knowing it. You must inherit the tradition during the day and night.  As it is the place to learn the tradition, once you know it, you must act in accordance with the way that Heaven and I have made efforts to set up with difficulty, and establish your own family and nation. This is very important."

The whole family should practice this tradition to have a stable foundation.  This is spiritual food, nourishment for your bodies. Your spirit body yearns for food, just as much as your physical body.  You spirit can grow by eating the delicious spiritual food of God's words. 

Do not practice to just hear words.  You practice in order to live and find out what you will do for the day and what attitude you should have.  Each family is expected to practice it each and every day.
It is very important practice reading God's words as a daily-life habit as a husband and wife.

10. We Should Make Love at Least Twice a Week

Many religious couples view sex as a secular or wrong act and rarely make love to their partner.  And once they do, they quickly finish the act of love-making and to save time to do more work for God.  This kind of attitude toward love-making, a God-given act, is wrong.  

The act of making love is a holy act between a married couple is God strongly recommends it.  That is right.  God created this act for the enjoyment of a married couple, how would He view this act as wrong?

It was only after the fallen act of Adam and Eve misuse of their sexual organs, did making love become viewed in the wrong light.

Father advised that married couples, therefore, make love more frequently and for a longer period of time than those in the secular world and to do so earnestly by dedication their life to the act.  It is that precious.

What privilege have we been bestowed as humans beings blessed as lords of creation?
Animals make love for procreation once a year.  Human beings privilege, on the other hand transcend all the seasons.  

Some couples think that just thinking about sex or imagine sex itself is a bad action.  This is not an illegitimate act but an act of true love centered on God.  It is recommended to think every day how to make love to our spouse.

Where can God and human beings meet?  When man and woman become one through love making, God will meet human beings.  In other words, when they become one centering on their sexual organs. Because humans fell centered on the sexual organs misuse, it devastated the whole world thereafter and ruined heaven and earth.

The fallen in act in the Garden of Eden, caused our sexual organs to become evil.  So, when husband and wife make love, they should think they are welcoming God.  We should look at our lovely body as how we will connect it centering on love and serve and welcome God and ask "How can i make love centering on true love?"

Dae Mo Nim has also repeatedly emphasized that Blessed couples make love more frequently and more willingly.

It is a wrong attitude for a wife to tell her husband that she does not like to make love and reject their husband when he has a desire for lovemaking.
Who is the owner of the wife's sexual organ?

Members of the church who had adultery confessed that they fell because their wives failed to fulfill their responsibilities as a wife.  The wife lacked heart for making love so the husband ended up getting his fill outside the home.

Therefore, the wife must completely open her sexual organ, so that her husband can really come and play in there; she must open her heart and body, so that her husband can freely visit various places of her body. Did you understand? 

The wife must open her heart and body.

A wife should let her husband make love to her as if he was to enjoy visiting a stream, a rocky area, a riverside field, a flower garden, a mountain and a grass field.  If this is not natural, the wife should study how to let her husband enjoy the various locations of creation including her sexual organ and open it for this purpose.

God has educated the church's spiritualist through drawing a scene, yet members of the church never learned how to practice visualizing this and actualizing it in their daily lives.  

Do you know who has practiced exploring the sexual parts?  Satan, women in clubs and harlots.  They are the masters of the sexual organs and how to let men freely enjoy their body.  They first learned and practiced through evil means even selling their bodies more frequently.  Sex education of the proper conjugal relationship should be taught in the church.  

People believe that ministers should not speak about sex or teach such an education.  Even though God gives a married couple the privilege to share in the joy of lovemaking who practiced it more frequently and enjoyed it more?

Those on Satan’s side did! Therefore, as a husband and wife, you must have a time to make love really to your heart’s content, holding each other’s hand. Do you understand?

People on the side of Satan enjoyed lovemaking more.  Therefore, a husband and wife must have time to make love really to their heart's content, holding each other's hand.  do you understand?

In a  couple's sexual life, God explains that this act is like playing as much as you want and the more that a couple makes love, the greater the amount of joy and beauty is generated.

