These facts need to be based upon good reasoning and contemporary research.
1. Is Sex a Primal Need?
The first misunderstanding about sex is that it is a need and an entitlement.
This is the foundation for all the other wrong assumptions about promiscuous sex because it carries a certain moral imperative: since sex is needed for people to be physically and mentally healthy, then it is unfair to deny them.
Therefore, since people think sex is a must, then it does not matter if one is married, young or have other concerns.
Plus, there is a moral pressure for the person who does not want sex by the one who claims they need sex to yield to their desires.
Now, because society believes sex is healthy and normal, the person who resists sexual advances have to explain themselves.
Because of this belief, many single people and even children pursue sexual involvement earlier. Also, they do so in insecure situations they may not have been inclined to do.
Obviously there is no sexual ‘need’ - there is not one shred of scientific evidence that sexual inactivity causes a threat to anyone’s health or well-being.
No one has ever received medical treatment because of celibacy.
On the other hand, there is mounting evidence of people being treated for sexual excesses and sometimes are told to be abstinent as their therapy.
This sexual ‘need’ is actually being confused with the need for genuine love.
Even though the human body desires to connect to another body, any other body, the heart has the need to connect to another heart, to love and be loved as an irreplaceable person.
This is actually what is necessary for the mental and physical health of a person, not sex.
Studies show that infants who lack attention or touch from caregivers perish and spouses often die of a broken heart soon after their partner passes away.
The specific need of adults is for the experience of marital love.
Our spirit craves the sanctity of marriage for the emotional and spiritual rewards.
Sex is only one dimension of what is needed and desired. The idea that sex is a need came from the distorted ideas of Freud.
Research shows that three percent, which is more than a hundred thousand, have been celibate throughout their whole lives and that millions worldwide have kept their virginity until the age of thirty and beyond without any ill effects.
Infidelity in marriage is the great exception.
When there is no opportunity for sex, the interest for sex has been known to drop down to zero. Many married couples find themselves needing to schedule time to make love because they are too busy or forget the need.
Therefore, the ‘need’ for sex is not on the same level as the need for food or sleep. If one neglects the need for food, this need asserts itself within a matter of hours and becomes stronger the longer it is deferred. It does not lessen.
“Sex is a natural urge, but the role it plays in your life and the importance you attribute to it . . . is a matter of free choice,” concludes psychologist Peter Koestenbaum.
Sex researchers Masters and Johnson have stated, “In one respect, sex is like no other physical process . . . (it) can be denied indefinitely, even for a lifetime.”
Being abstinent can represent a redirection of erotic impulses.
Even though one may be married, they must maintain a large measure of self-control when their spouse is ill, pregnant, menstruating, busy at work or involved in the demands of being a parent.
The belief that sex as a “need” is oppressive.
It is oppressive for people to believe that the need the physical gratification of sexual impulses.
Sexual compulsion and exploitation of women increases. It makes it hard for those who are immature and weak to refuse their own or someone’s else’s sexual ‘need’.
Because of such a notion of need, then children and married people begin to doubt themselves if they do not have a desire for sex as much as they are pressured to have.
Therefore, they vulnerably push themselves into sexual involvement earlier and in an unsecure situation.
Teenagers speak of virginity as something they are happy to finally get rid of as there is a lot of pressure to do so.
It is very tragic that such innocence and authentic need for a committed love are often sacrificed on the altar of a physical ’need’.
2. Is One Partner for Life Unnatural?
The second mistaken notion of sex: It is natural to have many sexual partners.
This is because humanity compares their actions on the same level as animals. Animals are not monogamous creatures.
Such people speak from evolutionary terms about the need to propagate the species through having many sexual liaisons.
From this viewpoint, people see monogamy and marriage as almost an impossibility. They think that to withhold sex is contrary to our genetic makeup.
Despite what evolution has taught, humans differ from animals in obvious ways.
First, sex among animals is a seasonal matter and driven by instinct for just the sake of reproduction.
On the other hand, men and women enjoy a physical union more frequently than animals and the sake of pleasure between the two.
Secondly, animals come together without discrimination in regard of who their partner is.
In contrast, humans are spiritual beings with a need for meaningful and lasting love, but also to be loved as a specific and whole person. Humans also need this love to be returned.
Thirdly, children require many years of parental investment in order to thrive. This is unlike primates.
The kind of love which a child needs affects his resilience and capacity for being a great contribution to society.
When parents do not properly take care of their children, this does not make sense even from a species-survival mentality.
It is natural for men and women to bond for life to care for each other and the children they have.
Many other mammals take care of their young.
When those compare themselves to animals who have multiple partners, this evidence refutes this matter.
Therefore, those who have a tendency to get involved in temporary sexual liaisons because of immaturity, bad conditioning and because of the Fall.
Humans have the natural tendency to let the body dominate the mind. This is not a ‘natural’ state from God or even evolutionary traits.
Return for Tomorrow’s Post: The 5 Myths About Sex Part II
This post was rewritten and derived from the religious textbook, “Educating for True Love” written by a team of writers to explain the philosophy of Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
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