Then a man and woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts. Then the couple becomes happy. When you act in that way, the wife will not feel discontented, nor will the husband.

A couple creates an inseparable bond of heart when they give and receive beautiful love with each other.  An emotional bond is not already formed through love making first.  We should not think in reverse.   do not say, "I do not feel love, so how do I make love to my husband" or when she is upset with her husband she wants to withhold from him.  A spouse is to nurture a loving heart while making love.

The best frequency of love-making seems to be 3 or 4 times a week in the case of couples in their 20s and 30s, who eagerly want pregnancy, and around twice a week for those couples in their 50s and over. True Father told those wives at a Blessing workshop that without a child that they “should make love once in two days” to make sure to give birth to a baby.

As a daily-life habit, to become a supremely happy couple, a married couple should make love at least twice a week, except during times on a woman's menses.  

Of course the age difference and individual differences  should be considered in the account of the frequencies of the couple's lovemaking.  

The quality of the act of love-making is the most important thing, not the quantity.  The important point is that the husband and wife be deeply moved by God's creativity and His heart and offer deep thanks to God while they make love beautifully with respect and love for each other.  This way, God can be moved by watching the beautiful scene of their lovemaking.

With respect and love for one another centering on God, if a couple wants to make love beautifully, they should without fail make time for foreplay and quality time for after play.  This is for the wife's sake every time they make love.  

Father said specifically that husbands should understand the significance of foreplay in lovemaking because young men do not understand its importance.  Wives can feel the utmost joy.

Some husbands immediately after they ejaculate turn their backs to their wives and quickly fall asleep. This habit will make for a very unhappy wife.  This kind of husband will make his wife feel used and that she was for his selfish need.  She cannot feel love from him. 

A wife can feel supreme joy while whispering words of admiration and thanks to her husband who gently kisses, hugs her tightly.  They can have intimate pillow talk while they embrace each other or hold each other's hand, every time they make love.  Unlike men, women's sexual excitement and do not drop sharply after they make love.  Therefore, a husband should be mindful and responsive to his wife's needs for "heartistic" love at the end of each sexual act.

Before a couple experiences menopause this act means intercourse accompanies the act of insertion as a matter of course.  For a couple after menopause, there are frequent cases where it is difficult to have ordinary intercourse because of health problems of their aged sexual organs or a malfunction.

In these cases, however, a couple can still experience joy of love and satisfaction by just kissing and caressing with the use of their hands and mouth (both tongue and lips) apart front he act of insertion.
I would like to clarify that for those couples after menopause, “to make love” does not necessarily mean to have sexual intercourse that includes the act of insertion. 

This clarification is in consideration of those older couples, so that they can also easily reach the grade of “A+” in self-evaluating and scoring the degree of the couple’s practice of “the 10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.

Return for Tomorrow's Post: West and East Must Unite

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 2

Thanks for returning for these 10 tips to a very happy marriage tested and practiced by people married over 20 years.


5. We should call each other at least once a day in the daytime and always keep in touch.

The next is advice given to husbands about what their attitudes should be while they are working outside the home.  With the rush of life these days, easily a couple can spend time with coworkers more than with their spouse.

Therefore, we should take care during the day in our thinking and care about our spouse.  A husband is wrong if he doesn't call at least once to his wife at home or that she worries where he is all the time.  Husbands can talk a long time on the phone with others, but are reluctant to call their own life.  

When the husband is taking a lunch break, he shouldn't think that because his wife can take care of herself that she doesn't need to be asked if she ate lunch during lunchtime.  A husband should call his wife to see if she ate.

A wife's attitude once her husband leave for work is to visualize the hard work the husband does outside the home.  The woman should trusts that her husband is doing an admirable thing.  She should become a wife that calls the husband to check to see what he ate for lunch and how did it taste.

It is small sentimental moments as these that touch the spouses' heart, remind of one another while away and show the tender care you have as a reminder of what brought the two of you together.

The writer of the Book spoke on this point about his own marriage:

"My wife called me every morning and every evening, and it was our couple’s daily habit that we talk on the phone twice a day. Always staying in touch with each other through phone calls was tremendously helpful to us for our heart-to-heart relationship."

The technology of cell phones has developed very rapidly, and the cost of phone calls has dropped sharply, especially when using alternative lines. Consequently, no matter where the husband may be, and regardless of where the wife is, it has become possible for a married couple to freely have an intimate talk

The young people of today take for granted how cheap and conveniently easy it is to stay in touch with anyone from around the world.  This makes it easy for a couple to have intimate talk during the long hours they are away from one another.

When a couple work separately during the day, they should make a strong effort to develop a heart-to-heart relationship through talking over the phone regularly.

6. We should bow down before the picture of True Parents (Same as Jesus and Holy Spirit) , recite the Family Pledge and report (pray) to God together

This can cater to your faith.  Some faiths already have some kind of altar with a picture of the founders of their respective faiths. While facing each other and holding each other’s hands and bow (or pay some kind of respect) to each other at the end, every morning and every night.

This is best done during a new day in the morning and at the end of the day before going to sleep.  The couple bows to each other, recite the Family Pledge or equivalent of a commitment for each day such as the "Lord's Prayer", report to God what you plan to do for that day, while facing each other and holding hands, bow to the picture or equivalent to the founder of the faith.

"My wife and I liked to offer a full bow to each other lowering the head all the way down to the floor. However, if you and your wife are neither Korean nor Japanese, the couple may make a slight bow to each other while standing, and hug warmly after greeting to God and True Parents, ideally with a full bow.

My wife and I also made it a rule to hug each other and to say each other, “Let’s do our best today,” or something like that, in order to encourage each other in the morning, or “Thank you very much for your hard work for today,”to show thanks at night, after bowing to each other. It is important for us to practice the daily-life habit of expressing love and respect not only to God and True Parents, but also to our spouse."

Here is Dae Mo Nim’s(church spiritualist) advice on the importance of offering a bow and reporting (praying) to True Parents (Equivalent Jesus and Holy Spirit) every day:

"Every member has a picture of True Parents in their home. The picture conveys the meaning that True Parents, who are united with God, can come to your home and are, indeed, at your home. God and True Parents do not exist in a place far away from you. 

You must think that spiritually they are always watching your whole life. It is very important in our life of attendance that we thank God, who is the origin of true love, and True Parents who have come as the substantial embodiment of true love.

When we live in the evil world, in the realm of Satan, it is very difficult to live without the protection of God and True Parents. I recommend that you offer a bow to the picture of True Parents in the morning, saying, “I will really live with God today. I will work centering on God and True Parents, without showing any self-centeredness and arrogance.

When you come home after the day’s work, you should examine whether or not you have lived the entire day with God, saying, 'Heavenly Father and True Parents, thank you very much for allowing me to come home safely.  Thank you very much for allowing me to come home without any accident from this evil world'. You must make this kind of practice your daily-life habit. You cannot faithfully live a life of attendance if you live a life halfheartedly."

Both the husband and wife will slightly bend the fingers of both hands, extend both hands in front of each other, place each other’s right hand with the back of the hand upon the palm of his or her spouse’s left hand, combine each other’s fingertips in both hands, and lightly hold hands with their fingertips. 

Then, a couple offers a report (prayer).

Thanks to the great victory of the Second Advent, the new providential age has dawned when we can unconditionally receive the special grace of “the realm of complete freedom” from Satan’s accusation. Therefore, as the representatives of the victorious True Parents, we Blessed couples can now become God’s branch temples wherein God always dwells.

Revelation 21:3 of the New Testament prophesied the advent of “a new heaven and a new earth”: 

See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will always be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes.

"We are living in the beginning of the long awaited new heaven and new earth, which billions of your ancestors in the spirit world, who have come and gone in history, have yearned for. This is the era of the kingdom of the peaceful, ideal world."

We are living in the time that was prophesied in the book of Revelations in the Bible.  God will dwell with us directly on earth.

"My wife and I personally changed the style of our couple’s reporting (praying) to the posture of facing each other with both hands extended and clasping each other. As a result, we became more deeply conscious that God does not reside in heaven far away from us outside our home, but in fact dwells within the bodies of our couple here on earth. 

As we looked at each other’s face while reporting to God, the spouse’s face sometimes appeared to be like God’s. Consequently, more and more, my wife and I came to feel that each of us was a precious reflection of God’s duality of masculinity and femininity."


7.  We  should always send off, and welcome home, our husband (wife) by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/ or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work, and returns from work.

We should practice at least one point for the seventh habit: holding his or her hand, kissing, and hugging.  You are free to practice all of the points at the same time.  When the husband returns home the wife shouldn't stay in the back room, but be able to greet her husbad who wants to hear such words at least three times.

The husband comes back home extremely exhausted and rather than hear the problems of the wife's day want to receive comfortable words from his wife and children.  If the woman habitually stays in a another room when her husband returns, daily this will deplete his love for his wife in an instant.

A wife should anticipate the return of her husband and wait for him at the entrance with the first sign of his return and be excited that he is home, "Honey, you're back, welcome home!" Any husband that comes home to a welcome home parade led by his wife and children will feel that he truly has arrived at the the Heavenly Kingdom.

Dae Mo Nim also spoke to wives about their attitudes when a husband leaves home for work in the morning. You also should not simply let your husband go to work in the morning. At least hold his hand when you see him off.

According to the wishes of almost all wives, when their husband leaves home for work, some wives want him to hug her, and other wives want him to hold his their hands or kiss her. Have you done that?

There are more husbands who have not done that than those who did. Those who say, “I have done that,” only practiced it once in a very great while. Is that true? That is not good.

A husband and wife's hands together should create the same hot feelings that is felt on a long hot day.  When a husband does this, he will come to not look at any other woman but his wife.  The other women will become invisible to his eyes.  A man should become the type of husband that can hug, kiss, and hold his wife's hands warmly.

A husband has to become a person who can give absolute love to his wife. 

Some church members are expressionless in the morning.  If we look at men in the secular world they are not ideal either.

A husband should be able to embrace their beloved wife even in the morning.

A husband who touches his wive's breast and caresses her hands in the morning will have a wife that could live off of her husband's love all day.  A wife that can consume such love can live during the day for the sake of her husband and children.  The person who lives and thrives on her husband’s love is the happy wife. 

Before a husband leaves for the day, he should hold his wife's hands, hug her tightly, touch her breast, or kiss her.  If any man acts this way toward his wife, she would be enchanted and filled with an euphoric feeling thinking, "I am the happiest woman in the world".

Would this be true or not?

This is the testimony about the author of the Divine Principle which this blog is based upon:

"Regularly there was a time for prisoners to see their wives and families. When True Mother visited True Father, they always kissed each other intimately in public. True Father also ordered Mr. Kamiyama to kiss his wife, who regularly visited him, boldly in public without hesitation.

One of the things Mr. Kamiyama learned from Reverend Moon was sent to prison was the importance of expressing affection between a husband and wife. 

In fact, watching Mr. Kamiyama’s hesitant attitude toward his wife, in prison, True Father ordered him to 'teach our members to express affection more openly between a husband and wife', after his release from the prison."

Couples should inherit this tradition and accomplish one heart, one body, one mindset, and one harmony as a husband and wife just like True Parents. Many Blessed husbands seem to be poor at expressing affection to their wives.

As the Coming of Heaven and Earth settles, we should throw away the old culture of conjugal relations in the past.  The selfish practices do not have a place while establishing the ideal world centered on God's love.

We are inheriting a new heavenly culture of true conjugal love that has been established by the True Parents which have shown us an ideal model which gives us the daily-life habits of true love in order to become supremely happy couples.


Return for Tomorrow's Post: How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book Part 3

Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD (Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part was rewritten from the English translation of the Japanese booklet.

CheongShim GST University Press

Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim

Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press

How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part I

Daily life habits of a supremely happy couple

 A Guide to the Happiest Married Life

The Original text of DP is given in Korean and the philosophy and based on the teachings of the bible and of Jesus. With the combined teachings of the Eastern philosophy and teachings of the Western bible, the Reverend has been able to tap into the hearts of people of all religions, faiths and along with non-believers for one reason: the teaching of the heart of God which is rooted in every human being.

When I first posted the "How to Have the Happiest Marriage Book" it was receiving the highest views and still gets a lot of views.

When you think about it, there is not any school for what to do once you find love or finally take the plunge into marriage   There are no rules other than our respective religions and then the opinions of those around us.  But, would we want to take the advice from people who have a history of broken relationships?

I think when it comes to obtaining the right marital advice, it does start from a source that is well grounded.  Whether it be a grandparent who has been married for over 50 years, neighbors who have  been through hell and back, yet stuck through it without a divorce.  There is the spiritual leader, our church pastors.  Yet.  Who really has the answer when it comes to the matters of the heart?

We should first take a look where the source of marriage came.  God blessed us in the Garden as a man and woman for what purpose?  Why didn't he just make Adam alone?  What good would it had been for God to love just one man?  Thank goodness he made a counterpart with a whole different view, look and mind to help stimulate more of God's internal Being.

With that said, Adam and Eve did not start their marriage in the right way - they did not start their marriage centered  on God or within the Garden of Eden.  But let's just look at the original way in which God intended.

God is suppose to give the blessing of marriage.  Marriage now is just a conditional form, not ideally approved by God Himself.  How do we know this?

If God was to conduct the first marriage, it is called the Marriage Supper of the Lamb which refers to a perfected man and a perfected woman who love absolutely centered on God this marriage would bare children with God's direct lineage.  Currently, marriages are conducted which bare children born into sin.  Does this kind of marriage sound like it holds the wish of God's ideal world?

It is far from His direction.

In this sense, God is looking for a man and woman who He can relate with His perfected self, who have walked the course of indemnity to return their respected lineages back to Him.

In other words, all marriages that are conducted on earth, need to connect directly to God.  God gave us the blessing to be linked to our counterparts, would it not make sense that we need to connect to God in order for it to work?  Marriage without the root of God can be likened to a leave blowing off the branch.  It may seem to work for a while, but it is completely disconnected from the foundation on which to stand.

The following text was written by an author who had extensive training and missions in order to train his body and mind to become united centered on God.  He had the goal to become a child that appeared  in front of God before the fall.

He understands the basic rules of no sex outside of marriage or with anyone other than their spouse, their sexual organs only belong to their spouse and that spouses live for one another.

In the book that lists the 20 habits of the happiest couple, it is advised that they are practiced at least sometimes if not everyday.

This method is used by many couples in this world, even before their marriage.

No matter how bad it seems a couple's relationship is, they can indeed improve their conjugal relationship.  We hear all of the time that marriage and relationships take a lot of work...but sometimes this kind of 'work' becomes a chore, instead of a link to bond a couple even stronger in marriage.

It is best if one has guidance on what seems to be common place.  A couple can greatly improve their marriage by following the following steps.

Method for the Improvement Through Practice

If you have not yet been practicing these habits, please read carefully and repeatedly the speeches of Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon (author of the Divine Principle) and Dae Mo Nim (spiritualist) in addition to this text. 

When a couple truly love one another and don't want to give up on their seemingly failing marriage, it will not be work to experiment with the daily habits, but will well up from the heart.

"After practicing these habits on an experimental basis, you may cease practicing them if you as a couple does not feel good. Nonetheless, after practicing these habits experimentally, I am sure your couple will end up in practicing them continuously because you will come to feel a deep sense of peace and goodness in your heart." 

In other words, you can feel genuinely happy, and you can feel the presence of God by practicing them.

These 10 daily habits are free to experiment without having to pay for an expensive therapists or counseling which either partner may not want to attend or follow their advice.  No matter how poor a couple may be, they can practice without worrying about getting a bill.

A couple will find they can live in happiness even into eternity by following these 10 daily-life habits while on earth.  Just simply continue to practice these daily-life habits o true love.


The Value of Holding Hands

We could easily say that “holding each other’s hand” or living “hand in hand,” which Rev. Moon and Dae Mo Nim have recommended, is the main characteristic emerging from these “10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

Did you know that there is a special spiritual energy which comes from our fingers and palms?  We use them to heal our bodies, to rid ourselves with negative energy and to make others feel better with a massage.  A hand massage from a partner contributes to happy feelings and to our physical health.  The art of hand holding may be lost in our current world, but is vitally important in connecting with our spouse. 

10 "Commandments of Hand holding

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.
2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.
3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.
4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.
5. We should call each other at least once a day during the daytime and always keep in touch.
6. We should bow down before a picture of True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, report to God facing each other and holding each other’s hands, and bow (down) to each other to close, every morning and every night.
7. We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife), by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and returns from work.
8. We should always talk to each other politely, and with respect.
9. We should practice reading True Parents’ speeches together every day.
10. We should make love at least twice a week.

I guess number 4 made a lot of us blush or stop and reread.  Maybe some are asking?  "What, a religious site suggest us to what?"   I must bust a lot of peoples' bubbles, as probably regularly for those reading this site.  Marriage, sex, love...was designed by God and for God to be a part of it between a husband and wife.

These 10 points of advice are not my personal advice, but are from Dr. Rev. Sun Myung Moon, his wife and Dae Mo Nim. These 10 points are gathered from the guidance of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim, concerning our lives as a husband and wife.

By following this lists, our conjugal relationship will tremendously improve and be uplifted by a strong ascending wind current. If you haven’t practiced any of these habits yet, I strongly recommend that you immediately put them into practice.

Try them out! You have nothing to lose!

I would like to present True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches that support these “10 habits that make a supremely happy couple.”

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our spouse.

Most Asians have the habit of the husband walking ahead of the wife, sometimes walking so fast they leave the wife behind.  The founder of the Family Federation who is Korean, walks hand and hand with his wife.  Dae Mo Nim is a spiritualist who suggest that when holding hands it is while walking outside and in the couple's daily lives.

Even as an "elderly" couple, the founder and his wife would hold hands while watching television and desire for others to learn how to interact in their own marriage by observing them.  They have even influenced the President and First Lady of Korea and leaders to walk in public hand and hand.

As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the workshops to rid our bodies of negative energy, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. That’s why it is recommended to walk “hand in hand” rather than “arm in arm.” 

So, if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can give and receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our spiritual health but also to our physical health. I wholeheartedly recommend “always walking hand in hand” just like True Parents; it is part of the True Parents’ rules of health: “Become an absolute Blessed couple of one heart and one body.”

Walking hand in hand has more of a positive energy than walking arm in arm.  

"Become an absolute Blessed Couple of one heart and one body."

A couple is advised to hold hands when walking together, sleeping together and even while watching television.  Each time a couple holds hands, it brings about an unity of a husbands five fingers with his wife's five fingers. 

When we walk hand and hand, we should give deep thanks to God within our hearts for the coming heaven on earth that will bring about the ideal world he set to build before the fall.

When a husband and wife completely become one, God can dwell within us.

2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together.

3. We should always hold each other’s hand in bed and have pillow-talk before going to sleep.

They are watching TV while holding each other’s hand. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding each other’s hand and responding to the rhythm. We Blessed couples must resemble such True Parents.

Holding hands while listening to music and responding to the rhythm.  When you are tired, you must not just simply go to sleep when you are tired at night, but sleep holding your partner's hand or other parts of the body. 

Also while watching television, it is best to hold hands, or place your hand on their lap or your husband's knee.  You can also use his lap as a pillow.  When you act in this way you will receive love from your husband in many ways.  Many wives do not act in this way basically neglecting their partner with this kind of affection.

Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort.

When watching television, some partners sit far apart as if they are fighting or were strangers to each other in the past.  This is not good.  If a couple does not make constant effort to stay close and to care for one another, they will gradually drift apart.  

Therefore, it is a good practice to hold each other's hands while watching television or while sleeping.

Many religious people do not express their love in their daily lives as if it was a sin.  A husband and wife should say "good night" to one another while holding each other's hand and squeeze tightly in the end. They can do this while laying in the bed at night, after scratching each other on the back, while massaging the legs or touching the ear and head and so on.

Many go about their daily rituals, but when it comes to practicing true love with their own hands, many partners hesitate.  Many older couples fail to change their old habits for completely new ones in their daily lives.

If Jesus was followed completely toward the end by his disciples, there would not have been a need for him to die for us, but live for us.  He would have found a blessed wife and teach us about marriage through his own ideal marriage given by God.  Jesus was supposed to be the fulfillment of the Marriage  Supper of the Lamb.

If this is hard to believe, just imagine that God had brought Jesus to teach us more than how to be a child of God and brother to humanity.  He was supposed to reverse the mistake the first marriage made and return it to God.  Just imagine a faithful Son of God and Daughter of God in marriage on earth.  Wouldn't we want to emulate this type of couple?

Even with this foundation on earth of a marriage from God, if his followers did not practice their teachings about a conjugal life, this heavenly fortune and happiness will fly from them.  One needs to obediently practice the words by getting rid of old habits, and ideals of the fallen, extremely secularized world.

This fallen world loosely use their sexual organs  and have several partners without a care for consequences of heart or destruction.  If one cannot give up old habits of the world, they are unfaithful foolish people who have given up the task of becoming a married couple with the most supreme happiness.

It is possible to have a happy, fulfilling and loving marriage centered on God

How can a religious person succeed in their witnessing and converting people to God's ideal if they do not have a happy union with their partners?  Who wants to have a lifestyle of sadness or a worse situation than what they already experience?  

Only after having happy marriages and a life-style in which God had in mind when He created human beings, then we can we naturally witness to our relatives and those in our communities.  If we look at the Mormon Church whose history is shorter than that of the Episcopal Church, have grown bigger.

The key to its success consists in the happy family-life of its members. Reportedly, a very small number of its members joined the Mormon Church because of its unique theology. The majority of its new members joined because they were attracted by the happy family-life of the Mormon Church members.

The author of this guide for marriage said he and his wife were practicing this advice:

"I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love.  After collecting True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on the practice of true love, I felt compelled to put them into practice.

By faithfully implementing such teachings, my wife and I felt so peaceful and happy that we soon made it a rule, for example, to hold each other’s hand while in bed before going to sleep and while watching TV together. My wife and I always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. As a result, my wife and I always held each other’s hand whenever possible, because it felt very good. While she was still alive on earth, my wife repeatedly said to me, 'It is my happiest time to have ‘pillow-talk’ while holding each other’s hand in bed'.”

4. We should sleep naked together in one bed every night.

As for the “sleeping naked” part of the fourth daily-life habit is explained more extensively in another post. 

A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling in love with each other, just as couples do in Korea. But many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. 

It is fundamentally wrong to sleep separately.

In one family the wife used the small room and the husband used the back room;this couple lived their lives separately even though they were under the same roof.  This kind of life is really wrong.  Even if you fight with your husbands, you must not sleep in a separate room and take your pillow with you.

“A husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds.”

A husband and wife should take all of their clothes off and sleep naked in the same bed every night;A couple should not sleep in separate beds.  If this is a possible habit to partake, does this kind of husband fight everyday or quarrel before they leave in the morning or sleep at night together?

It is impossible.

Even if your husbands snores as loud as a boar, a husband and wife should sleep in one bed.  Even if she has to wear the new effective ear plugs made for astronauts, she should determine to sleep with her husband every night.

Return Tomorrow for : How to Have the Happiest Marriage Part 2

The previous text was rewritten from the book given by a Unification Church member now called the Family Federation based on the values taught by the founder, Dr. Reverend Sun Myung Moon, married for over 50 years before his death this September, which is centered on his teachings of the Divine Principle. 

 Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD(Professor, CheongShim Graduate School of Theology

This book is in large part the English translation of my Japanese booklet CheongShim GST University Press Based on the Speeches of True Parents and Dae Mo Nim Published by CheongShim GST University Press

Copyright

ⓒ 2010 by Yoshihiko Masuda

All Rights Reserved

Published in the Republic of Korea by CheongShim GST University Press